Confessions

[calikev34]

Interesting that you said this.. I'm off to Maryland in the fall to complete my Master's and I have no intention of coming back here when I'm done However, the girl I'm seeing now is here and up until I few weeks ago she was gung-ho ready to move for me when I finished, and now she's talking about how she can't be away from her family and she doesn't think she can do it

Am I being selfish fambs?

Where do I stand on this question?
I stand in the exact spot where Hennessy was when he realized he should've had the strength to end it a long time ago.
Of course you want her to come, but I don't believe it's fair to her.
In the western world we seem to confuse love and possession.
"People don't belong to people."

 

[hennessy]

Josey I'm being dead serious if you haven't discussed marriage with this girl yet you will save yourself a lot of trouble just ending it now. I know you don't want to hear that and prolly won't listen but learn from me man.

 

[hennessy]

That's not saying you can't make it work in the future though.

 

[shoefreakbaby]

So, just to clear some things up, she was not supporting me in the way that you guys think she was.

She was not paying my phone bill, she was not providing for me in any way. We made the same amount of money and paid bills together and put up half of rent to each other when it came time to pay it. Neither one of us was doing more work than the other.

I see where you guys are coming from, and we've both made a lot of sacrifices. The biggest thing in that story is the fact that I've been burned and it's completely done for in my mind. I don't think it's coming back. It's been 3 days and I still have not been hit with the "Oh **** I need to get her back.", and I think that if it was coming then it would have hit me by now.

I appreciate the words of advice, and I appreciate the non-judgemental replies. It's just not as easy as "go back with her." She ended up sleeping at her guy friends house in his bed with him one of the nights after the break up last week. She swears up and down that they didn't do anything, and I believe her, but still.

This isn't our first break-up fight either, we get into huge heated arguments that lead to **** like this all the time, but this IS the first time that I haven't been hit with the wanting to get back with her rush. The only difference from all those other times and now is that she tried to burn me this time, which is why I think that it's going this way.

This burn you speak of, did she do it or was it another lady?



Sounds like you had a breakthrough.
You didnt dump her because of this.
The back and forth is childish move on

 

[shoefreakbaby]

Interesting that you said this.. I'm off to Maryland in the fall to complete my Master's and I have no intention of coming back here when I'm done However, the girl I'm seeing now is here and up until I few weeks ago she was gung-ho ready to move for me when I finished, and now she's talking about how she can't be away from her family and she doesn't think she can do it

Am I being selfish fambs?

Yes you are being selfish.
What is in maryland for her? You
What is in marland for you? A career

Ask her if you were coming back instead of staying what she would see herself doing.

 

[Stay Lowkey]

Henny, I hear you - I will expound more on the situation once I get time.

To the above poster, hopefully you will see where I'm coming from when I do.

 

[shoefreakbaby]

@brkfstchampions a lot of good advice has already been sent your way.
So, I'd like to offer you something from a difference to get played.
Ask yourself why you let yourself be abused in this way?
Try to delve into and really dig for a reason that explains why you would let this happen.
Yes I say "let", because like 703 said-- how did you not see the signs?
I would argue that you did see the signs, and we're sure as sure can be without visual evidence.
Ask yourself is this type of relationship the kind that you want in the future?
And question the possibility that you put yourself through this pain, subconsciously bc of your self worth.


"We accept the love we think we deserve."




t

Its crazy how many people dont think they deserve better, know your worth man.
I dont care how bad she is or how much you think she can do better.
The simple fact that you were ok with returning to a cheater is disheartening.
You deserve someone who is loyal and willing to put as much effort as you are putting in a relationship


The fear of being alone can make people do crazy things.

 

[calikev34]

Yes you are being selfish.
What is in maryland for her? You
What is in marland for you? A career

Ask her if you were coming back instead of staying what she would see herself doing.

Exactly. It really is as simple as that.


And if you can't accept that (you probably won't. It's hard to see it, when you're in IT-- and blinded by love on top of that)
This (what Henny said) is the only solution and the one real way to sum up exactly how I feel about it.

That's not saying you can't make it work in the future though.

 

[soundview]

"He gone' cry in the car"

 

[Stay Lowkey]

Expounding of my previous statements I'm currently pursuing my Master's in Public Policy, and I see no better place for myself right now as far as getting my foot in the door to a government agency than Washington, DC. My parents are out there and my pops has a few connections to whom I've been getting my resume to.

With that being said, the opportunities out there are endless, as compared to somewhere like Columbus where I currently live. My girl who is currently in nursing school (slated to be done around the same time I am done with graduate school) is insistent that I could find a job here, but the possibilities are bleak here as compared to D.C. which is like a hub of opportunity pertaining to what I want to do. She kind of surprised me when she started second guessing the move - saying that she couldn't imagine living apart from her mom. I understand this - but like Henny said, she has to leave that nest sometime. This situation is highly reminiscent of my parents' situation years ago. My pops moved our family from North Carolina to Mankato, Minnesota in order to earn his graduate degree and I know that move was particularly hard on my mom who was extremely close to her mother - much like my girl is to her mother. I say all that to say, my father always told me not to limit my career options because of someone - and in a way I feel like that is what I'd be doing if I settled here after graduate school. I'm trying to be as cognizant of all sides as I can which is why I posed the question of am I being selfish or not. Once she finishes nursing school which is an extremely mobile career, I feel as though she wouldn't have a problem finding a job or anything if she did decide to move. I just don't want to feel like I'm forcing her to do something.

This thing touches on the point which you guys brought up. Yes, we have talked about marriage and I definitely feel like that is one of the stipulations of her making that move. We've been in this relationship for a while, and I would never make her move if it wasn't serious or if I didn't see us getting married in the future. With that being said, we still have two more years to see how things go.

 

[calikev34]

I say all that to say, my father always told me not to limit my career options because of someone

I completely agree.
So, i have to ask.
Why are you asking your partner to "limit her career options because of someone"?
Because that's exactly what you're doing by asking her to leave her mother and come to DC with you.

 

[nazdrowie]

So a week ago, my girl randomly comes up to me and goes "let me go through your phone. This is a random phone check." I give her the stone face and tell her "No, that's not how this relationship works. That's not trusting someone". We get into this huge argument about how she thinks that it's fishy that I let her go through everything of mine but my phone. Says that anyone would be stupid to just sit there and trust blindly that there's nothing on my phone just because I say there isn't. If there's one thing I hate famb, it's when someone tries to walk all over me. I looked at her and said "You are NOT going through my phone." she looked at me and said "YES, I am."
 

sounds like she is projecting on you to be honest...

 

[Stay Lowkey]

 

I say all that to say, my father always told me not to limit my career options because of someone

I completely agree.
So, i have to ask.
Why are you asking your partner to "limit her career options because of someone"?
Because that's exactly what you're doing by asking her to leave her mother and come to DC with you.

I'm not seeing how those two correlate. To leave her mother/family/friends is one thing - an emotional limitation in a way I guess; which I am acknowledging . But her aspirations are to be a nurse - which isn't really a career which is dictated by area per se. 

 

[hennessy]

Man...smh.

I feel for you bro. You need to be in do at this point for one reason. Forget your parents living down here...this is just where you need to be for your career. It's good you know that.

Now I'm a little upset about the part about her being insistent you can did something in Ohio. While you may find something there, you are correct that you infinitely more opportunity in the DMV. Maybe she doesn't understand this? But if she does, and if should be easy to understand, then SHE seems to be being a little selfish here. You can't for any reason stay back in Ohio. It doesn't make sense for you an you know that.

I understand where both of you are coming from. College relationships carrying on after graduation are very sensitive topics. You both are being a little selfish but that just shows me what you guys have is real and you want to make it work.

Although her career is mobile, her family is not. But, with that said, I'm willing to bet that living at home with her parents will get old real quick. She prolly misses them right now and is afraid of being away, bet she'll miss you more though.

I don't know what to tell you because you don't want to be too harsh and make it seem like she has to choose. It's gonna be a tough choice for her and even if she loves you to death, if she not really a risk taker r is still afraid she might not move to you right away. and she may end up regretting that later. Conversely if things don't work out or change when she moves down here for you and he misses her parents and everything, or she doesn't have a job or career and isn't financially stable to afford living here, it could ruin your relationship. It happened to me.


Since you've talked about marriage I suggest you just really talk this through with her and consider how she feels, make sure she knows how you feel, and ultimately leave the decision up to her. Because you know you're gonna be down here.

Good luck man and my PM is always open and I live in the DMV if you ever wanna chill when you're down here. Your situation hits home for me I really hope things work out for you better than they did for me.

 

[Stay Lowkey]

Thanks bro, really appreciate your insight.

Like I said, we still have some time so all we can do is hope for the best.

 

[MetalMario]

@calikev34 Appreciate your influence and donation of your mind throughout this thread man. thanks

 

[shake]

I used a sneaker bot today and it failed miserably.

 

[lolcomin]

I've never spit game in real life, how do you do it?

 

[lamekilla]

I've never spit game in real life, how do you do it?

Approach a girl and let her know you're interested by being yourself

 

[lolcomin]

Approach a girl and let her know you're interested by being yourself

Anxiety is a ***** but I'll try

 

[lamekilla]

Anxiety is a ***** but I'll try

There isn't anything to have anxiety over fam, trust me. I might be one of the most awkward dorkiest people I know but I'll talk to a chick and she'll be like "you're so dorky and cute, it's refreshing"

Panties

 

[lolcomin]

There isn't anything to have anxiety over fam, trust me. I might be one of the most awkward dorkiest people I know but I'll talk to a chick and she'll be like "you're so dorky and cute, it's refreshing"

Panties

You might say that but I have severe anxiety/social anxiety and a sweating problem that ties into that so when I go into social settings where it's people I don't know, I just freeze up and start sweating a ********

 

[AgentZero]

 

There isn't anything to have anxiety over fam, trust me. I might be one of the most awkward dorkiest people I know but I'll talk to a chick and she'll be like "you're so dorky and cute, it's refreshing"

Panties

You might say that but I have severe anxiety/social anxiety and a sweating problem that ties into that so when I go into social settings where it's people I don't know, I just freeze up and start sweating a ********

You'll never get better unless you practice.

I know it's tough, I used to be really quiet and shy too. I honestly would've never gotten better had I not been thrown into some awkward situations. I was somewhat forced to since I moved around a lot as a kid and so I had to embrace being the new kid. It was either approach people and try and be social or end up with no friends wherever I moved to.

I'm sure there have been certain situations where you were forced out of your comfort zone, but the key is to build on those and to put yourself out there more often. Take it slowly, step by step, and you'll make progress. 

 

[ZlatanIbrahimovic]

I'm messing with girls slightly below my standards. It's starting to wear on my conscious cause I wouldn't want to be seen in public with any of them.

This.

 

[airedweezy]

Living the Nt life style now I'm broke

Trying to save up money but this 11 an hour job and bills ain't cutting it