More random thoughts and confessions... I really do love this stuff
- I've only "liked" maybe 3 girls since highschool, if that. I mean, yeah it's attractive women all around and it's great personalitiesall around, but they never mesh the way they should. She's never AS funny or AS cute or AS... whatever. One of those girls I have yet to meet in person.. Iknow rii?
-I'm addicted to stimulation. I don't know how to NOT-be doing SOMETHING. and when I'm not stimulated, I get REALLY %$!!%% up out of boredom. Thatreally scares me. I don't wanna be like this. I leave class everyday after 10 minutes cuz I can't sit still. I'm still passing but damn. And weedhas started to open some gates. Lucky me, I made a promise to my dying mother to not do anything hard-hard.... but since then I've killed over 50 Xanaxes,100 vicodens, a few Percs, and I just had Prometh for the first time Sat. night. I like to think that that isn't a lot and that it isn't too bad... butI promised man...I PROMISED...
-I may be bi-polar... I just don't SNAP OFF like they do. I'm too pensive for that. I know my emotions all too well. But I am quick to go into arage.... I just haven't bodied any one, yet. I contain myself when I'm mad. I shut off all stimulation -- that goes for conversation, TVs, radios,THOUGHTS...whatever. Then I sit there and simmer and rock back and forth and wait for it to pass slooooooooooowly. It's like I log out and log back in whenI'm "normal" again. A couple of times people have taken that as a sign of weakness and tried to !$%+ with me while I was trying to "getaway" from it all. I almost jammed my switchblade into my brother's chest while he was driving but my friend's lil sister was in the back seat andshe was "innocent" so to speak.. Thank God I have a partial conscience. I'm so glad I didn't do it now.
-I like causing pain...
-I have a low tolerance for pain... yeah... that means I don't fight unless I HAVE to but I WILL shoot you in a hurry. Real talk.
-I've been VERY forgetful since.... I forgot when.
-Sometimes my emotions effect the way I LITERALLY view the world. When I'm depressed, things move slower and seem more bland and greyish. When I'm mad,I drive 80 through school zones and everything pulsates and has an ominous glow... I'm crazy, I know. The day I realized, like REALLY realized mom wasdying -- time stopped. There was no wind and the clouds stood still and I was driving down 35th towards Chase (From Burger King) and I felt like I was movingin place, going nowhere. I'll never forget that moment, ever. My life has never been the same. I grew all the way up right then and there, on 35th ave.It's moments like these that make me question this reality...
-I'm running out of straight sexual activities to try.. I got like 2 or 3 more things I can think of before I've done every freaky, nasty, pornstarthing you can think of...then what? I'm scared I'll get bored with sex. I'm already kinda bored with sex. I've posted a couple times that onceI get TO the goods, I'm pretty much content. The hunt is all that really interests me at times. I don't even be hungry. All I know is that I'm notgonna be Hugh Heff -- JOin to gay porn and stuff. Nah, not me.. couldn't be me.. (HOOTIE HOO!)
-I kinda wanna know what human flesh tastes like
-I had sex with a 15 year old.... but I was 17 and she SAID she was 17 at the time...and I believed her... or at least I wanted to...yeah, I believed her... Ithink... no I didn't.
-I found out the wrong way that sex is WAAAAAAAY better at the end of the month....it's cuz shorties get STOOPID horny and BEGGGGGGG for the pole andthat's a huge turn on for me. Then they go crazy when you slam it cuz their nerves are going haywire down there....and it's really "wet" ifthat's what you wanna call it.... just don't breathe through your nose.....................
I disgust myself at times...
