Confessions

What does love feel like? I've been screwed with so much I don't know what's real or not

Btw i went to LA to chill with my bro, he's 16 and i've been feeling a lil better. Part of my problem is that i'm a hard loner and don't deal with it very well.
 
I'm messing with girls slightly below my standards. It's starting to wear on my conscious cause I wouldn't want to be seen in public with any of them.
 
Bro! That story is hella crazy. I couldn't even finish reading it cuz it got me heated lol bro, you did your part. Your a good guy. Someday some girl will value you for what your worth. I can personally tell you I know the feels when your reading those text messages. Your time will come bruh. Time to work in yourself
 
spizike231 said:
So a week ago, my girl randomly comes up to me and goes "let me go through your phone. This is a random phone check." I give her the stone face and tell her "No, that's not how this relationship works. That's not trusting someone". We get into this huge argument about how she thinks that it's fishy that I let her go through everything of mine but my phone. Says that anyone would be stupid to just sit there and trust blindly that there's nothing on my phone just because I say there isn't. If there's one thing I hate famb, it's when someone tries to walk all over me. I looked at her and said "You are NOT going through my phone." she looked at me and said "YES, I am."

RUINED MY LIFE. I BACKED OUT OF THE MARINES TO STAY HERE AND BE WITH YOU. I COULD'VE HAD EVERYTHING. YOU ****** IT ALL UP FOR ME!" and all this ****. Now, she knows that if I leave and get out, I have absolutely nowhere to go. I can't go back to Moms, she pretty much disowned me for leaving to go support this chick. I don't have a car at the moment, so I'll have no way to get to work and no income, yet she's still sitting here trynna rip it all out from under me.



It's been a REAL TOUGH past couple of days / nights, and I have a feeling that it's going to only get worse before it gets better. I'm riding a tsunami that is on a crash course to god knows where, and I can't do anything but sit along for the ride.
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Why are you playing house?

Man call your mom up and move back home, trust she is waiting.

As a grown man you should be able to end a relationship and still be able to be independent especially if you are not married










Or just let her see your phone.
 
If your girl supporting yo *** then she gotta right to go through your **** [emoji]128514[/emoji][emoji]128514[/emoji][emoji]128514[/emoji][emoji]128514[/emoji]

Man up and stop being a leech
 
Mr Marcus said:
If your girl supporting yo *** then she gotta right to go through your **** [emoji]128514[/emoji][emoji]128514[/emoji][emoji]128514[/emoji][emoji]128514[/emoji]

Man up and stop being a leech
Click to expand...


I wanted to say this but I wasnt sure if they were splitting the rent or something.

Chicks who are dependent on their men get phones checked, its a rule.








Its crazy when I see young people invest so much into a person, to the point they turn down opportunities to be with them.
She saying she didnt go to the marines because of you(dont see how that equals to "could have had everything") and here you dumped her in split second.It must be very hurtful for her but in all honesty Im laughing because you shouldnt put anyone before your initial goals.








This is a part of my biggest fears, Ive seen some real intelligent,realistic, level headed people get into a relationship and just turn naive.
Naive about trust, finances and compromising on stands and goals they always had.


It is a scary thing.
 
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703 Hwy said:
To the dude who got played, you couldn't see the signs tho?? You gotta share some of the blame b.
Click to expand...

I saw all the signs man, I just chose to ignore it, hoping it would change and just playing myself. And I even said it at the end of my original post, I take full blame for letting her do this to me. It's my fault lol I'm just reflecting on my dumbass choices
 
spizike231 said:
But, am I crazy for ending it over this? She's making me feel like I'm crazy and that no one else would do this over these reasons.

My close homies are saying to get back w/ her and try to work things out, but I've tried to explain to them my issue of being burned. She asked me last night "I don't know whether to hug you and kiss you and tell you everything's going to be okay, or to just sit here and face the fact that we're done and that you don't want me. What do you want? What should I do right now?" I said idk. She said idk isn't an answer. I told her "it is when my mind says yes to both.." and thats the best way I can find to describe it. I both want her to hold me and care for me, and i want her to leave. It's crazy. I've never been so confused.
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Honestly, from everything you've said, you're being a little crazy.

She definitely shouldn't strongarm her way into looking at your phone but if ya'll are living together, financing cars, you cut off your mom over this girl, etc. It's crazy to break it off over one argument about her looking at your phone. You seem to be ice cold about the situation. It's not completely normal tbh.

I understand your feeling behind it. But this is the sort of thing you have a discussion about. Tell her your feelings about trust and all that stuff. Why she wants to check the phone. Etc. Not a long-term relationship ending argument.

If she did a bunch of other stuff I'd understand. If this was the last straw. But if everything was going great and then you called it off over this? I think you should reconsider. But also maybe reconsider how much you were really into this girl. If you're willing to coldly end things after one incident like this with little remorse, maybe you were just looking for a way out.
 
spizike231 said:
So a week ago, my girl randomly comes up to me and goes "let me go through your phone. This is a random phone check." I give her the stone face and tell her "No, that's not how this relationship works. That's not trusting someone". We get into this huge argument about how she thinks that it's fishy that I let her go through everything of mine but my phone. Says that anyone would be stupid to just sit there and trust blindly that there's nothing on my phone just because I say there isn't. If there's one thing I hate famb, it's when someone tries to walk all over me. I looked at her and said "You are NOT going through my phone." she looked at me and said "YES, I am."

Basically, I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me, or someone who thinks that they're going to walk all over me. I told her I wanted to break it off. I said "If you don't trust me, we can't be together. Do you trust me?" and she said "No, not if you're like this over your phone." and that was that. No matter how much I stressed that it wasn't even my phone that was causing all of this, it was her actions and how she was treating me that caused it, she swears to this day that I did it all for my phone. After a year and a half of giving my everything for this woman, leaving my moms to support her and myself when she got kicked out of her parents house, her trust for me suddenly disappears. Now, we are still both financially dependent on each other and have nowhere else to go if we don't work out. So we'll have no choice but to room together and pay bills together until we're both ready to move out. We just signed for a new car to finance (which only has HER NAME and HER GRANDFATHERS NAME ON IT since he cosigned it for the credit, so if the payments default, it doesn't fall on me), but I agreed to help her pay for it still becaus I said I would when we were together. We still have our stuff at the place we're renting.

Anyways, a few days later, I'm at a friends house chillin and she asks if we are truly done. I pretty much say that we can just be friends and be civil, but I don't think I want to be with her. She FLIPS. "Get out. Get your stuff and get out. YOU RUINED MY LIFE. I BACKED OUT OF THE MARINES TO STAY HERE AND BE WITH YOU. I COULD'VE HAD EVERYTHING. YOU ****** IT ALL UP FOR ME!" and all this ****. Now, she knows that if I leave and get out, I have absolutely nowhere to go. I can't go back to Moms, she pretty much disowned me for leaving to go support this chick. I don't have a car at the moment, so I'll have no way to get to work and no income, yet she's still sitting here trynna rip it all out from under me.

The way I'm programmed, famb.. I'm great with ANYONE. I can love anyone like family and trust them with everything I own if I can tell that they're an honest person. The ONE THING that will forsure ruin that is if someone tries to burn me. That's what she did. That morning, my mind said "Oh, she's burning you.. well, let's take all of your feelings and care about her and just throw it out the window. You're over. Clearly. This is the end. It's gone." and just like that- I no longer have any care to get back with her, or any feelings to be with her. That's how I am with ANYONE who burns me, no matter how close or far they are from me and my heart.

Well, now she's been sitting here BEGGING for me to come back. BEGGING for me to give her another chance to change and get better, and that she's going to give it her all. My mind is over it. But my heart isn't. I still live with her, so I get to see her break down every time I'm home with her, hear her crying, and she always asks me questions like "How could you let this happen?.. how could you just let me walk out and not care?" but she doesn't understand that that's just how I'm programmed. It keeps me from making the same mistake of trusting someone who would burn me. It has kept me from a LOT of pain in my life. When she breaks down and cries, my heart crumbles and breaks, but my brain says "Meh." My emotions are completely torn and are being jerked around in so many directions that I can't even tell what's up and down anymore.

It's been a REAL TOUGH past couple of days / nights, and I have a feeling that it's going to only get worse before it gets better. I'm riding a tsunami that is on a crash course to god knows where, and I can't do anything but sit along for the ride.
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My girl was on that phone thing for a minute. Asking for my password. I told ***** YOU DONT NEED MY PHONE PASSWORD YOU GOT KEYS TO MY CRIB. THATS THE PASSWORD TO MY LIFE.

She agreed.
 
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It's seems as if he dumped her for different reasons. That one thing is just to petty.



I'm sorry, but I don't do lock phones.
Mine ain't locked and her phone ain't locked.

I'm always losing my phone around the crib so I always just pick hers up and use it. Once in the blue moon if I am bored I snoop.
I'm pretty sure she snoops too after she plays games on mine.No one really believes in this blind trust thing peop like to being up.
 
shoefreakbaby said:
Mr Marcus said:
If your girl supporting yo *** then she gotta right to go through your **** [emoji]128514[/emoji][emoji]128514[/emoji][emoji]128514[/emoji][emoji]128514[/emoji]

Man up and stop being a leech
Click to expand...


I wanted to say this but I wasnt sure if they were splitting the rent or something.

Chicks who are dependent on their men get phones checked, its a rule.








Its crazy when I see young people invest so much into a person, to the point they turn down opportunities to be with them.
She saying she didnt go to the marines because of you(dont see how that equals to "could have had everything") and here you dumped her in split second.It must be very hurtful for her but in all honesty Im laughing because you shouldnt put anyone before your initial goals.








This is a part of my biggest fears, Ive seen some real intelligent,realistic, level headed people get into a relationship and just turn naive.
Naive about trust, finances and compromising on stands and goals they always had.


It is a scary thing.
Click to expand...

Interesting that you said this.. I'm off to Maryland in the fall to complete my Master's and I have no intention of coming back here when I'm done :lol: However, the girl I'm seeing now is here and up until I few weeks ago she was gung-ho ready to move for me when I finished, and now she's talking about how she can't be away from her family and she doesn't think she can do it :rolleyes

Am I being selfish fambs?
 
DJosey said:
Interesting that you said this.. I'm off to Maryland in the fall to complete my Master's and I have no intention of coming back here when I'm done :lol: However, the girl I'm seeing now is here and up until I few weeks ago she was gung-ho ready to move for me when I finished, and now she's talking about how she can't be away from her family and she doesn't think she can do it :rolleyes

Am I being selfish fambs?
Click to expand...

Hmmm this is a tough one... Can't give much input on this since I don't know what your girls like or her relationship with her fam.

But I will say this... I had a girl who I had no intention of marrying, but was a great girlfriend for two years, move her entire life without even having a job or place to stay because she wanted to keep being with my after college. Found a place and a job down here for two years, hated it at first, but she did it for me and really grew to love it down here in DC. Loved her job and living here until she missed a job promotion and her dad refused to keep paying her rent if her career wasn't advancing. So she was forced to move away at that point and we broke up.

I think her dad was actually smart in not letting her stay down here any more. As much as she wanted to stay and I wanted her to, he knew what was in her best interest career wise. Looking back I should've ended that relationship a long time ago. Sometimes I feel like I made her waste two years of her life but I don't really regret it because I enjoyed that time period.

I dunno man, if you plan on marrying her and she won't move due to career reasons, that's legit. You don't wanna hold her back in that regard and should try to compromise and not be selfish. But just because she wants to be by her family? I dunno about that... You da real MVP, she gotta move away from the fam unit eventually.
 
Jay6jay said:
It's seems as if he dumped her for different reasons. That one thing is just to petty.



I'm sorry, but I don't do lock phones.
Mine ain't locked and her phone ain't locked.

I'm always losing my phone around the crib so I always just pick hers up and use it. Once in the blue moon if I am bored I snoop.
I'm pretty sure she snoops too after she plays games on mine.No one really believes in this blind trust thing peop like to being up.
Click to expand...

yup, sometimes i will follow some people on the gram, and a week later im not following them :lol:
*kanye shrug*
 
So, just to clear some things up, she was not supporting me in the way that you guys think she was.

She was not paying my phone bill, she was not providing for me in any way. We made the same amount of money and paid bills together and put up half of rent to each other when it came time to pay it. Neither one of us was doing more work than the other.

I see where you guys are coming from, and we've both made a lot of sacrifices. The biggest thing in that story is the fact that I've been burned and it's completely done for in my mind. I don't think it's coming back. It's been 3 days and I still have not been hit with the "Oh **** I need to get her back.", and I think that if it was coming then it would have hit me by now.

I appreciate the words of advice, and I appreciate the non-judgemental replies. It's just not as easy as "go back with her." She ended up sleeping at her guy friends house in his bed with him one of the nights after the break up last week. She swears up and down that they didn't do anything, and I believe her, but still.

This isn't our first break-up fight either, we get into huge heated arguments that lead to **** like this all the time, but this IS the first time that I haven't been hit with the wanting to get back with her rush. The only difference from all those other times and now is that she tried to burn me this time, which is why I think that it's going this way.
 
i had to log in to comment on brkfstchampion..

bruhhhhhh you cant be 26 acting like that.. how could you not see that? :smh: i would of deaded that with the quickness after reading your first paragraph...

theres no way im going thru a chicks phone to find what you did and take her shopping after. lol who does that... :smh:

i probably would of saw it and played her game.



mgrand said it the best tho...
 
brkfstchampions brkfstchampions a lot of good advice has already been sent your way.
So, I'd like to offer you something from a difference to get played.
Ask yourself why you let yourself be abused in this way?
Try to delve into and really dig for a reason that explains why you would let this happen.
Yes I say "let", because like 703 said-- how did you not see the signs?
I would argue that you did see the signs, and we're sure as sure can be without visual evidence.
Ask yourself is this type of relationship the kind that you want in the future?
And question the possibility that you put yourself through this pain, subconsciously bc of your self worth.


"We accept the love we think we deserve."



and yes, mgrand said it best
but spizike231 spizike231 , this was the most glaring part of your post "My mind is over it. But my heart isn't."
you've conditioned yourself over the years quite well by using your intelligence almost as a defense mechanism
not sure how to explain it but, reading it all, you remind me of me
and I gotta tell you
It's great to be intelligent and have options with women (clearly you do from your behavior)
but ask yourself is a life that revolves around your worth living
When it's all said and done do you want to say "I never listened to my heart."?
Are you okay with that? iDK about you, but I wouldn't be.
You seem to me to be a man of principles.
I would offer this:
"You can either be right, or you can be happy."

I would bet you have things you're ashamed of on your phone.
that may be besides the point, maybe not, just wanted to see if I'm right, honestly
To tell the truth though? In the "phone checking argument" y'all had... both of you were right.
She went into that game with the intention of testing you to see your reaction
Probably told herself- "if he says no , then I know for a fact he's doing something he's guilty about."
And not only did you deny her , but you were adamant about not letting her see.
So, she stuck to her guns of - " he must be hiding something!"
And playing the number game, you really cant blame her. Because probability wise? Most of the time, she'd be correct in her assumption of guilt. So yes she's right.
And you're right. You can't be in a relationship without trust.
But you're both just so goddamn stubborn.
I don't have an answer, and I'm attempting with only one post to deduce from
but if I can speculate
It seems like she's ALL about you, and you want distance. You want options. Maybe a little more freedom.
If so, have a talk about that, that's my advice for you my friend. have a COMPLETELY honest nothing held back conversation with her
(Again , I'm going off my hunch that whether you're "cheating" or not-- I'd bet money there's stuff on your phone you don't want her to see).
Bc you say you want trust right? The ever-elusive always-important TRUST.
Then y'all need to get EVERYTHING out in the open.
because it's within your every right as a human being (even more so as a man) to look around, see temptation, dip your toes in, cannonball into the deep end, or run home and none of it matters unless it's YOUR decision.
So do what the **** you wanna do :pimp:
 
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