Post your most embarrassing sexual encounters Vol. 2012

[breezylocks]

Originally Posted by Tr1ll

Eff it, I'll play.

About 4 or 5 years ago, I was a pill popping animal. Every weekend 2 or 3 a day, only reason why I didn't bite down during the week was because I worked and I was scared I'd walk out, just not wanting to be there.

Anyway, I pulled this one chick, we met up for lunch once, chick was literally built like this ( ). I was like whatever, she was a D cup, and was obviously feeling me, so that was good enough. I wanna say, the next week I call her after the club trying to giver her some of this dope D. She says shes spending the night over her friends and I was welcome to come spend the night with her. Hell yea. Its already 3 in the morning when I got over so I know for sure its going down. She lets me in, and her home girl comes out the back, greeted me with smiles, tells the chick I'm cute and asks me to "take care of her girl, now..", goes in the room and closes the door. Even more reason for me to believe its about to go down.

She has a make shift cot made out on the living room floor. We lay down and she turns to me and says she doesn't wanna do anything just yet she just was to sleep next to me tonight. Now, I am rolling like an 18 wheeler, I'm not hearing none of that. I yes her up and proceed to bust down to the balling shorts and tank top. We laying there, we start making out and then we start drying humping. We dry humping HARD, like changing positions and stuff. My green !$# is thinking, if I keep this up, shes gonna get too hot and come on off it. So we going at, shes even talking post dated dirty talk("ooh, you gonna *+%% me like this baby?").

Now we're on our sides and I'm grinding. I got one hand on a boob and I'm constantly trying to work my other hand in her panties. She kept moving my hand, but steady grinding with me. Then out of nowhere, BANG! I totally bust one all over myself. Usually you get a little tingle that lets you know you need to slow down. None of that. That junk just came(no pun intended). I could tell she knew what happen because I went from a steel rod to a melted candy bar. I got the total %@% face and she got the "I know he didn't" face. I hunched her for about 3 more minutes and just rolled over. She didn't say anything, she just put her arm around me and went to sleep. All the time, I'm still rolling. I just starred at the window waiting for the sun to come up. As soon as the sun got high enough, I bolted. Needless to say, I never called her again. I just knew she told her friends I jizzed on myself hunching on her,

Funny thing about it, chick called me back a couple weeks later, cussing me out for not calling her back.

real life...
thats 

while you were smacked out.. no wonder you busted

 

[breezylocks]

Originally Posted by polorico

this thread is bringing the comedy.


I got bunz one time from a wavy mexican chick here in Texas , the more she got exited the more she would smell.

I couldnt even take it no more .

I asked her "what is that smell that erupted from your panties ?

I deaded it a week later.

real life...
what did she say to that?

i know you got some funny stories rico, you needa post em

 

[hizzle]

This was before anything even started to happen, just foreplay stuff. I'm kissing her on her neck and all that good stuff in the bed. This went on for five minutes or so. It was really dark in the room so she reached over real quick and turned on the table lamp. All I see on the side of her face, neck, and pillow is blood. I'm like *@% IS GOING ON?!? Then some blood drops from my face. Turns out my nose was bleeding the whole time. Needless to say I did not smash.

 

[icey heat]

Originally Posted by WhatsLosinLike

Originally Posted by Put em up

Originally Posted by Tr1ll

Then out of nowhere, BANG! I totally bust one all over myself. Usually you get a little tingle that lets you know you need to slow down. None of that. That junk just came(no pun intended). I could tell she knew what happen because I went from a steel rod to a melted candy bar. I got the total %@% face and she got the "I know he didn't" face. I hunched her for about 3 more minutes and just rolled over. She didn't say anything, she just put her arm around me and went to sleep. All the time, I'm still rolling. I just starred at the window waiting for the sun to come up. As soon as the sun got high enough, I bolted. Needless to say, I never called her again. I just knew she told her friends I jizzed on myself hunching on her,

Funny thing about it, chick called me back a couple weeks later, cussing me out for not calling her back.

homie you laid there with your underwear wet with nut, come all over your legs and belly and you didnt wipe it bc you didnt want her to know...

pipe stuck to the leg and everything.

im seriously in tears dog.

  

.....LMFAO!!! 

 

[antidope]

Originally Posted by Put em up

Originally Posted by Tr1ll

Then out of nowhere, BANG! I totally bust one all over myself. Usually you get a little tingle that lets you know you need to slow down. None of that. That junk just came(no pun intended). I could tell she knew what happen because I went from a steel rod to a melted candy bar. I got the total %@% face and she got the "I know he didn't" face. I hunched her for about 3 more minutes and just rolled over. She didn't say anything, she just put her arm around me and went to sleep. All the time, I'm still rolling. I just starred at the window waiting for the sun to come up. As soon as the sun got high enough, I bolted. Needless to say, I never called her again. I just knew she told her friends I jizzed on myself hunching on her,

Funny thing about it, chick called me back a couple weeks later, cussing me out for not calling her back.

homie you laid there with your underwear wet with nut, come all over your legs and belly and you didnt wipe it bc you didnt want her to know...

pipe stuck to the leg and everything.

im seriously in tears dog.

  

 

[ogbobbyjohnson773]

 

[so uptempo]

These embarrassing sexual encounters threads are always my favorite man laughs for days. I'm gonna mull it over and see if I have any besides just nutting early or not being able to get it back up after I got my nut and I'll be back

 

[dajondondo]

Originally Posted by Antidope

Originally Posted by Put em up

Originally Posted by Tr1ll

Then out of nowhere, BANG! I totally bust one all over myself. Usually you get a little tingle that lets you know you need to slow down. None of that. That junk just came(no pun intended). I could tell she knew what happen because I went from a steel rod to a melted candy bar. I got the total %@% face and she got the "I know he didn't" face. I hunched her for about 3 more minutes and just rolled over. She didn't say anything, she just put her arm around me and went to sleep. All the time, I'm still rolling. I just starred at the window waiting for the sun to come up. As soon as the sun got high enough, I bolted. Needless to say, I never called her again. I just knew she told her friends I jizzed on myself hunching on her,

Funny thing about it, chick called me back a couple weeks later, cussing me out for not calling her back.

homie you laid there with your underwear wet with nut, come all over your legs and belly and you didnt wipe it bc you didnt want her to know...

pipe stuck to the leg and everything.

im seriously in tears dog.

  

wowww... thats now thats what i can an embarassing story... damn bro... u just stood there.. 

 ..  this chick was a good 1 man.. very rare.

 

[Peep Game]

Originally Posted by AntBanks81

Originally Posted by Put em up

Originally Posted by Tr1ll

Then out of nowhere, BANG! I totally bust one all over myself. Usually you get a little tingle that lets you know you need to slow down. None of that. That junk just came(no pun intended). I could tell she knew what happen because I went from a steel rod to a melted candy bar. I got the total %@% face and she got the "I know he didn't" face. I hunched her for about 3 more minutes and just rolled over. She didn't say anything, she just put her arm around me and went to sleep. All the time, I'm still rolling. I just starred at the window waiting for the sun to come up. As soon as the sun got high enough, I bolted. Needless to say, I never called her again. I just knew she told her friends I jizzed on myself hunching on her,

Funny thing about it, chick called me back a couple weeks later, cussing me out for not calling her back.

homie you laid there with your underwear wet with nut, come all over your legs and belly and you didnt wipe it bc you didnt want her to know...

pipe stuck to the leg and everything.

im seriously in tears dog.

  

 Great story

  

real water is running down my face right now

 

[bdubnyckid]

Originally Posted by Peep Game

Originally Posted by AntBanks81

Originally Posted by Put em up

homie you laid there with your underwear wet with nut, come all over your legs and belly and you didnt wipe it bc you didnt want her to know...

pipe stuck to the leg and everything.

im seriously in tears dog.

  

 Great story

  

real water is running down my face right now

"I just stared at the window waiting for the sun to come up"

 

[space doodoo pistols]

i got a text from an ex that reminded me of this :

i'm at my boy's house for UFC 64. i'm in a good mood because I'm a Sherk & Silva fan. she stops by afterwards to chill and we leave. we get to my house and we're doing the mutual handskies. she says "put it in my behind" so instantly i'm in beast mode. i reach into my drawer and grab my bottle of lube for moments like these. my tip is to let it drip on top of the pink fun and when it gets down far enough, play with the butt until it's time for buttskies. i let it drip and INSTANTLY she goes from a lying position to standing against the wall, spider-man style and she's HOWLING. i'm like yo let's do this and she screams "WRONG BOTTLE YOU %%+%+$* IDIOT" and is trying to grab a shirt. i say "huh" and start to touch it and see what she's talking about. instantly i realized the problem.

i grabbed sanitizer instead of lube.

i say "it's ok!" and start wiping it off but made it worse as i got some IN her. she puts her clothes on, storms out and leaves.

 

[KMante]

Originally Posted by Space DooDoo Pistols

i got a text from an ex that reminded me of this :

i'm at my boy's house for UFC 64. i'm in a good mood because I'm a Sherk & Silva fan. she stops by afterwards to chill and we leave. we get to my house and we're doing the mutual handskies. she says "put it in my behind" so instantly i'm in beast mode. i reach into my drawer and grab my bottle of lube for moments like these. my tip is to let it drip on top of the pink fun and when it gets down far enough, play with the butt until it's time for buttskies. i let it drip and INSTANTLY she goes from a lying position to standing against the wall, spider-man style and she's HOWLING. i'm like yo let's do this and she screams "WRONG BOTTLE YOU %%+%+$* IDIOT" and is trying to grab a shirt. i say "huh" and start to touch it and see what she's talking about. instantly i realized the problem.

i grabbed sanitizer instead of lube.

i say "it's ok!" and start wiping it off but made it worse as i got some IN her. she puts her clothes on, storms out and leaves.

 

 

 

[mytmouse76]

Originally Posted by DajonDondo

U got any @ mytmous? any?

76 so ur 35?

im sure u must have been through alot...

i'm 24 the 76 is for the sixers and no  

 

[jordanscrub]

 

 

 Sanitizer probably feels like ACID in those spots homie. 

 

[mister916]

Originally Posted by KMante

Originally Posted by Space DooDoo Pistols

i grabbed sanitizer instead of lube.

 

 

 

[coolgraymemo]

Originally Posted by Mister916

Originally Posted by KMante

Originally Posted by Space DooDoo Pistols

i grabbed sanitizer instead of lube.

 

 

*dead* 

 

[odog24]

Originally Posted by Mister916

Originally Posted by KMante

Originally Posted by Space DooDoo Pistols

i grabbed sanitizer instead of lube.

 

 

you shoulda told her it was that new ky tingling sensation 

 

[ihavemyownopinion]

Originally Posted by odog24

Originally Posted by Mister916

Originally Posted by KMante

 

 

you shoulda told her it was that new ky tingling sensation 

Feel the burn

 

[flacobey]

Originally Posted by CoolGrayMemo

Originally Posted by Mister916

Originally Posted by KMante

 

 

*dead* 

wow lol

 

[pip777]

Originally Posted by IHaveMyOwnOpinion

Originally Posted by odog24

Originally Posted by Mister916

you shoulda told her it was that new ky tingling sensation 

Feel the burn

 

[ravagebx]

Originally Posted by mytmouse76

Originally Posted by DajonDondo

U got any @ mytmous? any?

76 so ur 35?

im sure u must have been through alot...

i'm 24 the 76 is for the sixers and no  

Stop frontin Mouse 

 

[10 piece nuggets]

Originally Posted by CoolGrayMemo

Originally Posted by manny1

third.
me and two of my boys are leaving the club and we meet these 3 chicks in the parking lot of the club. so i ended up in the car with one these chicks and im straight messing around with her. all of the sudden she starts to give me head and im feeling like a boss. at the same time the cops are walking around the parking lot trying to get people to leave. we are like the last cars in the parking lot so the cops start talking to my boys and the other 2 chicks outside the car. next thing you know i hear a knock on the window and one of the cop is looking at me with a big smile. tells us to take it to the house. the other two chicks didnt know what was going on with me and there friend and all i hear from one of the chicks standing outside is " mom what are you doing" this chick was 35 years old but looked like she was in her mid 20's. she looks at her daughter and said " you act like you never gave head before" i couldn’t stop laughing on the way home.

forth.
I was at his chicks house that I have been talking to for a minute. she would tell me that her mom was really cool and didn’t care what she did and who she talked to. so im there chillen and were watching a movie in the living room and her mom walks in. her mom starts to talk to me and a hour passes by. Her mom tells her

 

[airforce1king]

Originally Posted by 10 Piece Nuggets

Originally Posted by CoolGrayMemo

Originally Posted by manny1

third.
me and two of my boys are leaving the club and we meet these 3 chicks in the parking lot of the club. so i ended up in the car with one these chicks and im straight messing around with her. all of the sudden she starts to give me head and im feeling like a boss. at the same time the cops are walking around the parking lot trying to get people to leave. we are like the last cars in the parking lot so the cops start talking to my boys and the other 2 chicks outside the car. next thing you know i hear a knock on the window and one of the cop is looking at me with a big smile. tells us to take it to the house. the other two chicks didnt know what was going on with me and there friend and all i hear from one of the chicks standing outside is " mom what are you doing" this chick was 35 years old but looked like she was in her mid 20's. she looks at her daughter and said " you act like you never gave head before" i couldn’t stop laughing on the way home.

forth.
I was at his chicks house that I have been talking to for a minute. she would tell me that her mom was really cool and didn’t care what she did and who she talked to. so im there chillen and were watching a movie in the living room and her mom walks in. her mom starts to talk to me and a hour passes by. Her mom tells her

 

[kiendienn]

Originally Posted by KMante

Originally Posted by Space DooDoo Pistols

i got a text from an ex that reminded me of this :

i'm at my boy's house for UFC 64. i'm in a good mood because I'm a Sherk & Silva fan. she stops by afterwards to chill and we leave. we get to my house and we're doing the mutual handskies. she says "put it in my behind" so instantly i'm in beast mode. i reach into my drawer and grab my bottle of lube for moments like these. my tip is to let it drip on top of the pink fun and when it gets down far enough, play with the butt until it's time for buttskies. i let it drip and INSTANTLY she goes from a lying position to standing against the wall, spider-man style and she's HOWLING. i'm like yo let's do this and she screams "WRONG BOTTLE YOU %%+%+$* IDIOT" and is trying to grab a shirt. i say "huh" and start to touch it and see what she's talking about. instantly i realized the problem.

i grabbed sanitizer instead of lube.

i say "it's ok!" and start wiping it off but made it worse as i got some IN her. she puts her clothes on, storms out and leaves.

 

 

"I heard the NT horror stories, I'm making sure it's clean"

 

[coldcity]

Originally Posted by AirForce1King

-This one isn't even a sex story so I won't go into details. Long story short, I was in school (probably 7th or 8th grade) and I was tongue kissing this chick on the school bus. We hit a huge bump and our teeth clacked together and I chipped her front tooth.
damb
-I've been vomited on a couple times. Gag jobs for the win!

-69ing with my ex when I was 18. Was suppose to be a "light day." She cums, hops up, turns on the light and looks at me and does this

. She told me to stay there and don't move and she ran to the bathroom. I'm thinking I got a face full of cum so I wipe with my hand as it was starting to get in my nose. Blood. That wasn't the worst part. There was a nice size blood clot on my forehead. She starts to tear up while apologizing and wiping my face with a wet rag. I'm a pervert so I'm cracking jokes and laughing about the situation and saying I felt like Moses and crap LOL!