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I'm not a Trump supporter
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My follow through is garbage. I need to be more consistent in my life. It's like I go through periods of immense focus, of being on point, and then just as long periods where I'm lucky to get anything beyond the bare minimum done. I need to get consistent. I think I'd be in a better place if I was.
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I'm outgrowing my friends and I'm honestly completely fine with it.
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From ages 15 - 22 nothing has come of Dubby and women. How meaningless...
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Sorry in advance for the long read, but 2019 was the hardest year of my life.
I started the year coming close to landing two jobs, one that paid me significantly more than my current job, and one that I would've enjoyed much more than my current job. Unfortunately I didn't land either and I started feeling discouraged after receiving lukewarm interest for other positions I applied to. I took my current job 3 years ago after graduating because it grew my technical background, but now I feel I've learned everything I need to and now I'm burnt out doing tedious work I don't enjoy.
My job search got put on hold in the summer due to tragedy. Memorial Day weekend I was going with my family to visit my grandpa who was recently diagnosed with cancer and my mom's side of the family. I went to my parents' house the evening before the flight. Shortly after I got home the doorbell rang and I heard my mom start sobbing after she answered. At my the door was my friend's dad and sister with the news that my friend of nearly 20 years had taken his own life. The next day we flew out and what happened the day before was kept a secret from my mom's family since the focus that weekend was on my grandpa. That was the last time I'd ever see him because he passed away the next month.
My body had a negative reaction to all the stress...or at least I think it was the stress. So the rest of the summer I spent trying to get my mind right. I wish I had more time to cope, but I struggled between using PTO so that I could relax, saving PTO for potential future interviews, and saving PTO for a long vacation my family was planning at the end of the year. It was also difficult to obtain peace of mind because my mom was dealing with her dad's death, contacting his doctors, banks, etc., fallout in her family, and starting a new job and she took it out on me. I tried to be as helpful and understanding as possible, but I eventually snapped at my parents because I was there for them and they neglected me and swept my friend's death under the rug. Most of the friends who found out/I told neglected me as well and our friend group never did any kind of tribute/memorial.
Early fall I met a girl that I hit it off with instantly and we started dating. She's pursuing her master's and working and so we didn't get the chance to see each other as often as we'd like, but when we did hang we always had a great time. Neither of us hesitated to introduce each other to our friends and I met her brother who told her he was a "stan".
Things were looking up and I was looking forward to closing the year on a good note.
My roommate and I planned a Christmas party for mid-December and I invited my gf. She told me she had a final due at midnight that night, but it sounded like she could come since she could do it ahead of time despite a few other finals earlier that week. The week leading up to it was brutal. I developed a bad cough that had me dry-heaving and turned out I had a sinus infection. I also had to work late several days. On top of all that, my friend's (more associate's) long-distance gf reached out to me saying that she thought he'd randomly blocked her number and on all social media and wanted help figuring out what was going on. Basically he just ghosted her and I was left to try and comfort her. Came to find out he had signed a lease to move in with her in a few weeks and must have gotten cold feet. The whole week I was dealing with a lot could've used some support from my gf, but barely heard from her. She was never the best texter, but worse than I'd even expect from finals week. I was kind of paranoid heading into the day of the party.
Hours before the party was supposed to start, my gf texted me saying she wasn't done with her final and hoped I'd have a good time that night. It was awkward fielding questions from friends about why she wasn't there and it seemed even worse once midnight passed meaning she technically should be "free" (though she did have more finals in a few days). Everyone had a good time and I did too, but the whole night I had all these doubts in the back of my mind.
Sure enough, the next day she said she wanted to meet up to talk and she broke up with me. Apparently she had just gotten an advanced internship offer for next semester that would give us even less time together and while I knew it wasn't certain she'd stay in the area after graduation in May, she confirmed that she didn't want to rule out going elsewhere for a future job. She's very independent and I was her first "real" bf. She tried to assure me that it had nothing to do with me and that she's certain I'll find someone else. On one hand, I believe her since she told me I was the closest she'd ever felt to someone and we were happy and never argued. The abruptness of the breakup also matched her just getting the internship offer because a few weeks prior she was telling me how much time we'd have together in January. On the other hand, I feel like I always hear that it's never me, it's always some circumstances beyond either of our control...am I just that unlucky or is it really me?
Somehow went into yet another holidays with it not feeling like the holidays. I barely saw any of my friends who were back in town and honestly didn't really care to. The end-of-year vacation I mentioned earlier was a fun, but in the back of my head I couldn't stop thinking about all the questions I need to answer in 2020. My mind's been racing nonstop and last night was the first night I fell asleep before 2AM in three weeks.
In 2020, I know I need to get a new job and have been thinking about getting my master's or completely restarting my life and moving somewhere new. Problem is, I'm not sure in which order I should attempt these or if I just need to do one of them in order for my life to not feel so stagnant as it did in 2019. I feel an urgency to make strides in my professional life and want to create real, lasting connections instead of putting time and effort into friendships I'm outgrowing and relationships that never last as long as they feel they should. At the same time, I'm worried that being too ambitious this year could be biting off more than I can chew since my mentality is on shaky ground.
Sorry again for the long read, I actually left a lot out. My friends and family only know parts and yet I confided in the internet because they don't understand or give me real advice. PMs are open.
I started the year coming close to landing two jobs, one that paid me significantly more than my current job, and one that I would've enjoyed much more than my current job. Unfortunately I didn't land either and I started feeling discouraged after receiving lukewarm interest for other positions I applied to. I took my current job 3 years ago after graduating because it grew my technical background, but now I feel I've learned everything I need to and now I'm burnt out doing tedious work I don't enjoy.
My job search got put on hold in the summer due to tragedy. Memorial Day weekend I was going with my family to visit my grandpa who was recently diagnosed with cancer and my mom's side of the family. I went to my parents' house the evening before the flight. Shortly after I got home the doorbell rang and I heard my mom start sobbing after she answered. At my the door was my friend's dad and sister with the news that my friend of nearly 20 years had taken his own life. The next day we flew out and what happened the day before was kept a secret from my mom's family since the focus that weekend was on my grandpa. That was the last time I'd ever see him because he passed away the next month.
My body had a negative reaction to all the stress...or at least I think it was the stress. So the rest of the summer I spent trying to get my mind right. I wish I had more time to cope, but I struggled between using PTO so that I could relax, saving PTO for potential future interviews, and saving PTO for a long vacation my family was planning at the end of the year. It was also difficult to obtain peace of mind because my mom was dealing with her dad's death, contacting his doctors, banks, etc., fallout in her family, and starting a new job and she took it out on me. I tried to be as helpful and understanding as possible, but I eventually snapped at my parents because I was there for them and they neglected me and swept my friend's death under the rug. Most of the friends who found out/I told neglected me as well and our friend group never did any kind of tribute/memorial.
Early fall I met a girl that I hit it off with instantly and we started dating. She's pursuing her master's and working and so we didn't get the chance to see each other as often as we'd like, but when we did hang we always had a great time. Neither of us hesitated to introduce each other to our friends and I met her brother who told her he was a "stan".
Things were looking up and I was looking forward to closing the year on a good note.My roommate and I planned a Christmas party for mid-December and I invited my gf. She told me she had a final due at midnight that night, but it sounded like she could come since she could do it ahead of time despite a few other finals earlier that week. The week leading up to it was brutal. I developed a bad cough that had me dry-heaving and turned out I had a sinus infection. I also had to work late several days. On top of all that, my friend's (more associate's) long-distance gf reached out to me saying that she thought he'd randomly blocked her number and on all social media and wanted help figuring out what was going on. Basically he just ghosted her and I was left to try and comfort her. Came to find out he had signed a lease to move in with her in a few weeks and must have gotten cold feet. The whole week I was dealing with a lot could've used some support from my gf, but barely heard from her. She was never the best texter, but worse than I'd even expect from finals week. I was kind of paranoid heading into the day of the party.
Hours before the party was supposed to start, my gf texted me saying she wasn't done with her final and hoped I'd have a good time that night. It was awkward fielding questions from friends about why she wasn't there and it seemed even worse once midnight passed meaning she technically should be "free" (though she did have more finals in a few days). Everyone had a good time and I did too, but the whole night I had all these doubts in the back of my mind.
Sure enough, the next day she said she wanted to meet up to talk and she broke up with me. Apparently she had just gotten an advanced internship offer for next semester that would give us even less time together and while I knew it wasn't certain she'd stay in the area after graduation in May, she confirmed that she didn't want to rule out going elsewhere for a future job. She's very independent and I was her first "real" bf. She tried to assure me that it had nothing to do with me and that she's certain I'll find someone else. On one hand, I believe her since she told me I was the closest she'd ever felt to someone and we were happy and never argued. The abruptness of the breakup also matched her just getting the internship offer because a few weeks prior she was telling me how much time we'd have together in January. On the other hand, I feel like I always hear that it's never me, it's always some circumstances beyond either of our control...am I just that unlucky or is it really me?
Somehow went into yet another holidays with it not feeling like the holidays. I barely saw any of my friends who were back in town and honestly didn't really care to. The end-of-year vacation I mentioned earlier was a fun, but in the back of my head I couldn't stop thinking about all the questions I need to answer in 2020. My mind's been racing nonstop and last night was the first night I fell asleep before 2AM in three weeks.
In 2020, I know I need to get a new job and have been thinking about getting my master's or completely restarting my life and moving somewhere new. Problem is, I'm not sure in which order I should attempt these or if I just need to do one of them in order for my life to not feel so stagnant as it did in 2019. I feel an urgency to make strides in my professional life and want to create real, lasting connections instead of putting time and effort into friendships I'm outgrowing and relationships that never last as long as they feel they should. At the same time, I'm worried that being too ambitious this year could be biting off more than I can chew since my mentality is on shaky ground.
Sorry again for the long read, I actually left a lot out. My friends and family only know parts and yet I confided in the internet because they don't understand or give me real advice. PMs are open.
MetalMario
formerly m4riol
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have you gone back and taken the time to grieve for your grandpa and your friend of 20yrs? that is important to get done in the long process of moving forward. holiday season brings up a lot feelings of coulda/woulda/shoulda at the time.
I don't agree that you feel your life has been stagnant when you first mention up top with multiple job offers. if it was done before it can happen again. 2019 you grew emotionally and handled with was dealt with you the best you could. It's pushed your capacity to take in stress and knowing what you can go on moving forward
family~shaky, job~stable, friendships~shaky, romance~shaky. that job is a pillar to look at for strength. a man can completely break down if he doesn't have something to fall on as a "At least I got this down on lock and stand shoulders wide looking forward"
i see as a factor in the emotions going thru you right now. would he have been in the normal shenanigans of the holidays?
I feel that these statements are damn near the same. it appears that she's half a step ahead in the game of life(more like half a semester ahead). of course you know the whole situation yourself. maybe you can see where she's coming from with her decision if you're floating around doing the same.
I don't agree that you feel your life has been stagnant when you first mention up top with multiple job offers. if it was done before it can happen again. 2019 you grew emotionally and handled with was dealt with you the best you could. It's pushed your capacity to take in stress and knowing what you can go on moving forward
family~shaky, job~stable, friendships~shaky, romance~shaky. that job is a pillar to look at for strength. a man can completely break down if he doesn't have something to fall on as a "At least I got this down on lock and stand shoulders wide looking forward"
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I haven't lost someone prematurely before so I'm not sure how long the grieving process should take or what I should be doing. My grandpa I lost a few years back (and the one now) both lived full lives and I kind of understood they were going to go. I do feel like my friend's passing got put on the backburner behind my grandpa's. There was no funeral, no days I took off for it, and my family's focus wasn't on it naturally.
Absolutely. We lived close to each other and I'd see him every 2-3 weeks. We'd text every week. My family's closest with his of all of my friend's and our families exchange gifts each Christmas. I've spent time with his dad and sister since then and I cherish the time, but it's different without him there.
You're exactly right. I think that's why I don't harbor any resentment. Because I could see where she's coming from, I wasn't as focused on my emotions when we met up which allowed me to sense the conflict within her. I could tell it hurt her too inside. She said it'd be better to do this now than stay together and potentially go through worse heartbreak (plus worse communication the next few months).
I actually didn't get either of those two jobs, I was just close to getting them. So would you then prioritize a new job over the other things I'm considering? Or kill two birds with one stone and look for a job in a new place?
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MetalMario
formerly m4riol
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I got that from this
if i misread and you were talking about your mom getting a new job my bad
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- My dad had a stroke in 2018. His health is still up and down in 2020.
- My mom has some health issues and will need surgery soon.
- My parents' health issues + being the eldest son taking care of them = effectively derailed my dreams of leaving home.
- I'm only 28yo and feel stagnant in my career. I've been applying to jobs, but the only motivation is more $$$. I've never found enjoyment in a job: it only funds my non-work interests.
- There are some nights I go to sleep and wish I didn't wake up the next morning.
- No one in my life knows these thoughts^ besides NT. I've always felt comfortable sharing here. I'd rather help my loved ones than share my burdens with them.
- My mom has some health issues and will need surgery soon.
- My parents' health issues + being the eldest son taking care of them = effectively derailed my dreams of leaving home.
- I'm only 28yo and feel stagnant in my career. I've been applying to jobs, but the only motivation is more $$$. I've never found enjoyment in a job: it only funds my non-work interests.
- There are some nights I go to sleep and wish I didn't wake up the next morning.
- No one in my life knows these thoughts^ besides NT. I've always felt comfortable sharing here. I'd rather help my loved ones than share my burdens with them.
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slighted
you got to take some time for yourself to recharge. Ask your siblings and other family for help with your parents. It will take a greater toll on you than you would imagine.
Maybe you should look to start your own business. What are you passionate about?
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I plan to get married and not invite any of my family. They havent met her and I dont want them to meet until after we are married.
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Nothing wrong with eloping
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I'm a Trump Supporter.
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Sometimes I hate having a strong intuition and being right then protecting myself. Because when it happens like your gut tells you it will it still kinda hurts but without the good parts of the experience.
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Honestly, I'm not surprised. Not with you. Take that for what it is. Hey, might be a confession in and of itself!
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Y’all wild
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I tried to tell y’all in the food thread...
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I believe that he is a true American and really wants to do good for the country, improve the country, make it better, make it stronger. I believe he has the background to pay off some of the debt that has been accumulated. And I just think he’s much better for the job than what the Democrats have to offer right now. I believe their candidate is not worthy of the White House, and I believe Donald Trump would be a good president.
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lol u Gottit
We all different. It's those that wear that ish on their sleeve that kinda grind my gears. Especially if unwarranted.
Y'all know the ones..
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