Hinge Takeover >>> Tinder, Bumble Pof

[s-blaze]

My guy said well-marbled

Mans is Socrates

 

[WASHED KING]

I was thinking steak.

 

[Based Jesus]

I was at home baking like everyday during lockdown so I put on a decent amount of weight, lost most of it though
Once I stopped being able to fit in my outside clothes I knew I needed to
I don't know how people just keep going, I'm not buying a whole new wardrobe when it's cheaper to just work out and eat right. Feels better too.

 

[storm2006]

Fambily. Page 989 of this thread was epic

But before I give an update, I have to comment on the posts about missed opportunities

Y’all ever think back on the P you fumbled? Or just fumbled some over some stupid **** ?

This was a long time ago. I work in IT. I’m the only black dude there. All dudes. Everyone else the typical IT stereotype. No sauce what so ever.

We hire a new girl. She wasn’t cute or ugly. Just average so I never really made a move or paid her any mind. She only spoke to me. Hints that she feelin me a bit. One day when we clocked out, she asked if I wanted to go out and get coffee. I guess I was having an off day. I responded with “I don’t drink coffee” . She said “oh okay” and have a shocked/embarrassed look. I then instantly regretted it and realized how goofy I was for saying that, and followed up with “but we can try something else out though”

Cold part is she quit a couple days after that. I was like damn

Once in college i was in front of the class speaking and I brought up that I’m really bad at math. After class this girl walks up to me and asks if I ever want to meet up and she can help me study. I just replied “nah it’s ok I’m probably gonna drop out this week anyway” she was just like “…oh ok” . Later that night I was watching Seinfeld and it was the episode where George declines to go upstairs for coffee when I realized what I had done

Not a fumble or anything but I def look back embarrassed about this interaction . I used to work with this girl who would always be on my back, but I had zero interest and turned her down probably hundreds of times. Like she’d say raunchy things to me all day and I’m just like chill girl..It got to the point where it was annoying and I didn’t even like working shifts with her. One day I’m at work and I have a cold so I’m miserable all day and she’s trying to comfort me and **** but I’m like just leave me alone please. We’re about to leave and she asks me if I wanna go to her house and she can make me tea and soup and all that stuff. By then I’m just trying to get outta there so I’m like “Nah, my moms gonna do all that for me at home” I immediately got embarrassed as hell and felt like the biggest dork still cringe and laugh at myself for that

She stopped working there and got a boyfriend and I was like damn..i should have hit at least once but I legit had zero interest in her and I wasn’t trying to mix work like that

By stupid **** you mean having a conscience??

I have fumbled quite a bit but sometimes when life kicking your *** you turn off the p vision.

Facts. Almost all of the of the times it's happened to me, it's been with someone who I never wanted to purse like that. One of those types where you smash because it's an option and not a goal.

Man….this all reminded me of one of my GOAT missed fast breakfast layups . I was all about trying to be THAT dude the day. It was SantaCon weekend in NYC so I feel a lot of y’all know how that goes.

I go out at like 8AM and bought the big bottle of Goose and a 24 pack of Stella. I was wearing green pants and a red plaid jacket and just waiting for my friend to let me in on the corner on NYC. Next thing you know…Random NYers were coming up to me and asking where I was going that day and dead *** asked me to take photos so my confidence was on A TRILLION.

Man, so I get to my friends party and there were gorgeous yambs of all races. I ended up connecting with this BAD white chick who was a Jets cheerleader. After folks were migrating from the pregame, I told her I was going to have to ditch them to meet up with another group of friends and I didn’t even invite her.

I told my boys that I was going to meet up with that I was going to meet a super model that day. In reality, I just ended up buying out the bar for my friends and a bunch of strangers

BUT the story turns after we’re about to get cabs and leave. This random girl comes up to me and ultimately gives me her number while we’re figuring out transportation. Guys….I wish I had a better ending to this story. We texted back and forth and she full force invited me over….I straight up declined to take an invite with my boys brother to The GoGo Daddy Christmas Party.

No dividends came from that but I feel I let this thread down after typing that. I am sorry

 

[ahat]

 

[storm2006]

After spilling that out, I got to admit other one and maybe it will clear my conscience: Megan F Train. She was an SEC athlete that I met on the F Train after watching my friend finish a half marathon. We exchanged numbers but I was in process of transitioning girlfriends at th tom so it was hectic ;

 

[TURBO UNO]

Damn storm2006 , instead of tackling that cheerleader down for some necessary roughness you let the music and party ambiance make you lose focus.

(File footage of the incident)

 

[a blinkin]

I don’t think the option to simply “whip it out” would ever be more appropriate than if you’re with two women who are openly discussing practicing their bj skills on you.

Not even trying to pile on you though. You been through enough as is having to carry that L.

 

[TURBO UNO]

I can recount one missed lay up too.

Was talking to this cute slim waist thicc bottom Latina through a dating app. She was feeling me through our back n’ forth texts. I thought it was too soon to put on a full court press so I simultaneously made plans with my hooping homies. Man.....while my washed self was on the basketball court ol’ girl texted me her parents weren’t coming home and her brother was already in his room. “Want to sneak over?” Almost 2 hours had passed since she sent it. My boys clowned the **** outta me while I read it to them. First and Last time that ever happened to me.

 

[storm2006]

That was so long ago and I’ve grown. Now EYE feel like I need to give YALL (led by BIG LEEMELONE ) an update on UberEats yamb. It’s crazy to type it to y’all but I actually think I’m really ******* with her. I wasn’t on here when アミーゴ got hitched but I think I’m feeling similar vibes

 

[fluid hips]

You

I can recount one missed lay up too.

Was talking to this cute slim waist thicc bottom Latina through a dating app. She was feeling me through our back n’ forth texts. I thought it was too soon to put on a full court press so I simultaneously made plans with my hooping homies. Man.....while my washed self was on the basketball court ol’ girl texted me her parents weren’t coming home and her brother was already in his room. “Want to sneak over?” Almost 2 hours had passed since she sent it. My boys clowned the **** outta me while I read it to them. First and Last time that ever happened to me.

You coulda still salvaged that

 

[fluid hips]

I think I've mastered being sexually suggestive through text without being explicit.

So I was chatting with this girl, she mentioned she wanted to get a couple mirrors for her room, I hit her with "so you can see all the angles ". Convo wasn't sexual but as soon as I said that she laughed and started talking freaky. So I was like bet I gotta see it to believe it.

 

[a blinkin]

I’ve got one. A reminder of why you shouldn’t get too drunk.

On a previous birthday of mine, I went out to Houston with some friends. Switched my hinge location to see if I could increase my chances of lining something up while I was out there. A Latina liked a picture of mine and we matched. She was decent, not the finest, but definitely worth shooting your shot with.

Her opener was funny also, because I had something about “tequila and Mexican food” as a response to the “what are your simple pleasures” prompt. She said something like I’m Mexican and you can eat me all night long.

I remember thinking “oh **** she’s coming in hot, this might be a set up” but I was only in the city for a few more days and it was my actual birthday when she was talking about pulling up to get it poppin, so I said **** it. Exchanged numbers, told her the address, set it up for the next day.

Next day comes, I tell her to slide at a certain time because I had a concert to hit up. She agrees, and everything’s good to go. We facetimed, so I know she’s not catfishing. It’s lit.

Well… it’s my birthday, and my friends got me proper drunk off tequila. I remember trying to tell one of the bro’s to not let me forget to hit shorty up. Well, he also gets very drunk and of course he forgets. Concert gets rescheduled (had me pissed) so we go link with some girls we know who are also chillin in Houston. They start drinking, then the bros and drunken me agrees to drink more with them.

I wake up the next morning to about 3 missed calls and a few texts. Shook my head at my damn self. Tried to hit her up that day to see if I could get a second chance. She says that offer expired and that she’d be getting her kid back that day as well, so it was extra dead. Didn’t bother hitting her up ever again. I gotta hold that one. Damn you, casamigos.

 

[TURBO UNO]

You

You coulda still salvaged that

I tried but she didn’t reply and probably didn’t believe I was hooping with my boys. It wasn’t the same after that and she moved on to the next one. Oh well, it be like that sometimes.

 

[fluid hips]

Oh well, it be like that sometimes.

These women come and go like the seasons

 

[TURBO UNO]

These women come and go like the seasons

That’s a fact. One of the reasons I don’t trip about it. There are plenty of women and opportunities so long as you have another day

 

[storm2006]

Her opener was funny also, because I had something about “tequila and Mexican food” as a response to the “what are your simple pleasures” prompt. She said something like I’m Mexican and you can eat me all night long.

 

[Based Jesus]

I'll join in with one of the most unnecessary fumbles of my life. Tall thick white chick with hella ***
Stacked on top too and she was completely down to **** with minimal effort on my part

Made plans to blow her back out but there was another girl around that time feeling me too
So I figured I'd get in a pre-workout with her first because I like to be efficient with my time
If I can smash multiple chicks in the same night I will and have. But this time went on too long

Tried to hit her up later but she understandably didn't appreciate being stood up and that was the end of that
Missed out because I was busy having sex with a worse looking girl I ended up not even liking that much

 

[datznasty]

I've fumbled plenty, especially because I was a super late bloomer and was always super bad at reading innuendos and body languages and signals and all of that. I usually talk about rhinoceropottamuses on her just for the Lols but I'll recount some legit jawns your boy tricked off, 7+'s

Tricked off probably the first 6-9 or so, AT THE FINISH LINE, not knowing where the ***** was. They always wanted me to hit from the back, and I see anus and booty checks, and I can stick my finger in it from here, but I didnt know where the ***** was, the canal I guess, the angle, your boy always tricked that off and I'd just make up some excuse after they presented themselves, like I remember one time I pretended to be too drunk to perform, one time I hit her with the, "you know we probably shouldn't be doing this" to this fine, Afro centric, natural hair wearing, specimen from a great family albeit incredibly religious (dad was Pastor) who snuck off from church on a Sunday drove an hour from OKC to come get some.

Well I mean we did other **** hanging out then it lead to that. She didnt hold it against me though we kept seeing each other for a while until she got too busy for me she was just starting her Master's school and even still she was reaching out for me but I kind of moved on to someone else. Never tried to rekindle after I moved up here to OKC either, her daddy'n'em church is right down the street too. I pass it regularly. In hindsight I am actually glad because all of those times it was raw and I'd be sad if I impregnated some of those women.

"Brooklyn" too, social media advertiser in Brooklyn, was making 150k in 2014, Jamaican so she was also cheap and probably just stacking that living with her parents, never smashed but she used to smd for O.D long and I remember it got chaffed or sensitive and we couldnt do it the last day she was her. I was like sssssshhhh aaaaaahhhh, ssssssshhhhhhhh aaaaaaaaahhhhhh, hold up hold up. Mixed race black and Native American SSBBW (but with a mean shape, big lips, and a pretty face), was just too much wetness and creases and crannies and creviches, I was behind all that like fam I'm a Virgin, ****** gotta crawl before they try to run a 10k obstacle course.

And the Spanish girl who told me I was too nice but NT after my description (and I agree) pointed out that when she was "hanging out" with me at the crib at 2am after our date probably wanted the D and was mad I was wasting her time I think we watched Martin iirc. Sent her flowers on V Day (like a 3 day delivery too) from All Star Weekend in New Orleans and she ht me with that I want a man not a buddy line.

And the jawn I wore the infamous Polo Maurice boots on the date with. I'd like to get that one back. I'm sure she lives and works probably close to me right now. That story's out there on nt, no need to type much there

Tulsa bartender, Italian, who bought tickets from me and we stayed in touch then her and her same home girl she was trying to be model at one point, I remember we finally went out just the 2 of us to a game she kept hugging me saying it was cause I smelled good and then she was like my x is here, he's up in Loud City (300 level), much worse tickets than you got us. Then she was like oh if we get on Kiss Cam you got to kiss me. I was like, "alright bet." Of course we didnt and I didnt think twice about it other than like damn i knew the white *** Thunder wasnt finna put an I/R couple on Kiss Cam

Life goes on, but I wish I could have those back. The ooglie mooglies from Tagged, POF, and Blendr I didn't cash in on in I'm fine with. Big Burtha *** chic who was tryna do my lawn work and ****. Raw dogged that legit massage artist (she told me her tubes was tied so I took her word). Smashed a jawn who I knew wasnt there in life for it to go anywhere but then found out after her showing me her fb and me seeing lots of my family in it, that her mom is married to one of my cousins and I see her at the family reunions every year and try not to make eye contact, and have been successful up to this point. I'm sure she sees/notices me, she has eyes, those werent the problem, her place in life and maybe lack of self esteem was.

I guess I would have liked to hit that 53 yr old too, and maybe if I was really on my top tier swag finessed a 3some with her daughter. Unlikely but I should have at least cashed in on her when I moved up here and hit her back up but I accidentally offended her

But knowing what I know now, if I had a time machine I could go back to all those and have a different result so it is what it is,. I had typed up the stories and details on a few but it was hella long. I'll find some pics and throw them up right quick

 

[WASHED KING]

And y'all have the nerve to talk about rbk.

Y'all in here fumbling like Brett Favre.

 

[datznasty]

Fam all that **** was 8-10 years ago. I got kids now bro

 

[tay1]

And y'all have the nerve to talk about rbk.

Y'all in here fumbling like Brett Favre.

Not even close.

 

[calikev34]

Ain't no shame in fumbling WASHED KING

If you never fumble it's because you ain't on the court. You're in the stands.

 

[WASHED KING]

Ain't no shame in fumbling WASHED KING

If you never fumble it's because you ain't on the court. You're in the stands.

I didn't say it was.

EYE was just saying rbk isn't the only person in here dropping easy TD's like Dez. I too have fumbled easy opportunities.

BRING BACK rbk93

We need the stories.

 

[datznasty]

i dont even think the Vector hommie was getting in seeing or smelling (or any of the 5 senses) distance of the yams. Which is fine, everyone has their journey and their timeline, but then gonna come in the chat talking greasy about he gonna have the most bodies in this thread by whatever date he said. Fam, get 1 first before we starting about Wilt numbers please.

It's all love though, anyone who can be that self depricating is probably funny and it can be charming and endearing of a quality if you know how to harness it