Kevin Samuels Thread

[Maximus Meridius]

Then quote post and highlights comments because it seems people are responding to **** that has not been actually said

Chillout. I was talking in general but hit dogs will always holler.

 

[fluid hips]

Too many people get caught up on this "you hate women" stuff when you try to hold women accountable FOR THEIR ACTIONS. It just looks like pandering.

Big *** facts

 

[storm2006]

Too many people get caught up on this "you hate women" stuff when you try to hold women accountable FOR THEIR ACTIONS. It just looks like pandering. Some people are out here going through these situations and it ain't all "the man did her dirty" when things go south.

This is partially why I think this discussion is so delicate especially for a message board. First, you don't know what someone has or hasn't gone through relating to this issue and that may form their opinion. On top of that, I generally believe that each situation and how they got pregnant, why the wife made the decision to keep/abort, why the husband around, etc. is going to be somewhat unique. It's way too difficult to summarily judge when it comes to this issue IMO.

 

[Present]

Moot.

Ready?

Why was being married made important as a measure of success for women?

I dunno that it has.

Marriage is important to the family structure / children. Always has been.

IMHO, Once a woman decides to bring a child into this world, that "measure of success" shifts from her degrees and career to the health and welfare of the child.

I don't care how "successful" a woman is if her kids are suffering from her decisions.

Economic Hardship

Poverty is the most profound and pervasive factor underlying developmental problems of the young. Roughly, one of two families headed by a single mother is living in poverty compared with one of ten married couples with children (McLanahan & Booth, 1989). Not surprisingly, single parents are twice as likely to report that they worry “all or most of the time” that their total income is not enough to meet family expenses. On average, poor children in mother-headed families are poor for seven years, more than a third of their childhood (Garfinkel & McLanahan, 1986).

Loss of Parental Support and Supervision

Parents who support and supervise children enhance their well-being (Maccoby & Martin, 1983). In fact, poor parental monitoring has proven one of the most powerful predictors of youth involvement in problem behaviors (Patterson & Stouthamer-Loeber, 1984). Single parents and stepparents monitor their children less closely and know less about where their children are, who they are with, and what they are doing than parents in intact families (Amato & Keith, 1991; Hetherington, 1989; Steinberg, 1986; McLanahan & Booth, 1989; McLanahan & Sandefur, in press).

Lack of Community Resources

Youth who overcome disadvantage are able to rely on a greater number of sources of social support than youth with serious coping problems, including teachers, ministers, older friends, family day-care providers, nursery school teachers, neighbors, or contacts at social agencies (Garmezy, 1983; Werner, 1990; Werner & Smith, 1982). Children from single parent families who do well are more apt to be enrolled in quality schools, extracurricular activities, and church or synagogue programs (Benson & Roehlkepartain, 1993).

Parental Conflict

This explanation is potentially more useful in explaining the differences in child well-being in divorced or remarried families than never married families. Considerable evidence exists that a conflict-ridden marriage jeopardizes the well-being of children (Wallerstein & Blakeslee, 1989). Based on this, ending a conflict-ridden marriage may actually boost rather than undermine children’s wellbeing. Recent evidence suggests that children in divorced single parent families do better than children in high conflict, intact families (Amato, 1993; Amato & Keith, 1991; Peterson, 1986; Peterson & Zill, 1986). In fact, a review of 92 studies documented strong and consistent support for the parental conflict explanation of the differences in child well-being between divorced and nondivorced families (Amato, 1993; Amato & Keith, 1991).

As the growing body of research evidence indicates, there is no single cause for the declining well-being of children in single parent families, but rather many. No single explanation accounts for the differences, and some scientific support exists for each of the five perspectives: economic hardship, loss of parental support and supervision, lack of community resources, parental conflict, and life stress and instability (Amato, 1993; McLanahan & Sandefur, in press). Thus, programs and policies are most apt to be effective if they are comprehensive and multi-faceted, addressing multiple risk factors.

 

[fluid hips]

100 pages

 

[Based Jesus]

Wha actions are we even holding them accountable for? Yall have not named a single action. It's just been griping about being equally responsible for the creation of human life and calling women without successful families failures, especially black women.

Is not being in a long term nuclear family even a failure? We don't hoist these same critiques on men. No one looks at a bachelor and goes "Poor guy" but everyone does for single women. No one thinks a guy paying child support is the failure. "At least he's supporting his kids", as if doing the bare minimum of just financial support is some magnanimous act. But the single mom, everyone's got a think piece on what her issue is.

You're a guy and want a family? Everyone thinks you're sweet. You're a woman and want a family? Endless questions on why you don't already have one and opinions on what you need to do to get a man to give you one. Hold yourselves accountable first for perpetuating this if you're a man.

 

[fluid hips]

Bruh!

A lot of folks here speaking in the abstract but I actually lived it.

My GF who I loved and cared a great deal for and I were having relationship issues and were trying to work things out when she called me up saying she wanted to come by for a visit.

She called me from the parking lot asking me to come down.

I asked her why she didn't just come up to my apartment and she said she had something for me.

I had no idea what she was talking about.

Wasn't my birthday or anything but she was the type to surprise me with gifts / food so I thought nothing of it.

When I got to her car she told me to open the rear door and take the bag but not to open it until I got back upstairs.

I kissed her goodbye and she drove off.

I get upstairs, open the bag, and inside was a day planner with dates that we had sex circled with hearts, a pink pair of baby timberlands , a blue pair of baby timberlands, (my favorite shoes at the time) and a positive EPT test.

Here I am at the literally "holding the bag" not knowing what to say or do.

Called her and asked her why she didn't stay so we could talk / work things out but she really didn't have an answer.

The next time we met up I told her how I felt and that I wanted us to do it right or not do it at all, meaning the full marriage, commitment, relationship counseling, the whole nine, because I didn't want to be a "baby daddy" or her second "baby daddy" because she was divorced and already had a son.

She never said yes or no...but that she would think about it.

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn a into month w/o hearing a word from her or her answering my calls.

Went to her Mothers house and everything but no luck.

Eventually she reached out to me but never said anything about having an abortion...which she chose to do w/o my knowledge.

I kept those baby shoes for 7 years.

Don't have kids to this day.

He / she would have been 18 by now.

I know my lived experience doesn't impact this discussion - but neither should yours. Its all anecdotal.

The fact is no matter what a man does or doesn't do, Its a woman's choice.

Fam, not coming at you but it seems you gave her control over you with her giving you commands like a dog.

I would've told her she either comes to house to talk or she can leave.

Can't let these women play these childish games telling you to come outside to the parking lot to talk

 

[RustyShackleford]

As far as educational attainment and black women go, they are getting squeezed by a couple of trends happening at the same time...

Everyone, not just black women, is marrying people at their education level. And interracial marriages are on the rise, especially amount college-educated people. Black men engaging in them at higher rates.

So if you are a black woman, your choice of partners is lowered there because black women are getting degrees at higher rates, and the increase in interracial marriages.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-...-in-the-u-s-50-years-after-loving-v-virginia/

Also, black women are more likely than white women to have a husband with a lower education level...

The Economics of Marriage Often Don't Work for Black Women

Options for unions based on education differ across race, and that can feed into growing inequality.

www.theatlantic.com

According to a recent memo from Brookings Institution, when looking at married women ages 25 to 35, about 41 percent of white women had husbands who had similar educational-attainment levels, while only 32 percent of married black women could say the same. About 48 percent of white women reported having husbands with lower levels of educational attainment, while nearly 60 percent of black women had married someone with less education under their belt. That discrepancy could result in a household that earns about $25,000 less each year, according to Brookings.


Bryant Marks, an associate professor at Morehouse College, suggests that looking at educational attainment doesn’t tell the entire story. According to Marks, even without a college degree, there are more black men who earn salaries of over $100,000 than black women who earn such salaries, which helps bridge the gap. But those figures are small and Marks concedes that income alone isn’t enough to bolster intergenerational mobility, which is especially tenuous within the black community. When it comes to what's more important to securing positive mobility for a family, money is helpful, but education wins out. “Income is not a guarantee, it gives you a leg up for sure but the education trumps that, education is critical,” he says.

Also, the access to quality middle-class jobs probably runs through college more for women than men because blue-collar work like construction, trades, and trucking and very male-dominated.

Actually, it seems that a case could be made that black women's desire to have a black husband might be hurting their chances to have a family too.

 

[fluid hips]

These women are this way because men enable them.

They go through their whole lives starting at an early age to think that just because they have a vagina they can do whatever they want and not be held accountable for their actions/decision making.

Men don't have that luxury. That's why we learn at an early age that there are consequences to our actions. Therefore we must think logically. Women think emotionally and most of their decision making is for the moment based on how they are feeling at the time.

Y'all can go ahead and label this as misogynistic but I'm speaking on what I've observed

 

[trynafeelmink]

Most educated and most unmarried.

Causation or correlation?

Is being unmarried really an issue tho? I know that's what we're taught growing up but everyone isn't concerned with that lifestyle.

For the chicks on KS shows based off the clips the majority of them do seem to want a relationship so i see why he goes at them.

But as a man who looks at current marriages as something i feel fine skipping, i have to imagine their are also women who feel that way as well.

 

[p0tat0 5alad]

The ole bootstraps mentality eh

 

[Present]

Fam, not coming at you but it seems you gave her control over you with her giving you commands like a dog.

I would've told her she either comes to house to talk or she can leave.

Can't let these women play these childish games telling you to come outside to the parking lot to talk

I don't know why but your post made me think of Sisqo...

"Do I have to grab the back of your neck????"



Bout to have me sliding around unleashing the Dragon in front of the magistrate talking about Fluid Hips told me to check her so I checked her

 

[RustyShackleford]

Chillout. I was talking in general but hit dogs will always holler.

Dude, everyone is chill.

I am saying that it is mad confusing when dudes jump in here complaining about arguments, and those arguments have not even been made in here.

I mean you literally quoted me last night because you were hung up about a part of a post that had nothing to do with my general point

But sorry, let me not spoil your fun of yelling at the sky for simping

My bad

 

[RustyShackleford]

I think maybe some of you dudes might need to see a therapist to work through some things

Sounding like some of these women you guys have ran into gave you some light PTSD

 

[trynafeelmink]

Wha actions are we even holding them accountable for? Yall have not named a single action. It's just been griping about being equally responsible for the creation of human life and calling women without successful families failures, especially black women.

Is not being in a long term nuclear family even a failure? We don't hoist these same critiques on men. No one looks at a bachelor and goes "Poor guy" but everyone does for single women. No one thinks a guy paying child support is the failure. "At least he's supporting his kids", as if doing the bare minimum of just financial support is some magnanimous act. But the single mom, everyone's got a think piece on what her issue is.

You're a guy and want a family? Everyone thinks you're sweet. You're a woman and want a family? Endless questions on why you don't already have one and opinions on what you need to do to get a man to give you one. Hold yourselves accountable first for perpetuating this if you're a man.

It is indeed a double standard.... double standards also exist in other forms that benefit women as well this is just the nature of the world. Men are legitimately looked at as useless on this planet until they can provide for themselves & others, a broke chick gets with a rich dude its "get that bag sis" reverse roles the dude is a leech & less of a man

As you can see in my post above i don't think it's a requirement at all to be married with children as a woman. However while the stereotype may be excessive i will say a majority of women i interact with in real life are still overwhelmingly in favor of starting a family & getting married.

If those are truly a woman's desires, then they do have to be held accountable for their role in making relationships difficult as well.

 

[Maximus Meridius]

Dude, everyone is chill.

I am saying that it is mad confusing when dudes jump in here complaining about arguments, and those arguments have not even been made in here.

I mean you literally quoted me last night because you were hung up about a part of a post that had nothing to do with my general point

But sorry, let me not spoil your fun of yelling at the sky for simping

My bad

If you would read and stop getting so sensitive thinking everybody is talking about you. When I was talking about you I quoted you. Dude posted his experience and part of that he said people were basically deflecting from the girls actions. That's what my comment was about. Ain't nobody thinking about you dawg.

 

[finessence]

Too many people get caught up on this "you hate women" stuff when you try to hold women accountable FOR THEIR ACTIONS. It just looks like pandering. Some people are out here going through these situations and it ain't all "the man did her dirty" when things go south.

Exactly. This is what simps/dirty macks do. All p***y ain’t good p****y. Dudes fail to realize it. Simps, paymasters, etc. are basically the psychos who go berserk and kill their family. Just like that cop in Dallas recently....

Women and Men who put their spouses or significant others above their children usually wound up having resentment in the future. That’s another topic as well...

 

[RustyShackleford]

If you would read and stop getting so sensitive thinking everybody is talking about you. When I was talking about you I quoted you. Dude posted his experience and part of that he said people were basically deflecting from the girls actions. That's what my comment was about. Ain't nobody thinking about you dawg.

Famb this is the internet, I don't know you, and the other way around. At the end of the day, I don't care about your takes about my views anyway.

You love to act like people can't handle what you have to say. When that is never the case. Like I said, you went on a tangent over half a sentence I said last night that had hardly anything to do with my general point. I don't think you are in the position to accuse anyone of being sensitive anyway

 

[kingfoamnyc]

Bruh!

A lot of folks here speaking in the abstract but I actually lived it.

My GF who I loved and cared a great deal for and I were having relationship issues and were trying to work things out when she called me up saying she wanted to come by for a visit.

She called me from the parking lot asking me to come down.

I asked her why she didn't just come up to my apartment and she said she had something for me.

I had no idea what she was talking about.

Wasn't my birthday or anything but she was the type to surprise me with gifts / food so I thought nothing of it.

When I got to her car she told me to open the rear door and take the bag but not to open it until I got back upstairs.

I kissed her goodbye and she drove off.

I get upstairs, open the bag, and inside was a day planner with dates that we had sex circled with hearts, a pink pair of baby timberlands , a blue pair of baby timberlands, (my favorite shoes at the time) and a positive EPT test.

Here I am at the literally "holding the bag" not knowing what to say or do.

Called her and asked her why she didn't stay so we could talk / work things out but she really didn't have an answer.

The next time we met up I told her how I felt and that I wanted us to do it right or not do it at all, meaning the full marriage, commitment, relationship counseling, the whole nine, because I didn't want to be a "baby daddy" or her second "baby daddy" because she was divorced and already had a son.

She never said yes or no...but that she would think about it.

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn a into month w/o hearing a word from her or her answering my calls.

Went to her Mothers house and everything but no luck.

Eventually she reached out to me but never said anything about having an abortion...which she chose to do w/o my knowledge.

I kept those baby shoes for 7 years.

Don't have kids to this day.

He / she would have been 18 by now.

I know my lived experience doesn't impact this discussion - but neither should yours. Its all anecdotal.

The fact is no matter what a man does or doesn't do, Its a woman's choice.

Sorry you went thru this man, terrible.

 

[Maximus Meridius]

This is partially why I think this discussion is so delicate especially for a message board. First, you don't know what someone has or hasn't gone through relating to this issue and that may form their opinion. On top of that, I generally believe that each situation and how they got pregnant, why the wife made the decision to keep/abort, why the husband around, etc. is going to be somewhat unique. It's way too difficult to summarily judge when it comes to this issue IMO.

A lot of us that grew up in the 90's didn't have father's because the father's made bad choices, we know this that side has been told over and over. The other side is rarely discussed. It's a lot of father's who want to be in their kids lives but the mother dangles the kids over their head unless the father listens to her every demand.

 

[tomdiginson]

A lot of us that grew up in the 90's didn't have father's because the father's made bad choices, we know this that side has been told over and over. The other side is rarely discussed. It's a lot of father's who want to be in their kids lives but the mother dangles the kids over their head unless the father listens to her every demand.

And this tends to be very common more than people know.

 

[kingfoamnyc]

My mom's left me with my pops and went to start another relationship with a dude who she eventually had two kids with

Like legit left, I didn't speak to my mother for at least 6 months.

My pops never spoke down on her

Dude she left my dad for then left her in a apartment with no money and went ahead and started a new family with a lady he worked with.

My pops held that pain forever and died last year without my mother ever apologizing to him.

Ask me who's ever held her accountable

 

[tomdiginson]

My mom's left me with my pops and went to start another family with a dude who eventually had two kids with her and left her in a apartment with no money and went ahead and started a new family with a lady he worked with.

My pops held that pain forever and died last year without my mother ever apologizing to him.

Ask me who's ever held her accountable

Damn man

 

[Maximus Meridius]

I think maybe some of you dudes might need to see a therapist to work through some things

Sounding like some of these women you guys have ran into gave you some light PTSD

Famb this is the internet, I don't know you, and the other way around. At the end of the day, I don't care about your takes about my views anyway.

You love to act like people can't handle what you have to say. When that is never the case. Like I said, you went on a tangent over half a sentence I said last night that had hardly anything to do with my general point. I don't think you are in the position to accuse anyone of being sensitive anyway

You just typing a whole bunch of nothing right now bruh.

 

[finessence]

A lot of us that grew up in the 90's didn't have father's because the father's made bad choices, we know this that side has been told over and over. The other side is rarely discussed. It's a lot of father's who want to be in their kids lives but the mother dangles the kids over their head unless the father listens to her every demand.

I know dudes who be in their childrens lives, make good money, provide emotional and financial support. But spiteful BMs still put them on child support. My mom did it to my pops. My moms was a great mother though. All them Js bought with CS $$$