Confessions

Went to Walmart today.

I saw Will.I.Am's new album and instantly got heated.

Then proceeded to hide all copies beneath other albums.

Dudes trash music doesn't deserve to get bought.
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I'm at a point in my life where very few things give me joy.

I smoke marijuana much less than I used to, but still more than I'd like.

I am not sick of being single, but I am sick of having relations with women I really don't care for.

"For your precious love" by Otis Redding is the greatest song ever made.

I need to have a masters degree for what I have a passion for, but am in limbo in corporate America.

I only like white women, and am constantly degrading black women for some reason that probably relates to past relationships.
 
Alright, I've been married for 13, but we have been together for just about 20, I live her, my kids, and our life together. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. I have never cheated or even thought about it. Til now. There is this woman at my job, and she is smokin fire red hot, and she's into Art Vandelay. And I'm into her. She told me want she is into and she wants that with me, btw, she is married as well. So I know it would be kept on the low, but as time has gone by, we've gotten to know each other and the f word has happened, f= feelings and they go both ways. I wish I never met her because my
mind is consumed with her, when all we wanted to do was smash. I'd still live to smash, but now I'm all weirded out because I love my wife too much to do that to her, even if she never found out. But 20 years is a long time and the other woman is so hot, and into the freak lifestyle. We both want to smash, but we done messed around and caught feelings, we slowed down our " flirtationship" but the sexual tension is still there, and I don't know what to do, I want to be faithful as I have been with my wife, but there is a part of me that wants her too. I feel I'd regret not smashing and I'd regret it if I did. Out.
 
Alright, I've been married for 13, but we have been together for just about 20, I live her, my kids, and our life together. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. I have never cheated or even thought about it. Til now. There is this woman at my job, and she is smokin fire red hot, and she's into Art Vandelay. And I'm into her. She told me want she is into and she wants that with me, btw, she is married as well. So I know it would be kept on the low, but as time has gone by, we've gotten to know each other and the f word has happened, f= feelings and they go both ways. I wish I never met her because my
mind is consumed with her, when all we wanted to do was smash. I'd still live to smash, but now I'm all weirded out because I love my wife too much to do that to her, even if she never found out. But 20 years is a long time and the other woman is so hot, and into the freak lifestyle. We both want to smash, but we done messed around and caught feelings, we slowed down our " flirtationship" but the sexual tension is still there, and I don't know what to do, I want to be faithful as I have been with my wife, but there is a part of me that wants her too. I feel I'd regret not smashing and I'd regret it if I did. Out.

If u have kids, don't smash it for them.
 
I had a panic or anxiety attack today.. I thought it was my asthma but the peramedics said that I had symptoms of an anxiety attack..
My hands were cramping up and tingling, my arms and feet were going numb and I couldn't catch my breath.. NT I thought I was bout to be outta here..
Once they calmed me down I was good but I don't know what caused it.. I've never even had this problem before..
 
I'm at a point in my life where very few things give me joy.
Try exercising outdoors more and try spending less time indoors doing nothing. If you're into sports try to organize pick up games or go to the gym. Daily exercise is one of the best things you can do for yourself and I find that it keeps you busy so your mind has less time to wander.
I had a panic or anxiety attack today.. I thought it was my asthma but the peramedics said that I had symptoms of an anxiety attack..
My hands were cramping up and tingling, my arms and feet were going numb and I couldn't catch my breath.. NT I thought I was bout to be outta here..
Once they calmed me down I was good but I don't know what caused it.. I've never even had this problem before..
Can you think of anything that you did, heard, or saw that day that unsettled you? Have you been going through a lot recently? I remember I had allergic reaction before, which was really weird since I have no known allergies. I went to the doctor and they told me it could have been stress induced and I had been going through a really rough time around then. Crazy to think how much your mental health can impact your physical health.
 
Can you think of anything that you did, heard, or saw that day that unsettled you? Have you been going through a lot recently? I remember I had allergic reaction before, which was really weird since I have no known allergies. I went to the doctor and they told me it could have been stress induced and I had been going through a really rough time around then. Crazy to think how much your mental health can impact your physical health.

Im at the Dr. right now and it turns out I had a asthma attack, but by me not having my inhaler combined with me panicing caused my hands, feet and arms to tingle and feel numb..
 
I only like white women, and am constantly degrading black women for some reason that probably relates to past relationships.
Bruh you're the Black Intellect. Past relationships should help you grow as a person. They teach you what your willing to put up with and what

your not.

You're doing yourself a disservice putting past problems are girls who don't deserve it. You're doing yourself a Bigger disservice counting out black females.

Gotta let that ish go.
Don't do it man. Just ask yourself will be it worth if you go through with it and ish hits the fan. Are you willing to lose your kids and wife over this??

Will your conscious be good?

Its a gamble.
 
I've only loved one woman my whole life. Was with her since I was 16 years old. I don't really drink or party or have alot of friends. I broke up with her 2 years ago (in my mid twenties now) because in all honesty her lifestyle was rough at the time. She had many issues and although I tried my hardest it was really stressful to deal with it. And by issues, I mean psychologically related. Unfortunately I myself wasnt exactly the most stable person in the world.

My mother died when I was at a very young age - 13 - so its been hard sometimes to not grow up with that sort of warm attention/ affection that you would normally get. Because of that - sometimes its hard for me to feel comfortable in public places/make new friends/ be a little more socially outgoing. Not that I'm a "weird" or one of the "quiet ones" - I just always feel like I need to be careful around other people because if they knew me on a deep personal level they wouldn't like me. Maybe thats stupid but I have yet to really feel confident in myself. I have temper problems and have thought that suicide may be option, especially when you've been depressed for much of your teen years.

Anyhow when we first met I guess you can can say that we were kindred spirits in the sense that we were both very damaged people and we loved each other hard and fought hard. Many times though, it was just fighting and that wasn't good. So I broke it off after 6 years or so. I wanted to marry her until I simply felt too exhausted to carry her.

Fast forward to today - I've been single for 2 years ish - I've never been with another woman since because I miss her. I work out - I have a "grown up job" with a bachelors degree studying for my MBA - I take care of my appearance and I really am a friendly person. No drama.

She has gone on to medical school - has dated or is dating someone - continually keeps tabs on me - only to randomly text or call me and say that she'll never take me back because of how "different I am now" - (I'm on instagram and some women do comment on my appearance/online flirt. I sometimes reply - of course this is all public and she sees this.

Every time she contacts me it ruins my day and it makes me miss the good times we had. It simply hurts my feelings. I'm not the expressive type - I don't throw b*tch fits - or cry - I simply hit the gym keep it moving - but it very much hurts me deeply to know she simply doesn't want me in that way anymore but continually makes sure that I never forget her.


I have no idea what to do. I've since grown used to this feeling of being lonely - And I don't express it with anyone because I was raised to maintain a certain image of professionalism and being a social person. So no one knows. Ever. But Im ashamed to admit that women look at me - give u the "look" and ANY OTHER guy would simply go up to them and talk to them - but I get so frozen. It's shameful.

Sometimes I worry that my inability to get over my feelings over her, along with the fact I have zero social skills (apart from the ones necessary to advance my career) will make me feel lonely forever.

Anyhow I know that sounds stupid. I'm a loser. I'm embarrassed of myself and my lack of self confidence to ever find someone like that again.
 
Sometimes i dont who i am or what o want in life. Right now im giving the oppurtunity of my life right now by moving to a diffrent state and getting a goos job right outta hs. Thing is thia isnt what i really wantedd to do. I actually wanted to stay down and go to school down there. Sometimes i feel like i have to hide who i really am just so i can fit in with my fam.
 
she simply doesn't want me in that way anymore but continually makes sure that I never forget her.


I have no idea what to do. I've since grown used to this feeling of being lonely - And I don't express it with anyone because I was raised to maintain a certain image of professionalism and being a social person. So no one knows. Ever. But Im ashamed to admit that women look at me - give u the "look" and ANY OTHER guy would simply go up to them and talk to them - but I get so frozen. It's shameful.

Sometimes I worry that my inability to get over my feelings over her, along with the fact I have zero social skills (apart from the ones necessary to advance my career) will make me feel lonely forever.

How is she making sure you never forget her exactly? It sounds to me that you two still message each other? It doesn't seem like anything good is coming from that, I say you cut communication off completely.
 
Quick question NT fam, I was about to make a thread but then I thought that it wasn't thread worthy..
What makes a person Flashy?
I've been called this by one of my best friends and a few chicks and I don't agree at all..
Im into cars I own two, a 06 Mustang GT and a 97 Mustang Cobra. I like nice clothes, shoes and I do like some jewelry too but nothing gaudy.. I look at as I have style and I don't see anything wrong with liking nice things but Flashy, Nah..
I don't brag about my possesions and I don't do it for attention, so I don't understand the flashy part.. Am suppose to be generic or something?
 
I've only loved one woman my whole life. Was with her since I was 16 years old. I don't really drink or party or have alot of friends. I broke up with her 2 years ago (in my mid twenties now) because in all honesty her lifestyle was rough at the time. She had many issues and although I tried my hardest it was really stressful to deal with it. And by issues, I mean psychologically related. Unfortunately I myself wasnt exactly the most stable person in the world.

My mother died when I was at a very young age - 13 - so its been hard sometimes to not grow up with that sort of warm attention/ affection that you would normally get. Because of that - sometimes its hard for me to feel comfortable in public places/make new friends/ be a little more socially outgoing. Not that I'm a "weird" or one of the "quiet ones" - I just always feel like I need to be careful around other people because if they knew me on a deep personal level they wouldn't like me. Maybe thats stupid but I have yet to really feel confident in myself. I have temper problems and have thought that suicide may be option, especially when you've been depressed for much of your teen years.

Anyhow when we first met I guess you can can say that we were kindred spirits in the sense that we were both very damaged people and we loved each other hard and fought hard. Many times though, it was just fighting and that wasn't good. So I broke it off after 6 years or so. I wanted to marry her until I simply felt too exhausted to carry her.

Fast forward to today - I've been single for 2 years ish - I've never been with another woman since because I miss her. I work out - I have a "grown up job" with a bachelors degree studying for my MBA - I take care of my appearance and I really am a friendly person. No drama.

She has gone on to medical school - has dated or is dating someone - continually keeps tabs on me - only to randomly text or call me and say that she'll never take me back because of how "different I am now" - (I'm on instagram and some women do comment on my appearance/online flirt. I sometimes reply - of course this is all public and she sees this.

Every time she contacts me it ruins my day and it makes me miss the good times we had. It simply hurts my feelings. I'm not the expressive type - I don't throw b*tch fits - or cry - I simply hit the gym keep it moving - but it very much hurts me deeply to know she simply doesn't want me in that way anymore but continually makes sure that I never forget her.


I have no idea what to do. I've since grown used to this feeling of being lonely - And I don't express it with anyone because I was raised to maintain a certain image of professionalism and being a social person. So no one knows. Ever. But Im ashamed to admit that women look at me - give u the "look" and ANY OTHER guy would simply go up to them and talk to them - but I get so frozen. It's shameful.

Sometimes I worry that my inability to get over my feelings over her, along with the fact I have zero social skills (apart from the ones necessary to advance my career) will make me feel lonely forever.

Anyhow I know that sounds stupid. I'm a loser. I'm embarrassed of myself and my lack of self confidence to ever find someone like that again.

Change ur number, block her on all social media...Game over, u win.
 
Quick question NT fam, I was about to make a thread but then I thought that it wasn't thread worthy..
What makes a person Flashy?
I've been called this by one of my best friends and a few chicks and I don't agree at all..
Im into cars I own two, a 06 Mustang GT and a 97 Mustang Cobra. I like nice clothes, shoes and I do like some jewelry too but nothing gaudy.. I look at as I have style and I don't see anything wrong with liking nice things but Flashy, Nah..
I don't brag about my possesions and I don't do it for attention, so I don't understand the flashy part.. Am suppose to be generic or something?

Flashy is subjective. They could be saying it in jest or possibly even jealous. Don't feel a way because you like having nice things(who doesn't?). I wouldn't worry about it fam.
 
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I need to find a way to get my family out the hood ASAP, it's not safe in these streets. I'm trying to use football(soccer) as an outlet in order to do that for my fam but everyone is doubting me, including my own father :smh:


I've only loved one woman my whole life. Was with her since I was 16 years old. I don't really drink or party or have alot of friends. I broke up with her 2 years ago (in my mid twenties now) because in all honesty her lifestyle was rough at the time. She had many issues and although I tried my hardest it was really stressful to deal with it. And by issues, I mean psychologically related. Unfortunately I myself wasnt exactly the most stable person in the world.

My mother died when I was at a very young age - 13 - so its been hard sometimes to not grow up with that sort of warm attention/ affection that you would normally get. Because of that - sometimes its hard for me to feel comfortable in public places/make new friends/ be a little more socially outgoing. Not that I'm a "weird" or one of the "quiet ones" - I just always feel like I need to be careful around other people because if they knew me on a deep personal level they wouldn't like me. Maybe thats stupid but I have yet to really feel confident in myself. I have temper problems and have thought that suicide may be option, especially when you've been depressed for much of your teen years.

Anyhow when we first met I guess you can can say that we were kindred spirits in the sense that we were both very damaged people and we loved each other hard and fought hard. Many times though, it was just fighting and that wasn't good. So I broke it off after 6 years or so. I wanted to marry her until I simply felt too exhausted to carry her.

Fast forward to today - I've been single for 2 years ish - I've never been with another woman since because I miss her. I work out - I have a "grown up job" with a bachelors degree studying for my MBA - I take care of my appearance and I really am a friendly person. No drama.

She has gone on to medical school - has dated or is dating someone - continually keeps tabs on me - only to randomly text or call me and say that she'll never take me back because of how "different I am now" - (I'm on instagram and some women do comment on my appearance/online flirt. I sometimes reply - of course this is all public and she sees this.

Every time she contacts me it ruins my day and it makes me miss the good times we had. It simply hurts my feelings. I'm not the expressive type - I don't throw b*tch fits - or cry - I simply hit the gym keep it moving - but it very much hurts me deeply to know she simply doesn't want me in that way anymore but continually makes sure that I never forget her.


I have no idea what to do. I've since grown used to this feeling of being lonely - And I don't express it with anyone because I was raised to maintain a certain image of professionalism and being a social person. So no one knows. Ever. But Im ashamed to admit that women look at me - give u the "look" and ANY OTHER guy would simply go up to them and talk to them - but I get so frozen. It's shameful.

Sometimes I worry that my inability to get over my feelings over her, along with the fact I have zero social skills (apart from the ones necessary to advance my career) will make me feel lonely forever.

Anyhow I know that sounds stupid. I'm a loser. I'm embarrassed of myself and my lack of self confidence to ever find someone like that again.
:wow: me and you are pretty much going through the same thing, except that my ex gave birth to a boy a few months ago |I :smh:
 
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