?uestlove celebrity stories (Last Update PG.6: Benicio D T, Madonna, Rosario Dawson)

[seasoned vet]

- seen these posted on OKP by Questlove a while ago, never seen them here. i figured cats would get a kick out of these. a lot of them are funny as hell youjust have to read them.

- and i have to say after his prince stories (he has 3 of them) i fully believe every word Charlie Murphy and Ben said about their encounters with him......

dave chappelle

the week after the prince bball ep of chapelle came on.
p invited dave to his post rock n roll hall of fame after jawn.
since i was working on the show dave let me tag with him and neal.
they were so amped that prince invited em i didn't have the heart to tell em
the 1984 cat they idolize will not be in attendance.
so while in the elevator to his hotel i tried to give em the 30 second
crash course.

once i mentioned p being a JW ---the laughter lasted for like 14 seconds...
which was a time waster cause i didn't wanna say nothing once we went in the hallway
(p usually got security in the hall and i didnt want it to look like i was talking ##!!)
so i was like "dog dont cuss, dont ask to drink nothing, its gonna be real tense
and uptight, we should just say hi and leave.....oh and another thing (the door opens---mind you my back is turned cause im trying to talk as fast as i can so we dont look uncomfortable)....

"and what is that ahmir?"

---there was no hallway..

(the door opened right in p's living room and i was none the wiser)

---i turned around and almost jumped out my skin.

a room with about 10 jw's in a circle quietly waiting for me to answer P's question.

*dave saves the day

"he told us that you will NOT make us pancakes!!!"

*silence

5....secs.....

then laughter......

wheeeeew

Tyra Banks

she caught me out there at the naacp 2003.

the only cat i wanna meet and have validate me is quincy jones.

so standing backstage at the naacps--
i was talking to jill marie (who hosted the awards with the cast of girlfriends) and i saw q say goodbye to ray charles (who actually died like 4 months later so this could have been the last time he saw him)---

i told jill..."hang on one sec"

and i saw my chance....

i was nervous. i mean im cool with his kids....but i know he dont know im alive.

or worse...cares...

so i sheepishly approached

left foot....right foot....

(passes tyra who is talking to kimora lee---they waiting for limo)

walks up and gets the nerve to barely get out

"ummm...man...you are my hero sir" (tyra heard me say this)

quincy: oh my god....the FUNKIEST CAT ALIVE.....

---yo!! i lost my ##!!!!! how this +$!!+@#+%%+$ know im alive and that my ##!! is funky!!!!!!!!!!!!

he held his hand out....smiled and walked to me...

so i walked with my hand out....

he got closer....

i was smiling....

and then....

he hugged dre3000.....

and left me hanging.

tyra and kim saw ALL of this and i tried to play this off....

we laughed SO hard cause they knew i was embarrassed.

we remember that to this day.

Prince

first convo ever

tip: i want you to meet the badde---
p: i know who this guy is....i love that video so funny
?:....uhhhh ... .....uugghh......ugugh..gg.g..g...
p and tip: huh?
?: ughgg g uggggg uuuuggggg
tip: he nervous....
?: um....wow....im just so ....like you be knowing who i be?
p: (confused glance at tip....)
tip: he is amazed you know he's alive...
?: yeah....um that.....u be knowing me and ##!!...oh im sorry....i mean you uguu

ugugugughgh....oh god imma cry.....uhmmmm....

tip: (gives me that "you blowing it look...just walk away)

?: um....imma go....

*walks away....tells date..."I #$!!$% UP!!!! I NEED TO REDEEM MYSELF!!! SHOULD I RUN BACK?!?!?!"

--runs back 3 blocks....

runs downstairs....

lenny, tip, prince, kidadda jones and 3 other people are in a private room and im caught off guard like i just interuppted..

prince's bodyguards...

prince: noNO!!!! HE'S COOL!

?: hey..um....im sorry i dont wanna freak you out....its just really cool to meet my hero.

i just wanna say

"THE ROOM GETS SILENT"

---*13 secs....

"ummm........"dinner with delores was the greatest ending in post modern black rock history"......

tip: (hand over forehead)

*silence....

*leaves....

john mayer

while working on clarity.

john and i are like two stepbrothers trying to outdo each other.

like mark and john in that scene from boogie nights when they first meet

(i'll admit...he is the reason i use a macbook and said goodbye to my beloved viao)

we were one upping each other on trivia

computers

celeb stories.

and then he killed me....

"i just dumped my gf this morn"

then he showed me a photo.

JLH.

damn....this cat has options like THAT?

(smh)

Andre 3k

dre told me a beautifully disgusting story of being in the room alone with erykah giving birth to 7.

so i asked "but that entire summer on tour she was drinking mad wheatgrass and okra"

"dawg....owwll that sheeeit came gushing out"

wait...you mean you were....

"manye this hea wasn't no tv birth.....this was the real ##!!...literally..."

*me about to url

"man i saw the baby's head and then she just....

#%** on me....."

oh god nevermind man im too squimish---

"naw man....i mean you don't think about that when you giving birth....all that disgusting stuff....it was worth it man. that was the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me....##!! and all...."

beyonce.

we were going over "cant knock the hustle" for radio city.

and i wanted to do something clever for the ending by finding various chromatic minors for her to sing over.

mid way into it...

i realize....this *could"* throw her off....

but cause she in the "jay" school of mavericks....

its too late now....

i offer "well lets just do a traditional vegas ending.......normal...."

she was insulted on some "oh you think im one of these "cant sing *%+@$%*?"

no imma get it right.....watch...

---now mind you....its lunchtime....

she said "go over the ending"

she struggled.....

"again"

struggled

"again"

"again".......

12 times......

18 times.......

(band looking at me like "you and your dumb ideas....NOW we gotta learn this ##!!")

we did that ##!! 24 times....

then she got the hang of it.

like "WHAT!!!!"

natalie portman.

nat and i hung in la.
drove to san diego for the roots tour (i think it was the sprite jawn 2003
rell was looking salty on some "this is how you roll %@!##?" type ##!!.
we aint kick it....just went out a few times but no "connection connection"
so she drops me back to hotel and the pap is waiting "flash flash flash"
---%!%%%!+..

i saw my flick in a paper the next week

said "portman drops afroman off to hotel after date"

Bilal

the story of sometimes

thanksgiving.
we decided due to deadline and the only time i got off from touring that we will do his song that night.

we come up with nothing.

3 hours go by.

carmen comes on tv and we start clowning com who SWORE he was gonna come up in ghostwriting that jawn and star in it and maybe romance you know who.

but doctor you know who wound up staring in that film and wound up courting (if for a while) you know who from that flick.

so we was clowning him on the phone.

and then we did the ultimate.....

i started playing "umi says"

james started playing "bills bills bills"

and bilal started singing about how mos stole com's fire, role and girl.

--then we was onto something 7 minutes in.

i told engineer run the 2 inch tape.

and then song is as is you hear it on tape.

he fixed about 4 lines....but he freestyled most of that ##!!.

jay z

to tell you the truth.....

the funniest gutbusting moments tween him and i occur on AIM or phone texting.--

i dunno...

he is painfully normal....he is just a mega icon. none of my in person stories are amazing.....they more like....

?: *at rehearsals eating oreos.....
j: dag man....you went to the store and didn't offer to share oreos?
?: *gives that lamont you big dummy look* (we do this ALL the time)---hands bag over---
j: ahhhhhhhhh.... (like the victory fist pump radio raheem did after he won the sound battle of the box on do the right thing)

---the texted ##!! can damn near be a comedy book especially after my disapproval of the chick saying "oh....my....god.....hov" on kingdom comes first cut.

but all of our exchanges from dec 2001 to now are some funny %++@% if read aloud.---

the best being the "super ugly" exchange the night he recorded it.

2Pac

pac and suge came by the house of blues to the 4/1/96 show the roots/fugees/goodie mob did.

that night was surreal

the fugees record kept skipping much to my delight cause i wanted the entire audience to know that we didn't need to play on top of a record to sound banging.--

all their records skipped in front of a celeb packed audience. this was the night the soulquarians were born. i met both d and erykah the same day.

it wasn't beef......just rivalry on some band to band ##!!.

best believe that night i was sangin

"let's get craaaaaaazay.....lets gett nuuuuuuuuuuuuuts hahahahahahaaaa" (you must know the movie purple rain to get this reference)

anyways....

that night. warren betty came with flowers in tow to convince lauryn to take the role halle berry took in that political film of his (forget the title)

well....i went in the foundation room with kamal and some jawns was rapping to us when suddenly

*silence*

pac and suge walked in like this was an old western.---remember how that piano player shut his piano when rae dawn chong hit oprah's character in the face on color purple?--man it felt like that.

we saw suge whisper something to deon sanders and whatever it was, neon deon's whole demeanor was like *whimpers* he left INSTANTLY .

kamal was like "yo....you see how he !##%%*# out deon?,,,,,,yo imma say whussup!"

i told him NO!!!! he was like "pssh $#$* dat....pac is my %@!##!"

i watched kamal go over to say hi through the reflection of a knife as a rear view (you know how they use mirrors in jail?) "he held his arm out and then........they gave him love back! whew!.....---

that whole weekend there was drama cause the bad boy/death row ##!! was about to be in full swing.

i followed mal and got love too. pac said he #$!!$% with riq hard and said he wanted to work with us....i held him to that and in august i asked for a quote for illadelph halflife and he was more than happy to provide it.

Chris Rock

both chris and i were amped to see chapelle perform at real world kevin powell's fund raiser for him running for congress.

then it just hit me...

this is DAVE we talking about.

something didn't feel right.

i saw the flyer (chris was ranking about what politician uses nightclub flyers?) and VIPs pay 2000 bucks to take a flick?

hmmmm

*gets on phone*

"yo man! when you coming to kev's ##!!?"......kev!.......kevin powell!......the real world!....the first angry black guy on the real world!!!......no not the first black guy to get kicked off.....i mean....YEAH THAT GUY!!!!! (think the voice of back to the future's "MARVIN BERRY?").....a benefit.....no a benefit!!!!!!!! (im at a table with bev bond, her husband---(name is escaping me but he was on chapelle's "ask a gay dude" when he ask "what is up with the rainbow!!!!!?!?!?"---the "make me your nelly" cat, jurn, chris, his wife and 11 cats from Oz and The Wire---so they all laughing and one by one they are itching to go.)....dude he is running for congress........no seriosuly he is runn----dave....are yo----WHERE ARE YOU?!---on a tred mill?.....ohio?!?! maaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

(to the table)

i suggest we sneak out of here ONE by ONE cause if they (points to a room where 3000 black people have been patiently waiting for about 2 hours in a room made for about 900) get wind they just gave up 500 bucks for nothing they are going to riot.

i told chris he needs to go first cause you know they are going to ask him to fill in....

well kev's watchdogs were right on point and sensed the way we were all conspiring football huddle style (and they way rocks wife had that "psssh" look on her face) that we knew the truth so they were rushing to get kev to beg us to stay and get some of us to perform/speak.

chris was like "$#$* that"

richard pryor can perform at cosby's event.

but cosby cannot perform at pryor's event.

pfunk can be the switch act at an earth wind and fire show...

but not the other way around.....

sure enough powell comes walking over

chris got deer in headlights look

i was on some "lets go crazy "yer on yer own" ##!!...grabbed my jacket, grabbed jurn, grabbed my cell and snuck out the kitchen to the alley and sure enough....right next door
bell biv devoe was singing "Dope" in a club lol (later i found out it was Cassidys bday party (dj to the stars)---but escaping that ##!! was like some mission impossible ##!!. chris told me that night he just said "no" and left.

 

[nktran001]

?

 

[eastnewyork80]

Cliffnotes please

 

[tommykairaa]

dope avy.

 

[seasoned vet]

Originally Posted by eastnewyork80

Cliffnotes please

- SMH. you dont need cliffnotes they are all seperate stories, pick one and read it. the first chappelle story is good.

 

[lurkin2long]

I read em all.....meh.

 

[cadillacflow]

Originally Posted by lurkin2long

I read em all.....meh.

 

[seasoned vet]

Originally Posted by lurkin2long

I read em all.....meh.

- this one better?

Nia Long

actually...Nia is team Thought (riq's wifey has an all star crew of real life "Girlfriends" so when he was living in la !%%* was like going to a tyler perry flick)---....saana here....a golden there....a nia here...etc etc...last time when out there we spoke on the weirdness that was she hate me. initially nia was kerry's role and rosario was dania ramirez nia actually said their scenes together would been hotter and bhabaha a aahabahabhbahab bahababa abaa abahab.....*ahmirs mind drifts off into imaginary !@*+$ space*...bahbahabhaahabahbahabhabha the script that all i asked for you know what i mean ahmir?!?!

"......uh yeah! sure!"

 

[dline59]

whats a JW

 

[seasoned vet]

- JW=Jehovah's Witness

"Eddie Murphy" + Prince story #2

valentines 2005.

grammy weekend in la.

it was a great weekend for us. our grammy jam went BEYOND our expectations.

parties out the wazoo and my girl was with me and we were like two kids in a candy store.

that monday marked the end of the weekend and my manager was smart enough to make sure that jill's show coincided with the festivities.

rapheal sadiq was the opener and his set smoked. jill came shortly thereafter and backstage was like a list central. midway through her set i got a text from P's assistant (he never calls, he has assistant call first to tell you "he will call you". this time the text said that there was a rollerskating valentines party and invite some "cool" people.

confused about that last line i asked for clarification. cool meant my crew: mos, kweli, jill, erykah, com etc...

so i made some calls and truly realized how conservative my crew was...half them mofos was talking about "im tired". even after the show jill was like "im tired" and what the hell was kweli doing in bed before midnight?

don't answer that.

so backstage i saw alan leeds and figured id extend an invite to team sadiq. leeds cracked the door open and there was chris rock, sadiq and eddie. alan laughed like "you'd soon as see me in the grave for you see me in skates. im going to sleep"

rock was like "sheeeeeeeit i aint rollerskating with these knees"

sadiq: "dog im too old for that !@#$...."

i mean none of them saw the light!........all except.

murph: yo man...i think this is historical. i think i need to see if this cat can rollerskate. that is comic gold alone.

damn....he saw it the way i see it....i mean sure, my ex and i had an awesome valentines day and mr romance was in overdrive and what better way to end the night doing couples only rollerskating?---

but dog i went just so i could live to tell yall this story.

the rink was waaaaaaaaaaay out in glenside cali. and it was so empty i knew we had to wrong rink. until i saw dj rasheeda and her 3 girlfriends skating. they were so happy to see us like yay! more people!--i felt bad like i shoulda invited more people but rash told me this is how he rolls....like 12 is a crowd to him. im like "how can you dj with no energy....you know how hard it is to keep 12 people happy?--

the staff was even more hilarious cat napping in the back (it was 1am) i asked "how often does this happen?" the manager was like "he's paying for us to stay open until 4 so....what is your skate size?"

my ex and i did a good round alone for an hour. i told her just pretend that i rented this out. but then the more i thought about it the more i pondered "is this what i wanna aim for?" like the fame that isolates you? i mean jay does this family night stuff too but at least with him his fam of 25-30 is festive this is....scary. i mean the pizza concession guy looks like he should be studying for finals instead of watching a pizza rotate in the heated lamp umpteenth times.

come 2am we decided that maybe P changed his mind and we went back to get our shoes when suddenly

eddie comes in.

he whispered ventriloquist style "umm you just might wanna put those back on" i *winked* back.

sure enough p his then wife mel, larry g and his wife tina g and some friends i didn't recognize (im sure kids and grandkids...which struck me odd that i knew someone besides me that was allowed to be up after 2am on a school night and be under the age of 10.....but showbiz kids are like no other kids)

p had a large pulp fiction like briefcase in his hand and he hesitated to open it in front of me. so he walked over.

p: where is your phone?
?: my phone?
p: yeah i know you ahmir...where is it?
? (thinking he wanted to make a phone call) uh here?
p: (inspects the phone)....ok your coat is in coat check?
?: lol.....wait....you think imma record something? bwahahahahah
p: uh uh....coat check this phone....
?: awww man! what about HIS PHONE! (points at murph) that is Dr. True Hollywood Story)
EM: heeey man! don't point over here! my phone is in the car! (at this moment i was like "OH !@#$! I AM REALLY TALKING TO EDDIE MURPHY!!!!!!!" inside)

i sarcastically put the phone in coat check and wonder what the deal is.....i mean this man wears high heels and he dont want me to record him in skates? as if i wanted that footage?---

then he opens the briefcase.....

pulls out the most unique skates i ever seen in my life. they were clear skates that not only lights up but when you skate the friction of the wheels to the ground causes sparks to come into your trail....

sorta like the billie jean video for the skating generation.

he did a lap around the rink leaving a rainbow trail of light and sparks in his trail. and the #!+$! could skate!!!!!

murph caught up with me like

"imma get your phone for you....."

lol

 

[bastitch]

i was on some "lets go crazy "yer on yer own" ++$#...grabbed my jacket, grabbed jurn, grabbed my cell and snuck out the kitchen to the alley and sure enough....right next door
bell biv devoe was singing "Dope" in a club lol

THAT is hella funny.

 

[undefinedinc]

Poorly written and kind of hard to read. The Quincy Jones and dre3000 story was funny though

 

[dvdjamm5150]

Great stories...It would be hysterical to see a pic of Prince gliding on clear skates with sparks flying out of the wheels...

 

[kchildz1]

Prince seems a lil "happy"

I would love to meet Eddie Murphy

HOV is one big ol' comedian..lol...very real dude

 

[djaward]

I got a headache trying to read all of that.

 

[aboogiie]

I read the post on OKP awhile ago .. The stories were most definitely funny.

The one were one Wu member (I forgot which one) got into his crib someway & was asleep in his couch was hilarious. & the one where he thought he gotset up by diddy or someone & thought he was gonna die.

 

[soleeater]

ahh to much to read, read one of the prince one and had me rolling so all good!

 

[DVMNXK]

I knew there was some other OKP's over here.....

 

[KingParappa]

pretty funny

 

[seasoned vet]

- more.....

Flavor Flav

just last thursday at hip hop honors

flav will ALWAYS be 11 years old.

i run a tight ship for rehearsals

so you dont know the frustration it is dealing with....

flav on guitar
flav on drums
flav on bass
flav singin "cant do nothing for ya"
flav singing "lampin"
flav singin me and mrs jones...

chuck gave me that "25 years man.........25 years.....look"

Boyz II Men

hmmm...

its a tie between shawn kicking me out the studio before johnny gill arrived...

or them giving me the hollywood "have our people call....." when they rejected singing background on a cut from do you want more.

or the "well give me YOUR number" when i asked for label advice.

i got 3 cold brush offs tween 1993-1996

and now i got the last laugh.

Dave Letterman

i met dave while rushing to buy a dress shirt for the dangleo show i was about to do in VA...while there i accidently walked in on a bit. and they decided to take it further.---he was boycotting the emmys who if you remember critics dissed his hosting duties and said was the unfunniest emmy program. so his middle finger was if he won he would he would bring us up there to accept.

thing is...i know they brought me in for the freakish factor. but only dave bothered to ask me what do i do in real life....so when i told him he was shocked like "wait you are an established artist?" even funnier was the reference "so if this like us picking up george clintons bass player thinking we got a random freaky guy and we messed around and got an icon?"---i was flattered and said "lets hope you still feel that way when its time for my album to come out"

sure enough....

ive been on his show for every album since then. BASED on that day.

nothing but red carpet city from that guy. imma miss doing that show.

Missy Elliot

hate to ruin the fantasy.
but if there were ever 2 lukewarm celebs in my life
that were on some "minion" !%$!...

its missy and her partner.

i think i got a "sup" once in passing while she was working on jasmine's album.

but she CLEARLY comes from the school of if you are "hot" then i %+#@% with you.

like i dont even think she knew or cares what a questlove is.

BJORK

she broke my heart in 94.

i was her biggest fan and flipped out when i met her.

meanwhile malik roll up and she starts gushing over him and all he says is....

(days later looking for her number)

damn i lost that oriental $#%%*$+ number....

babyface

this is one of my personal favorites.

due to the onslaught and subsequent fallout of hip hop in 96 and it bleeding to the death of pac and big in 97 and confusion of 98 and so on...there were alot of conflicted feelings.

even i got caught in some beef.

but i was smart enough to stay out of trouble.

well....one night i got a message.

first of all it was a note....it read

"ahmir....heavy d is going to send you a car to take you to babyface's studio be ready at midnight"

RE: production on babyface's album......

now re read that again.

im backstage after rocking a show.

this tall dude gives me a note and its from heavy d....i cat i NEVER met before....
coordinating sessions for babyface?

---and not even 10 mins later 3 black dudes come for me like "we are ready"

grey caddy

now NORMALLY im the big guy in the car so they offer me the front seat.

not this time....

i sat in the back

IN THE MIDDLE....

man this !%$! smelled like revenge...

the #$@$ does babyface want production from me for?!?!?!?!!?

and why is heav-----PUFFFFFFFFFFFFFY!!!!!!!!!!!!

puff is setting me up!!!!!!!

last time he corned me he was tryna punk me!!!!!!!!!

oh !%$!!!!!

heavy is setting me up cause of Com's "eyes all puffed" line.....this is like phife's "new jack swing" line and tip caught a beatdown!!!

*we pulled in the gate---
its dark....
no lights.
im with 3 strangers...
i do NOT feel this scenario...

these 3 black dudes

walk me in a building.
lights are off.
we walk slow....

i really thought i was about to die.

for reals.

we walk into a room.....

and it IS heavy!!!!

whew.

he tells me face had to make a family run but call him on the phone and we can discuss the matter at hand.

i was so relieved that i wasn't getting whacked i dont even remember the convo.

he did play me a demo of "there she goes" that he did with the tunes.

but for real...i thought i was getting wizzzzzzacked.

 

[jayjay414]

I LOVE these...

 

[crumbs]

...not reading

 

[seasoned vet]

Originally Posted by Crumbs

...not reading

- you're cool.

 

[thagreatj]

............

 

[j0rdan23dunker]

the chappelle and bjork story had me on the floor. LOL...