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- Sep 11, 2013
I don't get her reasons at all. Like who cares if they have the same exact circles of friends. That sounds very high school. And if you don't mind me asking, but what are your cultures? I had an Indian homie who's crazy in love with a paki girl but can't marry her because of that and their religious differences (Sikh and Muslim.)
It's hard to accept the her reasons which seem immature and superficial. I tried to explain to her how she will keep in touch with her best friends from college but she'll never even see half those people again and her circle of friends will completely change as will she. I know from my own experiences. She asked me what interests do we really have in common though? I took her to a football game and we left at halftime because I knew she hated it, and I can't participate in a model UN activity lol. But who cares! We enjoy new experiences together, make memories, and are really happy just being together. Apparently that's not going to be enough in the long run since I will never be able to relate to her school/friends or an Ivy League school experience.
For the family/cultural. She's uzbek/Muslim, I'm white/Christian but neither of us practice religion nor is it THAT important to our families. She said she LOVES my parents but brought up my sister and said basically my sister wouldn't be accepted in her family. My sister lives at home, is older than me, only went to CC and has had a lot of struggles and mistakes in her life but she is trying and is not a bad person. My girls family is all very successful and doctors or other prominent careers. She said her parents would love my personality and be very nice to my face but she knows they'd judge me and my professional accolades behind my back. Which hurts coming from someone who hasn't even graduated or been employed yet. And she acknowledges its superficial, says she knows I've been pushing myself in my career and will be successful. But like, none of this is enough. I guess I won't be good enough until I'm taking home $200k+ on Wall Street and my family is perfect.
She's never going to find what she is seeing as marriage material and honestly I'm pretty close to fitting the bill. We're both so happy together now and I'm not making any sacrifices for her, actually pushing myself harder.
My family is from a similar region of the world. In all honesty a lot of girls from there date around when they're younger, and eventually wind up settling with someone Muslim.
If her family is super successful and she cares about that stuff in a partner, her family probably has a huge network of super successful people and she can meet someone through them eventually that satisfies the things she's looking for.
You can keep fighting the fight since you obviously want to marry this chick, but you need to also need to find more to bring to the table if you do. I don't mean money or career wise since that isn't going to happen, but you can find other things to make yourself worth more to her imo. Also, if she feels like you guys don't have anything in common and identifies it as a problem, then its a big problem. Try to learn about the stuff she's interested in and broaden your horizons.
You're definutely fighting a steep uphill battle though from the sounds of it if you decide to continue. And if you think that there's no hope for marriage then get out of this long distance thing. It's not worth it just to 'enjoy one another.' It's just going to set you back when you should be flourishing.
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