TAY '16: The Saga Continues

[hennessy]

Girl I've been seeing finally got fed up. Told me she was seeing someone else now. I was like whatever I've always said you can see other people we've never been official. She tells me she hasn't been seeing anyone though and felt guilty and the need to tell me but now since she realizes she'll never be my gf she has to move on. Still smashed that night and next morning and we were fine. She still wanted to keep seeing me but just told me she was dating other people now like how I was in the beginning. but then we got into over text the past few days, both realized we had developed feelings for each other and I wouldn't have minded being official with her but when I brought that up she laughed at me and said she knows that's not what I really want. Situation is a mess now we both have said a lot to eachorher. Gonna see her on Sunday to talk in person but I don't think anything is gonna change. Still can't decide how I feel about this one but I messed up. I should've had some other chicks on the side too because I was fed treating her like my girlfriend and caught feelings now it's too late for me. Never would've worked long term, but I wasn't really ready for it to be over yet. She's given me plenty of chances to make it official before though it's been 6 months.

 

[youngdoc]

Hey TAY fam its been a while.

Everything is going good into this new year with the lady and I. Valentines day plans are set, she gonna have the house to herself for the weekend, its gonna be  .

However there's a few forks coming in the road and I need some advice on it.

Fork #1 (~1 year)

My GF wants us to stop being LDR. It's pretty reasonable that after 2 years (by the end of this year) an LDR couple would be seriously considering closing the gap. Maybe even moving in together.
I would like that very much however she is putting up some time constraints. She wants it to happen shortly after I graduate this winter. Could I look for jobs that would hire me right after graduation? Yes. Could I scrimp and save to make sure I have enough money for deposit, first months rent, and even a few months rent afterwords in case I don't get a job right away? Yes. It's all doable. But the reality is I'm not sure how much I want to live in Philly area. The idea of having to drive everywhere irks me. The idea of public transport not being available damn near 24/7 is uncomfortable to me. The idea of having to plan designated drivers seems stupid..given I can just take public transport. I could take Uber/Lyft/cab but why should i pay more than 2.75 to get home?

Fork #2 (~5 years)

My GF is pretty set on living a child free life and if not then adopting. We've had talks on the issue before and we've reached a compromise where we'd have one child of our own and one child that is adopted. That I could live with except she slipped a little caveat in there. She said if she gave me a biological child its 50/50 that she would want a surrogate. Not because she'd be too old but because she finds pregnancy abhorrent. I should be happy I'm getting a child right? Nope. I still might have to pay the surrogate, pay for artificial insemination, and pay for legal fees should the surrogate get attached to the baby. It all seems like a headache I'd rather not go through unless it's literally the last resort.

Fork #3 (??)

My GF and I have different life style goals for the future.

She wants an regular/average life. She wants a regular 9-5, a decent sized house in the suburbs, two cars, two kids, one or two vacations per year. "A regular type life. The F*** is that? BBQs and ball games?" (gold star for you if you know where that quote comes from). Maybe if she feels a bit risky later in life she wants to start her own consultancy business in her field. 

Now me? I literally have no intention working for anyone else after the age of 30. I'm gonna spend my 20s getting contacts and experience then I'm out. I want to live in the Caribbean and grow a business there. Inject some of my skills into the region. Create jobs and opportunities for my people. I envision myself being a busy guy running my own business. I even want to enter politics in my later years. I can't see me doing the 9-5 for life, making a 401k, and retiring in Sunny Grove Gated Community, Bumblefudge, Florida. I'd sooner jump off a bridge than know my life was resigned to what I consider to be unfulfilling.

GIven all this NT. What do you think I should do?

Should I end it before these issues come to an end?

Or should I keep going and hope the situation works itself out?

Or just not even worry about it till the issue pops up?

I wouldn't worry about Fork 3 at all right now.

Figure out Fork 1 - why does it have to be Philly? What about a new city neither of y'all live in

Now if you ultimately decide she's the one then it's time to worry about Fork 2

Fork 3 may not even occur - life is funny like that


I had in my mind that after ending my last relationship I'd be single until my mid 30s and not get married until I was set in my career and enjoyed the doctor bachelor life in LA

Instead I'm getting engaged in 2 weeks and may not even stay in LA after I finish training (I'm 31)

 

[hennessy]

thats a lot to think about. Isn't this your first girlfriend? And you not even out of school yet? Yikes. But I guess if y'all taking like that, things going good and you been together for a while more power to you. You're still so young though dude just don't wanna see that first heart break hit you too hard. Good luck with everything though just do you and don't change your goals for the girl. If she's a real one shell support you.

 

[adobecs4]

Real talk, how do I stop letting things get to me? I mean I can be sitting there chill, someone says or does some little thing and my whole demeanor changes Not trying to be a bipolar crazy ***** like Kanye.

 

[mugen81]

All those forks NEED to be dealt with before even thinking about moving in with somebody.
Moving in with somebody pretty much establishes
"I'm trying to build a future"
The problem ALOT of people have are these fantasies and expectations not understanding that once you are in one household, everything comes to the light. You can't just argue and hang up the phone and do the ******** make up dance.
Every annoyance, every problem you my have with your S/O family and friends, finances, ERRYTHANG plays a factor in your relationship.
After you have those real discussions then all the forks will clear themselves up because inevitably you will know if this is the right person for you or if it's time to say goodbye.
Nobody wants the truth because they already know it[emoji]9996[/emoji][emoji]127999[/emoji]️

 

[youngdoc]

All those forks NEED to be dealt with before even thinking about moving in with somebody.
Moving in with somebody pretty much establishes
"I'm trying to build a future"
The problem ALOT of people have are these fantasies and expectations not understanding that once you are in one household, everything comes to the light. You can't just argue and hang up the phone and do the ******** make up dance.
Every annoyance, every problem you my have with your S/O family and friends, finances, ERRYTHANG plays a factor in your relationship.
After you have those real discussions then all the forks will clear themselves up because inevitably you will know if this is the right person for you or if it's time to say goodbye.
Nobody wants the truth because they already know it[emoji]9996[/emoji][emoji]127999[/emoji]️

I disagree a bit

They've only been doing the LDR thing so I think it's smart to live together (if they're ready) before they decide to get married.

If they can't cohabitate then forks 2 and 3 don't even come up.

 

[suberzat1]

But are they ready? The journey had been pretty rocky these two years.

How much have they grown together?

 

[D.Josey]

Girl I've been seeing finally got fed up. Told me she was seeing someone else now. I was like whatever I've always said you can see other people we've never been official. She tells me she hasn't been seeing anyone though and felt guilty and the need to tell me but now since she realizes she'll never be my gf she has to move on. Still smashed that night and next morning and we were fine. She still wanted to keep seeing me but just told me she was dating other people now like how I was in the beginning. but then we got into over text the past few days, both realized we had developed feelings for each other and I wouldn't have minded being official with her but when I brought that up she laughed at me and said she knows that's not what I really want. Situation is a mess now we both have said a lot to eachorher. Gonna see her on Sunday to talk in person but I don't think anything is gonna change. Still can't decide how I feel about this one but I messed up. I should've had some other chicks on the side too because I was fed treating her like my girlfriend and caught feelings now it's too late for me. Never would've worked long term, but I wasn't really ready for it to be over yet. She's given me plenty of chances to make it official before though it's been 6 months.

This paragraph had contradictions every other sentence, lol. You really want to be with her, or you sure it's not a pride thing because she might stop ******* with you, before you stop ******* with her?

 

[youngdoc]

But are they ready? The journey had been pretty rocky these two years.

How much have they grown together?

I have no idea

My point is that since they've been exclusively LDR they need to figure out if they can even be around each other all the time before they worry about forks 2 and 3.

Life happens and people change so there's no guarantee those forks even come up.

They're still in their 20s

 

[suberzat1]

But are they ready? The journey had been pretty rocky these two years.

How much have they grown together?

I have no idea

My point is that since they've been exclusively LDR they need to figure out if they can even be around each other all the time before they worry about forks 2 and 3.

Life happens and people change so there's no guarantee those forks even come up.

They're still in their 20s

I feel they both should move into the same city before moving in together.

But I do feel some how he will make everything work with her for some reason.

 

[mugen81]

I have no idea

My point is that since they've been exclusively LDR they need to figure out if they can even be around each other all the time before they worry about forks 2 and 3.

Life happens and people change so there's no guarantee those forks even come up.

They're still in their 20s

Moving in with somebody, especially in your early 20's, is a big *** mistake.
I agree they should be in the same city for awhile before making such a BIG leap into something that could cause ripples in their lives.
Everybody has to learn and do what's right for them but those forks are HUGE red flags to me.
My mans wants to be his own boss while she's happy with the prototypical, suburban life. Those two visions and goals are two ends of the spectrum. But your right that situations/people change but early 20's + LDR + it's been rocky= pump your brakes.
IMO
[emoji]9996[/emoji][emoji]127999[/emoji]️

 

[lamekilla]

TAY...

I just got out one of the worst situations I've ever been in with a female and I have a whole new appreciation for my life and freedom. I don't want to go into detail because I feel like I may stir up controversy and may even get this thread locked but fellas INVEST IN YOURSELF. Don't be in a rush to look for love or to lay down with any female you deem attractive. I know we joke a lot in here and hey...we're men, we like yambs. But fellas be careful, take your time with woman of QUALITY. And above all, PLEASE USE PROTECTION.

Flourish fellas. I'll be lurking this thread as opposed to contributing because this situation has scared the pants "on" me.

 

[2423]

Man I kno you said you don't wanna go into details but I can't help but wonder what happened.
Was it legal issues?
Or health issues?

 

[Mark Antony]

Gotta give us a brief description atleast. AIDS scare? crazy stalker?

 

[lamekilla]

^^ I'll say this. There was a girl I mentioned in the last TAY thread that I had red flags about. She was beyond gorgeous but personality wise was a wreck and had no ambition about herself. I knew this and kept messing with her and then everything around me began to fall apart because I was messing with her AND THEN she got pregnant...

But she isn't anymore..........................I'm not proud of myself. Things have just begun to get better and I got ol girl out my life ASAP but she's hurt and I'm hurt.

 

[heliumclinton]

Better to learn now than later on fam

Cheers to a brand new start

 

[dropten]

^^ I'll say this. There was a girl I mentioned in the last TAY thread that I had red flags about. She was beyond gorgeous but personality wise was a wreck and had no ambition about herself. I knew this and kept messing with her and then everything around me began to fall apart because I was messing with her AND THEN she got pregnant...

But she isn't anymore..........................I'm not proud of myself. Things have just begun to get better and I got ol girl out my life ASAP but she's hurt and I'm hurt.

Pregnancy scare with a woman thats not 100% metally stable is the worst feeling.

 

[rook]

TAY...

I just got out one of the worst situations I've ever been in with a female and I have a whole new appreciation for my life and freedom. I don't want to go into detail because I feel like I may stir up controversy and may even get this thread locked but fellas INVEST IN YOURSELF. Don't be in a rush to look for love or to lay down with any female you deem attractive. I know we joke a lot in here and hey...we're men, we like yambs. But fellas be careful, take your time with woman of QUALITY. And above all, PLEASE USE PROTECTION.

Flourish fellas. I'll be lurking this thread as opposed to contributing because this situation has scared the pants "on" me.

I can read In between the lines man..I'm guessing shorty got a abortion?

Edit: didn't keep reading the page. I'm sorry you ha to go through that g. I can't imagine smh

 

[tmso]

On a lighter note...

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I love Tinder

 

[lamekilla]

Better to learn now than later on fam

Cheers to a brand new start

Man I just feel so blessed. I'm looking at life so different. I smile at everyone now. Life is too short. Be great. Be whatever you want to be! Love life!

Pregnancy scare with a woman thats not 100% metally stable is the worst feeling.

She told me she was late January 1st. I almost passed out and what made it worse is that I knew 100% it was mine. The day of conception and everything. The doctor reaffirmed the day of conception. This girl was so crazy and was basically holding me hostage. I couldn't believe she was using a baby as a bargaining tool.... I will NEVER drink tequila again.

I can read In between the lines man..I'm guessing shorty got a abortion?

Edit: didn't keep reading the page. I'm sorry you ha to go through that g. I can't imagine smh

It was heartbreaking. It was something I knew that had to be done but I just never imagined I would be doing something like that. I just could not be with that woman for the rest of my life, I couldn't. She herself wasn't ready but anytime she would get ticked off at me she would threaten to keep it. I had to cater to her every whim until the day of the 19th. Mind you I found out on the 1st of January. I wanna go into detail but it's just too crazy. As soon as it was over she thought that we could start over. I told her I wanted her out my life for putting me through that and got a whole bunch of vulgar text messages about how I made her do something she didn't want to do.... Too much fam. I'm free now.

Fellas PLEASE USE PROTECTION!

 

[suberzat1]

...............yea we should

 

[rook]

It's scary tho man because she could've easily said **** what your trying to tell me, I'm having it anyways.

My biggest fear is that

Flourish TMSO btw USE PROTECTION B

 

[MetalMario]

"I'm not a ***" ... "free spirit... guess things will change" after "I do need a chicago bae"

whatever helps you sleep at night honey

 

[iamdef]

Girl I've been seeing finally got fed up. Told me she was seeing someone else now. I was like whatever I've always said you can see other people we've never been official. She tells me she hasn't been seeing anyone though and felt guilty and the need to tell me but now since she realizes she'll never be my gf she has to move on. Still smashed that night and next morning and we were fine. She still wanted to keep seeing me but just told me she was dating other people now like how I was in the beginning. but then we got into over text the past few days, both realized we had developed feelings for each other and I wouldn't have minded being official with her but when I brought that up she laughed at me and said she knows that's not what I really want. Situation is a mess now we both have said a lot to eachorher. Gonna see her on Sunday to talk in person but I don't think anything is gonna change. Still can't decide how I feel about this one but I messed up. I should've had some other chicks on the side too because I was fed treating her like my girlfriend and caught feelings now it's too late for me. Never would've worked long term, but I wasn't really ready for it to be over yet. She's given me plenty of chances to make it official before though it's been 6 months.

So do you want to be with her cause it sounds like you do but you talk yourself out of it

Fellas PLEASE USE PROTECTION!

Man, I remember my homie was in this same situation about a year after high school. Same result and I still feel the same. Ish is scary when you legit just trying to have fun and enjoy life and end up making a decision no one was prepared to deal with. At least it was mutual and yea, if you not ready for that lifetime assignment, STRAP UPPPP

I love Tinder

No pics?

 

[Mark Antony]

Sounds like doesn't, but didn't diversify his roster, having her as his only horse in the race. So naturally she branches off, leaving him dolo with her being the only true attachment the past few months, so there's feels, even though it wasn't real in the long term.