I don't usually do this, but a GIRL thread Vol: Prego

[octobersfinest]

Originally Posted by throwback1718

I am taking all of your opinions.
I understand where both the people who say don't abort and step up to the plate are coming from and I understand where everyone else is coming from.

I really never thought of it as being selfish.
I was so busy thinking of her JUST starting a new job at the beginning of the week, something I'm happy about, I didn't want her to jepordize the job, and she was also in progress to start school... She's always told me from even before this situation that she's not going to work after she has a baby, atleast for a while, because she doesn't want to leave the baby with a sitter or anyone other than family.
That in itself made me feel the pressure automatically.

I WILL admit, I'm not mature enough to have and deal with a seed.
I know an abortion is something that she has to go through herself and its not easy.

I just personally feel that if she REALLY, REALLY didn't want an abortion, why say, anything other than that? Why go on saying (what seemed sincere) "I wouldnt force the baby on you if you arent ready."
If she was going to flip out when I walked through the door she opened?

Why not from the jump say "yo im going to keep it, no ifs ands or buts about it" she KNOWS that I would have manned up to it and did my duty and NOT force her to do anything she didn't want to.

My girl took me through the same hoops dude. I have no explanation for it other than that this is just a situation she never expected to be in and there areabout a billion thoughts going through her head and she wanted to include you in whatever decision is about to be made. If you go through it though, in myexperience, is that you definately change day by day you know. But the emotional roller coaster doesn't stop anytime soon...for the next 9 months.

 

[seymore cake]

duke4005 wrote:

---

Nawth, I didn't mean easy for the woman. Furthest thing from it. I am sorry it came across that way. I meant it is easy for the guy to just say go get the abortion instead of manning up. Sorry for the confusion.


Again you're assuming and once again you're wrong... Wasn't a damn thing easy about that decision the time I made it, hell I was depressed forweeks myself and thought about it damn near everytime I saw a baby...I still think about it 7yrs later. So unless you've actually been in this position,had to talk to your partner about it, sat with her at the office before the consultation & after, watched her cry trying to console her, then taking careof her afterward you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Furthermore if you've never been through a pregnancy and have taken care ofsomeone during one or have a child of your own you don't know #%*% about that either. So you're just typing for the sake of being heard.

 

[hueyp in louiev]

Stand by your woman and enjoy your seed my G.

You're going to regret it in 5 years when the abortions tally starts racking up and you realize that you still aren't where you want to be in life.

GOD is sending a blessing your way....

Accept it.

 

[octobersfinest]

Originally Posted by duke4005

Originally Posted by OctobersFinest

Originally Posted by duke4005

Originally Posted by OctobersFinest

I can't believe people are still saying stuff like "you were adult enough to have sex, you are adult enough to deal with the consequences." It's 2010, if you can't get off your high horse, even on the internet, I'm glad I don't know you in person.

Why is that a high horse? Because I am man enough to deal with the consequences of my actions and not take the easy way out? It is 2010, let's quit murdering babies who have no chance at life. Your right, you are probably glad you don't know me.

You're telling me you've only had sex with women that you are 100% ready to have a child with??

As far as abortion not equaling murder, I guess once you have kids you see it different, but if you can honestly look at a baby, right out of the womb, and tell me that was not a human 15 seconds before because it was still inside, then the only stupidity I see is on the other end of this post.

I see your point. But 15 seconds before a child is born, killing that fetus is murder In most states even 3 months before the child is bornit's murder, which I agree with. But that's a whole discussion on early vs late-term abortions.

 

[throwback1718]

Originally Posted by Seymore CAKE

duke4005 wrote:

---

Nawth, I didn't mean easy for the woman. Furthest thing from it. I am sorry it came across that way. I meant it is easy for the guy to just say go get the abortion instead of manning up. Sorry for the confusion.

Again you're assuming and once again you're wrong... Wasn't a damn thing easy about that decision the time I made it, hell I was depressed for weeks myself and thought about it damn near everytime I saw a baby...I still think about it 7yrs later. So unless you've actually been in this position, had to talk to your partner about it, sat with her at the office before the consultation & after, watched her cry trying to console her, then taking care of her afterward you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Furthermore if you've never been through a pregnancy and have taken care of someone during one or have a child of your own you don't know #%*% about that either. So you're just typing for the sake of being heard.
I agree with this, I have said what I thought should be done, but it's not easy for me either, I have been taking care of her day in day outsince she first got the pains, playing my role.

Its not easy to say "Get rid of it", its something that I was stuck in deciding, it wasn't something in which once I heard the idea, I had aresponse immediately saying "Abortion".
It wasn't easy for me to even say that, hell, I'm not even sure if I meant it, or if I was talking in a state of panic and uncertainty.
Obviously I was torn.

 

[duke4005]

^^^ THAT is a real, honest response, OP. Here comes the afterschool special, but I understand you being scared. Natural response. And maturity happens realquick if you decide to have the kid. You don't have to stop all fun, trust me. You just have to have a significant other who understands that you are BOTHstill young and struggling with the situation, and you need to solve this thing together. I can see where you were coming from, with her not being straightwith you about her wishes. Sounds to me like she never wanted the abortion and just didn't want to tell you you were about to be a father, whether youliked it or not. She was wanting you to say let's have it and get on this family thing. I really don't think you were thinking selfish, again justscared. It is scary. I was 29 before I finally had my first, and it was still scary. But I was 19 when I had my first scare (she had a miscarriage early) andengaged on my second one (she was 4 MONTHS late!!! Explain that), so we were in different situations, but even at my age now, with a good career and school outof the way, I was scared s***less when time came. But nothing is more real than taking that kid around the way, people seeing him/her, and saying it looks justlike you, or acts like you, or teaching them things you used to do as a kid, etc. You aren't ready you say, but let it be your choice, not ours. Have anhonest talk, get it out with her, and let her know EXACTLY where you are coming from. Both of you need to get it out there.

 

[duke4005]

Originally Posted by Seymore CAKE

duke4005 wrote:

---

Nawth, I didn't mean easy for the woman. Furthest thing from it. I am sorry it came across that way. I meant it is easy for the guy to just say go get the abortion instead of manning up. Sorry for the confusion.

Again you're assuming and once again you're wrong... Wasn't a damn thing easy about that decision the time I made it, hell I was depressed for weeks myself and thought about it damn near everytime I saw a baby...I still think about it 7yrs later. So unless you've actually been in this position, had to talk to your partner about it, sat with her at the office before the consultation & after, watched her cry trying to console her, then taking care of her afterward you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Furthermore if you've never been through a pregnancy and have taken care of someone during one or have a child of your own you don't know #%*% about that either. So you're just typing for the sake of being heard.
Seymore, again I apologize. I was basically going off of these other jokers on here (kick her in the stomach, push her down the stairs) mentalitythat seems to be prevalent. I am sorry you and your girl went through that, and that is exactly what I was talking about, wrecking both people in all ways fora while afterwards. It is harder than anyone could imagine. I have been through pregnancy twice with my wife, so I do know #%*% about it, and it isn't easyfor either of you, so no, I am not just typing.

 

[throwback1718]

Originally Posted by duke4005

^^^ THAT is a real, honest response, OP. Here comes the afterschool special, but I understand you being scared. Natural response. And maturity happens real quick if you decide to have the kid. You don't have to stop all fun, trust me. You just have to have a significant other who understands that you are BOTH still young and struggling with the situation, and you need to solve this thing together. I can see where you were coming from, with her not being straight with you about her wishes. Sounds to me like she never wanted the abortion and just didn't want to tell you you were about to be a father, whether you liked it or not. She was wanting you to say let's have it and get on this family thing. I really don't think you were thinking selfish, again just scared. It is scary. I was 29 before I finally had my first, and it was still scary. But I was 19 when I had my first scare (she had a miscarriage early) and engaged on my second one (she was 4 MONTHS late!!! Explain that), so we were in different situations, but even at my age now, with a good career and school out of the way, I was scared s***less when time came. But nothing is more real than taking that kid around the way, people seeing him/her, and saying it looks just like you, or acts like you, or teaching them things you used to do as a kid, etc. You aren't ready you say, but let it be your choice, not ours. Have an honest talk, get it out with her, and let her know EXACTLY where you are coming from. Both of you need to get it out there.

sorry for double posting, didnt see this response.

but what do I do even though I already put all of my worries out in the open? I BEEN had the honest talk with her everything I have expressed on here, shealready knows my concerns.... and she said "ok baby, i dont want to force something on you that you arent ready for"

I also forgot that she said she had a dream of a baby and it was a girl and she was so cute, and in the dream she was asking everyone where am I but Icouldn't be found.... I think that dream and her actually getting a visual of a baby girl is what is the icing on the cake.

but the thought of the future IS definitely something to look forward to, in regards of just holding that child, and hearing the "Looks so much likeyou" "Soo cute", and all the other comments, and or experiences is something I didn't even think about I will admit..

 

[blackstilettos]

You need to get to your girl today and talk to her face to face. No phone, no AIM, face to face like an adult. You both need to calmly lay every singlescenario on the table and go from there. Right now, emotions are on high, obviously, and it's almost impossible to make a well-educated decision when bothpeople are full of anger and confusion. Right now, she needs you. Been there, so I have no doubt about that. I didn't end up pregnant (but it would havebeen fine because I am college educated, have a career, my bf is college educated and has a great career and stability), but when I look back on that time inmy life, the first thing I remember is my bf literally holding my hand, rubbing my back, talking to me and not AT me, and just plain being there. You have noidea what kind of difference that can make in a woman's life during a time like this, real talk.

I know this will likely get ignored, but I figured it would be helpful to hear from a woman's perspective. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Master Zik]

I'd keep it since I personally think abortion is murder but I'm pro choice tho.

You and ya girl should come to a decision. Seems like she wants to keep it so get ready to be a father fam. Don't be a deadbeat, don't be a lame.

 

[duke4005]

Honest, if you put it out there, and she still wants it, there is nothing you can do. Only thing is just be there for the kid, and NEVER let it be known, ifyou can help it, that you and the mom discussed abortion. I don't know anyhting else about you, but it sounds like you could be a great dad eventually, sodon't let the initial fear stop that. Some people just do not want kids, but you don't sound like that, so don't let being scared now stop you fromenjoying your child's life later. The dream thing is probably her way of trying to change your mind and show you how great it would be to have the baby.Are either of your parents around (live close)? Are they here to help? Not to support you (well, maybe until you get out of school), but to help with watchingor just in general knowledge. If you are able to lean on them once you have it, do it. Let them help if they can or will. Either way you go, just be confidentin your decisions. Again, only you know your situation, not us, so own it.

 

[throwback1718]

Originally Posted by BlackStilettos

You need to get to your girl today and talk to her face to face. No phone, no AIM, face to face like an adult. You both need to calmly lay every single scenario on the table and go from there. Right now, emotions are on high, obviously, and it's almost impossible to make a well-educated decision when both people are full of anger and confusion. Right now, she needs you. Been there, so I have no doubt about that. I didn't end up pregnant (but it would have been fine because I am college educated, have a career, my bf is college educated and has a great career and stability), but when I look back on that time in my life, the first thing I remember is my bf literally holding my hand, rubbing my back, talking to me and not AT me, and just plain being there. You have no idea what kind of difference that can make in a woman's life during a time like this, real talk.

I know this will likely get ignored, but I figured it would be helpful to hear from a woman's perspective. I wish you the best of luck.

this is correct, I just want to be there and be the comforting factor. Trust me anything she needed when she wasn't feeling well, I was running like I waschasing after the school bus.

giving her any thing she asked for,whether it was me holding her or massaging her back because it ached or running to get something to eat because she was hungry.

I dont wanna be "THAT" guy, a sperm donor, I want to be the damn rock that she and the baby needs. the provider.
I can't speak to her now because she's at work so i've gotta wait till she gets home.

Honest, if you put it out there, and she still wants it, there is nothing you can do. Only thing is just be there for the kid, and NEVER let it be known, if you can help it, that you and the mom discussed abortion. I don't know anyhting else about you, but it sounds like you could be a great dad eventually, so don't let the initial fear stop that. Some people just do not want kids, but you don't sound like that, so don't let being scared now stop you from enjoying your child's life later. The dream thing is probably her way of trying to change your mind and show you how great it would be to have the baby. Are either of your parents around (live close)? Are they here to help? Not to support you (well, maybe until you get out of school), but to help with watching or just in general knowledge. If you are able to lean on them once you have it, do it. Let them help if they can or will. Either way you go, just be confident in your decisions. Again, only you know your situation, not us, so own it.

Yes my parents are around. shoot my brother is 28 and he dont even have a seed. my parents will WANT to help me, but the question is can they?
they both work full time

as for her parents, her pops is something that I dont want to be, and her mother is away on army duty.
I'm basically all she has, financially, emotionally everything.

Its a lose, lose situation now, whereas now she says ok i'll not keep it, but we cant be together ever again, and I will not talk to you again
or I may keep it, but you wouldnt be involved.

why is this blowing up in my face that my opinion was different from hers?

 

[seymore cake]

Originally Posted by duke4005

Originally Posted by Seymore CAKE

duke4005 wrote:

---

Nawth, I didn't mean easy for the woman. Furthest thing from it. I am sorry it came across that way. I meant it is easy for the guy to just say go get the abortion instead of manning up. Sorry for the confusion.

Again you're assuming and once again you're wrong... Wasn't a damn thing easy about that decision the time I made it, hell I was depressed for weeks myself and thought about it damn near everytime I saw a baby...I still think about it 7yrs later. So unless you've actually been in this position, had to talk to your partner about it, sat with her at the office before the consultation & after, watched her cry trying to console her, then taking care of her afterward you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Furthermore if you've never been through a pregnancy and have taken care of someone during one or have a child of your own you don't know #%*% about that either. So you're just typing for the sake of being heard.

Seymore, again I apologize. I was basically going off of these other jokers on here (kick her in the stomach, push her down the stairs) mentality that seems to be prevalent. I am sorry you and your girl went through that, and that is exactly what I was talking about, wrecking both people in all ways for a while afterwards. It is harder than anyone could imagine. I have been through pregnancy twice with my wife, so I do know #%*% about it, and it isn't easy for either of you, so no, I am not just typing.




Alright I stand corrected because I too endured a miscarriage which in actually the miscarriage might have had a bigger effect on her emotionally than theabortion because she felt as though she was physically responsible for losing the child seeing as though her body couldn't nurture the embryo... That wasdifficult to stomache through as well, I wasn't ready then either but I was going to step up. Looking back I'm happy that niether situation produced alife because that relationship was unstable something I finally figured out a yr later.

 

[thatdudeb]

Originally Posted by thytkerjobs

Originally Posted by Nawth21

Originally Posted by M1dnightMobster

Originally Posted by champ305

I dislike abortions, but I respect your unselfish reasons why you don't want a child yet.

OP is being more than selfish. Sure, OP, you can front all you want and talk about how you're not ready for a child - which is true - but you took the chance of havin sex outside of marriage without a condom and got her pregnant. The real unselfish thing to do would be to man up and take care of her and the child.

I'm married, still wouldn't be able to support a child and would elect to have the abortion. Marriage doesn't make things magically OK. The bottom line is that the woman is the one who can get pregnant, not the man, so at the end of the day it is MY responsibility to make sure that doesn't happen and if it does happen then it's my responsibility to handle it in whatever manner that may be.

nawth always spits real *#*@
personally i wouldn't want a baby outside of marriage, but im not having kids as soon as im married either just for the hell of it. stability = kids. Suppose OP's son/daughter has medical problems that require thousands of dollars a month? You gotta take EVERYTHING into consideration.

This. I understand the reasons for people that are against abortion, but me being 19 if i got a girl pregnant having an abortion would be the bestway to go about it.

A father should be able to provide for his child, and if your not even comfortable about having it that cant be a good start.

When (If) I do ever have kids i want it to be prepared for accordingly. I want to have the money to take care of it, a nice spot, and by a woman i trust morethan anything.

I wish you luck in your situation op.

 

[duke4005]

Throwback, her main problem right now is she is hurt. She probably thinks you still do not want it because of the initial reaction. Trust me, if you have it,and you are there for her like you say, and stay involved, show her what you mean, there is a good chance she will change her mind. Again, I don't knowher, but it could only help. My wife's dad was also gone, definitely not a good example, so as long as I showed her I wasn't him, we were good. Youneed to read what you wrote about being the rock. You really don't sound like a guy who doesn't want this kid. You sound like you are waiting on it.

Parents, even working ones, usually find a way to help their kids if they want to, whether it is watching the baby while you are in class or working or justhelping out by coming over and giving you a break. You may have to go to night school and take turns keeping the kid, then let your parents watch it at night.Just saying, yes, it causes adjustments, but it can be done.

Seymore, you know I never meant any harm. Us Duke fans gotta stick together.

 

[throwback1718]

Originally Posted by ThatDudeB

Originally Posted by thytkerjobs

Originally Posted by Nawth21

Originally Posted by M1dnightMobster

Originally Posted by champ305

I dislike abortions, but I respect your unselfish reasons why you don't want a child yet.

OP is being more than selfish. Sure, OP, you can front all you want and talk about how you're not ready for a child - which is true - but you took the chance of havin sex outside of marriage without a condom and got her pregnant. The real unselfish thing to do would be to man up and take care of her and the child.

I'm married, still wouldn't be able to support a child and would elect to have the abortion. Marriage doesn't make things magically OK. The bottom line is that the woman is the one who can get pregnant, not the man, so at the end of the day it is MY responsibility to make sure that doesn't happen and if it does happen then it's my responsibility to handle it in whatever manner that may be.

nawth always spits real *#*@
personally i wouldn't want a baby outside of marriage, but im not having kids as soon as im married either just for the hell of it. stability = kids. Suppose OP's son/daughter has medical problems that require thousands of dollars a month? You gotta take EVERYTHING into consideration.

This. I understand the reasons for people that are against abortion, but me being 19 if i got a girl pregnant having an abortion would be the best way to go about it.

A father should be able to provide for his child, and if your not even comfortable about having it that cant be a good start.

When (If) I do ever have kids i want it to be prepared for accordingly. I want to have the money to take care of it, a nice spot, and by a woman i trust more than anything.

I wish you luck in your situation op.

Ain't a guy supposed to be the sole provider for his wife and kids? I just feel all that pressure building up on me.


adoption was not considered yet because she WANTS the baby its not like she is just so against abortion that she'd rather have the kid.
I know she'd rather abort than go through 9 months of this and then to give it away.

I appreciate EVERYONE's opinions, those that disagree and those that agree with me.
I will pray

 

[juice2352]

You need to take care of your child. And have either of you considered adoption?

 

[mostofthetime]

Hope everything works out for you OP. Your position is a scary one to be in.

michelle