Confessions

[iluvjordanxi]

My ex looks ridiculously gorgeous...

 

[sir charles]

I swear there are times where I wish I didn't have to live with people. Everyone always has some kind of expectation of you. There is always a bar you have to reach, and if you don't; you're a failure. 

I have long sessions where I simply lay down on my floor, alone, and I just think. I think, and think, and think and it is never good. It's always something really complicated, or something I shouldn't think about. You know what I mean, thinking about things like how close you are to being a failure, how you haven't accomplished anything by the standards of society, who was where and why. So many things that have hurtful effects on you. Yet, you keep thinking about it, and you keep thinking about the past and it hurts. You tell yourself to stop, but for some reason you can't get it off your mind. So I go running. No matter the time, mid afternoon or three in the morning, if I can't escape my thoughts I run from them. I shouldn't run, it's turned out to be bad for me. Really bad, but I keep doing it. It's my one moment of peace. Out there running with the wind either with you or against you, music softly flowing into your ears, and the world just seems to fade into night and streetlights. Then I get home, and I'm back to my depressed state.

I want to be able to live with my own standards, yet society does not accept that. 

I guess I'll always be a depressed failure. 

 

[killa07]

I swear there are times where I wish I didn't have to live with people. Everyone always has some kind of expectation of you. There is always a bar you have to reach, and if you don't; you're a failure. 

I have long sessions where I simply lay down on my floor, alone, and I just think. I think, and think, and think and it is never good. It's always something really complicated, or something I shouldn't think about. You know what I mean, thinking about things like how close you are to being a failure, how you haven't accomplished anything by the standards of society, who was where and why. So many things that have hurtful effects on you. Yet, you keep thinking about it, and you keep thinking about the past and it hurts. You tell yourself to stop, but for some reason you can't get it off your mind. So I go running. No matter the time, mid afternoon or three in the morning, if I can't escape my thoughts I run from them. I shouldn't run, it's turned out to be bad for me. Really bad, but I keep doing it. It's my one moment of peace. Out there running with the wind either with you or against you, music softly flowing into your ears, and the world just seems to fade into night and streetlights. Then I get home, and I'm back to my depressed state.


I want to be able to live with my own standards, yet society does not accept that. 


I guess I'll always be a depressed failure. 

I know that feel about thinking all the time
Wish there was a switch you could turn off

 

[imstillmike]

I swear there are times where I wish I didn't have to live with people. Everyone always has some kind of expectation of you. There is always a bar you have to reach, and if you don't; you're a failure. 

I have long sessions where I simply lay down on my floor, alone, and I just think. I think, and think, and think and it is never good. It's always something really complicated, or something I shouldn't think about. You know what I mean, thinking about things like how close you are to being a failure, how you haven't accomplished anything by the standards of society, who was where and why. So many things that have hurtful effects on you. Yet, you keep thinking about it, and you keep thinking about the past and it hurts. You tell yourself to stop, but for some reason you can't get it off your mind. So I go running. No matter the time, mid afternoon or three in the morning, if I can't escape my thoughts I run from them. I shouldn't run, it's turned out to be bad for me. Really bad, but I keep doing it. It's my one moment of peace. Out there running with the wind either with you or against you, music softly flowing into your ears, and the world just seems to fade into night and streetlights. Then I get home, and I'm back to my depressed state.


I want to be able to live with my own standards, yet society does not accept that. 


I guess I'll always be a depressed failure. 

 

[sir charles]

I'm guessing this is an attempt at comedy?

 

[iluvjordanxi]

I want and need to be more social in my life.

 

[Humbled]

I'm falling back in love with one of my exes that did me dirty. I swear this woman has a spell on me. Dat mass is too great for one man to say no to plus she's gorgeous. These blasian chicks man.

**** my life. Look at me y'all

At least I won't be called whatslotionlike anymore tho.

 

[airblaster503]

I swear there are times where I wish I didn't have to live with people. Everyone always has some kind of expectation of you. There is always a bar you have to reach, and if you don't; you're a failure. 

I have long sessions where I simply lay down on my floor, alone, and I just think. I think, and think, and think and it is never good. It's always something really complicated, or something I shouldn't think about. You know what I mean, thinking about things like how close you are to being a failure, how you haven't accomplished anything by the standards of society, who was where and why. So many things that have hurtful effects on you. Yet, you keep thinking about it, and you keep thinking about the past and it hurts. You tell yourself to stop, but for some reason you can't get it off your mind. So I go running. No matter the time, mid afternoon or three in the morning, if I can't escape my thoughts I run from them. I shouldn't run, it's turned out to be bad for me. Really bad, but I keep doing it. It's my one moment of peace. Out there running with the wind either with you or against you, music softly flowing into your ears, and the world just seems to fade into night and streetlights. Then I get home, and I'm back to my depressed state.


I want to be able to live with my own standards, yet society does not accept that. 


I guess I'll always be a depressed failure. 

Man, I had to rep this.
I have been there to much myself over the last few years. I sometimes feel like I have failed compared to my peers. But at the same time I am making the same as them without a degree just somewhat biding my time, but since I didn't finish school in the "normal" amount of time I don't feel worthy I guess. I have started over analyzing way to much stuff, even catching myself coming up with my own conclusions of people and situations. **** is not healthy. I myself used to actually run as an escape, sometimes I still do because it truly does free my mind. I have learned that when I get down I need to just find something to occupy myself in some form or fashion, but even then it doesn't work half the time. I think it is something where you have to learn to not compare yourself to others, and not base your success off of what others have, but it is way easier to say that than it is to actually live it

 

[donmega]

Feel like I've been a failure as well. I mean, I can feel that I could be better than this. My dad feels the same way about me though he doesn't tell it to me straight in the face. Gives me hints sometimes though. Kinda like this everytime man. It's like an annaul state of depression.

 

[currensy]

I sometimes think about suicide, I won't do it, but can't say it never crossed my mind.

 

[thunderchunk69]

Everyone always has some kind of expectation of you. There is always a bar you have to reach, and if you don't; you're a failure. 

I want to be able to live with my own standards, yet society does not accept that. 

I agree, somewhat, with those points.

edit:
was way too tired when I replied, lmfao

 

[ctidda]

Momz wants me to talk to my popz cuz he's a addict/alcoholic but I don't really know what to say.. I'm kinda at the point where I don't care now but I can't tell her that.
I kinda feel like if I don't say anything and he succumbs to his addiction I'll have that what if feeling.. I've also never shared this with anybody close to me in my life, I wonder what type of effects this has had on me..

 

[Rootin4EverybodyBlack]

I just wanna say that expectations from parents, family, etc are a *female dog* and stifle the creativity of a lot of people.

 

[jchambers]

I just wanna say that expectations from parents, family, etc are a *female dog* and stifle the creativity of a lot of people.

 

[jpthe3]

I swear there are times where I wish I didn't have to live with people. Everyone always has some kind of expectation of you. There is always a bar you have to reach, and if you don't; you're a failure. 

I have long sessions where I simply lay down on my floor, alone, and I just think. I think, and think, and think and it is never good. It's always something really complicated, or something I shouldn't think about. You know what I mean, thinking about things like how close you are to being a failure, how you haven't accomplished anything by the standards of society, who was where and why. So many things that have hurtful effects on you. Yet, you keep thinking about it, and you keep thinking about the past and it hurts. You tell yourself to stop, but for some reason you can't get it off your mind. So I go running. No matter the time, mid afternoon or three in the morning, if I can't escape my thoughts I run from them. I shouldn't run, it's turned out to be bad for me. Really bad, but I keep doing it. It's my one moment of peace. Out there running with the wind either with you or against you, music softly flowing into your ears, and the world just seems to fade into night and streetlights. Then I get home, and I'm back to my depressed state.


I want to be able to live with my own standards, yet society does not accept that. 


I guess I'll always be a depressed failure. 

 

[sunshineblotters]

I am at a huge bump in my life and I just want it to end.
I am trying so hard to get through this.

I also wish there was someone in my life to offer me guidance

 

[sohoguy]

I am at a huge bump in my life and I just want it to end.
I am trying so hard to get through this

Same . It's like everything is going wrong and also it feel like I'm a ghost these days I'm not getting no play as of late also. I already given up in my mind

 

[bluexsneakerhead]

after doing so well emotionally for the past 1.5 months, i'm back at that low bump of the rollercoaster. sigh. flashbacks are messing with my head. my family and friends always assure me that being abused wasn't MY fault, but i can't help but blame myself.

 

[sunshineblotters]

Same . It's like everything is going wrong and also it feel like I'm a ghost these days I'm not getting no play as of late also. I already given up in my mind

No other way to put it. And to make matters worse there is no one in my life to motivate me.
I come home, I study, I keep thoughts to myself, then I go to sleep

 

[216301baller]

I'm.not going to whine anymore to .myself...I know what my problems and are I know how to solve them and that's what I'm going to do...pity parties are useless

 

[sir charles]

after doing so well emotionally for the past 1.5 months, i'm back at that low bump of the rollercoaster. sigh. flashbacks are messing with my head.my family and friends always assure me that being abused wasn't MY fault, but i can't help but blame myself.

I know this feel.

I was the "black sheep" of my family, seeing I always had different tastes and interests. So I was more neglected than anyone else. I had been left at home when the family went out, my parents didn't always want to do things with me, and they never listened when I told them my sister was crazy.

My older sister always had the upper hand on me, seeing she was a lot older than me. Both my parents worked so I was alone with her for the majority of the day. She would torture me just to do it I swear. She was the figure of power when nobody else was around, so she forced me to stay in my room all day long, (9-5) I was hungry most of the time, but she wouldn't listen to my pleas as I called from my room asking for some lunch. I guess that is a big contributor to my malnourished state.

Anyway, as I grew older, and her physical power over me faded it got better. Don't get me wrong, my parents loved me, they just didn't know what to do with me.

The worst thing I remember that my sister did; She hit me. It was a really good day, I was with my dad, and we were working on the lawn, I was about 7 years old. So we are digging up plants and putting moltch down, and my sister comes out and decides she wants to join in. She robbed that little bonding that I had with my father. So as usual I went off by myself on the edge of the garden (the part that wrapped around the edge of the house) and she came around to help me. She hit my across my face with a shovel. It knocked me out. I woke up in the house.

My sister didn't even get in trouble for it.

There are so many stories I want to tell, but I feel like that gives away enough to show how it was.

Just gotta work through it,

 

[countonkobe]

I know this feel.

I was the "black sheep" of my family, seeing I always had different tastes and interests. So I was more neglected than anyone else. I had been left at home when the family went out, my parents didn't always want to do things with me, and they never listened when I told them my sister was crazy.

My older sister always had the upper hand on me, seeing she was a lot older than me. Both my parents worked so I was alone with her for the majority of the day. She would torture me just to do it I swear. She was the figure of power when nobody else was around, so she forced me to stay in my room all day long, (9-5) I was hungry most of the time, but she wouldn't listen to my pleas as I called from my room asking for some lunch. I guess that is a big contributor to my malnourished state.

Anyway, as I grew older, and her physical power over me faded it got better. Don't get me wrong, my parents loved me, they just didn't know what to do with me.

The worst thing I remember that my sister did; She hit me. It was a really good day, I was with my dad, and we were working on the lawn, I was about 7 years old. So we are digging up plants and putting moltch down, and my sister comes out and decides she wants to join in. She robbed that little bonding that I had with my father. So as usual I went off by myself on the edge of the garden (the part that wrapped around the edge of the house) and she came around to help me. She hit my across my face with a shovel. It knocked me out. I woke up in the house.

My sister didn't even get in trouble for it.

There are so many stories I want to tell, but I feel like that gives away enough to show how it was.

Just gotta work through it,

Whoop that ***. My siblings would never do stupid **** like hit me. Only for discipline and they're older than me so it's normal.

 

[sir charles]

I wouldn't stoop to her level like that. If anything it made me better

 

[sunshineblotters]

Also I want a tattoo of my third eye on the back of my neck (which would be a modern take on the Eye of Horus) but as a future CPA I can't do that.

 

[killa07]

after doing so well emotionally for the past 1.5 months, i'm back at that low bump of the rollercoaster. sigh. flashbacks are messing with my head. my family and friends always assure me that being abused wasn't MY fault, but i can't help but blame myself.

I don't know your situation but its never your fault if someone abuses you.... Just know that people love you and maybe one day someone will come along and it maybe for a season but they will show you though the tough times, you are worth it
I have been suffering from past mistakes but I am starting to learn that if I keep a hold of this blanket of anger and pain like I have, life keeps passing me by and I have to have hope it gets better ... I saw my mom absued emotionally and physically but she has come literally from the bottom and she gives me hope to change my outcome... IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT..... Don't know your musical taste but this song has been getting me through lately
http://www.songstube.net/video.php?...rtist=Musiq Soulchild&id=60342&artistid=10604