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^ my goodness
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Probably in a rush to get to the Sex and the City premiere
So Chief Keef has more sale than any rapper in hip hop history
You hear about that gay Irish couple?
Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald
A man is surprised to receives a call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have some bad news and some worse news."
"Well, alright, give me the bad news first," said the man.
"Well," said the doctor, "The bad news is that you only have 24 hours to live."
"Holy Cow! That is some bad news!" the man exclaimed. "What news could be worse than that?" he asked.
"The worse news is that I have been trying to reach you since yesterday."
There's these 2 muffins in an oven.
They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.
And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"
And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"
A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."
The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up his ends a little bit. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you same piece of string that was just up here?"
The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
what did the mexican say when the roof fell on him?
Get off me homes
keke
A woman puts an ad in the paper for a husband. In her ad she includes the three things that she's looking for in a husband:
She wants a man who won't beat her.
She wants a man that won't leave her.
She wants a really great lover.
A few days later the doorbell rings. The woman opens the door to find a man with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair on her porch. She says, "How may I help you?"
He replies that he is there to answer her ad in the paper.
She says, "Oh, but I am looking for a man that won't beat me."
He replies, "I have no arms. How can I beat you?"
She says, "Ok, but I want someone who won't leave me."
And he replies, "I have no legs and if you take away my wheelchair I can't even move. How could I leave you?"
She nods her head and says, "Well, what I really want is a great lover."
The man looks at her and says, "Lady, how do you think I rang the doorbell?!"