iblink
Banned
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- Apr 23, 2008
Still waiting for dude to elaborate on the thought of being committed to a single person. How and why is that the case?
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Me and my girls relationship is a bit different than some relationships.. I've almost committed suicide and she was the thought that kept me from jumping. I didn't want to leave her here blaming herself for me doing that to myself. I've been there for her through so many healing processes of emotional scars that if I leave her then all of those will re open and be even worse. She will most likely hurt herself. If I leave and we are done, my depression will most likely take over my life and who knows what I'll do. I'm not saying everyone is like me, but for me in order for me to completely feel like I need to stay and deal with all the stupid bickering and whatnot, I need to have a mentality that I'm married and can't leave unless my life is a miserable hell or she seriously @#$%# up. A lot of people in my family are divorced, and I told myself that I didn't want that.Originally Posted by MrWavez
Originally Posted by spizike231
Man I swear, as a writer I've always wanted to write a book about what being in a long relationship is really about.. after about a year, it's all the same for the guy. For the female most of the times, she will always look forward to them doing new things. A guy it's always the same. (Go on a date, hang out, get it in, see them the next day and just chill, then repeat in a few days). Unless you live together, then that's completely different.. but I'm not living w/ my girl yet so I can't elaborate on that.
Love isn't the feeling you have of always wanting to see someone every day when you've been dating for a month or two.. being in love is wanting to strangle eachother and rip the other person's hair out and restraining yourself from doing so because you know that you need them. Love is feeling like your life is normal and that you have someone that you CAN'T leave. Like a sister only closer, ya know? All that cliche crap about being able to tell each other everything, say anything about anyone to them, or even being there for each other when someone dies.. I know that when I lose family, she's the one person that I need the most to be real.
As for the fighting, me and my girl fight every damn day about the stupidest things you could possibly think of; trust me. THE STUPIDEST. But I will eventually prove my point and see no point in arguing anymore because I'm always right () and I'll just stop arguing. Moving on and not talking to her for a while until she cools off. Unless it's a huge argument about some dude or chick that she doesn't feel right about. Then we'll go through it all and come to a solution.
I gave her a promise ring this last Christmas after she met my Grandmother for the first time, and she gave me a form of promise (DMPs) for Valentines day.
Also, I've also come to the realization that I'm committed to a single person and I can't do anything about it. It's scary and very bittersweet, but if you feel like you're not ready then it's better to get out sooner than later.
Overall my experience is really good, but that has a lot to do w/ my girls personality. Who she is and how she acts.. I know she wouldn't do anything behind my back and whatnot. She treats me amazing and all that jazz so I'm happy.
what? i was feeling you up until this. this cant mean what i think it does...elaborate bro
Communication, fam. You need to talk to her and tell her that the past is the past in your book and if she's doing all this to get back at you then you get the point. YOU need to work harder than ever to show her that you want her to take those steps with her and that you want a future. Treat her like you're a damn movie boyfriend if you need to in order for her to think of you in that light again. (That is, if you REALLY want a future with her and you think all the effort would be worth it.)Originally Posted by iBlink
Glad to see a lot of mature responses.
I've been on and off with my girl for nearly 3 years. Lots of hard times, mostly brought on on my part. Lied, cheated, pushed her away, all that. I was young ad wanted to experience the college life and still have her around. I was ridiculously selfish and I Know I hurt her something serious. These past few months, I've been paying for my past. She was to the point where she made 0 effort to make things work between us. The worst feeling ever knowing that you pushed a good person away. Just recently things have shown slight indications of a turn around. I'm still apprehensive because we're both graduating this year. I want to plan out a future with her, but I'm terrified of her pulling back again and I'm not sure if she's still thinking of me in that light. I want her to be the one, but I don't know if it'll work out. She has a huge capacity to hurt me like never before. I want to get to the point where we can communicate about anything and be best friends again, but I don't know how to go about doing so. These past few months she's been going out with friends that have reputaions and all that ++%+ that irks me and makes my blood crawl, but it is what it is because I know I put her through the same thing, if not worse. Just knowing that time's flying by and I'm heading into a new stage of life, I want her to take those steps with me. Just not sure if she wants that, and I'm not sure how to approach bringing it up since things are JUST (literally yesterday) starting to turn around.
Originally Posted by Mr Marcus
but yea communication is key...I'm honest about everything with her...sometimes she gets mad but she can't help but respect it
Originally Posted by iBlink
For me, I realized I would have no problem committing to her after I lost her. I wAs running through #**!@! left and right to the point where I would get my nut, roll over and think to myself "what the hell am I doing?" I didn't want that hit and quit thing any more. She was the only girl I could be around and not have sex on my mind. We had legit conversations and all tht good #*++. But I was a young frat boy and easily influenced. Gave up the good thing I had with her to live it up in college. Then I realized that all this is temporary. The "life" and the people in it. I realized I wanted something substantial, but when I tried to make it happen, I was met with such opposition and resistance on her part. Hurt for months and had to deal with the fact that I was responsible for bringing us to that point. She's coming around slowly, but I still get scared things may regress. It's the mere fact that I can't stand the thought of losing her that lets me know I wouldn't mind committing.
There was a time where she made me feel safe and legitimately loved. Things are different now, but I'm hopeful that I can get her back.
As far as being young, I'd say you never know when it's your time. For me, I had to get it all out of my system before I could entertain the idea of being with one person. My actions while "getting it out my system" though have lead me to my current dilemma.
My girlfriend always wants me to be around her. Ninja's just want to chill with the homies sometimes manOriginally Posted by HUYNHer
People say [and I agree] that I have one of the healthiest relationships ever. I've been with my girl for over 3 years and I hope that the relationship continues to grow. Fighting and bickering definitely happens, but most of the time either one of us could chalk it up to work/school-related stress. I personally think I have a keeper because she:
(a) is a homebody at heart [which I love; I would never want a girl that wanted to party more than I do];
(b) is nurturing as $#%% [I live with her and she's been on the dishes and laundry tip since Day 1];
(c) respects "me" time [I could kick it with my homies all night in an environment rampant with big booty !!###+! and could come home at 3:00 to a back rub and sandwich to soak up the alcohol]; and
(d) is truly fun to kick it with [nothing beats going on a movie date/grocery shopping spree/jog with your girl at your side--just gottaright before].
Plus, it's key to be completely honest. Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood, I'll just pop off on her...give it a couple minutes, then apologize. You gotta know you're crossing the line yourself...
Yup.
Originally Posted by datdude0903
funny how this thread pops up, i had this on my mind yesterday. my question is, when do you realize that you will have no problem being committed and with this person for a very long time? what about that woman makes you okay with giving up that single life? also being in a serious relationship at a young age even really worth it?
Originally Posted by MALCALA622
IM SORRY OP BUT I HATE THE FACT THAT YOU MADE THIS THREAD. JUST ABOUT A MONTH AGO MY GIRL AND I GOT INTO A FIGHT OVER THE STUPIDEST THING AND WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 3 YEARS AND LIVED THE 3RD YEAR TOGETHER. DURING THE COURSE OF THE YEARS OF COURSE THERE WERE FIGHTS AND ARGUMENTS BUT IT ENDED A MONTH THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE.
I JUST SAW HER ABOUT AN HOUR AGO AND WE TALKED. IM FIGHTING WITH MYSELF WHETHER TO TRY AND GET HER BACK.
Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican
Blink, why do you now subscribe to the Soul Mate talk?
And what is a Soul Mate in your opinion? Are you only allowed to have one?
I personally think it is TV talk. There are hundreds of thousands of people that are very good matches with you and/or a lot of other men. Finding them is the tough part. But Soul Mates? As if you are linked by the cosmos by some devine intervention, TV talk.
Very good matches exist though.
I TOOK THE CHANCE. TOLD HER I WANTED TO BE WITH HER AND PRETTY MUCH PUT MYSELF OUT THERE FOR HER TO DECIDE AND BY THE WAY SHES ACTING AND SPEAKING TO ME IT SEEMS SHES LEANING TOWARDS GETTING BACK TOGETHER.Originally Posted by CAFinest23
Originally Posted by MALCALA622
IM SORRY OP BUT I HATE THE FACT THAT YOU MADE THIS THREAD. JUST ABOUT A MONTH AGO MY GIRL AND I GOT INTO A FIGHT OVER THE STUPIDEST THING AND WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 3 YEARS AND LIVED THE 3RD YEAR TOGETHER. DURING THE COURSE OF THE YEARS OF COURSE THERE WERE FIGHTS AND ARGUMENTS BUT IT ENDED A MONTH THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE.
I JUST SAW HER ABOUT AN HOUR AGO AND WE TALKED. IM FIGHTING WITH MYSELF WHETHER TO TRY AND GET HER BACK.
One thing I will tell you is to take the chance.
I do believe in the idea of a soul mate. That being another person whom is completely compatible with yourself. Good, bad, indifferent, etc. I see couples who've been together for 70+ years and have attested that the thought of leaving each other never crossed their minds. That leads me to believe that a person's soul mate exists. I do think it's a rarity to actually find that person. And yes, it's only one.