There are NO benefits for men to get married.

[dathbgboy]

Originally Posted by VeryAnalytical85

See, I still don't get how so many people here advocate marriage as if it's a guarantee that everything is gonna be alright when it happens for you. More people than ever come from single parent (or divorced) backgrounds. They don't ask to be in that position... admittedly some do it for selfish gain, while others do it to get out of an abusive (or loveless) relationship. Also consider in American society, it doesn't seem a lot of people in our generation value the sanctity of marriage like they used to it. After reading this thread and many other relationship threads with the constant theme of "instant gratification" replaying over and over again.
So again... I ask all you NT'ers who are fortunate to find "the one" and etc. when it comes to getting married. How can I believe in something so sacred like marriage if I'll never be 100% certain, whether or not the woman I would like to marry would be on the same page as I do about marriage? I feel it's more of a gamble on the male end than the female (considering the lack of input from them).

Also to throw it in there, I've had girlfriends before and a few times things could have gotten serious. But with bad timing, immaturity and bunch of other extraneous variables things didn't work out. That doesn't mean I don't know what I want. Or, that I prefer to be forever stallone'd.

Ideally, I would like to settle down someday. But as I get older and more of my peers get "hitched or permanently attached without formality." I find myself having a tough time finding good quality prospect partners lately, due to the lack of maturity and direction a lot of females I've encountered thus far.

Dog you will never be 100% sure of anything in life. NEVER. That's like sayin something is perfect, which we all know can never be.
My philosophy to having a strong stable relationship is becoming friends first. Once sex is involved, it complicates things so that's why ppl never stay together long because after the sex gets repetitive, there's nothing keepin the relationship stable.  

 

[bayyrd]

Originally Posted by rowenarrow

Originally Posted by Still1Rise

Originally Posted by Al Audi

you might meet someone who will change your view on that opinion one day OP.

Women are depreciating assets. Why buy when you can lease.

Man I want to be a romantic on this one, but can't really make an argument for that. SMH... it just makes since.

I'm surprised no one caught this error

 

[bayyrd]

Originally Posted by rowenarrow

Originally Posted by Still1Rise

Originally Posted by Al Audi

you might meet someone who will change your view on that opinion one day OP.

Women are depreciating assets. Why buy when you can lease.

Man I want to be a romantic on this one, but can't really make an argument for that. SMH... it just makes since.

I'm surprised no one caught this error

 

[ldj]

Originally Posted by TruthGetsBusy

DCAllAmerican wrote:

---

Dathbgboy wrote:

---

I love how dudes who never had a girlfriend or who aren't married have every opinion about marriage. Keep up the good job fellas.

Who do think in here have never had a girlfriend.

And why does someone not being married disqualify their opinion on the topic? Have you read LDJ's comments on it or do you not have anything solid to contribute. He is making some strong points. Just read them.



  As far as this guy LDJ goes...remember there are 2 sides to every story.  What he's saying sounds good but who really knows.  There is a reason why people don't do it that way and don't give me that "giving in to social norms and rituals" stuff.  If you don't believe a marriage or even a wedding is more than a title and a party then I feel sorry for you guys. 

Everybody has the right to believe in whatever they want but it sounds silly to argue this one.  Why the hell would you have kids with a woman, live under the same roof, and never get married?  Sounds like dude wants a easy way out incase stuff hits the fan.  It's almost disrespectful to the woman at this point.  Here's some things to think about....


- What do you guys call each other when speaking/introducing to others...do you say "Hi this is my woman"...sounds classy.  I mean you can get sneaky and say "this is the love of my life" and people might assume you are married but that would go against what you believe in right?

- You don't have wedding rings.  Those rings aren't just a symbol of love for the couple but to show the world you are taken also.  That ring can prevent alot of unwanted convo sometimes.

- While you can have a verbal pact with your partner it's not the same as a marriage. That final step shows ultimate trust and "unconditional love".

- A wedding is a celebration of your love.  It's a day to show everyone who you might not see you on a daily basis how much you guys love one another.  It's a day for the 2 families to become 1.  I'm not even big on weddings but I understand what they are for.

- Are you raising your children to believe the same?  Or you don't really care how they go about it.  Would you feel comfortable with your daughter just living with some dude for years?


I would love to hear LDJ's woman on this topic and how she feels about it.  Not saying he's lying but he is making a complicated situation sound to easy.


What do you guys call each other when speaking/introducing to others...do you say "Hi this is my woman"...sounds classy. I mean you can get sneaky and say "this is the love of my life" and people might assume you are married but that would go against what you believe in right?

I call her by her name, or say baby honey sweetie. And again your comment on that sounds classy suggest what others think/view of you. Ive stated this tons of times i care less of what ppl/society view think of me so.... The whole what ppl believe assume, again example of status/social norms and what ppl think of you. Again like i said before i care less what ppl think see me as. You just proved my point about being what others percieve/view you as. Which has no importance, bares no significance in my life. I live for me and not for the acceptance of others so........



- You don't have wedding rings. Those rings aren't just a symbol of love for the couple but to show the world you are taken also. That ring can prevent alot of unwanted convo sometimes.


No they arent a symbol of love, again thats what society has equated love with. So before rings what was the symbol of love? Did ppl not love before euro-centric definition of love? So ppl in third world countries who have families etc bonds dont equal to those who live in american because they dont exercise the same practices we do? Love is a emotion, a ring is an inanimate object. Not really because a ring can be taken off. And your whole show the world comment, again proves its for social acceptance, status, and living for others, proving to others. But yet none of these others are the one you made a commitement to so..... Last I checked you made the commitment/bond between the two, and to prove love etc between the two. I never heard of vows that said society and the world....



- While you can have a verbal pact with your partner it's not the same as a marriage. That final step shows ultimate trust and "unconditional love". 


A persons words/actions is the ultimate faith. If thats not the case then the whole idea of religion is fake/fraud. Ppl dont have a written pact/contract to beleive commit to religion or the love of there higher being. The whole premise of religion is based on your words and actions is it not?  Also there isnt a pact/written contract to love your kids. So in that instance ppl dont have unconditional love for there kids or there higher being? Not putting words in your mouth, you specifically said that the verbal pact isnt $%!, and on paper is the true sign. So let me ask you this you got kids? If so you must dont love them, because all you can do is give them a verbal pact that you will love them always be there for them. Or are you planning on marrying your kids?



- A wedding is a celebration of your love. It's a day to show everyone who you might not see you on a daily basis how much you guys love one another. It's a day for the 2 families to become 1. I'm not even big on weddings but I understand what they are for

The show everyone comment. again just proves what others think/view you as aka social acceptance, aka living for and caring about what others think of you. Which again I said doesnt matter to me. The only true unification of two ppl is a child. Like i said before there is no chances nor circumstances that would change the fact that one person is a mother the other a father. You its biologically impossible. I can be married not married have 100 chicks on the side etc, die tommorrow. No matter what chances/events happen in life im still my kids father and there mother is still there mother. And the families will always be one because of it. If you marry someone a divorce etc endeds that thus makes what you said about a family untrue. See the marriage only makes you one on paper, and it can be changed altered etc.. The birth of a child and the status surrounding it is permanent and cannot change so......



- Are you raising your children to believe the same? Or you don't really care how they go about it. Would you feel comfortable with your daughter just living with some dude for years?


I am raising them to be there own person and make decisions in which will make them happy. And do things that will make you content with life, not what society, and others force feed you and say you should do. Cause at the end of the day you live for you, and when your gone and dead it will just be you. Society, ppl beliefs, opinions etc and ppl in whole arent going in the dirt with you. 

And as far as your last sentence its not for me to decide, and I wouldnt have anyways for feeling about it, as long as she is happy content and loving her life then im happy. Im not going to dictate tell a grown arese person how they should/shouldnt live. If she gets married have kids cool, if she becomes a *$!$@, cool, if she spends the rest of her life single cool. If she stays with someone forever not married and have a harmonious life, cool. My daughters's life decisions wouldnt change how i feel about them, or make me love/care for them any less. Thus my unconditional love for them. And I didnt have a ceremony/pact/ring to have this love for my kids either so......

  

 

[ldj]

Originally Posted by TruthGetsBusy

DCAllAmerican wrote:

---

Dathbgboy wrote:

---

I love how dudes who never had a girlfriend or who aren't married have every opinion about marriage. Keep up the good job fellas.

Who do think in here have never had a girlfriend.

And why does someone not being married disqualify their opinion on the topic? Have you read LDJ's comments on it or do you not have anything solid to contribute. He is making some strong points. Just read them.



  As far as this guy LDJ goes...remember there are 2 sides to every story.  What he's saying sounds good but who really knows.  There is a reason why people don't do it that way and don't give me that "giving in to social norms and rituals" stuff.  If you don't believe a marriage or even a wedding is more than a title and a party then I feel sorry for you guys. 

Everybody has the right to believe in whatever they want but it sounds silly to argue this one.  Why the hell would you have kids with a woman, live under the same roof, and never get married?  Sounds like dude wants a easy way out incase stuff hits the fan.  It's almost disrespectful to the woman at this point.  Here's some things to think about....


- What do you guys call each other when speaking/introducing to others...do you say "Hi this is my woman"...sounds classy.  I mean you can get sneaky and say "this is the love of my life" and people might assume you are married but that would go against what you believe in right?

- You don't have wedding rings.  Those rings aren't just a symbol of love for the couple but to show the world you are taken also.  That ring can prevent alot of unwanted convo sometimes.

- While you can have a verbal pact with your partner it's not the same as a marriage. That final step shows ultimate trust and "unconditional love".

- A wedding is a celebration of your love.  It's a day to show everyone who you might not see you on a daily basis how much you guys love one another.  It's a day for the 2 families to become 1.  I'm not even big on weddings but I understand what they are for.

- Are you raising your children to believe the same?  Or you don't really care how they go about it.  Would you feel comfortable with your daughter just living with some dude for years?


I would love to hear LDJ's woman on this topic and how she feels about it.  Not saying he's lying but he is making a complicated situation sound to easy.


What do you guys call each other when speaking/introducing to others...do you say "Hi this is my woman"...sounds classy. I mean you can get sneaky and say "this is the love of my life" and people might assume you are married but that would go against what you believe in right?

I call her by her name, or say baby honey sweetie. And again your comment on that sounds classy suggest what others think/view of you. Ive stated this tons of times i care less of what ppl/society view think of me so.... The whole what ppl believe assume, again example of status/social norms and what ppl think of you. Again like i said before i care less what ppl think see me as. You just proved my point about being what others percieve/view you as. Which has no importance, bares no significance in my life. I live for me and not for the acceptance of others so........



- You don't have wedding rings. Those rings aren't just a symbol of love for the couple but to show the world you are taken also. That ring can prevent alot of unwanted convo sometimes.


No they arent a symbol of love, again thats what society has equated love with. So before rings what was the symbol of love? Did ppl not love before euro-centric definition of love? So ppl in third world countries who have families etc bonds dont equal to those who live in american because they dont exercise the same practices we do? Love is a emotion, a ring is an inanimate object. Not really because a ring can be taken off. And your whole show the world comment, again proves its for social acceptance, status, and living for others, proving to others. But yet none of these others are the one you made a commitement to so..... Last I checked you made the commitment/bond between the two, and to prove love etc between the two. I never heard of vows that said society and the world....



- While you can have a verbal pact with your partner it's not the same as a marriage. That final step shows ultimate trust and "unconditional love". 


A persons words/actions is the ultimate faith. If thats not the case then the whole idea of religion is fake/fraud. Ppl dont have a written pact/contract to beleive commit to religion or the love of there higher being. The whole premise of religion is based on your words and actions is it not?  Also there isnt a pact/written contract to love your kids. So in that instance ppl dont have unconditional love for there kids or there higher being? Not putting words in your mouth, you specifically said that the verbal pact isnt $%!, and on paper is the true sign. So let me ask you this you got kids? If so you must dont love them, because all you can do is give them a verbal pact that you will love them always be there for them. Or are you planning on marrying your kids?



- A wedding is a celebration of your love. It's a day to show everyone who you might not see you on a daily basis how much you guys love one another. It's a day for the 2 families to become 1. I'm not even big on weddings but I understand what they are for

The show everyone comment. again just proves what others think/view you as aka social acceptance, aka living for and caring about what others think of you. Which again I said doesnt matter to me. The only true unification of two ppl is a child. Like i said before there is no chances nor circumstances that would change the fact that one person is a mother the other a father. You its biologically impossible. I can be married not married have 100 chicks on the side etc, die tommorrow. No matter what chances/events happen in life im still my kids father and there mother is still there mother. And the families will always be one because of it. If you marry someone a divorce etc endeds that thus makes what you said about a family untrue. See the marriage only makes you one on paper, and it can be changed altered etc.. The birth of a child and the status surrounding it is permanent and cannot change so......



- Are you raising your children to believe the same? Or you don't really care how they go about it. Would you feel comfortable with your daughter just living with some dude for years?


I am raising them to be there own person and make decisions in which will make them happy. And do things that will make you content with life, not what society, and others force feed you and say you should do. Cause at the end of the day you live for you, and when your gone and dead it will just be you. Society, ppl beliefs, opinions etc and ppl in whole arent going in the dirt with you. 

And as far as your last sentence its not for me to decide, and I wouldnt have anyways for feeling about it, as long as she is happy content and loving her life then im happy. Im not going to dictate tell a grown arese person how they should/shouldnt live. If she gets married have kids cool, if she becomes a *$!$@, cool, if she spends the rest of her life single cool. If she stays with someone forever not married and have a harmonious life, cool. My daughters's life decisions wouldnt change how i feel about them, or make me love/care for them any less. Thus my unconditional love for them. And I didnt have a ceremony/pact/ring to have this love for my kids either so......

  

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Originally Posted by TruthGetsBusy


1. So if you introduce your female counterpart to a co-worker you will say "this is Lisa" and that's it? 

 What kind of respect do you have for her?  Doesn't she mean more to you that than? I'm not sure what world you live in but people are given names and titles when you introduce them.  ex.  "hi this is my brother Jason" or "hi this is Pete we went to college together".  Now how are you gonna spin this one with your girl of 15 years? 

1. Yea if I introduce my female coutnerpart to a co-worker, I would just say, "This is Lisa." I don't see it as disrespect at all. If that co-worker matters in my life, he would already know that Lisa is my woman. Again, I don't see it as disrespectful. I find it stupid sounding and forced to say, "This is my girlfriend (such a childish word) Lisa." So yea she means more to me than that and she IS more to me than that. If I have been with her for 15 years, I am sure I have spoken to my co-worker about her at some point. So it is all about the pleasantries of introducing them.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Originally Posted by TruthGetsBusy


1. So if you introduce your female counterpart to a co-worker you will say "this is Lisa" and that's it? 

 What kind of respect do you have for her?  Doesn't she mean more to you that than? I'm not sure what world you live in but people are given names and titles when you introduce them.  ex.  "hi this is my brother Jason" or "hi this is Pete we went to college together".  Now how are you gonna spin this one with your girl of 15 years? 

1. Yea if I introduce my female coutnerpart to a co-worker, I would just say, "This is Lisa." I don't see it as disrespect at all. If that co-worker matters in my life, he would already know that Lisa is my woman. Again, I don't see it as disrespectful. I find it stupid sounding and forced to say, "This is my girlfriend (such a childish word) Lisa." So yea she means more to me than that and she IS more to me than that. If I have been with her for 15 years, I am sure I have spoken to my co-worker about her at some point. So it is all about the pleasantries of introducing them.

 

[ricky409]

Originally Posted by bay1591

Man I want to be a romantic on this one, but can't really make an argument for that. SMH... it just makes since.

I'm surprised no one caught this error

   i thought it was on purpuse.

but on the real... this is a VERY stimulating thread, with lots a valid views being argued.

i love whent NT have mature discussions w/ out the flame wars.

please believe that myself, and alot of young'ns are thread lurking.

yall fellas carry on, though.

 

[ricky409]

Originally Posted by bay1591

Man I want to be a romantic on this one, but can't really make an argument for that. SMH... it just makes since.

I'm surprised no one caught this error

   i thought it was on purpuse.

but on the real... this is a VERY stimulating thread, with lots a valid views being argued.

i love whent NT have mature discussions w/ out the flame wars.

please believe that myself, and alot of young'ns are thread lurking.

yall fellas carry on, though.

 

[leclutchjames]

you aint gone be out, running around and chasing women when your 60 years old.

you dont want a family my man??

 

[leclutchjames]

you aint gone be out, running around and chasing women when your 60 years old.

you dont want a family my man??

 

[mrsouthernhospitality]

Originally Posted by LDJ

Originally Posted by TruthGetsBusy

DCAllAmerican wrote:

---

Who do think in here have never had a girlfriend.

And why does someone not being married disqualify their opinion on the topic? Have you read LDJ's comments on it or do you not have anything solid to contribute. He is making some strong points. Just read them.

  As far as this guy LDJ goes...remember there are 2 sides to every story.  What he's saying sounds good but who really knows.  There is a reason why people don't do it that way and don't give me that "giving in to social norms and rituals" stuff.  If you don't believe a marriage or even a wedding is more than a title and a party then I feel sorry for you guys. 

Everybody has the right to believe in whatever they want but it sounds silly to argue this one.  Why the hell would you have kids with a woman, live under the same roof, and never get married?  Sounds like dude wants a easy way out incase stuff hits the fan.  It's almost disrespectful to the woman at this point.  Here's some things to think about....


- What do you guys call each other when speaking/introducing to others...do you say "Hi this is my woman"...sounds classy.  I mean you can get sneaky and say "this is the love of my life" and people might assume you are married but that would go against what you believe in right?

- You don't have wedding rings.  Those rings aren't just a symbol of love for the couple but to show the world you are taken also.  That ring can prevent alot of unwanted convo sometimes.

- While you can have a verbal pact with your partner it's not the same as a marriage. That final step shows ultimate trust and "unconditional love".

- A wedding is a celebration of your love.  It's a day to show everyone who you might not see you on a daily basis how much you guys love one another.  It's a day for the 2 families to become 1.  I'm not even big on weddings but I understand what they are for.

- Are you raising your children to believe the same?  Or you don't really care how they go about it.  Would you feel comfortable with your daughter just living with some dude for years?


I would love to hear LDJ's woman on this topic and how she feels about it.  Not saying he's lying but he is making a complicated situation sound to easy.

What do you guys call each other when speaking/introducing to others...do you say "Hi this is my woman"...sounds classy. I mean you can get sneaky and say "this is the love of my life" and people might assume you are married but that would go against what you believe in right?

I call her by her name, or say baby honey sweetie. And again your comment on that sounds classy suggest what others think/view of you. Ive stated this tons of times i care less of what ppl/society view think of me so.... The whole what ppl believe assume, again example of status/social norms and what ppl think of you. Again like i said before i care less what ppl think see me as. You just proved my point about being what others percieve/view you as. Which has no importance, bares no significance in my life. I live for me and not for the acceptance of others so........



- You don't have wedding rings. Those rings aren't just a symbol of love for the couple but to show the world you are taken also. That ring can prevent alot of unwanted convo sometimes.


No they arent a symbol of love, again thats what society has equated love with. So before rings what was the symbol of love? Did ppl not love before euro-centric definition of love? So ppl in third world countries who have families etc bonds dont equal to those who live in american because they dont exercise the same practices we do? Love is a emotion, a ring is an inanimate object. Not really because a ring can be taken off. And your whole show the world comment, again proves its for social acceptance, status, and living for others, proving to others. But yet none of these others are the one you made a commitement to so..... Last I checked you made the commitment/bond between the two, and to prove love etc between the two. I never heard of vows that said society and the world....



- While you can have a verbal pact with your partner it's not the same as a marriage. That final step shows ultimate trust and "unconditional love". 


A persons words/actions is the ultimate faith. If thats not the case then the whole idea of religion is fake/fraud. Ppl dont have a written pact/contract to beleive commit to religion or the love of there higher being. The whole premise of religion is based on your words and actions is it not?  Also there isnt a pact/written contract to love your kids. So in that instance ppl dont have unconditional love for there kids or there higher being? Not putting words in your mouth, you specifically said that the verbal pact isnt $%!, and on paper is the true sign. So let me ask you this you got kids? If so you must dont love them, because all you can do is give them a verbal pact that you will love them always be there for them. Or are you planning on marrying your kids?



- A wedding is a celebration of your love. It's a day to show everyone who you might not see you on a daily basis how much you guys love one another. It's a day for the 2 families to become 1. I'm not even big on weddings but I understand what they are for

The show everyone comment. again just proves what others think/view you as aka social acceptance, aka living for and caring about what others think of you. Which again I said doesnt matter to me. The only true unification of two ppl is a child. Like i said before there is no chances nor circumstances that would change the fact that one person is a mother the other a father. You its biologically impossible. I can be married not married have 100 chicks on the side etc, die tommorrow. No matter what chances/events happen in life im still my kids father and there mother is still there mother. And the families will always be one because of it. If you marry someone a divorce etc endeds that thus makes what you said about a family untrue. See the marriage only makes you one on paper, and it can be changed altered etc.. The birth of a child and the status surrounding it is permanent and cannot change so......



- Are you raising your children to believe the same? Or you don't really care how they go about it. Would you feel comfortable with your daughter just living with some dude for years?


I am raising them to be there own person and make decisions in which will make them happy. And do things that will make you content with life, not what society, and others force feed you and say you should do. Cause at the end of the day you live for you, and when your gone and dead it will just be you. Society, ppl beliefs, opinions etc and ppl in whole arent going in the dirt with you. 

And as far as your last sentence its not for me to decide, and I wouldnt have anyways for feeling about it, as long as she is happy content and loving her life then im happy. Im not going to dictate tell a grown arese person how they should/shouldnt live. If she gets married have kids cool, if she becomes a *$!$@, cool, if she spends the rest of her life single cool. If she stays with someone forever not married and have a harmonious life, cool. My daughters's life decisions wouldnt change how i feel about them, or make me love/care for them any less. Thus my unconditional love for them. And I didnt have a ceremony/pact/ring to have this love for my kids either so......

  

 

[mrsouthernhospitality]

Originally Posted by LDJ

Originally Posted by TruthGetsBusy

DCAllAmerican wrote:

---

Who do think in here have never had a girlfriend.

And why does someone not being married disqualify their opinion on the topic? Have you read LDJ's comments on it or do you not have anything solid to contribute. He is making some strong points. Just read them.

  As far as this guy LDJ goes...remember there are 2 sides to every story.  What he's saying sounds good but who really knows.  There is a reason why people don't do it that way and don't give me that "giving in to social norms and rituals" stuff.  If you don't believe a marriage or even a wedding is more than a title and a party then I feel sorry for you guys. 

Everybody has the right to believe in whatever they want but it sounds silly to argue this one.  Why the hell would you have kids with a woman, live under the same roof, and never get married?  Sounds like dude wants a easy way out incase stuff hits the fan.  It's almost disrespectful to the woman at this point.  Here's some things to think about....


- What do you guys call each other when speaking/introducing to others...do you say "Hi this is my woman"...sounds classy.  I mean you can get sneaky and say "this is the love of my life" and people might assume you are married but that would go against what you believe in right?

- You don't have wedding rings.  Those rings aren't just a symbol of love for the couple but to show the world you are taken also.  That ring can prevent alot of unwanted convo sometimes.

- While you can have a verbal pact with your partner it's not the same as a marriage. That final step shows ultimate trust and "unconditional love".

- A wedding is a celebration of your love.  It's a day to show everyone who you might not see you on a daily basis how much you guys love one another.  It's a day for the 2 families to become 1.  I'm not even big on weddings but I understand what they are for.

- Are you raising your children to believe the same?  Or you don't really care how they go about it.  Would you feel comfortable with your daughter just living with some dude for years?


I would love to hear LDJ's woman on this topic and how she feels about it.  Not saying he's lying but he is making a complicated situation sound to easy.

What do you guys call each other when speaking/introducing to others...do you say "Hi this is my woman"...sounds classy. I mean you can get sneaky and say "this is the love of my life" and people might assume you are married but that would go against what you believe in right?

I call her by her name, or say baby honey sweetie. And again your comment on that sounds classy suggest what others think/view of you. Ive stated this tons of times i care less of what ppl/society view think of me so.... The whole what ppl believe assume, again example of status/social norms and what ppl think of you. Again like i said before i care less what ppl think see me as. You just proved my point about being what others percieve/view you as. Which has no importance, bares no significance in my life. I live for me and not for the acceptance of others so........



- You don't have wedding rings. Those rings aren't just a symbol of love for the couple but to show the world you are taken also. That ring can prevent alot of unwanted convo sometimes.


No they arent a symbol of love, again thats what society has equated love with. So before rings what was the symbol of love? Did ppl not love before euro-centric definition of love? So ppl in third world countries who have families etc bonds dont equal to those who live in american because they dont exercise the same practices we do? Love is a emotion, a ring is an inanimate object. Not really because a ring can be taken off. And your whole show the world comment, again proves its for social acceptance, status, and living for others, proving to others. But yet none of these others are the one you made a commitement to so..... Last I checked you made the commitment/bond between the two, and to prove love etc between the two. I never heard of vows that said society and the world....



- While you can have a verbal pact with your partner it's not the same as a marriage. That final step shows ultimate trust and "unconditional love". 


A persons words/actions is the ultimate faith. If thats not the case then the whole idea of religion is fake/fraud. Ppl dont have a written pact/contract to beleive commit to religion or the love of there higher being. The whole premise of religion is based on your words and actions is it not?  Also there isnt a pact/written contract to love your kids. So in that instance ppl dont have unconditional love for there kids or there higher being? Not putting words in your mouth, you specifically said that the verbal pact isnt $%!, and on paper is the true sign. So let me ask you this you got kids? If so you must dont love them, because all you can do is give them a verbal pact that you will love them always be there for them. Or are you planning on marrying your kids?



- A wedding is a celebration of your love. It's a day to show everyone who you might not see you on a daily basis how much you guys love one another. It's a day for the 2 families to become 1. I'm not even big on weddings but I understand what they are for

The show everyone comment. again just proves what others think/view you as aka social acceptance, aka living for and caring about what others think of you. Which again I said doesnt matter to me. The only true unification of two ppl is a child. Like i said before there is no chances nor circumstances that would change the fact that one person is a mother the other a father. You its biologically impossible. I can be married not married have 100 chicks on the side etc, die tommorrow. No matter what chances/events happen in life im still my kids father and there mother is still there mother. And the families will always be one because of it. If you marry someone a divorce etc endeds that thus makes what you said about a family untrue. See the marriage only makes you one on paper, and it can be changed altered etc.. The birth of a child and the status surrounding it is permanent and cannot change so......



- Are you raising your children to believe the same? Or you don't really care how they go about it. Would you feel comfortable with your daughter just living with some dude for years?


I am raising them to be there own person and make decisions in which will make them happy. And do things that will make you content with life, not what society, and others force feed you and say you should do. Cause at the end of the day you live for you, and when your gone and dead it will just be you. Society, ppl beliefs, opinions etc and ppl in whole arent going in the dirt with you. 

And as far as your last sentence its not for me to decide, and I wouldnt have anyways for feeling about it, as long as she is happy content and loving her life then im happy. Im not going to dictate tell a grown arese person how they should/shouldnt live. If she gets married have kids cool, if she becomes a *$!$@, cool, if she spends the rest of her life single cool. If she stays with someone forever not married and have a harmonious life, cool. My daughters's life decisions wouldnt change how i feel about them, or make me love/care for them any less. Thus my unconditional love for them. And I didnt have a ceremony/pact/ring to have this love for my kids either so......

  

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Also the whole ring thing is a symbol to the world and if you are 100% in love why would you have a problem wearing one? 
1. If I am 100% in love, why do I need to wear a ring to display it? Why do I need to display it? I thought it was about me and HER. Not me/her on stage to the world. Again, if I am going to cheat, I am going to cheat. A ring won't stop me. A ring won't stop a a female that wants her mouth filled up to stop pursuing me. It is just a ring to me that men before me have attempted to make more value than what it really is.

Man I wouldn't even want anyone to waste $ on a ring for me. I don't wear rings for one, and two that money could go toward something more important. Like the water bill. It is just a ring, it means NOTHING to me. It doesn't PROVE anything. It is just an item. I am not materialistic at all man. You will learn that. Those things don't matter to me man.

Calling her your "Old Lady" has to get old at some point.


Eh, I was never one that uses the whole "pet name" system. I know you were talking to LDJ. I am with _____. Not ____ is my woman/girl/GF. I don't use those fictional middle school titles. I cringe anytime I hear grown folks call someone their girlfriend.

Let me tell you a story. I was somewhere with my "friend." (Call her Kate). And her friend (Cindy) introduced me, to her son, as Kate's friend. Now Kate's other friend saw/heard this and blurted out, "That is Kate's BOYFRIEND." Now after that ordeal, Cindy approached me 1-on-1 and said, "I didn't mean any disrespect. It is just that my son is 10, I want to protect him from the world as much as I can. And I don't really want him to know about the whole BF/GF thing." I told her it didn't matter to me. It really isn't any of his business how I relate to Kate. I am her friend. Plus those titles are just titles. I really don't care. I am not offended.

I swear this girl was praising me because I saw eye to eye with her about that. So we had a nice little convo about it and how they are in fact just titles that mean nothing.

So again, to me, they are just words. Mean nothing. EYE know what she is to me. SHE knows what she means to me.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Also the whole ring thing is a symbol to the world and if you are 100% in love why would you have a problem wearing one? 
1. If I am 100% in love, why do I need to wear a ring to display it? Why do I need to display it? I thought it was about me and HER. Not me/her on stage to the world. Again, if I am going to cheat, I am going to cheat. A ring won't stop me. A ring won't stop a a female that wants her mouth filled up to stop pursuing me. It is just a ring to me that men before me have attempted to make more value than what it really is.

Man I wouldn't even want anyone to waste $ on a ring for me. I don't wear rings for one, and two that money could go toward something more important. Like the water bill. It is just a ring, it means NOTHING to me. It doesn't PROVE anything. It is just an item. I am not materialistic at all man. You will learn that. Those things don't matter to me man.

Calling her your "Old Lady" has to get old at some point.


Eh, I was never one that uses the whole "pet name" system. I know you were talking to LDJ. I am with _____. Not ____ is my woman/girl/GF. I don't use those fictional middle school titles. I cringe anytime I hear grown folks call someone their girlfriend.

Let me tell you a story. I was somewhere with my "friend." (Call her Kate). And her friend (Cindy) introduced me, to her son, as Kate's friend. Now Kate's other friend saw/heard this and blurted out, "That is Kate's BOYFRIEND." Now after that ordeal, Cindy approached me 1-on-1 and said, "I didn't mean any disrespect. It is just that my son is 10, I want to protect him from the world as much as I can. And I don't really want him to know about the whole BF/GF thing." I told her it didn't matter to me. It really isn't any of his business how I relate to Kate. I am her friend. Plus those titles are just titles. I really don't care. I am not offended.

I swear this girl was praising me because I saw eye to eye with her about that. So we had a nice little convo about it and how they are in fact just titles that mean nothing.

So again, to me, they are just words. Mean nothing. EYE know what she is to me. SHE knows what she means to me.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

And LDJ, you are lucky man. To have a woman that buys into your ideas. You said she was like that before, so yea good stuff. My question, do you all have rings? While she might agree with your ideas behind closed doors, there would be a lot of outside pressure on her to "stand up and demand a ring from you." Her friends/family aren't going to let that fly and you will be all types of broke sucka, punk, n-words to her folks.

Again, I know you said it doesn't matter, but how do you handle to backlash from the outside forces.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

And LDJ, you are lucky man. To have a woman that buys into your ideas. You said she was like that before, so yea good stuff. My question, do you all have rings? While she might agree with your ideas behind closed doors, there would be a lot of outside pressure on her to "stand up and demand a ring from you." Her friends/family aren't going to let that fly and you will be all types of broke sucka, punk, n-words to her folks.

Again, I know you said it doesn't matter, but how do you handle to backlash from the outside forces.

 

[ldj]

Originally Posted by TruthGetsBusy

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Originally Posted by TruthGetsBusy

 There is a reason why people don't do it that way and don't give me that "giving in to social norms and rituals" stuff.  If you don't believe a marriage or even a wedding is more than a title and a party then I feel sorry for you guys. 

Ok in your mind, what agenda does a wedding promote?

Don't let the mainstream media fool you homie.  A wedding and marriage is not all about the woman.  Any man that is with a "Bridezilla" is a damb fool anyways because I'm checking that non-sense at the door.   No matter how big or small the ceremony the point is to show your partner you are 100% in love and show the world you are commited to one another.  A bigger wedding also serves the purpose of bringing the families together because lets face it you probably wont get those people in the same room very often.  Don't you think its a good look for the people who raised you and love you to learn about your partner and their family also?  Also the whole ring thing is a symbol to the world and if you are 100% in love why would you have a problem wearing one?  Calling her your "Old Lady" has to get old at some point.

  

1. This is _____ (Insert name). The same thing I would do for any other person I introduce. I never introduce anyone as, "My woman, GF, etc." I just say this is ____ insert name).

2.  I can simply say, "I am married." Only 3 words. Doesn't take much effort honestly man. I am not the cheating type dude, a ring really does nothing for me. I don't need a piece of jewlery to show the world that I am taken. If the conversation comes up, I would have no problem with letting someone know I am not interested. Not have the ring doesn't change anything.

3. Again, I don't believe in unconditional love. A marriage/wedding doesn't alter one's feelings towards another person. Not in my eyes it doesn't.

4. I am a very very very private person. I don't care about the fan fare of a wedding. So what if I never get a chance to show people I rarely see how much I love that woman. I don't look forward to it and I don't need it to validate anything about my life. But I am the same dude that wasn't going to even go to my college graduation because I didn't feel like sitting through it. But I did it for the folks that came and supported me. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have gone. Ceremonies don't matter to me man. It doesn't add to or take away from the journey. I UNDERSTAND what they are for, but they still don't matter TO ME.

5. I wouldn't raise my kids to think the same way, but they will know my thoughts on it when the time comes. If my daughter is with a man that is treating her right and not hitting, cheating, etc I don't care if he doesn't have a ceremony. I don't care if he doesn't marry her. Things like that don't matter to me as I said before.

1. So if you introduce your female counterpart to a co-worker you will say "this is Lisa" and that's it? 

 What kind of respect do you have for her?  Doesn't she mean more to you that than? I'm not sure what world you live in but people are given names and titles when you introduce them.  ex.  "hi this is my brother Jason" or "hi this is Pete we went to college together".  Now how are you gonna spin this one with your girl of 15 years? 

2.  I was speaking to LDJ about his not married thing.  So I'm not even gonna argue the ring thing just a waste of time.

3. Whatever floats your boat

4. I can agree with you and have had similar thoughts but I never act upon and always have a great time when i go through with the experience.  Life is bigger than us and we aren't always right.  Believe it or not "walking across the stage" matters.  We have to get out our own bubble to realize that sometimes. 

5.  Whatever floats your boat.


   1. So if you introduce your female counterpart to a co-worker you will say "this is Lisa" and that's it?

What kind of respect do you have for her? Doesn't she mean more to you that than? I'm not sure what world you live in but people are given names and titles when you introduce them. ex. "hi this is my brother Jason" or "hi this is Pete we went to college together". Now how are you gonna spin this one with your girl of 15 years? 

But again I ask if what others think doesnt matter then why would it matter what others think? You clearly said it isnt about others yet all your examples lead to well what will others think say view us as. That my friend is a contridiction. And caalling someone your wife doesnt=respect. Respect is an action its a doing. Hell ike turner called tina his wife, and I dont call mines my wife so by your definition he respected honored loved and cherished her huh... We will throwout the fact he cheated degraded her beat her because he had a wedding and they had the title of husband and wife. So tiger didnt disrespect his wife either? And you whole world we live in just proves my point of seeking validity social norms and acceptance of ppl. Why would I live my life or care what others view think of me? And why do you care what others think view of you?

4. I can agree with you and have had similar thoughts but I never act upon and always have a great time when i go through with the experience. Life is bigger than us and we aren't always right. Believe it or not "walking across the stage" matters. We have to get out our own bubble to realize that sometimes. 

How so i got my degree not to long ago, and i didnt attend the ceremony. How would it change things if i did? Are you saying my b.a. isnt valid because i didnt attend? Are you saying that if for some uncertain reasons I needed it for a job and i presented it to a potential employer they wouldnt hold it in the same light as a person who had the same degree but attended there ceremony? Again everything you guys are saying just lead to i want to prove something to society/people. I want social acceptance/acknowledgement validity from others. And if you revolve your life around that thats cool. Not knocking it, its just i really dont care what society depicts view me as. Its the same reason I dont wear three piece suits everyday, Or fall into the norms stereotypes society says you are suppose to be in.

 

[ldj]

Originally Posted by TruthGetsBusy

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Originally Posted by TruthGetsBusy

 There is a reason why people don't do it that way and don't give me that "giving in to social norms and rituals" stuff.  If you don't believe a marriage or even a wedding is more than a title and a party then I feel sorry for you guys. 

Ok in your mind, what agenda does a wedding promote?

Don't let the mainstream media fool you homie.  A wedding and marriage is not all about the woman.  Any man that is with a "Bridezilla" is a damb fool anyways because I'm checking that non-sense at the door.   No matter how big or small the ceremony the point is to show your partner you are 100% in love and show the world you are commited to one another.  A bigger wedding also serves the purpose of bringing the families together because lets face it you probably wont get those people in the same room very often.  Don't you think its a good look for the people who raised you and love you to learn about your partner and their family also?  Also the whole ring thing is a symbol to the world and if you are 100% in love why would you have a problem wearing one?  Calling her your "Old Lady" has to get old at some point.

  

1. This is _____ (Insert name). The same thing I would do for any other person I introduce. I never introduce anyone as, "My woman, GF, etc." I just say this is ____ insert name).

2.  I can simply say, "I am married." Only 3 words. Doesn't take much effort honestly man. I am not the cheating type dude, a ring really does nothing for me. I don't need a piece of jewlery to show the world that I am taken. If the conversation comes up, I would have no problem with letting someone know I am not interested. Not have the ring doesn't change anything.

3. Again, I don't believe in unconditional love. A marriage/wedding doesn't alter one's feelings towards another person. Not in my eyes it doesn't.

4. I am a very very very private person. I don't care about the fan fare of a wedding. So what if I never get a chance to show people I rarely see how much I love that woman. I don't look forward to it and I don't need it to validate anything about my life. But I am the same dude that wasn't going to even go to my college graduation because I didn't feel like sitting through it. But I did it for the folks that came and supported me. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have gone. Ceremonies don't matter to me man. It doesn't add to or take away from the journey. I UNDERSTAND what they are for, but they still don't matter TO ME.

5. I wouldn't raise my kids to think the same way, but they will know my thoughts on it when the time comes. If my daughter is with a man that is treating her right and not hitting, cheating, etc I don't care if he doesn't have a ceremony. I don't care if he doesn't marry her. Things like that don't matter to me as I said before.

1. So if you introduce your female counterpart to a co-worker you will say "this is Lisa" and that's it? 

 What kind of respect do you have for her?  Doesn't she mean more to you that than? I'm not sure what world you live in but people are given names and titles when you introduce them.  ex.  "hi this is my brother Jason" or "hi this is Pete we went to college together".  Now how are you gonna spin this one with your girl of 15 years? 

2.  I was speaking to LDJ about his not married thing.  So I'm not even gonna argue the ring thing just a waste of time.

3. Whatever floats your boat

4. I can agree with you and have had similar thoughts but I never act upon and always have a great time when i go through with the experience.  Life is bigger than us and we aren't always right.  Believe it or not "walking across the stage" matters.  We have to get out our own bubble to realize that sometimes. 

5.  Whatever floats your boat.


   1. So if you introduce your female counterpart to a co-worker you will say "this is Lisa" and that's it?

What kind of respect do you have for her? Doesn't she mean more to you that than? I'm not sure what world you live in but people are given names and titles when you introduce them. ex. "hi this is my brother Jason" or "hi this is Pete we went to college together". Now how are you gonna spin this one with your girl of 15 years? 

But again I ask if what others think doesnt matter then why would it matter what others think? You clearly said it isnt about others yet all your examples lead to well what will others think say view us as. That my friend is a contridiction. And caalling someone your wife doesnt=respect. Respect is an action its a doing. Hell ike turner called tina his wife, and I dont call mines my wife so by your definition he respected honored loved and cherished her huh... We will throwout the fact he cheated degraded her beat her because he had a wedding and they had the title of husband and wife. So tiger didnt disrespect his wife either? And you whole world we live in just proves my point of seeking validity social norms and acceptance of ppl. Why would I live my life or care what others view think of me? And why do you care what others think view of you?

4. I can agree with you and have had similar thoughts but I never act upon and always have a great time when i go through with the experience. Life is bigger than us and we aren't always right. Believe it or not "walking across the stage" matters. We have to get out our own bubble to realize that sometimes. 

How so i got my degree not to long ago, and i didnt attend the ceremony. How would it change things if i did? Are you saying my b.a. isnt valid because i didnt attend? Are you saying that if for some uncertain reasons I needed it for a job and i presented it to a potential employer they wouldnt hold it in the same light as a person who had the same degree but attended there ceremony? Again everything you guys are saying just lead to i want to prove something to society/people. I want social acceptance/acknowledgement validity from others. And if you revolve your life around that thats cool. Not knocking it, its just i really dont care what society depicts view me as. Its the same reason I dont wear three piece suits everyday, Or fall into the norms stereotypes society says you are suppose to be in.

 

[truthgetsbusy]

DC and LDJ.  I actually feel sorry for you guys.  Its sad to see people suck all the joy out of life and disguise it as "living for me".   It's sad to see grown men who find pleasure in finding ways to defend acting like children.  The close-minded and selfish point of view you guys have on almost every topic is actually childish and not mature like you have convinced yourself to believe.  Never once have either of you ever actually attempted to see things through another persons POV.  It just shows your lack of perspective and proves you guys could be sociopaths.  While you guys are intelligent people you lack in the social aspect of life which almost matters more.  Don't you think its weird you are always the minority and it's almost you against the world in 8/10 discussions?  I guess you just always figured that you were the smarter or more real person

.  See the thing is I understand partly where you guys are coming from but I'm not crazy and see the bigger picture.  You guys are too old for this and it seems like you haven't learned much from your life experiences maybe its because you forced yourself to miss out on so much. 

This world is all about give and take, picking your spots, holding your tongue, playing off of other peoples emotions, etc.  This is CHESS NOT CHECKERS.  If you plan on living your life for you 24/7 you are actually making your life harder than it needs to be. 

And back to this topic.  I really would like to see what type of woman choose to deal with you guys.  While you guys might be educated, well off financially, and respectful you are clearly nuts.

 

[truthgetsbusy]

DC and LDJ.  I actually feel sorry for you guys.  Its sad to see people suck all the joy out of life and disguise it as "living for me".   It's sad to see grown men who find pleasure in finding ways to defend acting like children.  The close-minded and selfish point of view you guys have on almost every topic is actually childish and not mature like you have convinced yourself to believe.  Never once have either of you ever actually attempted to see things through another persons POV.  It just shows your lack of perspective and proves you guys could be sociopaths.  While you guys are intelligent people you lack in the social aspect of life which almost matters more.  Don't you think its weird you are always the minority and it's almost you against the world in 8/10 discussions?  I guess you just always figured that you were the smarter or more real person

.  See the thing is I understand partly where you guys are coming from but I'm not crazy and see the bigger picture.  You guys are too old for this and it seems like you haven't learned much from your life experiences maybe its because you forced yourself to miss out on so much. 

This world is all about give and take, picking your spots, holding your tongue, playing off of other peoples emotions, etc.  This is CHESS NOT CHECKERS.  If you plan on living your life for you 24/7 you are actually making your life harder than it needs to be. 

And back to this topic.  I really would like to see what type of woman choose to deal with you guys.  While you guys might be educated, well off financially, and respectful you are clearly nuts.

 

[CJ616]

Originally Posted by Mrsouthernhospitality

Originally Posted by LDJ

Originally Posted by TruthGetsBusy


 

  

 

[CJ616]

Originally Posted by Mrsouthernhospitality

Originally Posted by LDJ

Originally Posted by TruthGetsBusy


 

  

 

[mrsouthernhospitality]

TruthGetsBusy wrote 

And back to this topic.  I really would like to see what type of woman choose to deal with you guys.  While you guys might be educated, well off financially, and respectful you are clearly nuts.

I said it once and I will say it again there are plenty of women that fell the same way we do 
you cant show me a poll or a stat or anything that says 100% of women or men see marriage as being necessary 

 

[mrsouthernhospitality]

TruthGetsBusy wrote 

And back to this topic.  I really would like to see what type of woman choose to deal with you guys.  While you guys might be educated, well off financially, and respectful you are clearly nuts.

I said it once and I will say it again there are plenty of women that fell the same way we do 
you cant show me a poll or a stat or anything that says 100% of women or men see marriage as being necessary