Should You Let Your Child Win at Monopoly?

[Hank Scorpio]

http://www.wsj.com/articles/should-you-let-your-child-win-at-monopoly-1450294528?mod=trending_now_4

Should You Let Your Child Win at Monopoly?
Losing at games can teach children how to recover from failure; don’t throw the match after age 4



By NINA SOVICH
Dec. 16, 2015 2:35 p.m. ET
29 COMMENTS

As we embark on the opening rounds of Monopoly, Theo, my 7-year-old, is confident. “I’m beating you, mama,” he crows when I land on his railroad. For the first time, I see in my son a worthy adversary. I start to play, for real.

I buy Boardwalk and Park Place and load them with hotels. He makes bad decisions and has bad luck and in eight turns he’s nearly broke. Tears flood his eyes. “How about a loan?”

He shakes his head. “It’s over.”

My husband tells me I should have given Theo a last-ditch strategy to win the game. He lost the last time he played our son. “It’s OK,” he says. “He saw me lose. We all lose.”



Parents shouldn’t throw a game to a child after age 4, experts say.
Monopoly was created by Charles Darrow in 1933 and takes place in Atlantic City, N.J.
Monopoly is sold in 100,000 stores, published in 47 languages and sold in 114 countries.
More than 1 billion people have played the game, Hasbro estimates.
During the holidays, families gravitate toward playing board games, relishing the memories that are created around mild competition. Conflicting parental philosophies can make even a simple game complex. On the one hand, children must be supported. On the other, the world is a tough place, and losing is vital to developing the resilience and grit necessary to succeed.

“Everyone remembers the kid in the playground who kicked the ball into the woods when he lost the game,” says Matthew Biel, a pediatric psychiatrist at Georgetown University Medical Center. “That kid wasn’t given the skills to recover from failure. You don’t want to be that kid.”

At the age of 5 or 6, children become interested in competitive games. This is the onset of what developmental psychologist Erik Erikson called an intensely industrious phase when children have the cognition to know rules, gauge odds and judge fair play. For the first time they begin measuring themselves against others to establish their standing in the world. If it seems like your 7-year-old is having an existential crisis after losing a game of Uno, he or she actually is.

“You have to recognize the stakes are really high for kids. That doesn’t mean they are immature. They are playing the game with the appropriate level of gravity,” says Dr. Biel. “It’s why it’s so much fun to play with them.”

Fun, yes, but this is how a game of Monopoly can also spiral out of control. Yet psychologists seem to agree that flat out throwing a game to a child over the age of 4 is a bad idea.

School-age children can tell when you aren’t playing your hardest and could view your capitulation as a loss of faith in them. Nor should you beat them with all your adult efficiency. Not only will the child likely stop playing with you, he or she could learn what psychologists term learned helplessness—the sense that success is impossible no matter the odds.


Bill Craver, father to three, left Wall Street several years ago and works at a micro brewery in North Carolina. He notes that if adults take a handicap playing golf, children should be allowed do-overs in board games. “Look, there are life lessons to be learned playing games. Do those lessons have to be learned every time we play? No. If my son is going to lose his Queen in chess I ask him if he really wants to do that. He knows what I’m doing, and it evens the field.”

Bending or morphing the rules is particularly popular with games like Monopoly that are passed from generation to generation. Jonathan Berkowitz, Hasbro Gaming’s senior vice president of global marketing, says families have different rules around parking and the trading of cards. Some players even lend money to each other.

“The competitive side comes out in Monopoly,” said Mr. Berkowitz. “Adults want to compete too, but done the right way kids can get a thrill.”

He added that while Hasbro didn’t have an official policy on what the ‘right way’ was, he thought that letting my son win was a bad idea. “You have to lose to know how great it is to win,” he said.

Families who enjoy game playing the most seem to incorporate values beyond winning into the game. Children are given kudos for good sportsmanship and tactical precision. Parents discuss the game beforehand and often there are customs, which wrap the starkness of winning or losing in ceremony.

Jack Thompson is an investment manager and father to 5-year-old twins and a 2-year-old. After what Mr. Thompson calls an elaborate “vetting process,” he and his wife Karin, a geriatric specialist, introduced five rules of thumb they say apply to anything in their daily lives and especially the games they play with their children. When competition gets too heated, they stop the game and ask the children to display the characteristic that will help them continue. They gently remind them to be either resilient, patient, flexible, show gratitude or helpfulness. Once the child has summoned that attribute, or says he or she has, play can continue. At the end of the game the children have to shake hands and say, “Good game.”


“It’s not my intention to be a hippie, but I don’t think they are ready for full-blown competition,” says Mr. Thompson. “We are practicing for playing games later. You have to have the rituals down.”

This method of stopping and assessing the game is very useful for children who are watching their parents to see how society accepts loss. Though the rituals may seemed forced, if started at an early age, say around age 2 or 3, they prepare children for true competition.

“Basically, you need to have a plan,” says Kenneth Barish, a clinical professor of psychology at Weill Cornell Medical College in New York, specializing in child psychology. “Before the game starts, lay it out. ‘Listen we are playing Monopoly. It’s a tough game. Business is tough like life. You might win. You might lose. But you can’t cry if you lose.’ ”

He adds that parents should listen to their instincts and watch carefully how their child reacts to losing. “When you are running in the park with a 2-year-old you let her catch you, of course you do. But when they are 4 you run faster, then at 6 faster and so on.”

Write to Nina Sovich at [email protected]

What are your thoughts? I personally agree with the writer, but wouldn't so much "baby" my children to that extent. It's important to teach kids how to lose graciously, but I'd rather teach my kid how to win humbly.

If I'm ever lucky enough to have children, I would play monopoly with them. There's so many life lessons to be learned when playing: "Value of holding assets, saving money, negotiation, compromise, planning, strategy, leveraging, etc..."

 

[coldcity]

Fun, yes, but this is how a game of Monopoly can also spiral out of control. Yet psychologists seem to agree that flat out throwing a game to a child over the age of 4 is a bad idea.

School-age children can tell when you aren’t playing your hardest and could view your capitulation as a loss of faith in them. Nor should you beat them with all your adult efficiency. Not only will the child likely stop playing with you, he or she could learn what psychologists term learned helplessness—the sense that success is impossible no matter the odds.


so true... & kids these days are a lot smarter than we were as kids

 

[Fozz]

Interesting. I have never finished a game of monoply

 lol

 

[jjs07]

It's important to teach kids how to lose graciously, but I'd rather teach my kid how to win humbly.

Exactly.

I think there is more to be learned from losing (resilience, re-thinking, etc.) than there is from learning. I feel as though there is so much coddling going on with kids today that they don't know how to cope when faced with adversity. When they eventually go off to college or in the real world, where things can become dog-eat-dog, they weren't equipped from a younger age as to how to handle certain situations. This is why you see folks getting burnt out, amongst other things.

My daughter is turning 4, but from doing things as simple as building with Lego friends...where the frustration level can mount, it's good to see her try to work, or at least try, to work her way through that frustration to get to some level of success.

 

[nazdrowie]

Is monopoly even age appropriate for a child? I mean even I still have trouble understanding things in that game

 

[the410kid]

Shiiiiiiiiiidd, I'm beating the brakes off shorty and boasting while I'm doing it. Making it rain Monopoly money and all. IDC how old you are or the game we playing, I play for one reason only.................. TO WIN!

 

[ravagebx]

Not reading all of that nor am I letting my child win at anything. No quarter given.

 

[alfa]

Nah, I'm not letting my child win. Perhaps I'll give them a handicap to make things more equitable, but letting them win is not doing them or ourselves any favors.

It's a cheap way of making ourselves feel better under the guise of "teaching" and "building the child up". Actually winning the game and teaching the child through experiencing a loss, making them think, and building resilience will be more painful and time intensive, but will likely be more fruitful in the long term. The way I see it, defeat provides an opportunity to educate and provide a perspective on losing that can help them better cope with future losses and setbacks. 

 

[HEATHEN]

[COLOR=#red]NO.[/COLOR]

 

[flesh prince]

i remember i used to get mad as **** when i'd lose at **** as kid (when older people would beat me at video games and ****)

id be mad for a few seconds/minutes and move on it didn't turn me into some relentless super competitive savage 

never even crossed my mind when i experienced any type of loss or whatever later in life

y'all overthink things

Actually winning the game and teaching the child through experiencing a loss, making them think, and building resilience will be more painful and time intensive, but will likely be more fruitful in the long term. The way I see it, defeat provides an opportunity to educate and provide a perspective on losing that can help them better cope with future losses and setbacks. 

 

 

[tr1ll]

Lol my parents used to cheat.

 

[Master Zik]

Playing monopoly with children sounds like a punishment. So no I wouldn't let them win.

They'd rack up Ls playing chess against me too.

 

[coldcity]

Lol my parents used to cheat.

my pops used to cheat in Uno & spades heavy... im a monster now

 

[Peep Game]

I never let my sister win any board games growing up, and that pretty much directly led to her competitive fire, especially in the classroom and life in general. When she beat me in air hockey back in like 2010 though, it was like a torch was passed

 

[Hank Scorpio]

Some of you guys are totally missing the point of the article

 

[ksteezy]

I don't have kids but our 6 year old niece has no idea how to take an L she believes she must win all the time even if it means cheating and if she doesn't she will throw a tantrum till they tell her she's won, we played Heads Up the other day and they paired me up with and I didn't let out, killed her and she started crying, told her it was ok we all lose sometimes, she wasn't having it her mom and my wife eventually told her she won and I was lying and then she started mocking me calling me a loser...,she's gonna have a rough awakening....

 

[nikeskywalker]

I've lost friends over monopoly, that game is like Jumanji it never ends well. 

POST OF THE YEAR

 

[Hank Scorpio]

I don't have kids but our 6 year old niece has no idea how to take an L she believes she must win all the time even if it means cheating and if she doesn't she will throw a tantrum till they tell her she's won, we played Heads Up the other day and they paired me up with and I didn't let out, killed her and she started crying, told her it was ok we all lose sometimes, she wasn't having it her mom and my wife eventually told her she won and I was lying and then she started mocking me calling me a loser...,she's gonna have a rough awakening....

Sheesh

Hearing stories like this makes me curious to hear how she was brought up. Did she learn cheating was the way to success/winning? Was she exposed seeing how people would react after winning or accomplishing something? What are her parents like? Does she have any siblings?

If they don't properly address this issue right away, the girl is going to have a SERIOUSLY hard time as an adult.

 

[HEATHEN]

Some of you guys are totally missing the point of the article

[COLOR=#Red]NO.[/COLOR]

 

[tr1ll]

Bending or morphing the rules is particularly popular with games like Monopoly that are passed from generation to generation. Jonathan Berkowitz, Hasbro Gaming’s senior vice president of global marketing, says families have different rules around parking and the trading of cards. Some players even lend money to each other.

This is so real. We finally reread the rules for Monoply....**** was mind blowing.

But no I wouldn't. See that I dont have any plan to stop playing video games, Im sure my kids will to.

Video games dont let people when(that much anymore).

 

[Master Zik]

I don't have kids but our 6 year old niece has no idea how to take an L she believes she must win all the time even if it means cheating and if she doesn't she will throw a tantrum till they tell her she's won, we played Heads Up the other day and they paired me up with and I didn't let out, killed her and she started crying, told her it was ok we all lose sometimes, she wasn't having it her mom and my wife eventually told her she won and I was lying and then she started mocking me calling me a loser...,she's gonna have a rough awakening....

I use to enjoy beating kids like this at games and sports.

 

[coldcity]

I don't have kids but our 6 year old niece has no idea how to take an L she believes she must win all the time even if it means cheating and if she doesn't she will throw a tantrum till they tell her she's won, we played Heads Up the other day and they paired me up with and I didn't let out, killed her and she started crying, told her it was ok we all lose sometimes, she wasn't having it her mom and my wife eventually told her she won and I was lying and then she started mocking me calling me a loser...,she's gonna have a rough awakening....

I use to enjoy beating kids like this at games and sports.

I did too but I knew once I had kids I couldn't let them be like those types of kids......

 

[nikeskywalker]

My grown past her 50's aunt cheated at XMAS games last year

 

[ksteezy]

Sheesh

Hearing stories like this makes me curious to hear how she was brought up. Did she learn cheating was the way to success/winning? Was she exposed seeing how people would react after winning or accomplishing something? What are her parents like? Does she have any siblings?

If they don't properly address this issue right away, the girl is going to have a SERIOUSLY hard time as an adult.

I mean her parents are not bad parents per say, they are just young, mother had her at 17 and I think she sort of grew up with her kid, little girl is a sweetheart otherwise, but a complete diva when it comes to competition, I never let out...I cut her no slack because like this attitude states she would learn a lot more from taking an L than constantly bein handed W's but she's the first born in the family so everyone Baby's her....she just became a big sister.

 

[ksteezy]

Your niece is gonna really learn the hard way when Tyrone is done with her.

What?