Confessions

I thought I had lost the desire to want to impress or make my parents proud but its still there and I know it is because my chest actually hurts over the cruel ish my mom just said to me. IDK what it is that I want them to be proud of me. IDK what it is that I want their approval. I never wanted to be that person who never spoke to his parents or didn't have a relationship with them but it seems to be shaping up that way. No matter what I do, I don't see us being close unless I live life like they want me to: office job, safe, boring. That's not a life I can live and be happy.
 
I thought I had lost the desire to want to impress or make my parents proud but its still there and I know it is because my chest actually hurts over the cruel ish my mom just said to me. IDK what it is that I want them to be proud of me. IDK what it is that I want their approval. I never wanted to be that person who never spoke to his parents or didn't have a relationship with them but it seems to be shaping up that way. No matter what I do, I don't see us being close unless I live life like they want me to: office job, safe, boring. That's not a life I can live and be happy.


DO YOU, brodie. Your parents have their own life to live. You don't want to look back 10,20, how many ever years from now and regret living your life how other people wanted you to live it.

I was the ripe age of 18 and my moms stopped me from moving to CHicago for art/design school. I made the decision immediately after that to never let another human dictate MY life.
 
I don't respect my father any more. I don't dislike him, I just can't look at him the same.

It took me a long time to come to grips with it, but he's an enabler. Every effed up thing my mother ever did to me or said to me, he either looked the other way or told me to ignore it. He never stuck up for me when I was young. Even now that I'm older he still listens to her nonsense even when he has no obligation to talk to her anymore.
 
DO YOU, brodie. Your parents have their own life to live. You don't want to look back 10,20, how many ever years from now and regret living your life how other people wanted you to live it.

I was the ripe age of 18 and my moms stopped me from moving to CHicago for art/design school. I made the decision immediately after that to never let another human dictate MY life.

I let that happen to me once. I'm currently trying to follow my path again after putting it off for 4 years.
 
I don't respect my father any more. I don't dislike him, I just can't look at him the same.

It took me a long time to come to grips with it, but he's an enabler. Every effed up thing my mother ever did to me or said to me, he either looked the other way or told me to ignore it. He never stuck up for me when I was young. Even now that I'm older he still listens to her nonsense even when he has no obligation to talk to her anymore.
I would say just try to be empathetic towards him. I'm sure he's subjected to the same problems that you are and might be the reason your mother chose him to be with. His behavior likely runs deeper than just him choosing not to say anything. Bottom line he's not the one causing you issues so don't misdirect your anger towards the wrong person. You need to do exactly what you're upset at him for not doing and stand up for yourself. It's your life not anyone else's so take control of it.
 
Really unsure if my constant pouring over every detail of my future is me being cautious or harmful.

Currently in what I guess you could consider my freshman year in college. I WANT to become a physical therapist with a focus in orthopedics/sports injuries and performance. But I keep reading and seeing things that concern me about the day to day operations, pressure from management to hit numbers, lower pay in this setting, etc etc on top of the already looming thoughts of cost of schooling and time that will be spent to pursue it all + some pessimism about the future of the field.

I don't know what else I would do with my life. This stuff is my greatest passion. I feel like I'm letting people with bad experiences or just simply the downsides of this particular path stop me from fully embracing my choice...or even continuing with it.
 
-I made a goal to buy a car before my birthday (may 1st) I saved up and now I can buy one.
But I honestly am content with the one I have. I've had it for 10 years and it's still a good car.
-I really wonder if I'm ready for another relationship or not
-I love my job but I have this co worker that makes working there a living hell
-i been spending a big amount of money on the dumbest things lately
 
-I made a goal to buy a car before my birthday (may 1st) I saved up and now I can buy one.
But I honestly am content with the one I have. I've had it for 10 years and it's still a good car.
-I really wonder if I'm ready for another relationship or not
-I love my job but I have this co worker that makes working there a living hell
-i been spending a big amount of money on the dumbest things lately

Good job on saving up man! That's a big step.
If you're happy with the car you have, I would honestly say just keep it and run it until it won't run anymore or its too expensive too fix. Maybe if it eats a lot of gas, I would consider something else or insurance was too expensive.

You can put some of that money that you saved aside for travelling, downpayment, or something else.
 
I'm not a finished product.

Everyone is the same.
we can only continue to improve in all aspects, some more than others. Life is a continuous learning path.

----
me:
-Struggling with work/life balance.
-Have a gym membership I don't use cause I have no time, take home too much work, work is crazy during the day.
-Need ways to be more efficient with my time
-Having your own place to live is great, but stressful even when things seem to be okay. endless housekeeping needs to be done. Often have myself saying "I just cleaned this..." Need to think about saving money to fix things that might break down or need replacing in next few years.
-They really need to teach financial literacy in school (mandatory).
-I have trust issues (esp . with people in sales/who want my money, or work based off commission).
-Those of you who are married or anyone who made an extremely important decision, you know that feeling you get when you're sure, but as it approaches closer, you seem unsure or not sure how you feel exactly. You don't feel ready. Not something you can really back out of. That's how I feel now with a newborn on the way soon. Waiting seems like an eternity yet I know its coming up really quickly.
-Wish I was more adventurous when I was younger - esp. with regards to travelling. If you can, and if there's anything you should "waste" money on, its experiencing the world and travelling. Doesn't even have to be outside your country, even across states/provinces will open your perspectives.
 
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Really unsure if my constant pouring over every detail of my future is me being cautious or harmful.

Currently in what I guess you could consider my freshman year in college. I WANT to become a physical therapist with a focus in orthopedics/sports injuries and performance. But I keep reading and seeing things that concern me about the day to day operations, pressure from management to hit numbers, lower pay in this setting, etc etc on top of the already looming thoughts of cost of schooling and time that will be spent to pursue it all + some pessimism about the future of the field.

I don't know what else I would do with my life. This stuff is my greatest passion. I feel like I'm letting people with bad experiences or just simply the downsides of this particular path stop me from fully embracing my choice...or even continuing with it.

sounds cliche, but do something you will enjoy.
Honestly, I was going this way (being a physio) and I probably would've gone towards sports injuries/sport conditioning/performance route as well. If you can, is there a clinic at school you can volunteer with? I volunteered with the clinic on campus and got to help with some of the varsity athletes. Good way to see the profession, get some exposure, make some connections, get to know others also pursuing this path. In the end, my marks sucked, couldn't get to grad school. Worked in a physio clinic as exercise therapists. It got boring after a while cause I saw the same types of injuries. Mostly degenerative diseases, typical injuries (sprained ankle, sore backs, etc). I also thought I hit a plateau in that position as there was no room for me to move up to unless I found another job that used similar skills, went into insurance, or go back to school. Looking back, I feel/think I would've specialized working in pediatrics or something if I had gotten into grad school... things just didn't work out.
But, went back to school, went a different route, got a chance to work overseas for 1.5 years, came back home, work low paying jobs, but eventually found myself in a good position that most people struggle getting into cause sometimes it takes way too long (too competitive, no supply for jobs a lot of the time).

Hindsight is 20/20 if not better, only you will know what the path is. There are many factors to consider (ie cost of school) so consider it all. Make sure you talk to career services at school, and hopefully you will have support from family and friends. NT is also here for you, this internet community bonded together for our love of sneakers, as weird as it sounds. But, also at the end of the day, you are in your FRESHMAN year. You are young and have time to think. I wish I took the time to enjoy my younger 20's more. There was a lot of expectation to following the linear path of graduation, get a career started, work, get married, etc. Took a while to get started for me, but I was lucky to have a supportive gf (now wife) back then. Last note, of course, being efficient with time is ideal, but people choose to change careers 15-20 years later. You can always change, just the sacrifice that is required to do so will change as time passes. If you're okay with that, then it makes you more flexible. My cousin went from being an accountant to becoming a physical therapist.

Hope that helps.

I'm currently procrastinating. ...sigh facepalm.

Sometimes I be afraid to go to sleep at night.
Me too, some days I'm so sleep deprived that sometimes I don't think I'll wake up, so I'm scared to fall asleep.
 
2018 has been the worst and best year of my life. We are only 4 months in and so much as happened. I lost my mom the second week of the year and thats been hard. I've felt like ive had to be strong for everyone so i never really grieved. Recently i find that if im alone or long drives i breakdown and just cry. I guess this is normal when you lose someone that important you. Besides that everything else is pretty well. I have a great job and i really love what i do. Anxious to see what else this year has to bring...
 
Hunnynutcheerios
^
hang in there bud. Almost everyone will go through that and I hope that gives you some type of comfort that
what you're going through is part of humanity and we experience it as a community. You will be able to continue
on and push through even though it seems difficult at times.

I'm happy for you though, that you enjoy what you do for a living and that means the year can only get better.
You got this.
 
Hunnynutcheerios
^
hang in there bud. Almost everyone will go through that and I hope that gives you some type of comfort that
what you're going through is part of humanity and we experience it as a community. You will be able to continue
on and push through even though it seems difficult at times.

I'm happy for you though, that you enjoy what you do for a living and that means the year can only get better.
You got this.

Thank you that means a lot!
 
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