Confessions

HybridSoldier23 said:
It's tough waking up most mornings and convincing yourself that you need a reason to not kill yourself.

Most of the time there's a good reason for me to get going each day. A lot of the time it might be something as small as "I get to spend time with so-and-so today. That makes today worth it" but when that reason falls through it's hard not to hit the bottom really hard.

IDK maybe I place too much value on other people and their relationships with me? I find myself disappointed in others and in myself on the daily. It's grating and leaves me with a lot of sadness :/
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Like you said when sometimes the only thing that gets you through a day is other people then they and their relationships with you are going to be the thing that you value. If you were already big on that before you went through some rough times then that only added to how highly you value your relationships.

Why do you find yourself disappointed in others? Is it because plans fall through with them sometimes or do you feel like they're wasting what they have/making bad decisions?
 
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Idk if its the quality but smoking has got to the point where I might want to try something stronger for a bigger high. Hopefully this is just a phase.
 
AgentZero said:
HybridSoldier23 said:
It's tough waking up most mornings and convincing yourself that you need a reason to not kill yourself.


Most of the time there's a good reason for me to get going each day. A lot of the time it might be something as small as "I get to spend time with so-and-so today. That makes today worth it" but when that reason falls through it's hard not to hit the bottom really hard.


IDK maybe I place too much value on other people and their relationships with me? I find myself disappointed in others and in myself on the daily. It's grating and leaves me with a lot of sadness :/
Click to expand...
Like you said when sometimes the only thing that gets you through a day is other people then they and their relationships with you are going to be the thing that you value. If you were already big on that before you went through some rough times then that only added to how highly you value your relationships.

Why do you find yourself disappointed in others? Is it because plans fall through with them sometimes or do you feel like they're wasting what they have/making bad decisions?
Click to expand...

I feel that I have a level of investment with my relationships with others that they do not reciprocate with me. I'm generally a doormat when it comes to getting habitually **** on by friends. I know that I need to drop most of the people I have in my social circle as they're not being a benefit. However, having those people around in even a meager capacity is better than having no one at all if that makes any sense. I also feel that dropping them would be me giving up on them as an individual. Loyalty is something I put a very high value on and I wouldn't want to be a hypocrite.

It's the exact opposite in my career though. I know what's best and have no problems telling people that they're wrong, letting them know that their decision making is a determent, telling them no, or generally not taking any ****. I think that this is because the level of investment I have in my work and it's end goal exceeds the level of investment I have in most of the people I work with. It's also very easy to seperate the personal from the professional on that situation so I'm not attacking them directly as a person.
 
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EyeSeeSoles said:
 
Idk if its the quality but smoking has got to the point where I might want to try something stronger for a bigger high. Hopefully this is just a phase.
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been there done that. its not worth it bro



not directed at you my friend but a PSA that everyone needs to see
 
HybridSoldier23 said:
I feel that I have a level of investment with my relationships with others that they do not reciprocate with me. I'm generally a doormat when it comes to getting habitually **** on by friends. I know that I need to drop most of the people I have in my social circle as they're not being a benefit. However, having those people around in even a meager capacity is better than having no one at all if that makes any sense. I also feel that dropping them would be me giving up on them as an individual. Loyalty is something I put a very high value on and I wouldn't want to be a hypocrite.

It's the exact opposite in my career though. I know what's best and have no problems telling people that they're wrong, letting them know that their decision making is a determent, telling them no, or generally not taking any ****. I think that this is because the level of investment I have in my work and it's end goal exceeds the level of investment I have in most of the people I work with. It's also very easy to seperate the personal from the professional on that situation so I'm not attacking them directly as a person.
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I'm just like you brother. My relationships with others is what keeps me going, really. If it weren't for all the people in my life I wouldn't have a purpose. If you take 1 step towards me, I'll take 2 steps towards you. And I don't expect nothing back. But trust when I know if someone is using me, I won't be a doormat. I truly believe my purpose in life is to make others happy.
 
shoyru said:
 
when parents don't listen to your reasoning for the decisions you make.... 
mean.gif


pops and i got into a huge argument just now over money. i tried to calmly explain to him my reasoning. but he just keeps yelling at me. if it matters, he watches my expenses like a hawk.

like almost every weekend, he and my mom drive ~2 hours to go to a CASINO. the other day i went to a mall an hour away from my house just to get some fresh air. i bought two pairs of leggings for my work uniform. he thinks its a waste of money..... when really they spend 300+ total each casino trip. i only spent $75 dollars. i got mad but calmly said "so youre saying i can't go to the mall just ONCE but you get to gamble $200 almost every weekend at a place that's hella far? i just don't think that's fair. i just wanted to go out". then he totally went HAM on me and was just hella pissed. 

THEN of course his daily lecture about my job ensued. my deal with job hunting was to accept the first place that hired me. my first choice was one of my local children's hospitals. that's what i really wanted to do. but i never heard from them. the only place that actually called me back in a reasonable amount of time was my current job.

every single day literally my dad tells me to quit, when really i'm only after the experience. this is my first job ever and i'm 22. i'm old enough to make my own decisions. i mean i'm not working as a stripper or anything.

i just don't understand why he can't just be supportive. 
mean.gif
 
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Don't mean to bring it up if you don't want to talk about it but what's up with your dad's and you relationship? I read parts of your other post and it seems your dad is causing a lot of your feelz your feeling.
 
Mad frustrating, parents are the ones funding my college tuition fees so it's only right I grind for that degree they want. However, I want to play basketball. They conflict each other, if I play hoops on the school's squad my GPA is gonna plummet, and the conflicting schedule is gonna get me kicked out of the coop program. I'm busting my *** for something I don't really want to do. It's taxing and my marks aren't looking good, I'm not any good at math and computer science ****, like I don't fall into the typical asian stereotype. I'm no good at school, never was, just got lucky and got in a college but I'm getting exposed by genuine smart people and those that actually enjoy this stuff. My chest constantly hurts trying to grind through this school ****, my eyes are broken from staring at the monitor coding for hours. Just ain't worth it to me.

I know there are people out there that would love to have a degree, struggling to survive everyday without a bright future. I sound like a lil wuss for whining but I don't want that degree. I'm not going to use it. I want to play basketball, not rot away in front of a computer. The school aspect of college is taking too much out of me and not letting me do what I want to do. I'm already entering my sophomore year. If I don't work something out, I could lose both the degree and any hopes of playing basketball overseas. The last 2 years been ****, starting fresh in a couple of weeks
 
th3answ3r said:
Mad frustrating, parents are the ones funding my college tuition fees so it's only right I grind for that degree they want. However, I want to play basketball. They conflict each other, if I play hoops on the school's squad my GPA is gonna plummet, and the conflicting schedule is gonna get me kicked out of the coop program. I'm busting my *** for something I don't really want to do. It's taxing and my marks aren't looking good, I'm not any good at math and computer science ****, like I don't fall into the typical asian stereotype. I'm no good at school, never was, just got lucky and got in a college but I'm getting exposed by genuine smart people and those that actually enjoy this stuff. My chest constantly hurts trying to grind through this school ****, my eyes are broken from staring at the monitor coding for hours. Just ain't worth it to me.

I know there are people out there that would love to have a degree, struggling to survive everyday without a bright future. I sound like a lil wuss for whining but I don't want that degree. I'm not going to use it. I want to play basketball, not rot away in front of a computer. The school aspect of college is taking too much out of me and not letting me do what I want to do. I'm already entering my sophomore year. If I don't work something out, I could lose both the degree and any hopes of playing basketball overseas. The last 2 years been ****, starting fresh in a couple of weeks
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Kinda feel you on this one.

Parents are supporting me through my schooling, even helped me finance a car as an "early graduation present", but if I had my way I'd drop out and live as a filthy recluse, devoting a good 60 hours a week to the series of novels I want to write. Good thing I don't have my way.

But at the same time, it's tough out there--doubly so if you don't have a degree. So grind for that piece of paper, you're gonna need it
 
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sometimes I pour baby oil all over my body and roll on the ground pretending I'm a slug.
 
shoyru said:
he raised me using authoritatan parenting. that's the best way i can explain it. in his mind, he's always right and any type of reasoning i try to give him is all BS to him. he yells at me literally everyday. i can't really make my own decisions without his approval. i'm 22 and i'm not irresponsible -- every single person who knows me well enough knows that i'm not a bad kid.

it brings down my self esteem big time. 

i guess over time it brought some kind of grudge on my end. let's just say, he wasn't there to protect me when i needed him the most at one point in my life. sometimes i feel like he doesn't love me.
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You should **** a black guy and let it be known....serious
 
Don't understand today...

Everywhere I went fat chick's were eye ******* me..:lol:

I do very well n its usually the price ones today the fat ones joined in..
Must of been my shirt..*shrugs*
:rofl:
 
First day of classes start tomorrow and it's a big transition day for me. It'll be my first day at a new school after transferring and will mark the end point of the best summer of my life so far. Some summers I've felt like it went by too fast, but with this one I've done everything I wanted to and then some and I feel like I'm ready for this semester to start. With that being said I'm still not in "school mode" yet and I need to be.

I'll be commuting to school and it'll be a lot different than the past two years where I lived on campus at my old school. I have been around campus a few times, but I'll probably be asking people for directions for some things and I'm hoping I don't get lost. I'm a little nervous due to that and because my decision to transfer came down to me having a better chance of getting into the business program here and if it doesn't work out I honestly won't know what to do. I need to make it count or this decision will end up being the wrong one.

I still haven't told some of my friends at my old school that I'm not returning. All of my friends who live near me back at home already know, but not the friends I've made exclusively at school. To be honest I'll only really miss a few of them. I'm not exactly sure how to go about telling them and I don't think there's really a good way to do it other than straight up. I've always been a kind of lowkey person who doesn't make big announcements like this; for example when my peers and I were being accepted to schools as high school seniors, some of them were making Facebook statuses for each acceptance whereas I never made a public announcement of which school I was even attending.
 
Hope you be ight fam, and just tell them straight up. Just get whoevers # if you want to keep in touch with them.
 
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