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CHAPTER ONE: Managing Roles and changing positions.
You ever had one of those "friends with benefits" where the "relationship" between the two of you was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more functional than that of you and your significant other...?
Pause.. About that word significant:
It denotes a special disposition. Calling someone of the opposite sex significant means that they have reached a level of importance high enough that they are now worthy of being lied to.
Now...
Have you ever noticed you laugh openly, have all the best moments, have INCREDIBLY powerful sex, and completely enjoy the company of the Side Chick? And yet something compels you to return home to your girl (or in the case of single guys like myself, "the main chick")
Pause... About that word main:
Directly translates to "The ONE chick I'd want if I didn't also want her, and her, and her, and her, and..."
Well.. care to ask yourself why that is? Is the Side Chick ever worth promoting?
Answer:
You ever had one of those "friends with benefits" where the "relationship" between the two of you was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more functional than that of you and your significant other...?
Pause.. About that word significant:
It denotes a special disposition. Calling someone of the opposite sex significant means that they have reached a level of importance high enough that they are now worthy of being lied to.
Now...
Have you ever noticed you laugh openly, have all the best moments, have INCREDIBLY powerful sex, and completely enjoy the company of the Side Chick? And yet something compels you to return home to your girl (or in the case of single guys like myself, "the main chick")
Pause... About that word main:
Directly translates to "The ONE chick I'd want if I didn't also want her, and her, and her, and her, and..."
Well.. care to ask yourself why that is? Is the Side Chick ever worth promoting?
Answer:
Spoiler [+]
HELL NO!
Men & Women of NT, understand this..... nothing good will ever become of it. Here's why..
The Representative Effect
When you first meet a person, you are meeting who they want you to meet. People apply for relationships the same way they apply for jobs.Until they actually get the job, they're still playing the part of the ambitious, hard-working applicant. Hence, most women will bend-over backwards while in-like only to stand firm on your toes once they claim to be in love. A side-chick will post bail, bag work, and wipe prints clean. A girlfriend will leave you for your boy if you go Fed.
If you fire your Main Chick and promote your Side chick, you create two problems. You lose a valuable role player and gain an ineffective starter. All bad...
An average starter is worth more than a good role player. The extra responsibility of having to deal with you (rather than electing to) causes friction from both parties. Before long, the little kind tokens of gratitude dwindle and dry up.The hardest working player on the team is usually the last one on the bench. Her proximity to the D-League will keep her hustling hard at every practice, but giving her too many minutes or playing her out of her natural position is not a recipe for success.. People are much more considerate when they want to be around their boo. When they have to be around that person, there's a seed of resentment that gets planted. Only really wise people can understand and control this resentment that grows in response to the lack of individuality that comes with sharing lives with another person. Less wise people lash/and or act out against their mate in some form. It's only natural. You have just gotten past her representative now that you've given a title to this woman. The woman that applied for the job is not the woman you gave the job too. Deal with it.
Trust factor
Even aside from the The Representative Effect, there's one slightly less obvious factor in play. The only reason the two of you feel comfortable around each other is because there's no reason to lie. They say relationships are built on honesty and trust. No, relationships are built on acceptable deception.. Flings are built on honesty. With a fling, it's ok to imply or even state outright that you're only interested in sex and want no parts of the actual "dating game:" itself... sweet deal. With a Side Chick, you can speak your mind and be yourself. there's no obligation to sugar coat things or pretend to be someone you aren't. In relationships, either marriage or otherwise, there's a witnessed agreement between two people (and God?) to abide by other people's pre-set relationship standards. No cheating, hitting, and things of that sort. Why? Because that's tradition. Sure, if this was your Side Chick still, you could do whatever you wanted just as long as she still came back for more. And under that assumption, everybody apparently gets what they want. Am I advocating domestic abusive? No. I'm advocating people setting their own rules for happiness. You're always free to come and go as you please until someone places the responsibility of the GF/BF tag on you. In a fling, it's safe to assume that your partner is dealing with you because they actually want to, and so everything is more fun and a better experience. While relationships provide stability in the form of obligations from one to the other (especially in marriage...), flings provide entertainment due to the couple genuinely choosing eachothers' company because they enjoy it..
If you upgrade that Side Chick, consider this:
In closing, if ever you started to like the next girl more than the one you're with... don't be stupid... A fun Tuesday afternoon is no replacement for a hot Friday night. It's important to build your team and fill ALL your roles. Don't play a starter off the bench. she'll get harder and harder to deal with and eventually mess up your team chemistry. Likewise, a happy role player is just that. Don't fall for it. It's a trick. You don't really want her to be your main, you just got sold by her representative's presentation. Keep it all in proper perspective an play on player
Men & Women of NT, understand this..... nothing good will ever become of it. Here's why..
The Representative Effect
When you first meet a person, you are meeting who they want you to meet. People apply for relationships the same way they apply for jobs.Until they actually get the job, they're still playing the part of the ambitious, hard-working applicant. Hence, most women will bend-over backwards while in-like only to stand firm on your toes once they claim to be in love. A side-chick will post bail, bag work, and wipe prints clean. A girlfriend will leave you for your boy if you go Fed.
If you fire your Main Chick and promote your Side chick, you create two problems. You lose a valuable role player and gain an ineffective starter. All bad...
An average starter is worth more than a good role player. The extra responsibility of having to deal with you (rather than electing to) causes friction from both parties. Before long, the little kind tokens of gratitude dwindle and dry up.The hardest working player on the team is usually the last one on the bench. Her proximity to the D-League will keep her hustling hard at every practice, but giving her too many minutes or playing her out of her natural position is not a recipe for success.. People are much more considerate when they want to be around their boo. When they have to be around that person, there's a seed of resentment that gets planted. Only really wise people can understand and control this resentment that grows in response to the lack of individuality that comes with sharing lives with another person. Less wise people lash/and or act out against their mate in some form. It's only natural. You have just gotten past her representative now that you've given a title to this woman. The woman that applied for the job is not the woman you gave the job too. Deal with it.
Trust factor
Even aside from the The Representative Effect, there's one slightly less obvious factor in play. The only reason the two of you feel comfortable around each other is because there's no reason to lie. They say relationships are built on honesty and trust. No, relationships are built on acceptable deception.. Flings are built on honesty. With a fling, it's ok to imply or even state outright that you're only interested in sex and want no parts of the actual "dating game:" itself... sweet deal. With a Side Chick, you can speak your mind and be yourself. there's no obligation to sugar coat things or pretend to be someone you aren't. In relationships, either marriage or otherwise, there's a witnessed agreement between two people (and God?) to abide by other people's pre-set relationship standards. No cheating, hitting, and things of that sort. Why? Because that's tradition. Sure, if this was your Side Chick still, you could do whatever you wanted just as long as she still came back for more. And under that assumption, everybody apparently gets what they want. Am I advocating domestic abusive? No. I'm advocating people setting their own rules for happiness. You're always free to come and go as you please until someone places the responsibility of the GF/BF tag on you. In a fling, it's safe to assume that your partner is dealing with you because they actually want to, and so everything is more fun and a better experience. While relationships provide stability in the form of obligations from one to the other (especially in marriage...), flings provide entertainment due to the couple genuinely choosing eachothers' company because they enjoy it..
If you upgrade that Side Chick, consider this:
- She can and DOES regularly separate sex from feelings and/or integrity
- Neither one of you takes the other seriously enough to DEMAND exclusive rights; evidence that neither of you actually respects them in actually. (It's possible to mature away from this perspective, but even if you did respect exclusive rights to a person, there's no way to convince HER that you do when clearly you just didn't a moment ago -_-. Her time spent as a role player will eventually make her suspicious of any female you know. More on that in the following bullets..)
- You've created a reason to undermine the freedom of speech you share, thus casting doubt on any level of honesty you think you have. That reason? You owe her the truth or at least a livable "matrix" version of it. (Simulated reality is the nature of relationships.. more in later chapters...)
- Reverse-psychology and guilt collide to create chaos in your conscience as you try to figure out if you deserve .to be cheated on by this chick or if you should just start messing around first..
In closing, if ever you started to like the next girl more than the one you're with... don't be stupid... A fun Tuesday afternoon is no replacement for a hot Friday night. It's important to build your team and fill ALL your roles. Don't play a starter off the bench. she'll get harder and harder to deal with and eventually mess up your team chemistry. Likewise, a happy role player is just that. Don't fall for it. It's a trick. You don't really want her to be your main, you just got sold by her representative's presentation. Keep it all in proper perspective an play on player
