NTer's in relationships - Girl's Night Out and Social Media... Opinions ?

[youngdoc]

it doesn't always happen.  and she isn't the one driving.  so gotta wait for the driver to want to leave and then drive another girl or two home first before she gets dropped off, so that delays things as well.  it's just happened a couple times in the past month.  she said she's stressed at work and needs some girl time to just kick back with them.  since it's at a chicks house it's pretty harmless, but it still irks me.  i just don't want her coming home and having to throw up cause she drank too much.  it just pisses me off.

hawaii, she is def not a thot, or i'd be done with her before we even started.  i just don't like her decisions when it comes to making girl friends.  

What are you doing to help her relieve the stress from work?

You ever talk to her about it?

Do fun things to take her mind off it?

Exercise with her?

Things like cook her dinner?

It's also a red flag that she feels the need to get that drunk when stressed

 

[tsamshox]

Coming home at 4am???? Drunk??? Those are red flags, sir. I would not tolerate that and I would definitely speak my mind on that. At a certain point you gotta grow past that stage, unless she still wants to be about that life. For real, you gotta talk to her about that FAM cause that's NOT COOL.

 

[victor page]

 
no, she heads over to their house and comes home at 4am.  

 

[flyny]

Lil Daddy,

She's going to a "friend" (who you claim already to be a bad influence) house and coming back at 4am drunk? Multiple times a month? That's not good fam...it's one thing to go out to the club with her girls and come back drunk once in a blue moon, that's understandable...but to go to a HOUSE and come back half dead multiple times? Something's wrong fam...you claim that she's stressed, but are you doing anything to help the situation?

 

[jumpmanpro97]

if you guys want to talk about your gf's friend, how would you go about it ?  everytime i say something about them my gf thinks i have something against them or don't like them.  i only say things cause i care.  or am i better off just not saying anything ? 

 

[keel252]

Yo y'all chill man. My dude bout to break it off with his woman bc of yall. He's sounding real unsure right now.

 

[imlive365]

Tell her straight up man. No beaten around the bush. Just say you know that girl is a bad influence you go to her house and come home at 4AM **** faced and you don't like the choices your making with her. If she cares then she'll understand

 

[Kaleo15]

Yo y'all chill man. My dude bout to break it off with his woman bc of yall. He's sounding real unsure right now.

Bruh he should be. Every other post he seems to defend her, as if he already knows it's red flags.

Oh my girl doesn't like going out

Oh but she does because she feels bad

Oh her friend is a bad influence

But she comes home 4 in the morning drunk

Oh but she only goes once a week because she feels stressed

C'mon Son!

 

[mrse7en]

Nah bros, I'm just getting opinions. I appreciate hearing others point of views. Obviously I'm going to defend her if I inaccurately portrayed her or in the way I explained things cause she's my gf.

She just told me about the stress thing yesterday. She didn't want to bug me about it and wanted to confide in her friends. Like I said before most of these girlfriends popped up a few months ago and imo don't have her best interest. But every girl wants to have her own clique, so she doesn't want to believe what I say when I question them. I can see where she's coming from cause everyone wants to have those few close friends they can trust and talk to. and a person would probably feel pretty lame if they feel like they don't have some sort of core group of friends.

 

[mr jordan04]

I HATE girls who need to be on social media 24/7 posting a million selfies or checking in everywhere, just seems so petty to me and just asking for attention.


Girls should have their "alone" time with their girls. But I guess depending on her friends, that could be a problem. What does she do ok these "girls night out" when her group of friends are talking to other dudes? Just stand in the corner?

 

[mr marcus]

I HATE girls who need to be on social media 24/7 posting a million selfies or checking in everywhere, just seems so petty to me and just asking for attention.


Girls should have their "alone" time with their girls. But I guess depending on her friends, that could be a problem. What does she do ok these "girls night out" when her group of friends are talking to other dudes? Just stand in the corner?

same.....I'm glad mines isn't like that because it would annoy the hell outta me 

I know a chick that always kept her business on fb/ig bragging and checkin in places. Her and her husband came back from outta town once and someone broke into their condo and stole a whole bunch of **** 

 

[delete1234]

Damn man. Love is a crazy thing. **** will have you not seeing a snake that's about to bite you.

 

[tekthemaestro]

 
example: you don't think their friend(s) is a good influence.  doesn't seem to wanna do the "normal" girl stuff like brunch, lunch, dinner, shopping, nails/spa etc.  but rather only calls to go over to her house at night to talk and open up some champagne or something to do with drinking it seems.

am i out of bounds to criticize this friend or should i just keep my mouth shut ?  i just feel like how come this girl/these girls ever do the typical girly stuff so i make comments.  i don't know if its my place to ?

be careful criticizing her friend. she's sending you signs that the ice is thinning already. if what you say about her friend comes off as an attack, it might be that last straw. HOWEVER. if something is bothering you for real, it is your duty to make it known. if u dont tell her how u feel, then how is she supposed to know? the next time some sort of incident happens, wait for her to sober up, and talk to her calmly bout it.

 
no, she heads over to their house and comes home at 4am.  they drink to the point where she has to throw up when she gets home.  these girls just keep getting her to drink more etc.  i know she should control her own consumption, but you know how it goes when it comes to drinking, we can easily get overboard if friends just keep refilling your cup etc.  if it was chill drinking and talking i'd be fine with it.  they're drinking to the point to get my gf to be basically drunk and it pisses me off.  it's the influence of them that irks me, which causes me to want to speak to her about it.  

 
it doesn't always happen.  and she isn't the one driving.  so gotta wait for the driver to want to leave and then drive another girl or two home first before she gets dropped off, so that delays things as well.  it's just happened a couple times in the past month.  she said she's stressed at work and needs some girl time to just kick back with them.  since it's at a chicks house it's pretty harmless, but it still irks me.  i just don't want her coming home and having to throw up cause she drank too much.  it just pisses me off.

hawaii, she is def not a thot, or i'd be done with her before we even started.  i just don't like her decisions when it comes to making girl friends.  

NO. this cant happen. and...

*looks left*

*looks right*

nobody? word? Fine I'll say it. Man...if this girl isn't already cheating on you... she's very close to it. This is code red behavior. Shes going to her friends (if shes telling the truth) house late at night and getting ****faced. Analyze that from a non-biased standpoint and it sounds like shes trying to take a break from you...more like, escape. People drink to "knock the edge off" or have a lil fun. Drinking to the point of throwing up is covering up a serious issue. And its starting to happen more often? THINK. 

nd you also need to stop enabling her. You remaining silent is the same as saying "sure, im cool with this"  AND you need to stop making excuses for her. Shes an adult making her own choices. Theyre bad choices, but she knows it deep down and so do you. 

Its time for you to have a serious talk with her. 4am? At a house? Wasted? Mannnnnn......

 

[Mark Antony]

The more you expand, yeah red flags. Unless the story is so twisted in your head (which it might be). It sways from you being overbearing, to her being a trifling *** bird. You're still not doing your part though, why isn't she coming to you to blow off the stress? You're freaking out right now though, regain your composure, open your eyes then make the move your gut tells you. If there's more to her than you're telling us, and you really see a future, check the ego and talk it out. If she's already shifty, one foot out, stay cool and let her go. Always leave them better than you found them.

Bottom line though, the way it sways to you being the problem, back to her being the problem tells me it's all in your head. Take a breath and figure it out. NT will only exacerbate the problem.

 

[youngheadjenks5]

Ask yourself one good time if you see yourself dealing with this for the rest of your life.

 

[leclutchjames]

Always remember your girl is a reflection of you. So you may be slacking somewhere in which you need to step up

 

[paliplaya2010]

The more you expand, yeah red flags. Unless the story is so twisted in your head (which it might be). It sways from you being overbearing, to her being a trifling *** bird. You're still not doing your part though, why isn't she coming to you to blow off the stress? You're freaking out right now though, regain your composure, open your eyes then make the move your gut tells you. If there's more to her than you're telling us, and you really see a future, check the ego and talk it out. If she's already shifty, one foot out, stay cool and let her go. Always leave them better than you found them.

Bottom line though, the way it sways to you being the problem, back to her being the problem tells me it's all in your head. Take a breath and figure it out. NT will only exacerbate the problem.

Man I'm telling yAll. His ***** is cheating on him. Every single flag is there. Believe me when I tell u, a girl don't just mention some dudes that are interested in her if she thought nothing of it. She's keeping them on the sideline or she's already on their sideline. Believe that

 

[mrse7en]

pall: you rather your gf not tell you when guys are hitting on her or like her ?  i think thats the sign of a trifling garden tool.  that just means she craves the attention and is keeping you in the dark.  in a relationship i rather have full disclosure and know exactly whats going on. 

well bros, i've just come to the root of the problem.  she has opened up to me.  she is stressed to the max.  at work, dealing with problems that aren't her fault but getting blamed for by her manager.  having to study for work related tests.  her parents constantly nagging her.  her parents are separated, so hearing it double the amount of times from each one on separate occasions.  she thought i wouldn't want to listen to her problems.   so all this added up like a bomb and she tried to deal with it on her own and bottled it up inside.  she thought she couldn't come to me and talk, so she confided in her friends.  she needed to vent to someone and this is what led to her drinking more than she could handle.  

 

[paliplaya2010]

pall: you rather your gf not tell you when guys are hitting on her or like her ?  i think thats the sign of a trifling garden tool.  that just means she craves the attention and is keeping you in the dark.  in a relationship i rather have full disclosure and know exactly whats going on. 

well bros, i've just come to the root of the problem.  she has opened up to me.  she is stressed to the max.  at work, dealing with problems that aren't her fault but getting blamed for by her manager.  having to study for work related tests.  her parents constantly nagging her.  her parents are separated, so hearing it double the amount of times from each one on separate occasions.  she thought i wouldn't want to listen to her problems.   so all this added up like a bomb and she tried to deal with it on her own and bottled it up inside.  she thought she couldn't come to me and talk, so she confided in her friends.  she needed to vent to someone and this is what led to her drinking more than she could handle.  

Hell yea. I would hate to feel like I'm competing. Her telling u is like saying watch out ninja u got competition. My girl is 23 as am I, and once we got out of undergrad that partying and dribking bs got left behind. Time to focus on the relationship and the career. Not clubbing. I do the same thing. When birds are throwing the yambs i quietly decline and would never bring it up to my girl. No point in making her feel like she needs to keep a watchful eye. I trust her enough to do the right thing. I don't gotta keep a tab. But the way she got that trust is by not doing bird *** stuff like drinking til she passes out and goes clubbing

 

[hennessy]

well bros, i've just come to the root of the problem.  she has opened up to me.  she is stressed to the max.  at work, dealing with problems that aren't her fault but getting blamed for by her manager.  having to study for work related tests.  her parents constantly nagging her.  her parents are separated, so hearing it double the amount of times from each one on separate occasions.  she thought i wouldn't want to listen to her problems.   so all this added up like a bomb and she tried to deal with it on her own and bottled it up inside.  she thought she couldn't come to me and talk, so she confided in her friends.  she needed to vent to someone and this is what led to her drinking more than she could handle.  

Dude, I've heard this before. I'm sorry to say this but from what you've recently posted this girl sounds like a treehopper. I won't draw any conclusions about a girl who I don't know but this sounds a lot like how my last relationship ended. If you started seeing this girl during or shortly after her previous relationship you need to get out now. Some women are cowards who can not be blunt and have a mature conversation to end a relationship when it isn't working out any more. Instead, they will keep you just close enough while they lie, cheat, and engage in other selfish behavior that is destructful to your relationship. You may want to fix things with this person and "make it work" with this person because you love them but they may have already checked out of the relationship and be looking for the next thing while keeping you around until that happens.

Now, even if she is not seeing other guys, or cheating on you. It sounds like she doesn't even have her own life together and therefore she can't be expected to be there for you. Sounds like she has lost herself recently and is not the same person you knew before. It's probably not your fault, but it happens. From what you've recently posted this is no longer just a girls night out. This is straight up destructive behavior and you need to let her know that you will not tolerate it any more. If you allow this to continue it will only get worse until the point where you end up resenting her and have wasted a lot of your energy to trying to fix something that could never be fixed. Trust me OP. If she doesn't want to change her behavior right now and chooses to do this ******** to cope with her problems instead be with you and talk about things, face them head on with someone she cares about then you need to let her go.

 

[ice city fc]

Always remember your girl is a reflection of you. So you may be slacking somewhere in which you need to step up

This cliche has never made ANY sense.

 

[tekthemaestro]

 
pall: you rather your gf not tell you when guys are hitting on her or like her ?  i think thats the sign of a trifling garden tool.  that just means she craves the attention and is keeping you in the dark.  in a relationship i rather have full disclosure and know exactly whats going on. 

well bros, i've just come to the root of the problem.  she has opened up to me.  she is stressed to the max.  at work, dealing with problems that aren't her fault but getting blamed for by her manager.  having to study for work related tests.  her parents constantly nagging her.  her parents are separated, so hearing it double the amount of times from each one on separate occasions.  she thought i wouldn't want to listen to her problems.   so all this added up like a bomb and she tried to deal with it on her own and bottled it up inside.  she thought she couldn't come to me and talk, so she confided in her friends.  she needed to vent to someone and this is what led to her drinking more than she could handle.  

no hate on u famb, but im not sold. how is it yall in a relationship and she feels she cant talk to you about family problems? but she can drink her problems away and talk to her friends about it? no matter how u cut it, something is wrong in the coding here. and the problems she's dealing with are what pretty much everybody goes through. why did she think you wouldn't listen? i dunno man....something is really off, talk to her n everything but keep that grain of salt with u when shes talking.

always have that  

face when she explaining her behavior bruh. my experience is im 25 but ive been in my current relationship for 8 years now. we just got married and what not. but man my experience with females? sheesh.

 

[mrse7en]

over the keyboard it's hard to convey the exact things i need to say sometimes.  she doesn't drink to get plastered.  it's just that they open a bottle of champagne and then start talking/venting and then you know when you drink and your cup is empty a friend will always keep refilling it.  when she comes home she isn't plastered to the point of stumbling and tipping over, she can still function fine.  but she'll go to the washroom to force out some puke before she heads to bed.  i probably been making it sound a lot worse than it is.

and not to make any excuses, but some girls are more emotionally/mentally fragile.  she has the feeling that the whole world is out to get her right now and nothing is going her way.  so she needs to snap out of it.

 

[verbal kint]

If she's telling you about other guys, she putting you on notice that other guys will put in that work that you at the moment you aren't. I'm not saying she's f*cking these dudes but if you don't step up and make plans and all that other relationship stuff she can find someone else that will. IMO

This needs to be seen.. This is 100% truth. These other dudes should be innocuous..but shes flatly telling you whats at the forefront of her mind. And I'm sure you're asking if shes being approached/talked to at the (yoga, club, work) etc.. as well.. which needs to be deaded.. You cant ask your shortie those questions.. not right now. But she is def. putting you on notice as Jumpman said.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrse7en 

Nah bros, I'm just getting opinions. I appreciate hearing others point of views. Obviously I'm going to defend her if I inaccurately portrayed her or in the way I explained things cause she's my gf.

She just told me about the stress thing yesterday. She didn't want to bug me about it and wanted to confide in her friends. Like I said before most of these girlfriends popped up a few months ago and imo don't have her best interest. But every girl wants to have her own clique, so she doesn't want to believe what I say when I question them. I can see where she's coming from cause everyone wants to have those few close friends they can trust and talk to. and a person would probably feel pretty lame if they feel like they don't have some sort of core group of friends.

Um. She's lying brother. I'm sorry to tell you.  "I'm stressed at work"/confiding in my gf's(who she doesnt even know) means, I need space from you.. Are you even sure these other girls exist beyond the one you really hate?  But, in essence.. she isnt telling you the truth.. and on the 1% off-chance she is.. you need to go the fk off.. because going to the "friends" when stressed, is a HUGE slap in the face.. But all that is neither here nor there.. because, shes just not telling the truth here.

          It seems as though you are used to d**k-whipping or mind-fu*king chicks.. but whatever you are doing to this one is backfiring on a very large scale.. All of your inquiries into her personal dealings, are turning her off, and quite honestly.. making you seem beta.. even if you are alpha. You may have to fallback and let the chips fall where they may.

Originally Posted by TEKtheMAESTRO 
 
be careful criticizing her friend. she's sending you signs that the ice is thinning already. if what you say about her friend comes off as an attack, it might be that last straw. HOWEVER. if something is bothering you for real, it is your duty to make it known. if u dont tell her how u feel, then how is she supposed to know? the next time some sort of incident happens, wait for her to sober up, and talk to her calmly bout it.

NO. this cant happen. and...

*looks left*

*looks right*

nobody? word? Fine I'll say it. Man...if this girl isn't already cheating on you... she's very close to it. This is code red behavior. Shes going to her friends (if shes telling the truth) house late at night and getting ****faced. Analyze that from a non-biased standpoint and it sounds like shes trying to take a break from you...more like, escape. People drink to "knock the edge off" or have a lil fun. Drinking to the point of throwing up is covering up a serious issue. And its starting to happen more often? THINK. 

nd you also need to stop enabling her. You remaining silent is the same as saying "sure, im cool with this"  AND you need to stop making excuses for her. Shes an adult making her own choices. Theyre bad choices, but she knows it deep down and so do you. 

Its time for you to have a serious talk with her. 4am? At a house? Wasted? Mannnnnn......

I was going to type/quote more.. but this is literally all that needs to be said.. I dont know if she has actually physically cheated yet..or if your relationship is beyond repair..But she is 100% dealing with another dude.. Talking, hanging out.. someone has her attention.. All the signs are there.

 

[flyny]

Before I say what I gotta say, don't take this personal, as I'm not trynna come at ya neck or anything.

she thought i wouldn't want to listen to her problems.   so all this added up like a bomb and she tried to deal with it on her own and bottled it up inside.  she thought she couldn't come to me and talk, so she confided in her friends.  she needed to vent to someone and this is what led to her drinking more than she could handle.  

Dog...what the hell?
So you're telling me that SHE told YOU that she felt that she couldn't come to YOU (HER BOYFRIEND) to talk about her LIFE ISSUES?

Either you are a bad, nonchalant, non-understanding boyfriend, or she's ****** up in the head, fam.

over the keyboard it's hard to convey the exact things i need to say sometimes.  she doesn't drink to get plastered.  it's just that they open a bottle of champagne and then start talking/venting and then you know when you drink and your cup is empty a friend will always keep refilling it.  when she comes home she isn't plastered to the point of stumbling and tipping over, she can still function fine.  but she'll go to the washroom to force out some puke before she heads to bed.  i probably been making it sound a lot worse than it is.

and not to make any excuses, but some girls are more emotionally/mentally fragile.  she has the feeling that the whole world is out to get her right now and nothing is going her way.  so she needs to snap out of it.

You keep contradicting yourself in each post. You just said she comes home drunk vomiting all over the place. And you're saying that you're not making excuses for her, yet you make an excuse in every new post. I understand you're going through a rough patch right now, which can definitely do a toll on your mind, but fam you just gotta step outside of YOUR shoes, and view from the outside looking in...

If your MALE FRIEND was telling you EVERYTHING that you telling us...how would you react/what would you think??

I'm not saying shorty is doing anything wrong, but you gotta open ya eyes fam..if it's something that she can't get drunk and talk to you about, then it's something that she doesn't want you to know, my G.

Describe yourself in your relationship...are you supportive? Or are you just an "ok" guy. The guy that just says OK when the girl is talkin about her day? explain what type of person you are and we might be able to help you further