The mighty Mourinho has returned. The man who insufferable football nerds and disgruntled United fans will hail as a managerial and charismatic god in the face of any evidence whatsoever to the contrary.
Witness as he dispels claims of him being boring with:
- Unecessarilly long post match interviews in which he recounts the entire game you've just watched, play by pay, for no reason
- Prolonged unexplained sulking
- 0-0 draws
- Especially uneventful and drab 0-0 draws, in games which both teams needed to win in order to mathematically keep their season alive
- Unprovoked, indirect digs at Arsene Wenger, which no one, including Arsene Wenger, could care less about
Gasp in awe at ingenious managerial tactics, such as:
- Falling out with his best player and selling him to a different club
- Falling out with his remaining best player and slagging him off in public
- Repeated telling everyone in public that his players are too #$^ to win the league
- Spending all summer trying to sign a player he had no chance of ever signing, then signing someone much less good at the last-minute, then getting caught slagging them off in public
- Stating he's going to build his team around a particular player, then dropping them halfway through the season
Mourinho has Mourinho'd Chelsea so much, that they've become the best team in the world at stopping other teams from winning, to the point that it's even extended to stopping themselves from winning. Chelsea also have so many of the same, vague type of attacking player, that they actually managed to name nearly an entire team of players against Manchester United who were playing in the same position...and yet still no one really knows exactly what that position is.
Thought: I wonder what Chelsea fans would think of their manager after this season if his name was Rafa Benitez?
Verdict: 6/10 - A trophyless season of boredom glossed over as apparently being a success because it's what Mourinho said would happen, even though it was his job to make sure it didn't.
€39 million for David Luiz?! Chelsea is making out like they just purchased Manhattan from the Lenape indians... What in the world is Zubi & company thinking? I'd rather spend much less money & get Bilboa's Aymeric Laporte or Porto's Eliaquim Mangala....
