- Oct 13, 2001
- 161,019
- 142,968
Official NT dad thread: can the dads get love
- Aug 5, 2007
- 16,554
- 21,164
damn. the other day, i ended up snapping at my son in the car after he didn’t meet with a teacher to work on an assignment after i specifically told him to meet at study hall and even went so far as writing SH on his hand with a marker. overall, his grades are crap so far this year too. after feeling stupid for yelling like that, i reached out to the class counselor and asked for an appointment to go over my son’s lack of progress and try to get some realistic strategies that are less abusive.
i don’t want to be the kind of parent that only places the blame on my kid without trying to adapt/evolve as a parent, especially if it doesn’t work and creates long-lasting issues.
- Feb 5, 2003
- 4,137
- 24,132
- May 26, 2015
- 1,275
- 2,334
Any of you fellas got teenagers? My son is 14 going on 15 and we used to be attached at the hip. Now he don’t even want to play ncaa with me. **** kills me i know he’s a teen and it is not cool to kick it with your parents at that age . But i find myself having a hard time adjusting to that. Any of you dads who have gone through the teen phase got any words of advice?
- Apr 2, 2007
- 28,571
- 54,278
I completely get what you’re going through. I went through something similar with my daughter before she left for Howard. We were really close when she was younger, but I noticed things started shifting when she hit that same age as your son. It’s tough, but it’s just part of growing up. What worked for me was trying to connect with her on her terms, rather than sticking to our old routines. I’d ask her what she was into and made an effort to be part of what she enjoyed, even if it wasn’t my thing.
We also made sure to keep a few traditions that helped us stay connected—anime/comic conventions and a yearly Disney cruise. Eventually, that evolved into me going to concerts with her until she started driving and doing her own thing.
It wasn’t always easy, but those efforts really helped maintain our bond. It’s also important to give them space to grow, while making sure they know you’re always there when they need you. As frustrating as it can be, they eventually come back around and realize their parents are there. Keep showing up, and trust that connection will stay strong over time.
Last edited:
darthska
Staff member
- Apr 30, 2004
- 47,074
- 31,776
The fact that you care is why you'll figure it out. The point that you're at is the point where I've seen so many parents go "Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Nobody wants to hang out with their lame parent anymore so I guess I just have to learn to let go."
No.
Hell no.
Nah, I'm not doing that.
My kid is 17, and just we just started going through what you're talking about, and here's what I'm currently doing, like right now:
1. Establish our own 'thing' and plan it.
Kinda 2 things on this one.
So for us, that's watching movies, and building things together (I don't mean 'Build things together' like we're both building the same thing. I like building small projects like Star Wars Metal Earth items, and he loves building Legos [yes, even at 17]). So I'll get my hobby table over to the couch and do my thing, and he'll get some Lego set that he's either working on or a new one that he hasn't opened yet and then we'll just build and talk for an hour or 2. But we plan that at the beginning of the week when I get him back from his mom in Monday.
And then we also love watching movies. Always have. So at the beginning of the week, we'll plan out "Since you'll be hanging out with your friends after school on Tuesday and Thursday, we can watch [insert movie] on Wednesday, and then Friday, we can build before you go to your mom's."
2. Actively listen to things he tells me that I'm not into.
Look, I'm not in the video games. I know damn near everybody is, but I'm not. Well he plays in different video game leagues with 4 friends that he has grown up with. I'll sit there and listen to him tell me about how they won this match then they got their *censored* kicked on this match but next week they're playing this super easy team. Objectively, I can tell you I could not possibly care any less, but I will sit there and listen intently.
3. My time spent with him in my role in his life is not going away; it's changing. Try to look at it that way.
- Jul 25, 2012
- 14,636
- 17,043
easy fix. Go make another boy
- Feb 5, 2003
- 4,137
- 24,132
dontsteponmyshoes
Supporter
- Mar 12, 2004
- 13,289
- 16,489
I did it. Or we did it. I can't believe. Today it actually became real man. I signed her over come August she up outta here I'm thrilled and terrified.
- Oct 13, 2001
- 161,019
- 142,968
solewoman
Staff member
- Jul 27, 2006
- 19,662
- 21,691
Beautiful. Wish bronny would’ve got a bucket tho. Hats off to Savannah
sonoftony
Supporter
- Apr 3, 2005
- 29,223
- 23,398
I'm at the stage where me and wifey are looking into starting a savings accounts for babygirl. I've looked into 529 accounts but they're all tied into college. I'm not saying that I'm against her going to college but is there a saving account that isn't tied to college? How did you approach this with your kid(s)? 
- Dec 19, 2004
- 1,569
- 824
^ in the boat actually so curious if anyone has thoughts?
dontsteponmyshoes
Supporter
- Mar 12, 2004
- 13,289
- 16,489
You can look at PenFed or any type of local credit union and see about setting up a high-yield savings account. Only downside of that is that unless you have self-control, you can access it before you're ready to give it to her. But essentially with the high yield savings account it'll just sit there and collect four to four and a half percent
- Oct 13, 2001
- 161,019
- 142,968
I would suggest following these accounts. They regularly speak on things to do to get the kids ready for a life of financial freedom.
- Apr 2, 2007
- 28,571
- 54,278
I'm at the stage where me and wifey are looking into starting a savings accounts for babygirl. I've looked into 529 accounts but they're all tied into college. I'm not saying that I'm against her going to college but is there a saving account that isn't tied to college? How did you approach this with your kid(s)?
With my daughter, I didn’t want to limit her options either, so I opened a custodial account (UTMA/UGMA), which isn’t tied to college. She can use it for anything when she’s older; whether that’s school, starting a business, or something else. Only problem is that after a certain age, they gain control.
Her mother put some money into a high yield savings account to give her more flexibility later on. That way she has options.
solewoman
Staff member
- Jul 27, 2006
- 19,662
- 21,691
Yup did HYSA/ETFs/and money market accounts
- Feb 5, 2003
- 4,137
- 24,132
- Jul 25, 2012
- 14,636
- 17,043
Had to reality check my youngest daughter who's heading to HS about friends. Noticed a trend where she's constantly have new bff's. I'll ask her what happened to the old one and she's like we're not cool. Kinda pointed out that it might be her and that she needs to have patience and be more empathetic. She hella frowned at me lol. Girls smh
- Jul 18, 2012
- 3,954
- 5,132
same with mine bro, she just hit 9th grade this year..its hard to get a read on her with friends...i feel like she keeps making the wrong choices when it comes to them but she doesnt really give the details other than "you still friends with so and so" head shake no, end of convo
- Jul 25, 2012
- 14,636
- 17,043
That's cool you give notice for real. Sucks when bff's become strangers and it can be damaging when building character.same with mine bro, she just hit 9th grade this year..its hard to get a read on her with friends...i feel like she keeps making the wrong choices when it comes to them but she doesnt really give the details other than "you still friends with so and so" head shake no, end of convo
My boys on the other hand will break bread with ya even after arguing over the stupidest ****
- Oct 13, 2001
- 161,019
- 142,968
Respect to the couple for stepping up and doing the right thing.
Hope the Sean dude gets his closure.
Hope the Sean dude gets his closure.
- Jan 22, 2006
- 1,771
- 516
I'm at the stage where me and wifey are looking into starting a savings accounts for babygirl. I've looked into 529 accounts but they're all tied into college. I'm not saying that I'm against her going to college but is there a saving account that isn't tied to college? How did you approach this with your kid(s)?
AWESOME!!!! Props on getting a head start on this and help your kid out (and everyone else doing the same)!
Financial literacy is very important. Education sectors have finally started to implement financial literacy into the curriculum, but I find its still not enough (not at the depth it needs to be for required courses).
- Feb 5, 2003
- 4,137
- 24,132
We came to an understanding:
