NTer's in relationships - Girl's Night Out and Social Media... Opinions ?

[mrse7en]

well when she goes out, she sends me pics of whats going on.  sends me her google location, msgs me throughout the night etc.  i can tell you with certainty that she isn't cheating.  do i need to step up ?  most def.  i just got too comfortable in the relationship and started to take things for granted which i'm sure contributed to this as well.  i'm glad to get others opinions and getting responses of the worse case scenario is always good so that all bases are covered.  

i think when it comes to listening and expressing my feelings i def need some work.  i'm not really good at that and i'm trying to improve.  like i said before, i would just say whatever to a chick and it would go.  i never took a chick serious before.  i think a lot of these issues are stemming from me dealing with new experiences and not knowing how to properly handle them and be as supportive and caring as i should be.

 

[verbal kint]

^^ If you are dead-set on knowing the truth.. then you need to cut the crap and be direct.. no games.. no massaging her ego or *****-footing. Look her in her face and ask her WTF is going on.. and use your intuition to read the possible issues.  Also, there's almost zero chance that she isnt giving you some kind of physical sign as well.. pulling away on kisses.. sex isn't coming as often/excuses on why she cant.. All in all..She's likely changed in another way as well that you are just missing or ignoring.

 

[Mark Antony]

Sounds like she sold you the dream as a "Please don't leave me before I get a chance to leave you". If they're really ready to cut loose, their words don't mean **** at that stage, it's just to keep you put while they work out the plan with their homegirls. This is really early 20s relationship issues though b, the way she chose to not communicate with you and deal with her stress is really immature. Can't blame dudes for thinking that she's ready to go, this is how young chicks behave when they are. But again, we're strangers.

 

[Mark Antony]

Before I say what I gotta say, don't take this personal, as I'm not trynna come at ya neck or anything.

she thought i wouldn't want to listen to her problems.   so all this added up like a bomb and she tried to deal with it on her own and bottled it up inside.  she thought she couldn't come to me and talk, so she confided in her friends.  she needed to vent to someone and this is what led to her drinking more than she could handle.  

Dog...what the hell?
So you're telling me that SHE told YOU that she felt that she couldn't come to YOU (HER BOYFRIEND) to talk about her LIFE ISSUES?

Either you are a bad, nonchalant, non-understanding boyfriend, or she's ****** up in the head, fam.

over the keyboard it's hard to convey the exact things i need to say sometimes.  she doesn't drink to get plastered.  it's just that they open a bottle of champagne and then start talking/venting and then you know when you drink and your cup is empty a friend will always keep refilling it.  when she comes home she isn't plastered to the point of stumbling and tipping over, she can still function fine.  but she'll go to the washroom to force out some puke before she heads to bed.  i probably been making it sound a lot worse than it is.

and not to make any excuses, but some girls are more emotionally/mentally fragile.  she has the feeling that the whole world is out to get her right now and nothing is going her way.  so she needs to snap out of it.

You keep contradicting yourself in each post. You just said she comes home drunk vomiting all over the place. And you're saying that you're not making excuses for her, yet you make an excuse in every new post. I understand you're going through a rough patch right now, which can definitely do a toll on your mind, but fam you just gotta step outside of YOUR shoes, and view from the outside looking in...

If your MALE FRIEND was telling you EVERYTHING that you telling us...how would you react/what would you think??

I'm not saying shorty is doing anything wrong, but you gotta open ya eyes fam..if it's something that she can't get drunk and talk to you about, then it's something that she doesn't want you to know, my G.

Describe yourself in your relationship...are you supportive? Or are you just an "ok" guy. The guy that just says OK when the girl is talkin about her day? explain what type of person you are and we might be able to help you further

The hell this sensible reply come from.

 

[flyny]

Verbal King pretty much hit the nail on the bed with that one

 

[flyny]

The hell this sensible reply come from.

I'm a intellectual ignoramus, my G

 

[hennessy]

Sounds like she sold you the dream as a "Please don't leave me before I get a chance to leave you". If they're really ready to cut loose, their words don't mean **** at that stage, it's just to keep you put while they work out the plan with their homegirls. This is really early 20s relationship issues though b, the way she chose to not communicate with you and deal with her stress is really immature. Can't blame dudes for thinking that she's ready to go, this is how young chicks behave when they are. But again, we're strangers.

Yes. As is the case with most girl threads, OP will learn the hard way.

 

[omariwestafari]

will this thread end like all NT relationship threads where the OP gets heart broken because they don't listen to our advice ? word to illest it will be listen and dump her first?


find out on the next episode of dragon ball z

 

[mrse7en]

Sounds like she sold you the dream as a "Please don't leave me before I get a chance to leave you". If they're really ready to cut loose, their words don't mean **** at that stage, it's just to keep you put while they work out the plan with their homegirls. This is really early 20s relationship issues though b, the way she chose to not communicate with you and deal with her stress is really immature. Can't blame dudes for thinking that she's ready to go, this is how young chicks behave when they are. But again, we're strangers.

i don't know, but if thats the case then she could've left a long time ago.  the guys liking her all have good jobs, nice whips, condos etc.  so in that aspect they're doing a lot better than me.  one of the biggest draws of her to me is that she wants us to work out.  she could easily take the easy route out and be with one of these guys that have life paved already, but she's trying to do that with me.

 

[flyny]

well when she goes out, she sends me pics of whats going on.  sends me her google location, msgs me throughout the night etc.  i can tell you with certainty that she isn't cheating.  

Hold up

Does she do this on her own??
Or do you ask her?

If she does it on her own then that's a red flag right there, boy. Why does she feel the need to prove that she's NOT cheating if she ISNT? And fact of the matter is, she probably has these location, videos and pics pre-saved to her phone, my guy...

And if you are ASKING her for these (which I hope not), that right there shows the kind of boyfriend you are, and she's fed up with that ****. If she's never snaked you before, why are you pressing her for these proofs, B? That's why she ain't ******* with you like that no more, my G

 

[kickhead23]

first issue:

guys in serious relationships, how often does your GF do a girls night out ?

my gf's close friends are all single at this moment, so it's a group of 4-5 at least usually.  since these girls are single, obviously they are always wanting to go out and hang.  however, they are always trying to get my gf to go with them as well.  they usually keep getting at her and she eventually gives in.  she says one time a week is normal, but then they wanna go to yoga and dinner during the week too sometimes and drag her along to those as well.  now they want to plan some trips and weekend getaways and drag her along too.  these chicks are just  pissing me off.  

my gf doesn't have many true close girlfriends imo, so i think she tries to make up for it by hanging with these girls whenever they ask so that she'll have a clique instead of feeling lame.  but these chicks are straight trash.  all they wanna do is party and what not.  don't do regular girl stuff like go have brunch, shop at the mall, go to dinner etc.

first, let me say that i do trust my gf.  it's these chicks that she hangs with that seem to always being up to no good that will end up putting my gf in a bad situation etc.  (ie.  if they go to a club, obviously the friends are there for attention from guys.  what is my gf supposed to do when the other girls go get drinks or dance with guys etc?  is she supposed to just go chill by herself in the corner ?) 




second issue:

facebook, instagram, phone usage.  always on, always checking, posting selfies, constantly chatting with gf's etc.  yet again, it's those same single gf's that are the bad influence imo.  constantly messaging her and talking to her etc.  of course it's her fault for replying, but she's the social type too, so that is good and bad.

am i the only one that gets annoyed at these things ?  am i over reacting ?  am i trying to be too controlling ?  i think i have the right to make the judgements i do on her friends and this leads to arguments sometimes about me not liking them.  i don't even get a chance to like them, because all they ever wanna do is girl events where so called no guys are invited.  well duh, they don't have any bf's so they probably don't wanna feel like a loner if only my gf brings me.

am i in the minority or do most guys think like i do ?  

Stopped reading after this. Did I miss anything?

 

[mrse7en]

flyny, now you're just over thinking it my dude.  she knows i'm not that keen on her with the girls night out, so she just keeps me in the loop of whats going on and where she is, to show me that she is where she said she'll be.  

if she didn't do this, then i'd be more worried to be honest.  i just like to know where she tells me she is for peace of mind.  i guess i need to chill out too sometimes, but when you go from saying what goes to have to learn to compromise, there is a learning curve.

 

[Mark Antony]

Sounds like she sold you the dream as a "Please don't leave me before I get a chance to leave you". If they're really ready to cut loose, their words don't mean **** at that stage, it's just to keep you put while they work out the plan with their homegirls. This is really early 20s relationship issues though b, the way she chose to not communicate with you and deal with her stress is really immature. Can't blame dudes for thinking that she's ready to go, this is how young chicks behave when they are. But again, we're strangers.

i don't know, but if thats the case then she could've left a long time ago.  the guys liking her all have good jobs, nice whips, condos etc.  so in that aspect they're doing a lot better than me.  one of the biggest draws of her to me is that she wants us to work out.  she could easily take the easy route out and be with one of these guys that have life paved already, but she's trying to do that with me.

Ya'll need to have a definitive, open talk. No yelling, no ultimatums, just openness.

 

[flyny]

All in all..if this relationship fails, just suck it up (no pun intended..a lot of cats turn to men after a bad breakup) and learn from your mistakes. Learn how to improve yourself as a boyfriend, and learn to find out what type of female you wanna attract.

Best advice I can give you is, if you end the relationship. End it when YOU are angry, fed up and YOU can't take anymore. It'll make moving on so much easier. Compared to the shorty breaking up with you leaving you crying, feel me?

 

[verbal kint]

 
i don't know, but if thats the case then she could've left a long time ago.  the guys liking her all have good jobs, nice whips, condos etc.  so in that aspect they're doing a lot better than me.  one of the biggest draws of her to me is that she wants us to work out.  she could easily take the easy route out and be with one of these guys that have life paved already, but she's trying to do that with me.

How do you even know this?

    Man, it sounds like you may be in a hard place in your life, where things arent going the way you want them to go..And she is the one shining light, in a dark period.. but you gotta compose yourself.. not for us.. we dont actually know you.. but for your life, and your relationship.. You are being waaay too insecure with this chick, and sounds like shes worth being with.. but youre blowing it yourself.

 

[flyny]

flyny, now you're just over thinking it my dude.  

It's better to overthink than to not think at all, pa


Google locations? I can understand a text saying "we going to __ house now" or w.e, but for shorty to send you Geocode mapping and GPS coordinates is wild, fam. But then again I could've read your post wrong

 

[Mark Antony]

All in all..if this relationship fails, just suck it up (no pun intended..a lot of cats turn to men after a bad breakup) and learn from your mistakes. Learn how to improve yourself as a boyfriend, and learn to find out what type of female you wanna attract.

Best advice I can give you is, if you end the relationship. End it when YOU are angry, fed up and YOU can't take anymore. It'll make moving on so much easier. Compared to the shorty breaking up with you leaving you crying, feel me?

 

i don't know, but if thats the case then she could've left a long time ago.  the guys liking her all have good jobs, nice whips, condos etc.  so in that aspect they're doing a lot better than me.  one of the biggest draws of her to me is that she wants us to work out.  she could easily take the easy route out and be with one of these guys that have life paved already, but she's trying to do that with me.

How do you even know this?


    Man, it sounds like you may be in a hard place in your life, where things arent going the way you want them to go..And she is the one shining light, in a dark period.. but you gotta compose yourself.. not for us.. we dont actually know you.. but for your life, and your relationship.. You are being waaay too insecure with this chick, and sounds like shes worth being with.. but youre blowing it yourself

Weird but both are right. You can't see what you're doing to push her away (till it's long over), but she may already be gone.

 

[flyny]

How do you even know this?

Fax, B

Is she bragging about these cats to you?
"Do you know ___? The one who has a condo in the city, makes 80k a year and drives a Benz? He tried to buy me a drink tonight..so did Troy..you know Troy right? From Detroit?"

 

[tsamshox]

Bruh....if your GIRLFRIEND can't go to you for her problems, then why is she keeping you in her life?? That's wild disrespectful, OP. You should be able to confide in one another and help each other out during tough times, not run away and get twisted with the THOTS.

You gotta sit down and have THAT conversation with your girl. Assess the current situation and figure out a solution TOGETHER.

 

[mrse7en]

Fax, B

Is she bragging about these cats to you?
"Do you know ___? The one who has a condo in the city, makes 80k a year and drives a Benz? He tried to buy me a drink tonight..so did Troy..you know Troy right? From Detroit?"

nope.  i know for a couple of instances.  

1. my gf was new to the department (new job), so when she started the other co workers would suggest happy hour as they usually do (co-ed), so seeing that she is new she went a couple of times in the beginning to get to know her co workers better, talk about work etc.  the norm.  this one guy had a gf at the time.  so they would just talk how normal co workers talk, and through these conversations he revealed his dad is ceo of this company, and if she needed anything he could hook it up at a huge discount.  and that his mom was vp for this other company.  my gf thought nothing of it at the time so just told me this co worker has this hook up and if i need anything i can let her know and she'll get it for me (that is how i know about this dude).  like my gf is the easy to get along, cool with everyone type so she doesn't think guys are up to no good when they wanna go out of their way to help girls.  so she tells me he's asking her oh, do you want to come to lunch with us.  i'm going to grab a starbucks, do you want to come type steez.  so my gf thinking this is only a platonic co worker type relationship just goes along with it, cause dude was helping her with work too, since it was all new to new.  a little time pasts by and dude tells her he broke up with his gf and wants to be with her etc etc.  

2. my gf isn't really feeling this current banking job.  pay is cool, but it's not really what she wants to do as a career.  so anyhow, she's looking for other jobs and naturally asks her gf's if they know of anything or have any hook ups.  so one friend says ya, talk to this dude he should be able to help.  (this dude is pretty baller too, according to her friend cause he has a good job, well off fam) so her friend gives his contact info to her and tells her to msg him.  so she does and dude is like ya ya, i try to help you out.  however, this guy was actually a snake and tried to set up dinner dates to meet up so that they could talk about careers.  she tells me this i'm a guy and i know this is pretty fishy.  so she talks to her friend and she was like ya, he likes you.  he saw your pics on my facebook or ig or whatever and wants to ask you out.

so basically a couple of brief instances.  if she wanted to be doing dirt she wouldn't have kept me in the loop.  she could be pretty set in life if she just wanted the easy way out.  but she wants us to be together and make our own path.  she has great qualitities, so i'm just questioning if it was just me being over bearing all along due to me always telling what the girl to do before and never hearing no.

 

[mrse7en]

Bruh....if your GIRLFRIEND can't go to you for her problems, then why is she keeping you in her life?? That's wild disrespectful, OP. You should be able to confide in one another and help each other out during tough times, not run away and get twisted with the THOTS.

You gotta sit down and have THAT conversation with your girl. Assess the current situation and figure out a solution TOGETHER.

tsam, i gotta admit that i think i'm a pretty bad listener.  i need to enable that softer side in me and be able to confide her better.  i really can't say that i know how to do that right now.

 

[tekthemaestro]

 
nope.  i know for a couple of instances.  

1. my gf was new to the department (new job), so when she started the other co workers would suggest happy hour as they usually do (co-ed), so seeing that she is new she went a couple of times in the beginning to get to know her co workers better, talk about work etc.  the norm.  this one guy had a gf at the time.  so they would just talk how normal co workers talk, and through these conversations he revealed his dad is ceo of this company, and if she needed anything he could hook it up at a huge discount.  and that his mom was vp for this other company.  my gf thought nothing of it at the time so just told me this co worker has this hook up and if i need anything i can let her know and she'll get it for me (that is how i know about this dude).  like my gf is the easy to get along, cool with everyone type so she doesn't think guys are up to no good when they wanna go out of their way to help girls.  so she tells me he's asking her oh, do you want to come to lunch with us.  i'm going to grab a starbucks, do you want to come type steez.  so my gf thinking this is only a platonic co worker type relationship just goes along with it, cause dude was helping her with work too, since it was all new to new.  a little time pasts by and dude tells her he broke up with his gf and wants to be with her etc etc.  

2. my gf isn't really feeling this current banking job.  pay is cool, but it's not really what she wants to do as a career.  so anyhow, she's looking for other jobs and naturally asks her gf's if they know of anything or have any hook ups.  so one friend says ya, talk to this dude he should be able to help.  (this dude is pretty baller too, according to her friend cause he has a good job, well off fam) so her friend gives his contact info to her and tells her to msg him.  so she does and dude is like ya ya, i try to help you out.  however, this guy was actually a snake and tried to set up dinner dates to meet up so that they could talk about careers.  she tells me this i'm a guy and i know this is pretty fishy.  so she talks to her friend and she was like ya, he likes you.  he saw your pics on my facebook or ig or whatever and wants to ask you out.

so basically a couple of brief instances.  if she wanted to be doing dirt she wouldn't have kept me in the loop.  she could be pretty set in life if she just wanted the easy way out.  but she wants us to be together and make our own path.  she has great qualitities, so i'm just questioning if it was just me being over bearing all along due to me always telling what the girl to do before and never hearing no.

like  i said man.... keep that hodgetwins sideeye on lock. we all get the feeling something aint right with this situation. and u obviously do too or you wouldnt be in here right now telling us about it. as for you, chin up. you actin like a beta and u need to be an alpha. those guys got money and whatever else, but they're not YOU. and if you love yourself, you shouldnt even think like u did up there. you say u think u could be a better boyfriend? good. then do so. do something out of the ordinary for valentines or something. u really wanna stunt? send her flowers at work like tuesday. have everyone like " but its not even v-day yet!" etc etc. 
BUT THIS IS ADVICE FOR YOU TO BE A BETTER BF. AS FAR AS HER BEING A BAD GF GOES...YOU NEED TO BE SUSPICIOUS. DONT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF IGNORING RED FLAGS. 

Theres a saying. It goes something like "When people finally reveal to you who they are, listen the first time."  Some ish like that.

 

[mrse7en]

tek, most definitely.

we can never truly know someone's situation unless we're in their shoes.  in the meantime, i will give them the benefit of the doubt as they've earned it this 1.5 years.

she has surprised me and planned an event for us tomorrow.  

i'm glad everyone chimed in and gave me their insight.  this NT brotherhood is pretty cool.  we all all strangers behind a computer screen, but willing to help each other out with advice.  nice to know that in this world we live in that there are still some good people out there.

 

[verbal kint]

nope.  i know for a couple of instances.  

1. my gf was new to the department (new job), so when she started the other co workers would suggest happy hour as they usually do (co-ed), so seeing that she is new she went a couple of times in the beginning to get to know her co workers better, talk about work etc.  the norm.  this one guy had a gf at the time.  so they would just talk how normal co workers talk, and through these conversations he revealed his dad is ceo of this company, and if she needed anything he could hook it up at a huge discount.  and that his mom was vp for this other company.  my gf thought nothing of it at the time so just told me this co worker has this hook up and if i need anything i can let her know and she'll get it for me (that is how i know about this dude).  like my gf is the easy to get along, cool with everyone type so she doesn't think guys are up to no good when they wanna go out of their way to help girls.  so she tells me he's asking her oh, do you want to come to lunch with us.  i'm going to grab a starbucks, do you want to come type steez.  so my gf thinking this is only a platonic co worker type relationship just goes along with it, cause dude was helping her with work too, since it was all new to new.  a little time pasts by and dude tells her he broke up with his gf and wants to be with her etc etc.  

2. my gf isn't really feeling this current banking job.  pay is cool, but it's not really what she wants to do as a career.  so anyhow, she's looking for other jobs and naturally asks her gf's if they know of anything or have any hook ups.  so one friend says ya, talk to this dude he should be able to help.  (this dude is pretty baller too, according to her friend cause he has a good job, well off fam) so her friend gives his contact info to her and tells her to msg him.  so she does and dude is like ya ya, i try to help you out.  however, this guy was actually a snake and tried to set up dinner dates to meet up so that they could talk about careers.  she tells me this i'm a guy and i know this is pretty fishy.  so she talks to her friend and she was like ya, he likes you.  he saw your pics on my facebook or ig or whatever and wants to ask you out.

so basically a couple of brief instances.  if she wanted to be doing dirt she wouldn't have kept me in the loop.  she could be pretty set in life if she just wanted the easy way out.  but she wants us to be together and make our own path.  she has great qualitities, so i'm just questioning if it was just me being over bearing all along due to me always telling what the girl to do before and never hearing no.

I kinda feel like, either this is a troll thread, or she is trolling your relationship on an epic level..

-Shortie is playing the naive, "I was just minding my own business" role to a tee. Just know.. This is not reallife.

Also.. NOONE.. NOWHERE.. Especially a coworker is going to take your girl out to lunch, coffee.. Whatever.. And say " I broke up w/my girl.. I wanna be with you ".

She's lying homeboy.. Sounds like you press her out for info, so she makes up sh*t to appease you, and hides whatever is the real truth. Now whether this is to intentionally make you jealous or not.. Idk.

 

[mrse7en]

I kinda feel like, either this is a troll thread, or she is trolling your relationship on an epic level..

-Shortie is playing the naive, "I was just minding my own business" role to a tee. Just know.. This is not reallife.

Also.. NOONE.. NOWHERE.. Especially a coworker is going to take your girl out to lunch, coffee.. Whatever.. And say " I broke up w/my girl.. I wanna be with you ".

She's lying homeboy.. Sounds like you press her out for info, so she makes up sh*t to appease you, and hides whatever is the real truth. Now whether this is to intentionally make you jealous or not.. Idk.

this is a serious thread bro.  my eyes have been opened towards a lot of things now.  

shes the type that is the cool, get a long with everyone type.  it's very easy for guys to fall for those personalities.

why wouldn't someone, even a co worker express their feelings to a girl they like ?  he took a chance and went for it i guess, and it didn't work out in his favor.  i don't understand why you say, no one, no where would do something like that ?  it's like those guys that have a best friend as a girl and then secretly like them but never tell them in fear of losing a friend.  i think situations like these happen on a daily basis.

she always tells me the truth and vice versa.  she knows i rather hear the truth than to be lied to.  i guess unless you were in my shoes you'd have doubt and skepticism too, which i don't blame ya.  

we just had a talk and put all our cards on the table and both agreed that we were fault for certain issues and that we'll overcome this because we love each other and want to be together.  i guess in the end it just needed some open lines of communication.  instead of each other thinking we know whats going on in the other person's head.