Official Umar Johnson Thread

[spiderjericho]

Wait they still have kids you need to stay home for after 30 years?

Their youngest was a son, probably 10-11.

She mentioned how old dude stood in her way of joining the police academy and getting that police retirement. Definitely seemed to be harboring some animosity.

Obviously, I was a fly on the wall so I didn’t ask what their combined income was, was there a certain standard of living she desired, would his income be able to deliver that, etc.

 

[Brownstone]

Wait they still have kids you need to stay home for after 30 years?

Exactly, what world are people living in. I refused to marry this chick (former model who thought I was a simp)

Who continued to say how she wanted to stay at home (lazy) when I refuted, she kept calling me Americanized and yadda yadda yadda. I kept saying, what you gonna do when they're 4 and at preschool?!

To me it's not even monetary, I have seen first hand women who thought they didn't want to work become depressed real quick after popping out kids and watching Maury all day....

 

[Brownstone]

Their youngest was a son, probably 10-11.

She mentioned how old dude stood in her way of joining the police academy and getting that police retirement. Definitely seemed to be harboring some animosity.

Obviously, I was a fly on the wall so I didn’t ask what their combined income was, was there a certain standard of living she desired, would his income be able to deliver that, etc.

Sounds to me that she was looking for a reason to break up an already broken marriage. Dude is lame for trying to control a women who wants to work in 2022.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Exactly, what world are people living in. I refused to marry this chick (former model who thought I was a simp)

Who continued to say how she wanted to stay at home (lazy) when I refuted, she kept calling me Americanized and yadda yadda yadda. I kept saying, what you gonna do when they're 4 and at preschool?!

To me it's not even monetary, I have seen first hand women who thought they didn't want to work become depressed real quick after popping out kids and watching Maury all day....

therealest1 Loves himself some housewives.

 

[WASHED KING]

I too am good on housewives. Not worth it imo.

 

[frenchbreadbuilds]

Their youngest was a son, probably 10-11.

She mentioned how old dude stood in her way of joining the police academy and getting that police retirement. Definitely seemed to be harboring some animosity.

Obviously, I was a fly on the wall so I didn’t ask what their combined income was, was there a certain standard of living she desired, would his income be able to deliver that, etc.

without knowing anything about the dude or their situation, it feels like she was feeling the strain enough to want a police retirement lol shes probably been thinking about that for ages.

i have this convo with my wife all the time. we've both agreed that work becomes optional for the other if one of us ever makes $350k a year, which as optimistic as I am, aint happening from a 9-5 alone. It might be a timing thing because we're in the midst doing the last bit of renovations on our first house (which we'll more than likely be in for no more than 5 more years), about to have our first kid in april, and just bought one car in June and on the verge of having to buy a second because the car I've been driving since college is kicking the bucket, I'm hyper sensitive to what being "comfortable" actually looks like. Its sounds like a whole bunch of first world problems and we're fortunate, but even doing as well as we are we still feel every dollar we spend lol I think its hilarious that this new crop of dudes who dont want their girl to work, or they say theyd rather pick up a girl making minimum wage at mcdonalds than a girl with a career but have to round up on their pay stubs to meet the 3X rent income requirement on the luxury apartment they want to move into.

Me and friends have a running joke about how dudes are out here slaving away to hustle culture meanwhile getting married doubles your income overnight

TLDR men and women, but more specifically black men and black women, we need eachother

 

[Raji Lowenthal]

I don't understand how someone can be married for 30 years and not be aware their husband wants a stay at home wife. Maybe they've been arguing about it for 30 yrs which is still crazy.

 

[spiderjericho]

I’ll say again. My head was throbbing from the fumes in that place (how can that ish be legal and healthy) and I was a fly on the wall.

She mentioned she treated herself with a Camry XSE. In my head…I was like not a big flex since it’s not a foreign (Mercedes or BMW). She seemed like a practical woman. But with missing pieces to the puzzle, it’s difficult to really discuss it more.

And it’s easy to project onto a person in a relationship. My BM is not who I thought she was lol (unlike Lebron James who I know who he was from day one). Even with the red flags, I probably projected an image and expectations she was never going to adhere or measure to. That’s a me problem.

I have a good friend. He was guilted into marriage. To make a long story short, he’s Caribbean. Guess he expected his ex wife to work (she was a nurse and probably the bread winner), cook (she can’t, he can though lol), clean, etc. Now it’s all bitter because of a lack of communication and really sitting down, getting on the same page, developing mutually beneficial goals. Relationships are not easy. They take work. As a single person, I always observe relationships.

So without knowing details, hopefully it works out for her and the husband.

 

[WASHED KING]

I’ll say again. My head was throbbing from the fumes in that place (how can that ish be legal and healthy) and I was a fly on the wall.

She mentioned she treated herself with a Camry XSE. In my head…I was like not a big flex since it’s not a foreign (Mercedes or BMW). She seemed like a practical woman. But with missing pieces to the puzzle, it’s difficult to really discuss it more.

And it’s easy to project onto a person in a relationship. My BM is not who I thought she was lol (unlike Lebron James who I know who he was from day one). Even with the red flags, I probably projected an image and expectations she was never going to adhere or measure to. That’s a me problem.

I have a good friend. He was guilted into marriage. To make a long story short, he’s Caribbean. Guess he expected his ex wife to work (she was a nurse and probably the bread winner), cook (she can’t, he can though lol), clean, etc. Now it’s all bitter because of a lack of communication and really sitting down, getting on the same page, developing mutually beneficial goals. Relationships are not easy. They take work. As a single person, I was always observe relationships.

So without knowing details, hopefully it works out for her and the husband.

This isn't talked about enough. People expect everything to be peaches and cream 24/7.

 

[Present]

The fact of the matter is traditional marriage / having kids does not make sense in the modern world (especially for men with courts set up as they are).

There's a reason marriage rates have steadily dropped, divorce rates have steadily risen, and more and more children are born out of wedlock.

Either adapt to the current times or not.

Hard times make strong men,

Strong men make good times,

Good times make weak men,

Weak men make hard times...

 

[Raji Lowenthal]

The fact of the matter is traditional marriage / having kids does not make sense in the modern world (especially for men with courts set up as they are).

There's a reason marriage rates have steadily dropped, divorce rates have steadily risen, and more and more children are born out of wedlock.

Either adapt to the current times or not.

Hard times make strong men,

Strong men make good times,

Good times make weak men,

Weak men make hard times...

You and your woman/women just gotta be on the same page about stuff for modern marriage and child rearing to work.

 

[Present]

You and your woman/women just gotta be on the same page about stuff for modern marriage and child rearing to work.

While that may sound good, the numbers aren't lying.

Every fact-based data point shows the likelihood of that happening steadily decreasing as time goes on.

Also, there's no such thing as a "modern" marriage (which is why the divorce rates are so high).

Cool if a traditional man can find a traditional woman and share traditional family values, virtues, and principles.

Aint nothing "modern" about that.

For me, it's a matter of minding my own business as a traditional man and not investing my time, energy, or resources into a modern folk's business.

The truth doesn't change with the times.

 

[Raji Lowenthal]

While that may sound good, the numbers aren't lying.

Also, there's no such thing as a "modern" marriage (which is why the divorce rates are so high).

It's not the numbers lying, it's the couples lying. They weren't on the same page.

 

[deusavertat]

I think traditional constructs of marriage were built on accepting lies and pretending sh** was all good. I think modern people not just women are fed up with it .

 

[Present]

It's not the numbers lying, it's the couples lying. They weren't on the same page.

"The pandemic has had dramatic effects on divorce in the U.S. with a 12% reduction in administrative counts of divorces, which are available from 35 states (Westrick-Payne, Manning, & Carlson, 2022). The ACS shows a parallel trend with a nearly 10% decline in the adjusted divorce rate from 15.5 in 2019 to 14.0 in 2020 (Westrick-Payne, 2022b)."

Funny how hard times works

The notion of traditional marriage just isn't appealing in the modern world.

Makes sense to adapt to the times.

For me, the biggest takeaway from KS was folks expecting traditional results from modern decisions.

 

[Raji Lowenthal]

"The pandemic has had dramatic effects on divorce in the U.S. with a 12% reduction in administrative counts of divorces, which are available from 35 states (Westrick-Payne, Manning, & Carlson, 2022). The ACS shows a parallel trend with a nearly 10% decline in the adjusted divorce rate from 15.5 in 2019 to 14.0 in 2020 (Westrick-Payne, 2022b)."

Funny how hard times works

Pandemic forced couples together extended periods of time where they realized "they weren't on the same page". No dispute from me that marriage is down and divorce is up.

 

[Present]

Pandemic forced couples together extended periods of time where they realized "they weren't on the same page". No dispute from me that marriage is down and divorce is up.

Nope.

When those isles were bare, women all of a sudden decided they loved their husbands/families again

"A study led by the American Sociological Association determined that nearly 70% of divorces are initiated by women. And the percentage of college-educated American women who initiated divorce is even higher."

 

[Raji Lowenthal]

Nope.

When those isles were bare, women all of a sudden decided they loved their husbands/families again

"A study led by the American Sociological Association determined that nearly 70% of divorces are initiated by women. And the percentage of college-educated American women who initiated divorce is even higher."

Women no longer have to be in a marriage when they aren't on the same page as their husband unlike traditional times. Pre nup should be mandatory in this day and age if you choose to marry.

 

[RustyShackleford]

The thing about traditional marriage is that many were held together is institutional forces.

-Most women could only access the middle class through a man. Either father or spouse
-They could not get lines of credit by themselves
-The job market segregated them into lower paying jobs
-Martial sexual assault was not prosecuted
-Access to birth control and individual control over their reproductive rights.

And that is before we talk about changes in the macroeconomy.

Without those structures, I think "traditional" marriage would have been affected

I think this was on of Samuels' more flimsy arguments ****ting on modern women. Basically, arguing our grandmother's were of higher character because they had less options, so it in turn they put up with more issues.

 

[frenchbreadbuilds]

when you look at marriage in context of America in the past 100 years I don't think you have to take many logical leaps to understand why/how the numbers skew the way they do. Its definitely multivariate but up until relatively recently gender roles have made it comfortable for a man to be in a marriage and "provide" while not really having to be held to the standard of treating a woman like a human of equal value. meanwhile like what RustyShackleford mentioned above women NEEDED a husband to even be upwardly mobile socioeconomically. In modern times, even though it happens less often, theres still traditional societal pressures for folks to get married without checking the right boxes for what it takes to make it in 2023. And that leads to folks that shouldnt be getting married that end up doing it anyway. Especially if youve been in a long term relationship. Theres just less incentive for women to stay if their needs (realistic or delusional) arent being met. Not to mention marriage isnt the same gateway to prosperity as it used to be, especially if youre coming from a lower socioeconomic status.

I think this hyper focus on gender roles/ masculinity and femininity is probably the most destructive thing about the current discourse cause it puts folks into antiquated archetypes that dont actually mesh with the current society. you have folks looking for "traditional marriage" and roles but those roles wont put a roof over your head anymore

 

[deuce king]

The thing about traditional marriage is that many were held together is institutional forces.

-Most women could only access the middle class through a man. Either father or spouse
-They could not get lines of credit by themselves
-The job market segregated them into lower paying jobs
-Martial sexual assault was not prosecuted
-Access to birth control and individual control over their reproductive rights.

And that is before we talk about changes in the macroeconomy.

Without those structures, I think "traditional" marriage would have been affected

I think this was on of Samuels' more flimsy arguments ****ting on modern women. Basically, arguing our grandmother's were of higher character because they had less options, so it in turn they put up with more issues.

No, our grandmothers were of higher character because they didn’t break up families…….just because they weren’t HAPPY. Talk to any women in their 60’s or older and they will tell you that younger women who get divorced nowadays divorce for foolish reasons. A lot of women of today truly don’t understand the concept of marriage being not just work……but hard work.

This Tyler Perry “I can do bad all by myself”/Disneyland fantasy concept of romance mentality has help set US back.

 

[Present]

When I speak of traditional marriage I'm speaking of gender roles, masculinity, femineity, and the natural balance between the two in a healthy environment.

Yall be on that Color Purple too much

How folks can speak on times they never lived in and tell other folk's stories is beyond me.

My parents were married for over 40 years (until my father passed), they met in high school, got married, and had five kids, my father bought a house, and my mother worked to help my Father support the family (not because she had to but because she wanted to) after I turned school age, we went to church every week, ate dinner at the dinner table together as a family, he made sure all of us had a chance to go to college, while neither of them made it past high school, etc, etc. and I ain't never see any of that Tyler Perry foolishness.

Both of them came from nothing and made it - together. Gender roles and all.

If you think my Mother was "oppressed" then you have no idea what you are talking about.

 

[deusavertat]

No, our grandmothers were of higher character because they didn’t break up families…….just because they weren’t HAPPY. Talk to any women in their 60’s or older and they will tell you that younger women who get divorced nowadays divorce for foolish reasons. A lot of women of today truly don’t understand the concept of marriage being not just work……but hard work.

This Tyler Perry “I can do bad all by myself”/Disneyland fantasy concept of romance mentality has help set US back.

That life of servitude and forgiving her husband for his trangressions is all Geraldine knows. I dont blame modern women for wanting more.

 

[RustyShackleford]

No, our grandmothers were of higher character because they didn’t break up families…….just because they weren’t HAPPY. Talk to any women in their 60’s or older and they will tell you that younger women who get divorced nowadays divorce for foolish reasons. A lot of women of today truly don’t understand the concept of marriage being not just work……but hard work.

This Tyler Perry “I can do bad all by myself”/Disneyland fantasy concept of romance mentality has help set US back.

When I speak of traditional marriage I'm speaking of gender roles, masculinity, femineity, and the natural balance between the two in a healthy environment.

Yall be on that Color Purple too much

How folks can speak on times they never lived in and tell other folk's stories is beyond me.

My parents were married for over 40 years (until my father passed) and I ain't never see any of that Tyler Perry foolishness.

Amazing, tell dudes that the world was different generations and they just hand wave it

P Present you are speaking about times you never lived in too. If you are comparing the presented to the past, that is exactly what you are doing

I really don't understand the hypocrisy

 

[Present]

Amazing, tell dudes that the world was different generations and they just hand wave it

P Present you are speaking about times you never lived in too. If you are comparing the presented to the past, that is exactly what you are doing

I really don't understand the hypocrisy

Bruh - I talk to my Mother every day. She tells me of her life and times.

I'm literally telling my own lived experience and sharing what she herself shared with me.

I have no idea what you're on.

Like I'm supposed to listen to you and Tyler Perry over my own Mother

Black folks ain't have nothing to do with Feminism / the Feminist movement Fam.

Those white women had no love for Black women / Black people then...and still don't today.

A bunch of racist Karens will never tell me what to think or how to feel about my own people.