Need serious advice from older NT heads

W

W)taps

formerly worldgonemad
5,828
4,479
Joined
Jan 21, 2014
Long story short,

I'm in my late 20s and live with my parents due to my mom's declining health.

My dad pretty much verbally (never physical) abuses her everyday and treats her like **** and I always step in to stop him, and we end up fighting and yelling.

This is taking a serious toll on my mental health but my mom has no where to go esp since my dad pays for her health bills and she refuses to divorce him. (Stubborn immigrants mindset). It's gotten so bad to the point where my mom suffers from severe depression.

Financially, I can move out and take care of myself but I can't take care of my mom and her health bills. I don't know if I should just leave the house and deal with my life and leave my mom behind or what other solutions I have. My older brother pretty much forgot about my parents as soon as he started his own family so he's not willing to help. I feel like I can't live my life fully and with a healthy mental state due to the stress of worrying about my mom.

Any advice is appreciated.
 
Just giving you my best my man

Your brother’s life situation doesn’t release him from any responsibility that ensures your mom a safe environment.

I love my mom to death, she was born in 1958 and has beaten some health issues and I know I’m lucky to have her present and a blessing in my and my two siblings/sister’s lives. If your brother loves her, it doesn’t matter who lives with who, or who’s at what point in life—when you are a son or daughter, there’s just a want-to personality to make sure a problem can be turned forward.

Then there’s you, who lives there, who is like most 20-30 year olds (money problems, fortunate if you have some girl or guy by your side). Can you give some iterations of her being verbally abused? A lot of this seems to stem from standing up to your father and just figuring out what the problem is right there and then. We’re at a point where people need to defend people that can’t defend themselves. I’m not sure what the consequences are of standing up to him though, but you’re there for her it sounds like.
 
You can't help those who don't want to be helped.

Seems like your presence doesn't hold a factor with said abuse so whats the point of you still being there?

You have ONE life.... live it.
 
Personally, I could never leave my mom under those circumstances. If you think you can live with it then leave. Your old man needs marriage counseling. Have you sat him down for a heart to heart intervention? Your brother should be present as well. Come at him with love instead of aggression. He is the problem and the solution. If he loves you and your mom then he will listen. If not, then I guess you have to leave. Make sure you call your mom everyday and talk to her. That's the only compromise I can think of.
 
jape said:
it sounds like he has many times
Click to expand...
Dude shouldn't push it, he might end up goin out like Marvin Gaye...

He didn't make any mention of WHY his pops is getting on his Mom's, I'm sure there's atleast some rational/specific reason...
 
Does she have decent insurance and need home health? Maybe that can help if you decide to move out
But I think you need to work with a therapist, and they do as well, get some help with your mentals. If they’re too stubborn, you should do it anyway
 
Wait.

Why cant you leave again?

Am I missing something?

Can you not stop by and visit after you move out?

Can your Mother not visit you at your new spot?
 
Last edited:
Move out, but stay close to help with your mom. Sounds like you don’t have the ability to fix the situation, so why carry that burden? Have to take care of yourself too.
 
W)taps said:
Long story short,

I'm in my late 20s and live with my parents due to my mom's declining health.

My dad pretty much verbally (never physical) abuses her everyday and treats her like **** and I always step in to stop him, and we end up fighting and yelling.

This is taking a serious toll on my mental health but my mom has no where to go esp since my dad pays for her health bills and she refuses to divorce him. (Stubborn immigrants mindset). It's gotten so bad to the point where my mom suffers from severe depression.

Financially, I can move out and take care of myself but I can't take care of my mom and her health bills. I don't know if I should just leave the house and deal with my life and leave my mom behind or what other solutions I have. My older brother pretty much forgot about my parents as soon as he started his own family so he's not willing to help. I feel like I can't live my life fully and with a healthy mental state due to the stress of worrying about my mom.

Any advice is appreciated.
Click to expand...
You should stay for your mom at least for a little while longer. You wouldn't be able to live with yourself if you left .. that's why you're on NT asking us for advice. You're a good dude.. it'll come back to you later
 
W)taps said:
Long story short,

I'm in my late 20s and live with my parents due to my mom's declining health.

My dad pretty much verbally (never physical) abuses her everyday and treats her like **** and I always step in to stop him, and we end up fighting and yelling.

This is taking a serious toll on my mental health but my mom has no where to go esp since my dad pays for her health bills and she refuses to divorce him. (Stubborn immigrants mindset). It's gotten so bad to the point where my mom suffers from severe depression.

Financially, I can move out and take care of myself but I can't take care of my mom and her health bills. I don't know if I should just leave the house and deal with my life and leave my mom behind or what other solutions I have. My older brother pretty much forgot about my parents as soon as he started his own family so he's not willing to help. I feel like I can't live my life fully and with a healthy mental state due to the stress of worrying about my mom.

Any advice is appreciated.
Click to expand...
Your household is a trauma dump. You can't live for your mother. It sucks that she's in situation she's in, but you can't control that, her, or your father. I suggest you get outta there for your own sake.
 
W)taps said:
Long story short,

I'm in my late 20s and live with my parents due to my mom's declining health.

My dad pretty much verbally (never physical) abuses her everyday and treats her like **** and I always step in to stop him, and we end up fighting and yelling.

This is taking a serious toll on my mental health but my mom has no where to go esp since my dad pays for her health bills and she refuses to divorce him. (Stubborn immigrants mindset). It's gotten so bad to the point where my mom suffers from severe depression.

Financially, I can move out and take care of myself but I can't take care of my mom and her health bills. I don't know if I should just leave the house and deal with my life and leave my mom behind or what other solutions I have. My older brother pretty much forgot about my parents as soon as he started his own family so he's not willing to help. I feel like I can't live my life fully and with a healthy mental state due to the stress of worrying about my mom.

Any advice is appreciated.
Click to expand...
I would leave. Your health is paramount, and your parents have made their choices as adults. Get yourself to a better place, then come back and help out later.
 
jape said:
if yall were in pops shoes, would you listen to your son trying to tell you about your relationship?

just saying.
Click to expand...
It’s all about how you deliver the message.. anger is normal it’s the response that counts..
my eldest daughter at 17 told me that me and her mom shouldn’t be together because we fight too much.. it clicked and I moved out the next day..
 
It sounds like his dad is having a hard time with it himself and is just handling it poorly. Talk to him about it. He’s probably not going to open up immediately, but you never know.
 
man. cant lie my Parents are in town visiting, My Dad currently has Cance,r and reading your situation def choked me up some.

First off, I just Pray that everything works out in your favor and that Blessings, Peace, Health, and Happiness comes to you and your family.

The thought of my parents getting to that point where they are getting older and health is declining crosses my mind so much. I have coworkers who are dealing with similar situations as you OP and hearing them complain about it, which Im sure can be frustrating at times, but it just always rubs me the wrong way. My Parents did so much for me and still do to this day, and if they are ever in a situation where they will need my help I will be there for them.

Shout out to you OP for doing all that you have done. If I were you in that situation Im taking my Mom away from Pops. Either he leaves, or Me and Mom leave. I know you said the finances from her health would be rough on you, but see if you and Dad can come to an agreement to where yall can make it a collaborative effort. I know you said you want to focus on your life and I definitely respect that because youre not wrong at all, but Im just speaking for myself and I can confidently say Id push a lot of that to the side until things were in a stable position. I know thats easy for me to say since Im not personally in your shoes, but I just know for my Mom/Dad I would have no problem doing so. Hopefully the responses in this thread help you make the best decision to improve your situation and Im rooting for you as well as Praying for you and yours.
 
Anybody in here telling him he should leave his mom behind should be ashamed of yourselves.

I would move out with my mom if I were in your shoes. If you guys are low income I would encourage you to contact your county and state offices and ask about any financial or medical programs for low income families to help you get by until you're on better footing.

You're already struggling with mental health issues if you're living there. Imagine adding guilt to that if you left your mom and something happened to her. I know you want to live your own life but sometimes life has ways of moving us past our wants and needs.
 
Here is what I think you should do.

1. Have a heart to heart conversation with your dad and find out if he's treating your mom this way because of her health and ask him if there is anything you can do to help. You should also tell him how his actions are impacting you.

2. Ask your dad if he would be willing to keep paying your mom's medical bills if she lived with you for awhile.

3. Ask your mom what she wants to do. Unfortunately sometimes moms and dads have their own way and relationship that is abusive from our perspective but that's just their way.

4. Get counseling for yourself asap and see of your family wants to attend.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

eracism
Texas ranked worst state for quality of life
5 6 7
Replies
165
Views
10K
Mark Antony
M
B
Black woman calls cops only to be killed by cops.
Replies
13
Views
3K
TSCQ
TSCQ

Latest News

View All News

The ultimate sneaker enthusiast community.

Site contents may not be incorporated into AI training data or any other derivative works without prior express written consent.

Links to participating merchants may generate referral or affiliate commissions that help support our community. See our policies for details. NikeTalk is NOT affiliated with Nike Inc. in any way, shape, or form. All opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of Nike, Inc.

© 1999-2024 NikeTalk.com

Share this page

Back
Top Bottom