How did you find out you were being cheated on?

[sooperhooper]

I don't know what happened in my life but I never understood the concept of love and attachment to a person to the point you get depressed, sad, and want to fight over a person that cheated on you. I remember clear as day in 6th grade seeing dudes in the HS next to us fighting over a chick and all I can say is why. Obviously she doesn't like you so why are you fighting another dude over her? Made no sense to me.

But my story happened freshman year of college, my girl was a year behind me in HS. My homeboys came to the crib so we can all chill in the city. Since we went to different colleges we didn't have much time to chill. Anyway, when I come outside I noticed they all stopped talking, so you know it was about you lol. I ask whats up, and they all look around like idiots until I say just say it. Then my boy D says that his girl who was friends with my girl told him my girl kissed a guy at a party they went to over the summer. I remember the day because she asked me to go but I wasn't in the mood so I said I'm good, you go. Even at that time I didn't have that jealousy bone or care about what she'd be doing if I wasn't around. When I heard it I was like damn, smh. I said I'll be right back and went upstairs to brush my teeth. Sounds weird I know, but that is the only thing I wanted to do at that time . Came back outside and was like y'all ready to go. They asked if I was ok and I said yeah I'm cool. Told them what I went upstairs to do and they all laughed. One friend had to remind me it didn't happen yesterday, it was over a month ago so why brush my teeth now lol. I didn't see her again, and barely spoke to her. I wasn't hurt or anything, I really didn't care but I knew I was done with her. Because of school and work I didn't see her much anyway. That made it easier for things to just fizzle out. I don't know if anybody else ever cheated, but I wouldn't care enough if they did anyway. Never been that wrapped up in anyone to care enough.

People have a lot of issues with family and insecurity that you may not have.

 

[iamdef]

@nawghtyhare will definitely find a way to rationalize it

It's gonna make some kind of sense too, which is why I really want to hear it

 

[KHUFU]

Traits

Below are the most common traits found in people with NPD:

• An insatiable appetite for the attention of others
• Extreme feelings of jealousy
• An expectation of special treatment
• Exaggerating achievements, talents, and importance
• Extreme sensitivity and a tendency to be easily hurt and to feel rejected with little provocation
• Difficulty maintaining healthful relationships
• Fantasizing about their own intelligence, success, power, and appearance
• An ability to take advantage of others to achieve a goal, without regret or conscience
• A lack empathy, or ability to understand and share the feelings of others, and a tendency to disregard others' feelings
• A belief that only certain people can understand their uniqueness
• A tendency to consider themselves as skilled in romance
• Responding to criticism with anger, humiliation, and shame
• Seeking out praise and positive reinforcement from others
• An expectation that others will agree with them and go along with what they want
• Whatever they crave or yearn for must be "the best"

Others may see narcissists' goals as selfish ones. They may describe the person as self-obsessed, arrogant, tough-minded, and lacking emotion.




Diagnosis

Share on PinterestA thorough range of criteria need to be met before a diagnosis of NPD can be made.
No specific lab tests exist that can diagnose NPD, but X-rays and blood tests may help rule out other conditions that may be causing the symptoms.
There are several different types of personality disorder, some of them overlap, and it is possible to be diagnosed with more than one type.
An NPD diagnosis must follow the criteria written in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), published by the APA (American Psychiatric Association).
The following must be present for a diagnosis of NPD to be made:

• The patient's idea and importance of self is exaggerated.
• Fantasies about beauty, success, and power dominate the individual's thoughts.
• The person thinks they are special, and relate only to other "special" people.
• They need to be admired all the time.
• They believe they are entitled to most things.
• They manipulate and take advantage of others.
• They lack empathy, the ability to feel and recognize the feelings and needs of others.
• They envy other people.
• Their behavior appears haughty or arrogant.

Treatment

There is no known cure for NPD. With psychotherapy, the individual may come to understand what causes their problems and learn how to relate more positively to others.
This may bring about a change in attitudes, resulting in more constructive behavior. It can help the person build up their self-esteem and acquire realistic expectations of themselves and others.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), family therapy, or group therapy are types of psychotherapy. CBT helps the patient identify negative beliefs and behaviors, in order to replace them with healthful, positive ones.
Medication may help with some of the more distressing aspects of the condition.



Causes

It is unclear what causes NPD. It may be associated with circumstances during childhood, such as very high parental expectations, over-pampering, neglect, or abuse.
An individual may have learned manipulative behaviors from their parents or household members while growing up.
If a child learns that vulnerability is not acceptable, this may undermine their ability to tune into other people's feelings and needs.
The NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital points to recent evidence that a genetic predisposition and other biological or biochemical factors may be linked to NPD.


Complications

A person with untreated NPD has a greater chance of abusing drugs and alcohol, of having depression, relationship problems, difficulties at work or school, and suicidal behaviors or thoughts.
A study published in PLoS OneTrusted Source found that males with NPD have higher levels of cortisol in their blood. Cortisol is a stress hormone. A person with NPD may have higher levels even when stress levels are low. High blood cortisol is linked to a greater risk of developing cardiovascular problems.
Living with somebody who has NPD

Living with someone who has NPD can be challenging.
Family members have described their loved one as:

• controlling
• egotistical
• frequently dissatisfied with the actions of others
• prone to blaming others and making them feel guilty for all their problems
• losing their temper at the slightest provocation
• turning their back and giving people the "silent treatment"
• being physically and sexually abusive

The emotional and physical impact of working with or living with a person with NPD can be severe. Learning how to become more confident and assertive can help a person cope with the effects.

 

[Fozz]

Huh?

Yeah, nvm. I typed that without coffee lmao

 

[aepps20]

She claimed she was a conservative but I discovered a Hillary 2020 sticker in her car. SMH

 

[clyde the glide]

Yall know it's different dont act dumb. A key that can open any lock? That's a good key

A lock that will unlock for any key? Thats a lousy lock.

 

[getback]

That sounds misogynistic as hell

 

[Mark Antony]

That's like a post from 2008.

 

[iamdef]

Yall know it's different dont act dumb. A key that can open any lock? That's a good key

A lock that will unlock for any key? Thats a lousy lock.

That works only if in that same world once a "lock" is open with that special key it only opens for that key but that's not how it works.

Never understand how men really feel like they should be able to smash as many women as they want but women should only smash as few as possible. Mathematically it just can't work that way. Guys want to have 100s of bodies and a girl to only have 1 body but knows every trick and move in the bedroom.

 

[ryda421]

I’ll start...

Only time I ever knowingly got cheated on was in HS. Sophomore year, me and her were taking classes at a local community college for a semester because each college unit was worth 3 HS credits. The class we were taking was 3 units so 9 HS credits.

I was at a regular HS and she was at a continuation school. I didn’t NEED the credits but she did so I just used this as an excuse for us to hang out more since we weren’t at the same school.

Well one day towards the end of the semester, I don’t remember why I had her phone but I think I was using it for something and a text from an unsaved number popped up...

I forgot the details of it but I could tell it was a dude. My heart was racing as I asked something like who’s this and dude said something along the lines of “LOL how could you forget me. It’s Juan.”

I couldn’t believe it, I thought she was innocent. I had molded her. Before me, she never really had a boyfriend and she was two years older than me. So I asked something basically having him confirm her name and if he had the right number and sure enough, he did.

Class was ending and I was seeing red, bruh. Her big *** *** friend who I hated would go with us to this class too and I just blew up on her in front of her friend as soon as we got out. Big girl caught some strays, too.

She denied ever doing anything with dude but the trust and my image of her was forever broken.

Those last few weeks of class was the most painfully awkward **** I ever had to endure up until that point because I wasn’t quitting after wasting months in there. Class was like less than 10 of us too so everyone knew we were together when we started and by the time everything went down to the end, you’d have thought we never met before in life the way she ignored me and I her. Share your pain, brehs. It’s cathartic.

Nawghty where you at, b? You know what I’m talking about.

first mistake bro, you were not molding her, she was molding you. never think you have control of someone's life :smh

 

[pauliepeppas]

Dont wife up a Brazilian....that is all

 

[aepps20]

Dont wife up a Brazilian....that is all

Or a Liberal

 

[sooperhooper]

Death, Sex & Money

Anna Sale explores the big questions and hard choices that are often left out of polite conversation.

pca.st

Honestly I'm glad this thread was made. Therapy is good. Low key I wish we could do a video chat type situation.

 

[moonman818]

Damn this thread is depressing as hell. I never cheated or been cheated on.

I could only get through the first two pages

 

[marikomorose]

Dont wife up a Brazilian....that is all

Or a Liberal

May both of u share why you have these sentiments?

 

[aepps20]

May both of u share why you have these sentiments?

First of all, Liberals are scum. They just want free stuff and cry in their veg wraps in their parents' basements. They have the wrong mindset and make me sick.

 

[Fozz]

First of all, Liberals are scum. They just want free stuff and cry in their veg wraps in their parents' basements. They have the wrong mindset and make me sick.

And they hate coal.

 

[bendover]

The dude was still in love with her
He legit hit me up told me he was picking her up, dropping her off, where he was dropping her off. She denied everything. Crazy to think this was 3 months in, we still stayed together for 8 years.

 

[$tacy]

Wait, some of y’all really been with 1 woman for multiple years and didn’t cheat? Damn props to y’all. I’m 10 years in and wish I could say the same.

 

[championboyz7]

she wanted a break. We had a huge vaca coming up which we couldn’t cancel. Decided to go on it. She was acting weird , was on her phone a lot even though we next to each other. It was other cat. I was salty kept my composure tried to book a flight home the next day; she convinced me to wait it out since we only had 2 days left.
I had moved back home during the break turned out homie was staying at our spot during this time frame and moved in permanently last I heard . All my boys told me everybody goes through it and they were right. I was salty for awhile. But I moved on. Having ppl around you that care really goes a long way.
I should have walked away plenty of times and looking back I see a lot of red flags but love blinds ya.
the guy was one of her coworkers who she was kicking it with a lot during our “break” , I met the dude years back I told her off rip I didn’t like him. Rightfully so, last I heard she knocked up . He’s almost 40 has 5 kids with 3 diff baby mommas , working a dead end job with her .
life has a funny way of turning out .
glad it happened before we got married or had kids .

 

[pdino]

Was like >10 years ago when I'm freshman in college, 1st "serious" GF. She's south American and we've been dating for bout a year. She goes out and parties without me and I'll go without her, 1 time she goes to a frat party and we have a mutual friend in the frat who hangs with our group. After the party, my guy tells me that my GF and his frat brother dancing real close and he implied something happened. I asked how well he knew this guy and he said knows em pretty well. Gave me this guys # and I called him.
I introduced myself as girls boyfriend and I could tell he's getting nervous, voice trembling a bit. Told him I'm not gonna beat his ***, just want to know what happened. He said he didn't know she had a bf (not that it matters), and he's sorry blah blah, but that they made out.

 

[kingfoamnyc]

*****es love you more when you cheat on them

 

[Comparison Ford]

lol @ dudes cheating on their girlfriends and then getting pissed/heartbroken when the girl does the exact same thing to them.

Yall know it's different dont act dumb. A key that can open any lock? That's a good key

A lock that will unlock for any key? Thats a lousy lock.

This is closer to a bumper sticker than an actual argument, and it's not even a good bumper sticker.

 

[jape]

*****es love you more when you cheat on them

you joking right?

 

[fluid hips]

fluid hips Who created you

When your hips this fluid and you lay the pipe right, these bishes ain't cheating cuz it's a downgrade. Trust