TAR - Thread About Relationships vol. Calling TAY Graduates

[equality]

What are some things that cross the boundaries for men?

Apart from the obvious ones like cheating, disrespecting family etc.
Sometimes I find myself in situations where I think I may be overreacting. Trying to approach relationships with logic and hold off my pride and ego but other times I keep thinking about the situation and be like "damn i have every right to be ****ign annoyed"

 

[User 15002]

To the NT fam who are in long-term relationships / are married:

How did you know your shorty was the one?
Can you offer advice on how you kept the relationship going?

Been married for a minute. During my single days made mental notes of what qualities and traits i could live with and ones that were a dealbreaker. Being in a big city can accelerate this due to volume of “subjects”.

I’ve never subscribed to the “one” thinking. Successful relationships are a combination of many factors including attraction, two-way communication, compromises, and many others. You can achieve this with any number of women IMO. It comes down to making your choice.

In my case I got to a point where I knew what was attractive to me physically and what qualities worked and didn’t work for me. And as important or moreso I had matured to the point that committing to someone for life wasn’t intimidating. Not fair to waste a girl’s time if you can’t be serious. Learned this by dating an amazing woman that we connected intellectually. She could finish my sentences. That is not an easy feat. My mind is always going 100mph and I’m on the next three conversations ahead of where we are now. We were serious and it got to a point that I realized I wasn’t ready like she was ready. Broke it off and she was hurt. Didn’t deserve that. Decided then I wouldn’t go there again unless I was ready.

Saw my wife at a spot in Miami one night. Didn’t get a chance to meet her. Tracked her down through some friends. Called her and we clicked on so many levels. She blew me off because she had a boyfriend. Pursued her for 6 months. She came to my city to visit her sister. By then two of her sisters had looked me up to see who this dude that wouldn’t stop was. They loved me and hated the boyfriend. Took her out first night she was in the city and been inseparable since. Of course much more happened during all of that, but this is already long winded. Can fill in things if anyone is interested.

It's true. You crazy if you don't think it is. That's not to say you gotta go overboard with trying to make her happy

Exactly. Why marry someone if you aren’t interested in them being happy?

 

[Kinfolk]

Cant have kids celebrating Christmas and Hannukah, lots of confusion there. I had none stop arguments with my parents and it was a **** show. It might be all sweet and dandy now, but if you care about your culture/religion/w.e or if the family disowns u or doesn't support you 5-10 years down the line you'll be in full regret mode.

I grew up with a lot of kids that celebrated both Hannukah and Christmas and there wasn't any confusion. Were the arguments religiously based?

But you're right you definitely can't please everyone

I'm married but the best relationship advice I can give to anyone is to KEEP OTHER PEOPLE OUT OF DETAILS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

Men with own parents:

The bottom line to this is going to sound crazy but your parents are not going to consider all the factors of why you are with someone. I.e how are you going to explain to you parents that your girl changed your mind on something by sucking paint and the epidermis off your pipe. The point is that their interest are always going to be different from yours. They just better hope that they raised you well but they really shouldn't be involved in what motivates and keeps the relationship going.

Men with the girls parents:

Same as above but with the shoe on the other foot. Be nice to the parents but also consider that in the back of their mind all sorts of crazy thoughts and speculations are floating around about what your doing with their daughter.

Men with friends:

Not every friend is equally yoked so keep them at a distance too with the relationship especially the ones that don't have what you got. You cant talk to your homie that is on a drought and lonely about the problems in your relationship. If you absolutely need to talk to someone then talk to the homie who has advanced in his relationship further than you have. i.e the friend that is married and has a someone decent relationship. Not the friend who cheats on his girl every other week. But also keep in mind that every relationship is different so no two relationships can really be compared.

Women with friends:

Your single friends will stop at nothing to try to sabotage your relationship. It is in the nature of the single woman to do so. I have been in several relationships where the girls group chat has given her terrible advice and influenced the girl to make poor decisions that have led to me leaving the girl and moving on. I have also been in situations where the same single girls from the group chat have tried to sleep with me. Like I said its just their nature and the jealousy is real.

At the end of the day this is all just advice

Spoiler: Just Advice

Lolllll at the bolded part.

But in all seriousness, this is some of the best advice I've read on NT. Like straight gospel.

I honestly think a happy man = happy relationship. Women are attracted to men who are having a blast in life. Patrice O'neal said it the best, whenever the women is happier, that's a broken relationship

Big facts.

 

[gentrification]

I stay ****in with crazy *****es. Smh

 

[atlsfinest]

One thing that I think helps my relationship with my girl is that both of our parents have been married for over 30 years (my folks have been married for over 40 years actually). It really helps that she understands what a healthy, loving marriage looks like first hand. Unfortuntely so many people come from broken homes, divorced parents, etc. that few truly know what a marriage is supposed to look like. People either get their idea of relationships from TV/movies, they think its all 'happily ever after'. They think its so easy and they leave at the drop of a hat. Ask any married couple whose been together for awhile, its a struggle at time.
I would HIGHLY recommend any single person look closely at the type of household their partners parents come from.

 

[wayniac211]

One thing that I think helps my relationship with my girl is that both of our parents have been married for over 30 years (my folks have been married for over 40 years actually). It really helps that she understands what a healthy, loving marriage looks like first hand. Unfortuntely so many people come from broken homes, divorced parents, etc. that few truly know what a marriage is supposed to look like. People either get their idea of relationships from TV/movies, they think its all 'happily ever after'. They think its so easy and they leave at the drop of a hat. Ask any married couple whose been together for awhile, its a struggle at time.
I would HIGHLY recommend any single person look closely at the type of household their partners parents come from.

One of the best posts in here. Look at longevity with the parents. My situation similar but on wifeys side her mom wore the pants. Mines was pops had last say. Funny thing is I had to role model on how things are done and MIL agrees with most of what I say and tells her daughter to listen lol

 

[equality]

One thing that I think helps my relationship with my girl is that both of our parents have been married for over 30 years (my folks have been married for over 40 years actually). It really helps that she understands what a healthy, loving marriage looks like first hand. Unfortuntely so many people come from broken homes, divorced parents, etc. that few truly know what a marriage is supposed to look like. People either get their idea of relationships from TV/movies, they think its all 'happily ever after'. They think its so easy and they leave at the drop of a hat. Ask any married couple whose been together for awhile, its a struggle at time.
I would HIGHLY recommend any single person look closely at the type of household their partners parents come from.

The Rock clap.gif

Such a good point. Thankful my girl's parents are awesome and instilled a lot of good values in her. My parents are still married but definitely hasn't been a pleasant marriage for the past 30 years No idea how my mom hung in there.

 

[bruce negro]

What are some things that cross the boundaries for men?

Apart from the obvious ones like cheating, disrespecting family etc.
Sometimes I find myself in situations where I think I may be overreacting. Trying to approach relationships with logic and hold off my pride and ego but other times I keep thinking about the situation and be like "damn i have every right to be ****ign annoyed"

It's weird, really just depends on the person. For me, it's all about trust. If I don't feel like I can trust you then that's going to cause huge problems deeper in the relationship and I'd rather just not bother. Also being respectful that I'm a working professional and value other friendships and relationships outside of my relationship. I remember talking to this Colombian chick a few years back who was originally a friend but after a certain point we moved past that...things were cool for a minute but we ended up breaking things off because she felt I didn't spend enough time with her. We're two weeks into talking, I worked crazy hours and she blows up because I want to spend a Saturday with my friends...told her right there that this wasn't going to work out as a relationship.

What's on ya mind though playa?

 

[equality]

It's weird, really just depends on the person. For me, it's all about trust. If I don't feel like I can trust you then that's going to cause huge problems deeper in the relationship and I'd rather just not bother. Also being respectful that I'm a working professional and value other friendships and relationships outside of my relationship. I remember talking to this Colombian chick a few years back who was originally a friend but after a certain point we moved past that...things were cool for a minute but we ended up breaking things off because she felt I didn't spend enough time with her. We're two weeks into talking, I worked crazy hours and she blows up because I want to spend a Saturday with my friends...told her right there that this wasn't going to work out as a relationship.

What's on ya mind though playa?

I feel you on that. Trust and a healthy independence are both huge for me.

Nothing particular in mind but sometimes my expectations of what my girl should do are set by what I would do in a similar situation, and if she doesn’t do the same I feel disrespected or disappointed. Just gotta tell myself I can’t expect everyone to think and operate the same way. I’ve always naturally been super thoughtful and generous and when she doesn’t meet my level I find myself getting heated even though I know I can’t expect that from everybody.

 

[friscostylez]

What check boxes are you trying to check the first date? Month? Year? Etc.

 

[Fozz]

What check boxes are you trying to check the first date? Month? Year? Etc.

First date? If they can hold a conversation and be able to talk with ease without being awkward. Also, seeing how they look and carry themselves.

 

[アミーゴ]

What check boxes are you trying to check the first date? Month? Year? Etc.

How much her family is worth.

 

[adobecs4]

I feel you on that. Trust and a healthy independence are both huge for me.

Nothing particular in mind but sometimes my expectations of what my girl should do are set by what I would do in a similar situation, and if she doesn’t do the same I feel disrespected or disappointed. Just gotta tell myself I can’t expect everyone to think and operate the same way. I’ve always naturally been super thoughtful and generous and when she doesn’t meet my level I find myself getting heated even though I know I can’t expect that from everybody.

I am guilty of this as well. From my perspective, a lot of things can be done straight away, right to the point, closed case. But then she'll take a different route doing something, only to get to the same conclusion I would've, in twice the time. Like Pusha said, you can't expect everybody to be built like you. **** is frustrating though.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Add me to the, "I wish everyone did things the way I did them" category. I feel that I am slowing growing out of that though. My way ain't the right way

 

[アミーゴ]

What’s an example? DCAllAfrican

 

[Beruseruku Desu]

So I been talking with this girl for a couple weeks now talking about relationships and what we want in a relationship (how many kids, marriage, etc). she been sliding in my DMs responding to my Instagram stories as well which never happened until we started talking (we knew each other for some time but never really talked. We got a lot of mutual friends)

I DM’ed her when she responded to my Instagram story and said we should get coffee next time and also told her good luck on her new job. She liked the comment about us getting coffe and replied with “thx!”

What does that mean? If she just liked the comment but didn’t directly say “ok” or anything like that?

 

[2423]

Means she’s curving you nicely

 

[tay1]

So I been talking with this girl for a couple weeks now talking about relationships and what we want in a relationship (how many kids, marriage, etc). she been sliding in my DMs responding to my Instagram stories as well which never happened until we started talking (we knew each other for some time but never really talked. We got a lot of mutual friends)

I DM’ed her when she responded to my Instagram story and said we should get coffee next time and also told her good luck on her new job. She liked the comment about us getting coffe and replied with “thx!”

What does that mean? If she just liked the comment but didn’t directly say “ok” or anything like that?

It could be one of those things where she just responded to whichever message she saw first. Sometimes I may double text my girl and she responds to the most current one. Just have to shoot your shot again to be sure

 

[decemberlove]

If a girl truly wants you, she will make sure you know

 

[ballinsam23]

If a girl truly wants you, she will make sure you know

Sometimes.

I’d shoot my shot again, if she curves again she’s not interested.

 

[Beruseruku Desu]

Thanks for the replies fellas. She did respond at 6am in the morning so maybe she was busy getting ready for the first day of her new job? Anyways, I’ll see how it goes when I see her tomorrow

 

[adobecs4]

If a girl truly wants you, she will make sure you know

No, that's false.

 

[ballinsam23]

Thanks for the replies fellas. She did respond at 6am in the morning so maybe she was busy getting ready for the first day of her new job? Anyways, I’ll see how it goes when I see her tomorrow

Me thinks she likes you or atleast the idea of you two. She was just busy and planned to eventually text you back. She got back with u first thing in the morning and based on the convos y’all had I would just go with the flow. Let her mind clear up with her new job and ask her out.

 

[Mark Antony]

No, that's false.

Yeah I wish women were that easy to figure.

 

[adobecs4]

Spent a few hours at mom's crib for Sunday dinner. Watching your girl and your mom bond like old friends >>>>