Confessions

Appreciate it fam.

I have been in a long relationship, 5 years. I know what it takes. I just feel like i can't find it...or can't get out of this mind set. I love being free i love being selfish. But i want kids. I just find myself in a strange place some times thinking through this stuff.

And i am 27 years old with a pretty good career. I am prepared to be a single dad. I know that now. I know i want to raise a child and help him/her see the world and grow up being loved and taken care of and allowed to succeed. I have the means of making all of that happen and i want it. We all come from some sort of broken cycle. And trust me the one i would create wouldn't be half as bad as some others out there with two parents.

Repped :hat

"Any fool with a **** can make a baby, but only a real man can raise his children." - Furious Styles

I really respect your response and understand you completely now ignore the latter part of my previous reply because it obviously doesn't apply to you, I misinterpreted part of your original post, I apologise.

If more men thought and acted like you the world wouldn't be such a ugly place.

Separate living/split parenting..

It is something worth considering for the best of everybody when your in a negative destructive relationship, it gives the child a false negative viewpoint, perspective on what is a healthy functioning, acceptable/normal relationship and more than likely the child will will carry that through with them into their adult lives emulating that in their future relationships, let alone for your own sanitys sake.

I still believe this is not something that should be planned and executed I think you would be setting yourself up for heartache and failure..

You know how some women like using the children as weapons.

This is more of a way of dealing with a problem that you didn't forsee happening, rather than a plan of what to enter in to/sign up for given the risks associated.

I agree it can be very hard finding a life partner that is loyal and you can rely on and trust to go the distance together.

But that doesn't mean you should give up, there is goodness out there, like anything it's just far and few between.

It's crazy how in a world filled with 7 billion people, it's still so lonely.
 
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in a month's span, having to deal with the deaths of 2 people who were close to me is too much to handle right now. first, my grandpa. 2nd, one of my teachers & mentors from high school. i feel lost and numb.
 
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in a month's span, having to deal with the deaths of 2 people who were close to me is too much to handle right now. first, my grandpa. 2nd, one of my teachers & mentors from high school. i feel lost and numb.
I know that feel
U need someone to talk to???
A shoulder to lean on???
Someone to ask "how are YOU" feeling"???
Well I'm here for u baby
I got u???
My shoulder is warm, dry, and comforting
I just want to keep ur spirits high
Keep a smile on that pretty face
Just to let u know that YOU do matter
And someone is thinking about YOU
tryna look out for YOU
I'm here baby
Whenever u ready for ur world to brighten up
Whenever u ready to experience the joys of love
Whenever u ready to be put first
Whenever u ready to find out ur worth
IM HERE...........
 
Man been on holidays for 2 weeks and gotta work today and tmoro then back off work for 4 days, annoying it woulda meant I had 3 weeks off if not for these 2 days. So tempted to just not come in tmoro, it being NYE and all..
 
Recently had a falling out with my girl of 4 months. I've taken it really hard even though we weren't together for very long. She's probably the baddest female I've smashed and the yambs were top notch but still...Not to mention toward the end I was exhibiting some real female dog type behaviors trying to win her back. It's odd because logically I knew things wouldn't work long term for a number of reasons and there was no future in it due to our work situation (hint: we're in the military and shouldn't be smashing) yet I still clung on to her so hard. I had to ask myself why? Is she that special? Am I in love? Then it hit me. I've never been alone. I live alone and have for awhile so I'm not talking about being alone in the physical sense, I mean alone emotionally and lacking female attention. Since I became sexually active at age 16 (26 now), I've always had either girlfriends or a team of girls I was rotating though. Prior to getting with this girl I was talking to 5 or 6 other girls at once. I disbanded my team to be with this girl.
This is legitimately the first I've ever been alone and the thought scares me so I clung on to this girl I knew i wasn't compatible with out of fear. I've never not had female attention. I think I put too much stock in it. It's crazy for me that I'm finally getting to the root of my issues. Being in the situation I'm in in the military it looks like I'll be single for the foreseeable future. I'm in the navy and we're going out to sea soon so I don't have time to assemble a team. As much as it scares me I'm going to use this time alone to search within myself and find out what really and truly makes me happy (aside from yambs and females).
 
Man been on holidays for 2 weeks and gotta work today and tmoro then back off work for 4 days, annoying it woulda meant I had 3 weeks off if not for these 2 days. So tempted to just not come in tmoro, it being NYE and all..

Tomorrow isn't NYE 8o I feel you though lol
 
I’m feeling this girl at work. I had her mind for the past few days, cause she gave me this stare that change my thought process. Almost jedi mind trick like. She’s a talkative type though constantly on the phone. She talks about her bf who’s locked up to her friend. my brother in-law told me not to go for it cause i’ll be entering a world of bs. However in me is telling me i should.
 
I’m feeling this girl at work. I had her mind for the past few days, cause she gave me this stare that change my thought process. Almost jedi mind trick like. She’s a talkative type though constantly on the phone. She talks about her bf who’s locked up to her friend. my brother in-law told me not to go for it cause i’ll be entering a world of bs. However in me is telling me i should.

Locked up bf.....if u do go for it be ready for repercussions..shrug. In my day I always went for it though. No damns givin..and yes I paid the price.
 
Locked up bf.....if u do go for it be ready for repercussions..shrug. In my day I always went for it though. No damns givin..and yes I paid the price.

Ima go for it. hopefully homie comes out gay and i ain’t don’t have worry about him.
 
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I've lost a lot of time. It's gone. From here on, I can't waste any. If I can have a year or two, I'll make something good. I'll do something. Something good. Just one year. That's all.
 
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I could watch football movies all day. Was watching the movie "the program".  That is my flick.  The scene when the linebacker gets setup and breaks his leg is such a heartbreaker.  I was thinking that even though his playing career was done, he would be an awesome lb coach.
 
-i do not fit in with any group. feels like ive been born in the wrong time.i try getting along w people and it works well for a while then something falls through.

-with some mistakes ive made im so very alone right now. literally no one to talk to. it feels nice some times but mostly depressing. only thing I have to rely on is the gyym
 
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-i do not fit in with any group. feels like ive been born in the wrong time.i try getting along w people and it works well for a while then something falls through.
 
Traits of a leader ...people are unsure how to proceed because you bring out expectations in them they didn't know existed. Don't dumb down or change for nobody. People able to clique up are weak with no real goals or aspirations, "workers", like cogs in a machine. Sure it looks like they're having a good time but truly it's all bs and deep down inside they're searching for more, I promise. Stand tall and you'll be surrounded by the right people.

 
 
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Traits of a leader ...people are unsure how to proceed because you bring out expectations in them they didn't know existed. Don't dumb down or change for nobody. People able to clique up are weak with no real goals or aspirations, "workers", like cogs in a machine. Sure it looks like they're having a good time but truly it's all bs and deep down inside they're searching for more, I promise. Stand tall and you'll be surrounded by the right people.


 



word..
 
I walk this fine line every day of no one being good enough. There is a girl that likes me a lot and i like her. She is mad cool and i love being around her but I don't think she is good enough for me. I know that if i was like yeah sure lets be bf and gf that as soon as some one else came along or a girl threw the P my way id take it. My friends are like well that just means you aren't ready for a relationship. But i have felt this way for the last 4 girls that i have actually talked to. Like do you ever grow out of this stage do people just settle at some point.

I want kids and i think thats what weighs on me. I would be fine being solo forever if i didn't feel the need to have children. But the older i get the more this stuff crosses my mind, but i never want to just settle. And sadly it isn't practical in today's society to just be like hey female best friend lets have kids together raise them but never be together. Because i still want to find the perfect woman, which PS you are not that person but i know you will be a good mother to my children. If only that was cool :lol

this is very real talk
 
I sometimes have suicidal thoughts. Tbh I don't think I would ever actually go through with it though because religion and I know how much that would hurt my fam. My fam means a lot to me. I miss my mom like crazy. She passed away in july; it still hurts. I am not over it ,yet; I still cry when I think about it. I just want to see her and hug her one last time.
 
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Nothing in this life is perfect brother, remember that, you need to find the right woman for YOU, one that knows you, builds you up and holds you down when things get tough, real love is when you care for someone else more than yourself, their feelings, needs etc..

A real relationship is not always going to be about you, what you want.

And if it is the relationship will soon start to strain and breakdown.

You have to stop thinking of yourself for a minute a consider someone else first.

As I said before no one or no thing in this world is perfect, and with that being so, no relationship is either, it's something that both parties involved have to work at to maintain, this is achieved through communication, change and last but not least compromise.

The trick is, you need to find someone who is worth this endeavour, someone you click with and you are both putting equal amounts of energy, commitment into this relationship, someone that you don't feel obligated to do these things for or feel a contempt in doing so, but your doing these things for this person because you want to make them happy, because you love them and it is acknowledged, appreciated and most importantly reciprocated back by your partner.

This is no easy task, but nothing worth doing in life is easy.

If your relationship is not this, in my opinion, what's the point |I

Reproduction and bringing a new life into this world, is not something to be taken lightly. also, a woman is not here for you to just knock up, and be like thanks mate, we are not the best for each other but your a good mother so that's alright, that's immature and ignorant thinking right there, do not be making babies with women you don't have intentions of being with as a family unit, that just the start of a broken cycle there which will only end in tears and the suffering of your children, its irresponsible and selfish.

well this is also very real talk

repped
 
So im looking at my friends cousin's independent rap video. Trademark hustle coke, getting money, chef in the kitchen, rap song. I'm giving him the big up because he's finding his own thing and that's cool. But it's the one scene in the vid. The buying the work in the Mercedes scene and he's in the car driving in the hood and all I'm focused on is these pink graduation tassels hanging on the rear view mirror. I wanna write on his YouTube "nice tassels ninja" really bad when it gets to that scene. I don't know why.
 
So im looking at my friends cousin's independent rap video. Trademark hustle coke, getting money, chef in the kitchen, rap song. I'm giving him the big up because he's finding his own thing and that's cool. But it's the one scene in the vid. The buying the work in the Mercedes scene and he's in the car driving in the hood and all I'm focused on is these pink graduation tassels hanging on the rear view mirror. I wanna write on his YouTube "nice tassels ninja" really bad when it gets to that scene. I don't know why.

lemme guess, its not his car?
 
 
-i do not fit in with any group. feels like ive been born in the wrong time.i try getting along w people and it works well for a while then something falls through.
 
Traits of a leader ...people are unsure how to proceed because you bring out expectations in them they didn't know existed. Don't dumb down or change for nobody. People able to clique up are weak with no real goals or aspirations, "workers", like cogs in a machine. Sure it looks like they're having a good time but truly it's all bs and deep down inside they're searching for more, I promise. Stand tall and you'll be surrounded by the right people.
Been feeling a lot of this too. Very good response as well.
 
i absolutely love black women as a black man myself but i honestly think i need to give up pursuing them. ive tried different ethnicities , complexions , age and i get no love. smh , meanwhile white women just warm right up to me. idk why but jungle fever seems to be the move.
 
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