Growing up since I was a kid I had always believed in A god Or Jesus, but never really studied it much because I just didnt want to, and I was doing what they call sinning anyway, so I always said eh screw it, im going to keep sinning and then just ask for forgiveness at the end of my life.(Nothing major I was doing just smoking weed , gambling, and having sex with different women). Then as I started to watch the H2 Channel, and a show called Ancient Aliens, I started believeing in multiple gods Like Kukkulkan, Osisris (God of the Afterlife) , Sun Gods, much more, and I had a lot of respect for the Mayans and more, and I thought to myself wow there are so many gods what a beautiful universe especially with techonolgy, and telescopes that are capable of helping human beings to see planets and galaxies that are Billions of light years away.Watching that show really made me think "wow these Pyramids really were built by some out of this world intelligent beings".I had so much respect for the Egyptians, and their belief in the afterlife, carefully preserving the body through the process of mummification for what they consider "the afterlife". In fact, it inspired me so much I wanted to be mummifed when I die , even though my family are Christians.
Next part of my life, my brother died last Year in June 2017 at only aged 29 and im 28 so I started turning to the bible everyday asking a so called Jesus, which I had believed in for forgiveness, and begging him to please me and let me see my brother when I die and go to "Heaven" . I studied the ten commandments and it said something about "thou shall have no gods before me or thou shall worship only one god" something like that I dont exactly remember. That made me afraid to continue to watch H2 and ancient aliens and it made me think, "ah man I cant think about Kuklkan, and Osiris, the god of the aterlife, sun gods, and who built the pyramids no more because those commandments had basically forced me to believe there is only one god and creator of the earth and universe, and if I continued to view the shows I loved so much, I will burn in a place called hell.
That Christianity thing made me turn away from studying the things I loved to study and view! It bascially altered my life kind of forcing me to turn away form the things I actually like to look at and study. Then I had a change of mind. I said to myself even though I was sinning as my brother was sick, I would still ask a so called god and pray everyday to make him get better, and make him live a long life(in the one lifetime we were currently in). I asked myself and others "if Jesus was such a loving god or person or diety whatever you wanna call it" , why did he allow my bro to die in front of my eyes in the same hospital where I prayed for him to stay alive? Then people started to tell me " God works in mysterious ways". THen I started to believe myself....THERE IS NO JESUS CHRIST it was all a lie. I asked Jesus to show me a sign he exists come to me in a dream and guaranteed me that I will see my brother again in your "so called Kingdom" as long as I turn my life to him and stay away from sin. If he ever gave me a sign and spoke to me or gave me a glimpse or promised me I would see my bro if I turned away from sin, i'd stop sinning and give my life to Christ...but to my dissapointment..No Sign came, no dream came. If god was so loving and understood what I was going through he would show me a sign, or a dream. The same way Christians claim Jesus came to chosen people in a dream and instructed them every word to write in the Bible.THen I said to myself how dare something threaten to burn me in a place of eternal fire for billions of years and counting just because my faith was not strong enough, or that I didnt believe in him. I only put my hands together and pray to my brother even though I believe he's non existent anymore, he would want me to live a happy life and be ok EVERYDAY of my life AND EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY of each day of my life NO LONGER CRYING ANYMORE but living my life the way I want to.
Even though I currently don't beleieve in Jesus, I "somewhat" believe keyword "somewhat" that there is , (or was) some intelligent force or creators who helped create certain people, places, or things.Threating to burn me in a place of eternal torment forever is not something a true loving father would do. If children misbehave or do something bad their parents beat them, but they don't beat them forever continously for the rest of their life.Besides what father burns their children for misbehaving? I am not going to believe a true loving Father would Burn someone in a blazing fire for trillions of years, and counting forever and ever, just for not following his word or believing in him. Thats way too much of a severe punishment, but I do believe it's a flase threat to scare human beings into behaving like decent people since there are so many humans out of control killing each other off and showing each other hatred instead of love. I've had a very rough life so far with the passing of my loving brother, and to threaten me to burn me up alive forever and ever in another life, after this one is over just because my faith isn't strong is a flase threat to me and something I refuse to believe. I will not be threated by something or someone I have never seen. Basicallly I will not be threatened by nothing... literally nothing. A lie .
If heaven does exists and it lasts forever... That means 999 Trillion years multiplied by 999 trillion years and counting and never ending(Longer than the universe ever existed) even though no one actually knows "EXACTLY" how long it has existed, it had to be long considering there are billions of galaxies. What could people possibly be doing for that long? I truly believe when you die , you're dead thats it.You wont know you existed just like you didnt know you were going to be in existence before you were born. I believe Death will be the ultimate peace, but i'm in no hurry to go. I'm going to enjoy this life and do whatever makes me happy.Heaven is another false lie created by people to make them feel happy and think they will see their dead loved ones again. Even though I currently believe I will never see my brother again im PERFECTLY ok with that.Thats because I know he would have wanted me to live my life and be happy. So thats what i'll do. Unless nothing which is a made up lie called JEsus Christ or God or whatever you call it proved itself to be something or someone real to me, and came to me in a dream, and showed itself to me, instead of playing hide and seek ,and showed me heaven and promised me I would see my bro, then I would turn my life to a so called "Christ". Other than that, since "I believe" there is no God, i'll live my life Happily ever after doing whatever makes me happy, i'll be happy because my bro would want me to even if christianity calls it a sin.
