Confessions

[Sir San Diego]

Went to the bakery down the street for some dessert...

MANNNN those females act way different when I don't take my girl with me. As soon as I got to the counter this Mexican chick who has seen me a grip of times with my girl was like "you know who you look like? ...Ice Cube, that's my boyfriend." I said "if I had a dollar for every time I heard that..." She goes "What? That you're my boyfriend?" She was on the D tough!

Then I go pay and these other two Mexican females are telling me they like my shirt and one said something about being jealous and she wishes she had that shirt.

Had me bopping out with that supreme unleaded gas. Keep in mind I've been laying around in cutoff sweats and a Marvel tee all day.

 

[sohoguy]

My true only happiness is shopping and buying clothes every pay check, then I'm not happy because not making what I want to make and feel I'm working to hard for such little pay. Overall just sick and tired of life and always having to grind and go through ups and downs which mostly been downs.

People always say happiness is what you get out of life or something like that. Life ain't nothing to charise to me, this all a bunch of ******** and hate everything life stands for.

Just sick and tired of feeling sick and tired......

Lol kinda feel good to vent sometimes, can't vent to anyone I know because I get to dark and no one ever wanna hear anymore.

 

[mwalker]

Think I finally decided I need my ex out of my life for good, me and her been friends for over 6 years(dated for one), knew her since childhood but she has too many problems plus I just don't connect with her like I used too, she's too weird for me now

I need to work on my game and up my confidence too, I'm a freshman in college and need to start flourishing out here 

, got the attributes too

 

[mplsdunk]

i aint had no p in about two months 

holler at girls all the time but my game is weak and i dont like to settle for less even when im struggling. my game hasnt improved at all/ socially awkward.
refuse to be desperate enough to smash a fat girl. 

I'm bored of being at home already. one more year till my kids go to school all day and i can get my hustle on. ive sacrificed alot but it is what it is. can always get more money. if i missed out on being with them the past few years , i couldnt get that back. dont have the luxury of dumping them off with family when i need a break. its just me , them and my pops, but my pops is older and i dont expect him to help me out with my kids.
 im okay with my decision and where i'm at. 

trying to fix myself. notice i wasnt the man that i want to be and im changing for the better. ive calmed down, stopped letting my emotions get the best of me and have worked on not being afraid of change. work in progress but im at much better place then i was even a year ago. 

I feel you man. I got a kid too and yeah I just don't have the ability to be a ruthless p hunter either. Along with a bunch of stuff that really just changed my personality. I had a really good catch a few weeks ago but she's moving cross country so yeah... Back to the drawing boards. That sucked because it was a chick I could actually relate to on a lot and she really liked me and didn't care I had a kid.

I too basically had to re do my whole life since having a kid. I had to change my whole lifestyle and sober up and all that. It ain't the same man. All you used to have to do is get drunk and smash. I'm having a hard time adjusting in general. Life is just boring, not like I miss drinking because I don't. But now this new semi sober me doesn't really have fun doing anything I used to and am still figuring out this new too easy lifestyle. ***** boring.

 

[slighted]

Posted this in another topic, but felt it was more relevant here:

What does NT fam think of this? My homie who I've known since HS (10+ years) told me over text to go kill myself, reiterated that he seriously meant it, and later on tried to play it off as a joke. I honestly never expected anyone to say this to another person, let alone one of my closest homies who was there with me through my ups and downs and vice versa. Now I'm second guessing what kind of person he was through all these years. Seems to me that he's always believed this deep down.

I've essentially cut him out of my life (he never showed remorse / apologized), but it's funny to me how quickly your social circle falls off the older you get. And at 24, I just have a few close homies on my side. In a way, I'm glad he let this slip to show his true character.

 

[MetalMario]

Could there be some pre empetive reason as to why he said that? Something happen between you two recently? At this age (I'm 24 also) nothing really is a joke unless in a party situation or whatever you know what I mean. This age people are out to try to survive everyday and we need all the help we can get because it's not so available unlike having Counselors, teachers, parents and what not when you were younger.

Everyone has a breaking point to where they can't play nice anymore. Doesn't mean they hate you now just that they need to asset priorities and cut the fat out of their lives

It's always easier to try to keep old friends then to make new ones but it's so hard now.

 

[Sir San Diego]

Posted this in another topic, but felt it was more relevant here:

What does NT fam think of this? My homie who I've known since HS (10+ years) told me over text to go kill myself, reiterated that he seriously meant it, and later on tried to play it off as a joke. I honestly never expected anyone to say this to another person, let alone one of my closest homies who was there with me through my ups and downs and vice versa. Now I'm second guessing what kind of person he was through all these years. Seems to me that he's always believed this deep down.

I've essentially cut him out of my life (he never showed remorse / apologized), but it's funny to me how quickly your social circle falls off the older you get. And at 24, I just have a few close homies on my side. In a way, I'm glad he let this slip to show his true character.

Wow. There's no bouncing back from that. Dude tipprd his hand and revealed his true feelings for you. You really want a hater or worse yet, a sociopath, in your life? Cut him off.

 

[slighted]

Could there be some pre empetive reason as to why he said that? Something happen between you two recently? At this age (I'm 24 also) nothing really is a joke unless in a party situation or whatever you know what I mean. This age people are out to try to survive everyday and we need all the help we can get because it's not so available unlike having Counselors, teachers, parents and what not when you were younger.

Everyone has a breaking point to where they can't play nice anymore. Doesn't mean they hate you now just that they need to asset priorities and cut the fat out of their lives

It's always easier to try to keep old friends then to make new ones but it's so hard now.

We were just talking about some TV shows we were watching.

I made an obviously fake joke about the main character of a show dying in the first episode (Breaking Bad) and he exploded from there. This was on a Tuesday morning via text, so he can't blame alcohol.

Wow. There's no bouncing back from that. Dude tipprd his hand and revealed his true feelings for you. You really want a hater or worse yet, a sociopath, in your life? Cut him off.

@Brolic Scholar, I always appreciate your wisdom, so I agree with you on this.

He tried to backtrack by asking why the "king of f'ed up humor" (referring to me) got offended.

 

[AgentZero]

 
Posted this in another topic, but felt it was more relevant here:

What does NT fam think of this? My homie who I've known since HS (10+ years) told me over text to go kill myself, reiterated that he seriously meant it, and later on tried to play it off as a joke. I honestly never expected anyone to say this to another person, let alone one of my closest homies who was there with me through my ups and downs and vice versa. Now I'm second guessing what kind of person he was through all these years. Seems to me that he's always believed this deep down.

I've essentially cut him out of my life (he never showed remorse / apologized), but it's funny to me how quickly your social circle falls off the older you get. And at 24, I just have a few close homies on my side. In a way, I'm glad he let this slip to show his true character.

You obviously know better than any of us do, but are you 100% sure he was serious? Unless he also went into some kind of mini-rant about you along with that, I could believe that he wasn't backtracking and was just joking. I'm just in disbelief that someone would actually say that and mean it out of the blue over something so little.

 

[ahat]

Almost 4mths ago i got shot 3 times while in my car with a couple friends. Almost died. As a result of this i still have a bullet lodged in my arm and nerve and sensory damage in my right hand. Also have some legal problems as a result. Ive been having fked ip nightmares since i see myself places i go to and it getting shot. One of those dreams actually came true 3wks after i had the dream. Ive started seeing a dr. I feel like im going crazy i rarely laugh or even smile i zone out and ive come to the realization im not afraid of death or violence anymore. Simply idgaf i just feel empty.

 

[adobecs4]

Trying to stay patient until I finish school in the spring to find a new gig (schedule would be open). But mani currently work retail and I HATE these ******* clowns that shop at my store. Inconsiderate fools who think they're owed everything. Makes me want to break their ******* face half the time oh, and I'm very insecure. And passive aggressive.

 

[slighted]

 
You obviously know better than any of us do, but are you 100% sure he was serious? Unless he also went into some kind of mini-rant about you along with that, I could believe that he wasn't backtracking and was just joking. I'm just in disbelief that someone would actually say that and mean it out of the blue over something so little.

@AgentZero, he said I should kill myself, I told him he's free to think whatever he wants, and he reiterates with: "regardless I seriously believe that" + "do you add any value to society?" I ignored him after that. He texted "hello" every week afterwards + "the king of f'ed up humor gets offended?" + "it was a joke"

I'm trying to come up with scenarios where he was just joking, but I don't know any human being who would actively say that to another person. It felt like it was a long time coming and I'm surprised he didn't say it sooner.

 

[doozy122]

 

[a blinkin]

Maybe I'm alone, but I can see how it could have been a joke. If it was said after a comment about a television character, I understand how it could be said in jest. My buddies and I say stuff like "go play in traffic" and "kill yourself, b" all the time. Is it in poor taste to add that he seriously believes it/what your value to society is, but crude humor is still humor.

I may be wrong, and dude could actually be one of those kinds of people who you're better off without, but it's worth considering that it could have actually been facetious in nature.

 

[slighted]

Maybe I'm alone, but I can see how it could have been a joke. If it was said after a comment about a television character, I understand how it could be said in jest. My buddies and I say stuff like "go play in traffic" and "kill yourself, b" all the time. Is it in poor taste to add that he seriously believes it/what your value to society is, but crude humor is still humor.

I may be wrong, and dude could actually be one of those kinds of people who you're better off without, but it's worth considering that it could have actually been facetious in nature.

I can definitely see your side.

He knew I was in deep depression these past few years and had gone to see counselors for help (suicidal thoughts).

 

[a blinkin]

I understand. And that detail alone would prompt me, if I were your friend, to at least apologize once. Perhaps he considers the "it was a joke" line as an apology, but that wouldn't cut it for someone that knows your past battles with depression. 

At this point, you can respond to him letting him know he ****** up and patch things up, or tell him that you can't let stuff like that slide and completely wipe your hands clean of the friendship. Either way, no point in ducking dude if he's reaching out somehow.

 

[AgentZero]

I can definitely see your side.

He knew I was in deep depression these past few years and had gone to see counselors for help (suicidal thoughts).

That makes things a lot trickier, but it is possible that wasn't the first thing on his mind when he said that. For example, I dread the day I accidentally make a quick "your mom" joke to my friend whose mom passed away a few years back.

Like I said it's tough to tell, but I'd look at your past history. If he's always had your back in the past and if you feel surprised that he said it and there were no big arguments recently, then I'd want to believe he was honestly just joking. If he's made comments like that in the past or you've been on bad terms recently then he might not be joking.

 

[mplsdunk]

Almost 4mths ago i got shot 3 times while in my car with a couple friends. Almost died. As a result of this i still have a bullet lodged in my arm and nerve and sensory damage in my right hand. Also have some legal problems as a result. Ive been having fked ip nightmares since i see myself places i go to and it getting shot. One of those dreams actually came true 3wks after i had the dream. Ive started seeing a dr. I feel like im going crazy i rarely laugh or even smile i zone out and ive come to the realization im not afraid of death or violence anymore. Simply idgaf i just feel empty.

**** will get better man. I never got shot but I got real messed up and almost died too. The recovery can be a real dark place man. I still find myself going back that way a lot. I know those feels.

You know like everything is so far past anyone else's experiences? That's what ****** me up the most. I don't talk about that stuff because no one knows what it's like anyways.

Did they keep you on propofol?

Glad you're alive though man. It will get better I promise. Don't isolate yourself whatever you do, it's hard to just go kick it I'm sure but don't lock yourself in the house.

 

[ahat]

**** will get better man. I never got shot but I got real messed up and almost died too. The recovery can be a real dark place man. I still find myself going back that way a lot. I know those feels.

You know like everything is so far past anyone else's experiences? That's what ****** me up the most. I don't talk about that stuff because no one knows what it's like anyways.

Did they keep you on propofol?

Glad you're alive though man. It will get better I promise. Don't isolate yourself whatever you do, it's hard to just go kick it I'm sure but don't lock yourself in the house.

Kinda hard being on house arrest. Not sure what propofol is, is that for pain or depression? I know what ifs and whys are something that cant be changed but i find myself asking those questions. I mean not only was i close to dying but if the othet car didnt hit mine my friend possibly could have died.

 

[ahat]

I find myself wishing i never went that day or we went a different time or took a different route...i know its **** i cant change but still

 

[mplsdunk]

For my accident they kept me in a coma basically on that drug and the **** I saw in my mind in that for weeks was crazy. Like 25% conscious sometimes but no idea what is happening mostly fully out having nightmares though. Worst experience of my life.

Yeah house arrest would make doing anything hard I guess. I guess I mean just keep somewhat of a social life if at all possible.

Glad your boy lived too man. At least you got him in all this. Good luck with your legal stuff also.

 

[iwilwin]

Almost 4mths ago i got shot 3 times while in my car with a couple friends. Almost died. As a result of this i still have a bullet lodged in my arm and nerve and sensory damage in my right hand. Also have some legal problems as a result. Ive been having fked ip nightmares since i see myself places i go to and it getting shot. One of those dreams actually came true 3wks after i had the dream. Ive started seeing a dr. I feel like im going crazy i rarely laugh or even smile i zone out and ive come to the realization im not afraid of death or violence anymore. Simply idgaf i just feel empty.

man ive been shot 3 times as well sep 23 2001, man the recovery is a ***** i couldnt walk for 2 years without crutches i had 7 surgery's in less than a year, i couldnt sleep at first i would ask my sister to watch me while i slept i was just scared as hell to sleep i would stay up all night and day and when she get home from school i would sleep then get up when she was going to bed, i would never leave the house only just to go see the doctor and right back, i didnt get a haircut nor shave for about a year after i got shot and thats cuz i started banging my physical therapist i was 18 she was 27 she pick me up and id just hang out at her place ,lol i remember she lied to me and said she was taking me out to eat and she pulled up to my barbers shop and said she had already talked to george(my barber)and he was waiting for me, lol i was scared as hell but i got out and got a haircut man i can still hear the clippers getting stuck in my hair lol he had to cut it down with the scissors first then he used the guards lol, i didnt smile nor laugh either i got real deep into pills vicodin i was taking 60 a week i mixed in weed and cocaine i was always serious and didnt care about anything, i feel pain every time my right foot hits the ground, i cant drive far distances since i got shot in my right butt cheek and right femur other bullet grazed my chest i have pain everyday it sucks but i deal with it,surround yourself with family that always helped me

 

[ahat]

For my accident they kept me in a coma basically on that drug and the **** I saw in my mind in that for weeks was crazy. Like 25% conscious sometimes but no idea what is happening mostly fully out having nightmares though. Worst experience of my life.

Yeah house arrest would make doing anything hard I guess. I guess I mean just keep somewhat of a social life if at all possible.

Glad your boy lived too man. At least you got him in all this. Good luck with your legal stuff also.

They were the lucky ones...one didnt get hurt at all and the other got one in the finger.

I was on morphine. Had like 4 IVs on me at the hospital. 1 went through my forearm the 2nd is lodged in my bicep about half an inch from the humerus and the third went in my back right shoulder and got lodged in my throat. They told me it was very close to hitting my wind pipe. I woke up the 2nd night in the hospital shackled to the bed and went to jail after 4days in the hospital.

Thanks i appreciate it. The nightmares from that day, plus the pain, and stress from the legal issues are getting to me. Esp not being allowed out the house. Supposed to have another session with this therapist soon. I really just wanna go back to normal....whatever normal is

 

[bendover]

I can't sleep....someone must be thinking about me...

 

[King of Trash Style]

I recently stopped believing in God for the most part. I can't really tell anyone except my best friend because my family is deeply religious and I'm sure it would kill my mom and grandma. I still go to church when I have sundays off and sit there feeling like this is the biggest waste of time ever.



My favorite song right now is Ed Sheeran's Trap Queen cover.