To those NT'ers in a marriage or serious/committed relationships

[iblink]

How is your experience? How long have you been with eachother?I know there comes a time in most people's lives when they realize that they're ready to settle down with one person they can love and care about. Slowly getting there myself. How do you all do it though? Are there a bunch of arguments and fights? How do you two overcome them? Are you certain that you are with the "one"/ your soul mate?Few years ago I didn't believe in love and all that jazz. But time's changed and i've done some growing up. It's a learning process; gotta love it.

 

[delete1234]

I wanna know also...
I have NEVER....EVER EVER EVER...seen a functional relationship in my life...parents included

 

[spizike231]

Man I swear, as a writer I've always wanted to write a book about what being in a long relationship is really about.. after about a year, it's all the same for the guy. For the female most of the times, she will always look forward to them doing new things. A guy it's always the same. (Go on a date, hang out, get it in, see them the next day and just chill, then repeat in a few days). Unless you live together, then that's completely different.. but I'm not living w/ my girl yet so I can't elaborate on that.

Love isn't the feeling you have of always wanting to see someone every day when you've been dating for a month or two.. being in love is wanting to strangle eachother and rip the other person's hair out and restraining yourself from doing so because you know that you need them. Love is feeling like your life is normal and that you have someone that you CAN'T leave. Like a sister only closer, ya know? All that cliche crap about being able to tell each other everything, say anything about anyone to them, or even being there for each other when someone dies.. I know that when I lose family, she's the one person that I need the most to be real.

As for the fighting, me and my girl fight every damn day about the stupidest things you could possibly think of; trust me. THE STUPIDEST. But I will eventually prove my point and see no point in arguing anymore because I'm always right (

) and I'll just stop arguing. Moving on and not talking to her for a while until she cools off. Unless it's a huge argument about some dude or chick that she doesn't feel right about. Then we'll go through it all and come to a solution.

I gave her a promise ring this last Christmas after she met my Grandmother for the first time, and she gave me a form of promise (DMPs) for Valentines day.

Also, I've also come to the realization that I'm committed to a single person and I can't do anything about it. It's scary and very bittersweet, but if you feel like you're not ready then it's better to get out sooner than later.

Overall my experience is really good, but that has a lot to do w/ my girls personality. Who she is and how she acts.. I know she wouldn't do anything behind my back and whatnot. She treats me amazing and all that jazz so I'm happy.

 

[daytona 5000]

^ how old are you and how long have you been in a relationship?

 

[ksteezy]

Just don't over think it, it's really simpler than people make it out to be.

 

[PRIME]

My and my girl have been together for 2 years. Not too many fights/arguments.
We usually overcome them by realizing how much we care about each other and want to be together.

I do feel like my chick is the one though.

 

[huynher]

People say [and I agree] that I have one of the healthiest relationships ever. I've been with my girl for over 3 years and I hope that the relationship continues to grow. Fighting and bickering definitely happens, but most of the time either one of us could chalk it up to work/school-related stress. I personally think I have a keeper because she: 
(a) is a homebody at heart [which I love; I would never want a girl that wanted to party more than I do]; 

(b) is nurturing as $#%% [I live with her and she's been on the dishes and laundry tip since Day 1]; 

(c) respects "me" time [I could kick it with my homies all night in an environment rampant with big booty !!###+! and could come home at 3:00 to a back rub and sandwich to soak up the alcohol]; and 

(d) is truly fun to kick it with [nothing beats going on a movie date/grocery shopping spree/jog with your girl at your side--just gotta 

 right before].  

Plus, it's key to be completely honest.  Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood, I'll just pop off on her...give it a couple minutes, then apologize.  You gotta know you're crossing the line yourself...

Yup.

 

[delete1234]

Originally Posted by spizike231

Man I swear, as a writer I've always wanted to write a book about what being in a long relationship is really about.. after about a year, it's all the same for the guy. For the female most of the times, she will always look forward to them doing new things. A guy it's always the same. (Go on a date, hang out, get it in, see them the next day and just chill, then repeat in a few days). Unless you live together, then that's completely different.. but I'm not living w/ my girl yet so I can't elaborate on that.

Love isn't the feeling you have of always wanting to see someone every day when you've been dating for a month or two.. being in love is wanting to strangle eachother and rip the other person's hair out and restraining yourself from doing so because you know that you need them. Love is feeling like your life is normal and that you have someone that you CAN'T leave. Like a sister only closer, ya know? All that cliche crap about being able to tell each other everything, say anything about anyone to them, or even being there for each other when someone dies.. I know that when I lose family, she's the one person that I need the most to be real.

As for the fighting, me and my girl fight every damn day about the stupidest things you could possibly think of; trust me. THE STUPIDEST. But I will eventually prove my point and see no point in arguing anymore because I'm always right (

) and I'll just stop arguing. Moving on and not talking to her for a while until she cools off. Unless it's a huge argument about some dude or chick that she doesn't feel right about. Then we'll go through it all and come to a solution.

I gave her a promise ring this last Christmas after she met my Grandmother for the first time, and she gave me a form of promise (DMPs) for Valentines day.

Also, I've also come to the realization that I'm committed to a single person and I can't do anything about it. It's scary and very bittersweet, but if you feel like you're not ready then it's better to get out sooner than later.

Overall my experience is really good, but that has a lot to do w/ my girls personality. Who she is and how she acts.. I know she wouldn't do anything behind my back and whatnot. She treats me amazing and all that jazz so I'm happy.

what? i was feeling you up until this. this cant mean what i think it does...elaborate bro 

 

[infyrno23]

Been married 3 years been with her for 8
Plenty of fights, plenty of ups and downs... Biggest thing for us was not letting small things cause over reactions.
You will know she the one when you can be around her all the time like a friend, you feel comfortable sharing your most close secrets, and you share many things in common.
Your significant other should be your best friend,

Foundation must be solid, and everything will work itself out.

 

[cafinest23]

I just got out of a relationship and my biggest advice I can offer to you is when you guys argue always remember to apologize even if it's not your fault. Try looking at things from their point of view before being stubborn. Another thing to do is not let anyone from the outside speak on your relationship that's a killer.

 

[huynher]

Originally Posted by CAFinest23

I just got out of a relationship and my biggest advice I can offer to you is when you guys argue always remember to apologize even if it's not your fault. Try looking at things from their point of view before being stubborn. Another thing to do is not let anyone from the outside speak on your relationship that's a killer.

This too.  +%!* what others think about my relationship.  We have a good understanding of how much to kick it with each other's friends too.  It's definitely cool to be sociable, but I would never want my girl subtly creeping on my homeboys and !!*@... and she knows that.

 

[cafinest23]

Originally Posted by HUYNHer

Originally Posted by CAFinest23

I just got out of a relationship and my biggest advice I can offer to you is when you guys argue always remember to apologize even if it's not your fault. Try looking at things from their point of view before being stubborn. Another thing to do is not let anyone from the outside speak on your relationship that's a killer.

This too.  +%!* what others think about my relationship.  We have a good understanding of how much to kick it with each other's friends too.  It's definitely cool to be sociable, but I would never want my girl subtly creeping on my homeboys and !!*@... and she knows that.

It killed my last relationship, people speaking about our problem made it that much worse. Also never argue in front of outsiders.

 

[huynher]

Originally Posted by CAFinest23

Originally Posted by HUYNHer

Originally Posted by CAFinest23

I just got out of a relationship and my biggest advice I can offer to you is when you guys argue always remember to apologize even if it's not your fault. Try looking at things from their point of view before being stubborn. Another thing to do is not let anyone from the outside speak on your relationship that's a killer.

This too.  +%!* what others think about my relationship.  We have a good understanding of how much to kick it with each other's friends too.  It's definitely cool to be sociable, but I would never want my girl subtly creeping on my homeboys and !!*@... and she knows that.

It killed my last relationship, people speaking about our problem made it that much worse. Also never argue in front of outsiders.

Seriously.  Most my friends in relationships...mannnnn...always be airing themselves out in public by straight fighting with their gf.  That'll #%$% $#%! up.

 

[cafinest23]

Originally Posted by HUYNHer

Originally Posted by CAFinest23

Originally Posted by HUYNHer

This too.  +%!* what others think about my relationship.  We have a good understanding of how much to kick it with each other's friends too.  It's definitely cool to be sociable, but I would never want my girl subtly creeping on my homeboys and !!*@... and she knows that.

It killed my last relationship, people speaking about our problem made it that much worse. Also never argue in front of outsiders.

Seriously.  Most my friends in relationships...mannnnn...always be airing themselves out in public by straight fighting with their gf.  That'll #%$% $#%! up.

Yep never again will I do that. The key to a happy relationship i've learned is to be honest and open with EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING!

 

[bruce negro]

I never argue in front of outsiders, or give them any indication that something is wrong. I also never go to someone else about problems we may be dealing with. They are our problems and ours alone, so if we're a functioning couple then we can deal with them on our own. When in a fight and making a departure anywhere, try to leave on a positive note. Say, I love you. Make real efforts to show that you really do care about them, even if the situation is %++#+!. I'm ready to be with my girl for life. We've been through serious $%%% and tough decisions already (6 months in) and our foundation is so solid that I have no doubts that we'll be together for life. Our dumb !+%+! have already planned names and other random $%%%. It's good to not worry about drama with your girl, be able to chill with her and her fam, and really be best friends.

 

[rawsheed]

yikes at the "need them" part in the above long post.

Slowly learning that you should never have a feelings for a person because you need them...it'll just hurt you in the long run.

I just need a person to supplement and be there for the ride in terms of my own personal long-term life goals that I want to achieve...which is why I'll be forever alone

 

[cafinest23]

Originally Posted by bruce negro

I never argue in front of outsiders, or give them any indication that something is wrong. I also never go to someone else about problems we may be dealing with. They are our problems and ours alone, so if we're a functioning couple then we can deal with them on our own. When in a fight and making a departure anywhere, try to leave on a positive note. Say, I love you. Make real efforts to show that you really do care about them, even if the situation is %++#+!. I'm ready to be with my girl for life. We've been through serious $%%% and tough decisions already (6 months in) and our foundation is so solid that I have no doubts that we'll be together for life. Our dumb !+%+! have already planned names and other random $%%%. It's good to not worry about drama with your girl, be able to chill with her and her fam, and really be best friends.

You're off to a good start fam. 
I did the same with my ex, I thought it was a sure thing she'd be my wife but it went bad fast. Being young and naive messed that up. But I guess it's for the best. Good luck to you and your lady fam.

 

[delete1234]

A lot of good advice in here so far. 

But im still wilding on dude saying his gf act like she single???

 if thats what a relationship about, then im good.

 

[bruce negro]

Originally Posted by CAFinest23

Originally Posted by bruce negro

I never argue in front of outsiders, or give them any indication that something is wrong. I also never go to someone else about problems we may be dealing with. They are our problems and ours alone, so if we're a functioning couple then we can deal with them on our own. When in a fight and making a departure anywhere, try to leave on a positive note. Say, I love you. Make real efforts to show that you really do care about them, even if the situation is %++#+!. I'm ready to be with my girl for life. We've been through serious $%%% and tough decisions already (6 months in) and our foundation is so solid that I have no doubts that we'll be together for life. Our dumb !+%+! have already planned names and other random $%%%. It's good to not worry about drama with your girl, be able to chill with her and her fam, and really be best friends.

You're off to a good start fam. 
I did the same with my ex, I thought it was a sure thing she'd be my wife but it went bad fast. Being young and naive messed that up. But I guess it's for the best. Good luck to you and your lady fam.

Appreciated fam. We're a young couple, but I really do think we have a lot going for us that others our age have not experienced/don't have the capability to handle. She and I we're both experienced before one another, and we're open and accepting about it. We handle our problems amazingly well. We've gone through some pretty rough problems that have broken up previous relationships in both of our lives, and we're able to talk it out and move on with no lingering feelings. One of the things I'm most happy with is our ability to compromise over issues we can't resolve straight out, and be happy with the compromise. Idk. It really feels right yo. Thanks again for the best wishes, and good luck to all of the other committed NTers. Sometimes it feels like the world is against committed, monogamous relationships, but like Steezy said, when it comes down to it, it's such a simple, joyful thing.

 

[mr marcus]

Damn near 5 years...love her but a dog been wanting to roam a little...not worth losing her though smh...but yea communication is key...I'm honest about everything with her...sometimes she gets mad but she can't help but respect it

 

[JJ Goon]

Originally Posted by Mr Marcus

Damn near 5 years...love her but a dog been wanting to roam a little...not worth losing her though smh...but yea communication is key...I'm honest about everything with her...sometimes she gets mad but she can't help but respect it

That's the same for everyone man that is only natural it is just making sure you don't take it further then that when you get that thirst

 

[eaalto]

It will be five years of marriage in November. A lot of things that were non issues before marriage, became issues once the rings were on. How money is spent, with who and how you spend your extra curricular time, etc. The big thing is to make sure you're committed and ready to take that step, because it is a big step. Your actions don't only affect you anymore, they also affect your spouse. You might not look at it that way, but it's the truth. I've learned a lot of this the hard way, but you grow as a person in a marriage as well.

The one bit of advice I can give you - wait until you are older to get married. I'm talking late 20s. You need the time to mature.

 

[legreyfoxx]

alotta good advice in here. only been 4 going on 5 months now with my current girl but shes going to be the one i settle down with. yes got my simp suit on for this one. 

 

[da r entertainment]

Originally Posted by eaalto

It will be five years of marriage in November. A lot of things that were non issues before marriage, became issues once the rings were on. How money is spent, with who and how you spend your extra curricular time, etc. The big thing is to make sure you're committed and ready to take that step, because it is a big step. Your actions don't only affect you anymore, they also affect your spouse. You might not look at it that way, but it's the truth. I've learned a lot of this the hard way, but you grow as a person in a marriage as well.

The one bit of advice I can give you - wait until you are older to get married. I'm talking late 20s. You need the time to mature.

I agree.  Been with my wife since 07 and we just got married 9/9/2011.  It's been an up and down 1st year, but it's all been worth it and we've been grown & learned how to work out our issues.

 

[iblink]

Glad to see a lot of mature responses.

I've been on and off with my girl for nearly 3 years. Lots of hard times, mostly brought on on my part. Lied, cheated, pushed her away, all that. I was young ad wanted to experience the college life and still have her around. I was ridiculously selfish and I Know I hurt her something serious. These past few months, I've been paying for my past. She was to the point where she made 0 effort to make things work between us. The worst feeling ever knowing that you pushed a good person away. Just recently things have shown slight indications of a turn around. I'm still apprehensive because we're both graduating this year. I want to plan out a future with her, but I'm terrified of her pulling back again and I'm not sure if she's still thinking of me in that light. I want her to be the one, but I don't know if it'll work out. She has a huge capacity to hurt me like never before. I want to get to the point where we can communicate about anything and be best friends again, but I don't know how to go about doing so. These past few months she's been going out with friends that have reputaions and all that ++%+ that irks me and makes my blood crawl, but it is what it is because I know I put her through the same thing, if not worse. Just knowing that time's flying by and I'm heading into a new stage of life, I want her to take those steps with me. Just not sure if she wants that, and I'm not sure how to approach bringing it up since things are JUST (literally yesterday) starting to turn around.