The Friendzone vol r/niceguy

[flyeed]

I'm not gunna complain about women friend zoning me, even though I'm a nice guy. They've always given me a chance, even very good looking ones when I was a younger pimple faced twig going through puberty. I've honestly just always sucked with them (unless I'm the right amount of drunk.) I can't pinpoint exactly what it is either.

I've grown to be a good-looking desirable dude, and women will explicitly express interest in me and basically make it known they want me, even if I'm a good/nice guy. But I still don't close the deal with them nearly as much as I should.

Obviously it's unrealistic for a dude to really become a 40-year old virgin when given sexual opportunities, but I really feel like the amount of awkward situations I've had is as close to a real life 40-y/o virgin story as you can get.

 

[flyeed]

It sucks cuz I've shaken off a lot of my awkward/confidence issues I had from when I was in my younger "ugly duckling" stage, but my problem with closing women is still something that persists.

 

[Lovetohate3000]

I'm not a nice guy at all and I still struggle approaching/closing at times. I still approach but my game is weak/socially awkward.I still keep on chucking though.
I've only slept with 10 chicks in my life and I'm 30 plus. Number hella low. Never have problems being in the friend zone tho.I wont be friends with a girl If I do get rejected but most of the time I go for girls that make it obvious they want it so its a for sure thing but that's a weakness in itself..

 

[sfc415]

You don't have to be a @!#@ to get women. I've been an overall nice guy to every girlfriend I've ever had. The thing is a bunch of dudes do too damn much and go out of their way to get these girls to like them back, which turns them off and leads to the friendzone.

 

[noirvandals]

a lot of the times the guy who is the "niceguy" has an ulterior motive that he's too afraid to speak up on, so in reality he's not really a niceguy at all, just a wolf in sheep's clothing, i'm a really quiet [intj personality type] person that always finds that people gravitate towards me & tend to try to understand me, but i'm a very private person. i'm also very blunt & don't understand the purpose, need, or desire for social constructs, but in my experiences it just helps if you keep it authentic with people..especially women, it's better she dislikes the person you truly are, than liking the person that you pretend to be. a lot of niceguys don't get that concept, & also they feel they are supposed to get an accolade or award for being nice, that's not the way life works, be nice because you truly are, not because you come with hidden intentions. the friendzone shouldn't matter to a truly niceguy, because if he were truly nice he'd let his intentions be known in the first place, nor would he be offended that someone wanted to befriend him.

 

[yamcha]

How does one end a friendship that never existed in the first place?

Oh I dunno.

 

[truth-serum]

I tell dudes this to put things in perspective. No matter how hot a girl is, there is someone tired of f***ing them and dealing with their sh*t

 

[cedric ceballos]

You don't have to be a @!#@ to get women. I've been an overall nice guy to every girlfriend I've ever had. The thing is a bunch of dudes do too damn much and go out of their way to get these girls to like them back, which turns them off and leads to the friendzone.

this,  know your worth.   nothing wrong with being a nice guy.   alot wrong with a being a sappy weenie boi going above and beyond for her when she isn't putting in anywhere near the same effort/  

 

[truth-serum]

I can relate. You a scorpio?

a lot of the times the guy who is the "niceguy" has an ulterior motive that he's too afraid to speak up on, so in reality he's not really a niceguy at all, just a wolf in sheep's clothing, i'm a really quiet [intj personality type] person that always finds that people gravitate towards me & tend to try to understand me, but i'm a very private person. i'm also very blunt & don't understand the purpose, need, or desire for social constructs, but in my experiences it just helps if you keep it authentic with people..especially women, it's better she dislikes the person you truly are, than liking the person that you pretend to be. a lot of niceguys don't get that concept, & also they feel they are supposed to get an accolade or award for being nice, that's not the way life works, be nice because you truly are, not because you come with hidden intentions. the friendzone shouldn't matter to a truly niceguy, because if he were truly nice he'd let his intentions be known in the first place, nor would he be offended that someone wanted to befriend him.

 

[truth-serum]

I remember back in college I would experiment when it came to getting girls.

I noticed that when I would text a girl often to get her attention, they would try to friendzone but if they textd me and I ignored them or didn't text them back till the next day they would actually want me more.

Ultimately to be successfull with girls (or anything else in life for that matter), you have to create value. People want what they can't have. So with girls you have to give them the impression that you don't have any dambs to give and you have other options if they they expect you to chase them

 

[dipsetgeneral]

Also sum chicks aren't straight up mean like that.

If they not feelin you they might put u in dat zone as opposed to saying
"I don't like you....i dont wanna play with your silly drone "

^this.  thats why you gotta be upfront and just ask them what the deal is. most girls, if they are your friend, aren't going to want to hurt your beta feelings.

This right here is the problem. So the dude ends up playing the game because they think they have a chance. Women can shut it all down if they just grew a pair.. Jeez....

 

[noirvandals]

I can relate. You a scorpio?

yep, i sure am, lol.

 

[teamjordan79]

I remember back in college I would experiment when it came to getting girls.

I noticed that when I would text a girl often to get her attention, they would try to friendzone but if they textd me and I ignored them or didn't text them back till the next day they would actually want me more.

Ultimately to be successfull with girls (or anything else in life for that matter), you have to create value. People want what they can't have. So with girls you have to give them the impression that you don't have any dambs to give and you have other options if they they expect you to chase them

at the same time, this could result in a game of who cares less. But you're right.

 

[frenchbreadbuilds]

seems to me the problem a lot of guys of all attractiveness levels have is that their GOAL is to get with a girl and thats the problem. how one carries themselves in terms of physical appearance matters to an extent but women are attracted to men who know how to have a good time. I cant count how many times at a bar or at parties me and my group of friends are just dancing, or playing beer pong/drinking games, over all having a good time and a group of women would approach us. if its an environment you frequent often and people know youre fun and cool to be around women will be drawn to you naturally. too many guys sound like theyre trying to validate themselves via the attention of women. If you go about it that way i guarantee more often then not youre going to go home upset

 

[dnycemodel]

The zone really only exist when you lack confidence. Women can smell it on you. Once you get it and start having that swagger you will be fine. And if she isn't into you another chick will gladly hook up with you

 

[jaypesoz]

How do you even friend zone? If you like her then when you first meet you should make that known and she'll either be interested or not

So simple, right? I don't know why dudes complicate it so much.

 

[timelessflight]

Also you gotta have that attitude that you're not afraid to lose them, so keep things straight forward. It'll save you a lot of time and $

 

[tr1ll]

friendzone is a myth. Treat her real nice, and cater to all her needs and you'll win her over.

The first sentence was true.

There is no friendzone just a failed oppritunity.

 

[adobecs4]

Friend zone is just a state of mind. 

 

[frenchbreadbuilds]

Also you gotta have that attitude that you're not afraid to lose them, so keep things straight forward. It'll save you a lot of time and $

in my opinion thats already doing too much. sh*ts gotta be natural, not going through a checklist of things you do and dont have to do.

like i said, girls like the guy who knows how to have a good time. the guy that everyone has a good time with in a group but can also be pulled aside for a 1 on 1 convo. you gotta be able to flourish socially before you can forget about the friend zone

 

[frenchbreadbuilds]

a post from r/niceguys 

if this is how any of you think, stop it.

 

[adobecs4]

:x

 

[thegrandpuba26]

From a psychological standpoint: the friendzone ideology does hold weight.

You have to understand that for the most part, we all at in accordance with our needs and wants. Looking into relationships, this holds true; the person that your dating, married to, even smashing, are in affinity with the characteristics you desire.

This is what's considered to be the social exchange theory. With each relationship comes with a cost/benefit analysis, that is constantly evolving.

Now take that into the consideration of the friendzone. If a friend is attracted to a certain person, and start firing at all cylinders (constantly calling, complimenting, critiquing other potential mating partners) that might be an uneven exchange. In other words, the friend is giving away "benefits" at no cost.

People who see themselves as being in a "zone" with a friend more than likely courted a mate, putting little to no boundaries on their availability. If the desired individual is going through problems with their partner, they may vent to their "friend" than manage the conflict with that partner.

It should also be noted too that these people really are not your "friends".
The reason why friendships work is because it's an even social exchange. You can go to your friend for emotional support after losing a job, just as much as you can laugh and kick it with. Just because you've met someone you have deemed attractive, and have developed initial discussion, does not mean that person is your "friend". The truth is that you two are too early in your development to have an even exchange with one another.

All in all, the friendzone is a reflection of an important phenomenon in social development. Deciding to like somebody, and being submissive to them because you like them is insufficient in building a meaningful relationship. Just as your friendships build with reciprocity, your prospective mates should be the same way. Being a "nice" guy might be a redeeming quality, but that does not mean that you will have a prospering relationship just by being "nice".

 

[nothinafta]

Getting a girl to me is showing them both worlds , I have a natural attitude of not give a damb .. You don't text me , I don't text you .. I don't even chase these females .. And they be wanting to know why I don't hit them up .. Then when we do finally starting hit it off more ... I show her what she been missing .. Females go crazy I promise

 

[krazy88s]

I think most guys get tripped up in the approaching part of it all