NT...Relationships...Mature Discussion...Courtship is so hard

[born tuesday]

^ I can't give you an exact definition but I can give you an example.

My last year in school I talked to this young lady. Apparently she had been pursuing me since the 1st time we talked but I'm blind to signs. Some of hermethods included getting info from her friends (who were like my little sisters.

So she would come around the crib, we would talk, she would ride with me places, etc.

After this went on for a about a month she turned her pursuit up in one night and we started talking.

She was supposed to go to the Atlanta Classic that day but her plans got nixed. As a result of this and the campus being empty we ended up spending the WHOLEday together. Throughout the day we were flirting but nothing serious because I was determined not to be one of those old dudes who talks to young chicks.Later on that night some of my friends had a game night but me & shorty ended up talking in my car, while I finished a six pack by myself.

At the end of the night I went to take her home but she "lost her keys." After looking for her keys for a while, we looked at each other, locked eyeson some movie type $#!% and she ended up spending the night. The next day when I took her back to her dorm, she "magically" found her keys.

 

[swoboydehteezy]

Originally Posted by yungmatt

Originally Posted by blackmagnus514

I hate chasing women. Either they're with it or they're not.

 

[name i koop]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Originally Posted by blackmagnus514

"pursuing" and "chase" to me are interchangeable...it's liek you spending time, money and emotions on this person who aint giving you what you want in return....sorta like cat/mouse

Well count me out. I don't think ANYONE should chase after anyone else. If we are basing it off of THAT premise. If you are TRYING to give someone your time and they seem disinterested, then move on.

The whole, "Proving to someone that you really care" stuff is for the birds.

I think you are taking the extreme case tho...when we say chase/pursue.....well, when Isay it...I'm saying that I am the one initiating contact, dates, next dates, kisses, I'm paying for things, I'm behaving like the"traditional" man would. Obviously, if she is not letting me be affectionate with her or she is not even giving me the time of day, then we have someproblems and I need to back off. Thats when the old adage "If you love someone let them go...." comes in (in this case, it's like, notlove).

I have chased girls in the past, sometimes cause I just wanted sex. I've only chased one girlout of genuine love...and I !*$@ ed that up royally.

 

[jdb1523]

Of course, my plot thickens (it's related to the thread). The girl I thought I was 'talking' with the last few weeks (she texted me out of nowhere,got my number from a girlfriend) is apparently still obsessed with her ex-ex-bf according to my people. She broke up with her last boyfriend about a month agobecause she hooked up with the former. Yet she's single, and texted me out of nowhere one night because she wanted to know what I was up to (including thewords "haha not creeping"). I just found this out tonight, and told my friends I'm backing the +!$% out of the situation, the last thing I wantto do is get involved with another girl (again...SMH) that still has strong feelings for an ex. On cue, literally an hour later, she texts me, quoting aninside joke we have and saying we haven't talked all day (I purposely didn't talk to her the last day and a half to see if she would initiate again). Ican't tell if she just wants attention, or if she's genuinely interested...?

Either way, after all that I almost immediately texted another girl I met recently to hedge the situation. I feel bad but

it almost has to happen. Ifanyone has seen the movie Closer, I'm about to pull a Clive Owen. Any thoughts would be appreciated...guys/girls both...

 

[airmissionretro]

Courtship in 2010 is on life support----It went in ICU when it got introduced to the CPU.

 

[jdb1523]

^So true...just seems like there's more skanks out there than classy girls.

 

[rocman23]

it's thee opposite for me, girls i chase never work out with me. girls that chase me, and i like also, always works out

 

[conv3rge]

is it normal for a girl to be "talking" to another guy while you guys are also "talking". Situation im currently in, she mentioned him nodetails though

 

[masterhammy23]

Originally Posted by Ghenges

The best relationships start with friendships. I mean, when you are at that 'serious relationship age', it doesn't matter. If a girl likes you, she likes you. Yea you can do/say things to win her over, but the older you get, the more she will be attracted to your accomplishments and who you are rather than your ability to smooth talk your way to her.

Some girls are so jaded that they think every dude with a friendly smile has some ulterior motive to get in their pants. Those girls were usually duped before, though.

I believe in this too. The best relationships do start with friendship.

My biggest problem is I just don't know how to take that next step and express my feelings to a girl.

 

[conv3rge]

im talking to this girl right now now, we've chilled the past 4 nights in a row just talking getting lost in the city while driving thats it. Tonight wemeet up with her friends and mentions some kid she's also "talking" to is this normal to just mention this

 

[oidreez]

Originally Posted by blackmagnus514

"pursuing" and "chase" to me are interchangeable...it's liek you spending time, money and emotions on this person who aint giving you what you want in return....sorta like cat/mouse

this is what i feel.

 

[conv3rge]

sorry didnt see my post earlier it didnt show it dble post

 

[amazingmrfox]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Originally Posted by blackmagnus514

"pursuing" and "chase" to me are interchangeable...it's liek you spending time, money and emotions on this person who aint giving you what you want in return....sorta like cat/mouse

Well count me out. I don't think ANYONE should chase after anyone else. If we are basing it off of THAT premise. If you are TRYING to give someone your time and they seem disinterested, then move on.

The whole, "Proving to someone that you really care" stuff is for the birds.

[color= rgb(255, 0, 0)]It really bothers me that I agree with you...considering what you just said, is a personal philosophyof mine.[/color]

[color= rgb(255, 0, 0)]I've told this to many girls. "It's beneath me to chase after any female..." BUT justas well, "it's also beneath any female to chase after any guy"[/color]

[color= rgb(255, 0, 0)]The way I see it, the minute someone begins to "chase" someone else, it becomes all too easyfor manipulation and deception to take root. And that, is something I'm sure no one really wants to deal with but more importantly, wants to be at thereceiving end off.[/color]

 

[picknroll24]

Originally Posted by conv3rge

im talking to this girl right now now, we've chilled the past 4 nights in a row just talking getting lost in the city while driving thats it. Tonight we meet up with her friends and mentions some kid she's also "talking" to is this normal to just mention this

Yup this is normal for a single individual if there were no terms of exclusivity
If I was you I would make sure not to sweat it too much and maybe talk to another girl as well so that you don't get desperate and start acting needybecause that will push her away. Play it cool and she'll see who's best for her (

women are ultimately the choosers)

 

[jermz101]

every girl thats chased me has failed....one that was chasing just came to an abrupt end too
but im sure the majority of us can say that whenever they go after something they want
considering we are all males that it usually works out....when you play your cards right that is

 

[i d0nt pass]

Originally Posted by frostythepoptart

3 months. does not compute.

 

[conv3rge]

Originally Posted by picknroll24

Originally Posted by conv3rge

im talking to this girl right now now, we've chilled the past 4 nights in a row just talking getting lost in the city while driving thats it. Tonight we meet up with her friends and mentions some kid she's also "talking" to is this normal to just mention this

Yup this is normal for a single individual if there were no terms of exclusivity
If I was you I would make sure not to sweat it too much and maybe talk to another girl as well so that you don't get desperate and start acting needy because that will push her away. Play it cool and she'll see who's best for her (

women are ultimately the choosers)

haha thanks sounds like great advice

 

[jdb1523]

^I dunno conv3rge, it almost sounds to me like you've been friend-zoned. I think it's a bit disrespectful to bring up, in front of another guyyou're 'talking to,' another guy. Unless she did it to make you jealous and to step up your game. I think talking with more than one person of theopposite sex at the same time is fine, but I certainly wouldn't mention them in front of the other.

Does anybody have any thoughts about my situation on the last page? I don't know if I've ever been so torn about getting involved with a girl.

 

[conv3rge]

see but at the same time somone did ask if we were going out and said we looked like a couple, and right there anyone who's gotten friendzowned would havegotten the "oh never that hes like my best friend" routine, but she just laughed and got caught a bit off guard