You suspect one of your parents cheating - What would you do?

[gorjess]

So, my parents have been married for 27+ years. A few months back my father butt-dials my mother, while he's speaking one on one with a female when he's supposed to be driving home from work. He gets home that night and we made him call the woman on speaker and my mother grabbed the phone and said "This is ____'s wife" and she hung up right away. My house went through HELL for a few months. My mother went crazy on my father made him tell her everything, started going through the phone bills, going through his email account, justifiably I believe. He came up with the story that its a woman whom he met online a few years back and really is just her "friend" and that nothing sexual went on. I don't know if in my mothers heart she truly believes this or just WANTS to believe it. My father admitted that this woman knew he was married, and that they have been having a secret "friendship" for years but only met in person about 5 or 6 times. Tried to say this woman has had a rough life blah blah blah. My sister and I went crazy (of course the week she was visiting from Cali this all goes down). We start researching and find the woman's daughter and son on Facebook, I find her blog, I have her address and ex husbands name. I contemplated contacting the woman, messaging her children, showing up to her house but it all blew over and things seemed to be getting better. My mother seems to have forgave him. I can tell something is still going on. He minimizes windows on the computer when I walk in the room, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a gmail account tab which he quickly closed. My father is old school and has had the same AOL email account for 12 years. I installed a Key logger on our house computer and I am afraid of what I will find. He had the chance to walk away, my mother gave him the chance to leave and begged him for honesty so at this point I just feel bad for her. 




Cliffs: 

-Dad caught talking to another woman for years online- met with her 5 times.

-Butt dials my mother while with her, she hears the other woman.

-Swears they were just friends, and that he ended things. 

-Mom forgives him, but has all his accounts (email,phone,FB on lock )

-I catch him with a secret gmail account & being shady on the computer.

-Decide to download a key logger, not sure how to approach what will come to be. 




This is the dirty troll looking scum sl*t: 

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[baltimoregutta]

You can't blame just the woman though, your father let it happen.

 

[hymen man]

I was just about to grill you for that annoying Comic Sans font and purple color. Changed it in time..

But just see what happens with the logger.. If my dad was out there doin that, I'd confront 'em about it.. only if I knew for sure though. I love 'em both but moms is moms.. can't have dude doin' her dirty without any consequences.

 

[gorjess]

Originally Posted by BaltimoreGutta

You can't blame just the woman though, your father let it happen.

Oh I dont blame just her, I blame both of them. Ive read her blog and turns out her ex husband of 20 something years left her for some side chick. I just feel like she has the audacity to hang up on my mothers face? after she was in my mothers position? As a woman thats just low.

 

[baltimoregutta]

Originally Posted by gorjess

Originally Posted by BaltimoreGutta

You can't blame just the woman though, your father let it happen.

Oh I dont blame just her, I blame both of them. Ive read her blog and turns out her ex husband of 20 something years left her for some side chick. I just feel like she has the audacity to hang up on my mothers face? after she was in my mothers position? As a woman thats just low.

I still can't blame her...garden tools...are going to be garden tools

 

[hymen man]

As sad as it is, she's trying to build a new home.. your father on the other hand has one already, with a kid(you).. he's the one at fault here, her life is already in shambles.. I'm sure she knows what she's doing is wrong thus the reason she hung up, what could she have possibly said to your mom in that situation? Your dad is the one *apparently* still trying to keep contact with her, she won't stop she has nothing to lose - your dad needs to get checked on the situation.

 

[gorjess]

Originally Posted by hymen man

As sad as it is, she's trying to build a new home.. your father on the other hand has one already, with a kid(you).. he's the one at fault here, her life is already in shambles.. I'm sure she knows what she's doing is wrong thus the reason she hung up, what could she have possibly said to your mom in that situation? Your dad is the one *apparently* still trying to keep contact with her, she won't stop she has nothing to lose - your dad needs to get checked on the situation.

I know and its hard to admit but I guess I agree. I just dont know how to go about handling the situation after I confirm my suspicions. I feel terrible for my mother. As immature as it is, I want to just drive by her house and egg the !!%% out of it or something. I just want her to have ONE crappy day compared to the crappy MONTHS my mother has had. 

 

[solegit08til]

Spoiler

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use it to your advantage

 

[18th letter]

12 posts since 2005 though. damn.

 

[finallyfamous]

I think you know what you have to do.

 

[jking0821]

Def keep this thread updated after you find out what he is up to.  If i were you i would fear the worst (cheating).  It seems like there is a slim chance they are just friends.  The part that sucks is that there is a slim chance all of this turns out ok.  You find out he is sleeping with that sewer rat parents get divorced.  You find out he is not sleeping with sewer rat...your mom takes him back...this can still continue to happen.  But good luck hopefully if you check him and confront him about it he may just man up and stop everything.
If not.....give nt that other womans address

 

[richyung412]

Originally Posted by 18th letter

12 posts since 2005 though. damn.

I saw that too 12? really? lol Op you do NOTHING about it, I have gone threw this, you just continue to live your live

 

[gorjess]

Originally Posted by richyung412

Originally Posted by 18th letter

12 posts since 2005 though. damn.

I saw that too 12? really? lol Op you do NOTHING about it, I have gone threw this, you just continue to live your live

My account was deactivated, so those 12 posts have been in the past two days since I got it back lol. It's a sucky spot to be in, hate to see my mother lied to, breaks my heart.

 

[eaalto]

Probably gets a different kind of fulfillment from this other woman, that he isn't getting at home. Doesn't have to be sexual, or it could be. I would just stay out of it.

 

[cuffy]

Stay in a child's place...even if you are not actually a child. That's between your parents, why would you put yourself where you are picking sides?

 

[gorjess]

Originally Posted by Cuffy

Stay in a child's place...even if you are not actually a child. That's between your parents, why would you put yourself where you are picking sides?

He makes it so obvious that he is hiding something so I feel more like that's his fault. You want to do shady +$%# a month after everyone in your house caught you doing something? I didnt go looking for it. I wish I was not in this position, but I feel like if I do find what I think I'm going to find I'm going to bring it up to him first and tell him it's his responsibility to deal with it, but if he doesn't tell my mom I'll be forced to.

 

[cap1229]

My dad cheated on my mom and had a whole nother life somewhere but was able to hide it because he made a lot of money and had people on payroll so this could be worse. Just realize things in your parents relationship may not have been that great and your dad was doing him. He's human and not superdad. be the kid and be there for your mom and press her to go to therapy cause this gonna be *$@@ on her self-esteem. Do not tell her anything but press her to talk to someone.

 

[da r entertainment]

Originally Posted by gorjess

Originally Posted by Cuffy

Stay in a child's place...even if you are not actually a child. That's between your parents, why would you put yourself where you are picking sides?

He makes it so obvious that he is hiding something so I feel more like that's his fault. You want to do shady +$%# a month after everyone in your house caught you doing something? I didnt go looking for it. I wish I was not in this position, but I feel like if I do find what I think I'm going to find I'm going to bring it up to him first and tell him it's his responsibility to deal with it, but if he doesn't tell my mom I'll be forced to.

As stated before, it's not your place to do what you're doing.  You may find yourself doing more harm than good.

 

[mycoldyourdone]

ctrl + shift + t if chrome is still open. does he know how to clear history?

odds are something is going down, but really what is there to do?

 

[tommykairaa]

id probly cry and make a thread on nt

 

[Mark Antony]

I heard somebody say this while trying to move in on a chick while he has his own "we all grown with our own problems". You don't really know what the deal is between these two grown people, like someone said know your place. Smh at "we made him call", all you're doing is forcing your head in and escalating the issue.

 

[xanadu one]

he's still contacting her.




2 options.

do you love and trust your dad enough to bring it up to him? to help him quit this girl and be faithful to your mom? its like a drug addiction or alcoholism. do you love him enough to help him?
if yes, then bring it up to him in a caring manner and show him that your are concerned. (you might not have this kind of relationship with him thought)

if no, then get yourself some evidence, present it to your mother and sister. your mom will need support, comfort, and some talking into to leave her husband. its been 27 years together, you have no idea how scary it is to leave someone when its been that long. she will want to forgive him or just stay angry at him instead of divorce him.


a spouse who gets caught up and cheats on a one night stand or get a @%%** "can" be forgiven. a spouse who has an affair is unforgivable in my opinion and doesn't deserve to be married.

 

[160jordansdeep]

Originally Posted by tommykairaa

id probly cry and make a thread on nt

word dude has less then 10 posts and comes to a sneaker message board and his first posts is his pop's cheating on his mother 
not to be harsh but i think you need to see a shrink not post your troubles on NT

we have all been through the same thing 

life goes on champ 

 

[returnbama]

If it was my dad, I would kill him

 

[se73n0]

Confront your pops, he's sneaking around and doing !%%$ behind your mom and the family. I can't believe people are telling you to stay out of it, that's your mom.

Anyone does anything to hurt my mom, including a family member, then its a wrap.