31, and feels life I'm at a mid-life crisis. Met this girl at a concert 3 years ago, 6 months into dating she got a government job off in a different state. I was working dead end aviation jobs at the time and she gave me a proposal, go out there with her and go to school, get your aviation degree, rent, food is free so damn well I didn't hesitate. so we moved out the there got AA degree.
she volunteered to go overseas for work in order to pay off her school loans (master degree). Its been a year now and she comes back every 4 months or so. Last time she came back was in July, we went to Cancun, everything was all good I didn't think nothing of it. She went back over there, and couple weeks later she tells me she sees me differently as in seeing me more of a friend then anything else. I ask if something went on out there and she wouldn't tell me, all she said was from the distance and being out there apart from each other made her feel different about us. Shes been bottling her feelings about us for a while and thought that by coming back home it would all go back to normal but turned out it didn't. We use to chat everyday talk about our future, proposal, wedding planning when she gets back, she even bought a ring out there and all of a sudden it went to short message, what you eat? food ,what you do today? work. I started seeing the signs and asked her about but she wouldn't tell me anything.
So fast forward to now, she got transferred to another place and all of a sudden, she wants to work things out, started calling me babe again. So it got me thinking something happen out there for her to act like this. She was probably getting all this attention and all the men gassing her up from how much weight she lost and such. Now she got to her new place, she has no friends and probably feeling lonely. In my head, I figured she was giving my time to someone else out there. When you see someone everyday and sometimes you get close to them, one thing leads to another and next thing you know, you did something regret doing and can't go back. But she denies all that, maybe because I have all her belongs as in car, SSC, birth certificates all that good stuff, she probably thinks I'll do something crazy if she did tells me something else.
I went on and packed my things up and brought a few boxes back home with me when I went to visit my parents for labor day weekend and she doesn't know all this. So now that she wants to fix all this and wont be back for good until March but will be there in December for RR, I feel like things wont be the same anymore. For some reason something tells me to hold and give it another shot and others telling me to just come back home at stop wasting your time knowing that there's nothing there anymore and get your life back again. I'm having to wake up to cold sweats and stressing over all this, small anxiety attack that I never knew I had, slowly driving me crazy not know what the root cause of here feeling this way. Crazy how love just puts you on a roller coaster and don't know when to get off.
Only reason I said mid life crisis other than this dilemma is, I'm starting to get tired of the line of work that I do working mon-sat 50-60 hour weeks, don't get me wrong, its good money and all but now I'm starting to value my time than anything else. I feel like I've gotten into the wrong field and having to back to school for another 3-4 years at this age would be a little to late for that.
