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It's machismo because feel like if you don't do it, it will reflect your short coming in being able to protect your family. I got lucky that I knew a family that shares his last name.
Even thought I was able to "square" things away it could have been detrimental to my wife and her employment. My one situation isn't enough to say "Yea, do what he did."
I feel OP needs to make sure that his wife's needs are met more than his need to concrete his authority in the family. If she wants him to let the company handle it and not talk to dude, let it be that way because as nice as it would be to say "I stepped to dude" if she wanted him to chill, he should have chilled.
It’s not about what he wants though, it’s about what she needs. If he asks his wife and she says no, then of course he should respect he wishes. But is she gonna say no? Only Op knows...