4:51: I have to come clean: If the Zombie Sonics take Rubio or Curry, they will be employing my favorite college player of the decade (Kevin Durant); my favorite international player of the decade (Rubio) OR my favorite college player of the past two years (Curry); two other college guys I loved (Jeff Green and Russell Westbrook); and if that's not enough, they have my favorite young coach (Scottie Brooks) and my favorite GM who didn't go to MIT (Sam Presti). At some point, all these things will override "They have scummy owners who hijacked the team from Seattle." I don't trust myself to handle this well. I am an only child. I'm selfish. I care about me only. And if I'm watching 75 Zombie Sonics games next season, at some point, I'm going to want to go to one.
Just know that, if I switch to the dark side, I won't do it half-assed. It will be like when Hulk Hogan joined the nWo. I'd see my editor (and die-hard Seattle fan) Kevin Jackson at the ESPYS, shake his hand, pretend to be nice, then hit him with a steel chair, do 10 leg drops on him and rip off my Hugo Boss suit to reveal a jersey of the Team That Shall Not Be Named as Erin Andrews screams, "Nooooooo! Nooooooo!" like Tony Schiavone. You'll get your money's worth. So again, I'm giving you a heads-up now. OK? OK.
4:52: The Zombie Sonics take … James Harden. And thank God, I didn't want to turn on Seattle. I really didn't.
A few teams are going to rue the day they passed on Ricky Rubio.
"He's battled asthma since he was a child," Scott tells us. How does Rubio drop to No. 4? How?!? I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I like Harden as a glue-character guy and he definitely has a good porn name. But considering the Zombies have to worry about Durant fleeing in a couple of years, wasn't it in their best interests to find him an unselfish guard who's immensely fun to play with and was put on the earth to get Durant easy baskets? Big mistake.
4:54: An anonymous Seattle reader sends this e-mail: "Thank you, OKC. You almost had the most exciting team of the NBA. -- Signed, Seattle."
Exactly. Although I like the way Harden is handling this Jones interview right now (very smooth); I like his bow tie (sharp); and I really like his retro-James Worthy beard (tremendous). He's definitely one more solid character guy for the Zombies. Logical pick. You know, except for the part where they passed on a guy with Bird-Barry-Magic-Nash-Maravich passing genes.
4:57: In desperate need of a point guard, Sacramento takes … Tyreke Evans. It's as if these GMs are trying to hurt me. I feel physically ill.
Tyreke's weaknesses, according to our ESPN.com Draft Card: "Can be selfish … over-dribbles … lacks consistent range on his jump shot … not a super explosive leaper … poor shot selection." They left out, "Not a natural point guard," and "drove a getaway car during a drive-by shooting but was not charged by police."
4:58: Shaking my head.
4:58: Still shaking my head.
4:58: Bilas loves the pick but says, "He's a little bit ball-dominant, he needs to have the ball in his hands, and he's not a good shooter." Ball-dominant … isn't that a nice way of calling someone a ball hog? Where is my Jay Bilas Thesaurus?
4:59: Scott on Evans: "His nickname is 'Hugo' because he was born during Hurricane Hugo." That pick was a natural disaster. Literally.
