I just failed my first quiz of the semester and it's the most important class I have for this semester. God, I hope I do well on the next one. I have been ripping my hair out thinking and wondering how I can improve on the next one.
There is this one girl who treats me like a king but I don't like her. I never thought I would be one of those people who would rather be with someone who treats you like a crap than be with someone that gives you the world. The one who treats me like a king is annoying and her voice really punctures my ears at times.
The one that I like doesn't show any kind of emotions towards me. Sometimes, I think it could be a racial thing as she is white and I am Asian. The only guys she's ever dated are black guys. I'm guessing she is just looking for another black guy. I don't know. I ask her a question and she is always looking at her phone. Obviously, her phone is more important to me. I'm trying to realize that she is not the right person for me but I just can't end it like that. I know I'm being stupid for putting myself in this position. I will learn soon.
I would like to find a girlfriend because I am done with all the cheating. I haven't been able to find anyone for the past three years or so. I am deathly scared that the girls that I have cheated on put a curse on me or something. I know cheating is wrong but I was not thinking when I was young. As guys, we are all looking for a hole to stick. I just think back and I am just so mad at myself for doing those things to girls. For some reason, I have a feeling that karma is biting me right in the butt because of my cheating ways when I was younger and that this is also the reason that girl doesn't like me. |I
I really want to quit my daytime job. I work two jobs and I go to school. This has absolutely taken a toll on my health. I only get about 4-6 hours of sleep a day. I have bags under my eyes every single day. When I sleep in on the weekends, I still have them! I've been smoking weed a whole lot now to cure this "funk" I've been having these few months. It could be my depression kicking in again. I really do not have time to go to the gym because I get out of my first job then go straight to my second job. I leave my second job at 6 and I need to have dinner and do homework. I try to go to bed by 8 or so because I have to wake up at 3:30 in the morning to get to work on time for 5. I know repetition is the mother of success but this repetition is just killing me. I hate it! I just want to focus on school and work my part-time job. I have way too much responsibilities.
I just turned 26 last week. What did I do for my birthday? I stayed home, studied and cried myself to sleep wondering when I will get my break. When will I get that girl? When will I be able to graduate? When will I be able to move out? When will I be able to become financially stable. All those things were in my mind on my birthday as I laid there on my bed.
I really do not like my life right now.