- Oct 8, 2002
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#contentforthesakeofcontent
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It’s a delusional talking point to say that the two-parent household setup is the only way to have a functioning family.
A two parent household that is struggling is no better than a single parent household that is economically thriving.
Raising well adjusted kids is a resource availability problem, not a family unit configuration problem.
- Oct 13, 2001
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Thread/Convo
I would like to know what folks generally think we needed to be redeemed FROM. If the starting point isn't the same for everyone then the convo qill be all over the place. Maybe that was the intention.
Dude that said, "Nothing we do is good enough" yea I would like to hear more from him because I'm not sure I see that.
I would like to know what folks generally think we needed to be redeemed FROM. If the starting point isn't the same for everyone then the convo qill be all over the place. Maybe that was the intention.
Dude that said, "Nothing we do is good enough" yea I would like to hear more from him because I'm not sure I see that.
- Oct 13, 2001
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- Oct 8, 2002
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Thats them new aged internet black traditions. Also, you can call someone out for not telling the truth without calling them a 'liar'.
- Jan 16, 2016
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Liar was a curse word for my grandmother.
- Mar 14, 2010
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Yeah. Couldn’t even use the word “lie” or “liar” in my aunts presence. Had to say “Storying” or “storytelling”
- Apr 27, 2002
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not strictly, unless we consider male guidance also a ‘resource availability problem’ too? while have seen data/numbers stratified by income/resource availability, i think it is also said that single fathers raising children do better/almost as well as 2 parents…now that could be partially because men generally make more financially, but i do think men & women will generally have different approaches to child rearing.i would think raising well adjusted chirren is definitely a family unit configuration problem, seeing models of how both genders operate is part of that; it would be hyperbole to say it is the ONLY way because some of this can be/is mitigated by (extended) family/community and folk choosing cooperative rational partners but given that these are seemingly less common these times & the reasons folk split up families aren’t due to dysfunction(s)
that it is that problematic to tout the two parent household as being best practices for the family unit
- Oct 13, 2001
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(Underlined Part)
What do you feel are those different approaches?
Strong fatherhood would definitely lessen the probability of this happening.
- Aug 28, 2021
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The popularity of the Cupid shuffle and Electric slide weddings needs a documentary
- Jan 16, 2011
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Are you assuming that male guidance is always positive?
If I asked you "how many dudes do you know who shouldn't have kids?" I bet the answer won't be "zero." I know some myself.
For the sake of discussion though, let's accept the argument that male guidance is necessary to raise well adjusted children. Must the father be the only source of that guidance? If yes, does that mean a widow must remarry asap to make sure her children grow up right? Do single men now have a duty to embrace single mothers for the sake of the children and the community? (I can hear the high value men tremble from here).
Do mothers have a duty to stay in a bad relationship (and I mean he-gets-home-drunk bad or his-friends/associates-are-up-to-no-good bad)?
I think you undermined you point here. If the family unit configuration was the issue, it wouldn't matter whether the single parent is male or female; we would see similar outcomes in either case.
Men do make more than women, and single fathers have to clear a higher threshold with the courts to prove that they can keep custody of the kids. That reinforces the position that resource availability is main issue in raising well-adjusted children (excluding genetics, because some kids are just going to do whatever they want).
If we have to address something, it's the process by which the courts tend to judge which parent is the most adequate to stay with the kids in cases of divorce/separation. I don't think single parenthood would be that much of an issue if child custody was looked at from the perspective of "who can provide the most stability without relying on the other partner."
This is the point I was trying to make in a roundabout way.
These discussions always devolve into "the two-parent family unit is the only way to raise kids," along with the stigmatization of people who fit in that mold.
- Oct 13, 2001
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You legit think he was saying/implying that was the ONLY way?
- Apr 27, 2002
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i think it is generally more disciplined & even in the case where men are not i tend to think that children just respond differently to men vs. women just on biological level obviously, as that vid demonstrates, not universally the case or at the least this can be overridden. also i think men tend to operate on & instill a certain type logic, respect, & risk assessment
pointedly, no, male guidance is not always positive but on that it is up to the women to be discerning w/her womb & in such case where that was not the case, finding another man and/or men to provide modeling of ‘proper’ masculinity. i don’t think a woman should remarry immediately (tangentially, i remember reading that a stepparents are much more likely to abuse their stepchildren, & is a key indicator for abuse) though as stated she probably should make it a point to find trusted men for her children to be around (which comes w/its own set of concerns).
i wouldn’t make any blanket prescriptions about what folk should do necessarily, everything is contextual…i tend to think most folk aren’t breaking up families or abstaining from creating them for reasons of abuse or dysfunction (rather most folk criteria for relationship(s) tend to be superficial ) but to entertain the hypothetical, she chose this drunkard/degenerate friend having guy & for the sake of giving their offspring the best possible chances i would hope that whatever decision she would make would be deliberate & somewhat exhaustive, is this man & his relationship with her & the child salvageable, was he always this person, or was there some circumstance that these arose from?
if my argument is that family configuration matters more than or at least as much as the availability of resources (and i say this knowing that zip code is supposedly a big correlate in outcomes), i would think the point that single fathers households have better out comes than single mother households reinforces that argument because those are different configurations & as such matters, no? i wonder if outcomes are similar when controlled for income/resource availability but i tend think because men & women tend to look at the world differently outcomes should necessarily be different
- Mar 14, 2010
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The “men” of 2025 are farrrrrrrrrr more different than the men of yesteryear……
- Jul 7, 2005
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Folks are being disingenuous just for the sake of trying to say that a two-parent household is somehow negative. A two-parent household IS and SHOULD be the standard for EVERY household….all things even and considered. Especially a black family. When you think of a black family these days…..unfortunately you think of Mama and the kids.
WE aren’t fixing anything in whatever is left of the black community until we get back to having and more importantly promoting black families. We tried it the other way for quite some time now and the numbers and the results shows it doesn’t and hasn’t worked.
WE aren’t fixing anything in whatever is left of the black community until we get back to having and more importantly promoting black families. We tried it the other way for quite some time now and the numbers and the results shows it doesn’t and hasn’t worked.
- Oct 13, 2001
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Of COURSE they wouldn't want her passing this message on.
- Jan 16, 2011
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Like I said, this discussion always devolves in that direction, when reality is a lot more nuanced, and people who end up as single parents make it work.
Both are still within the "single parent household" category, which is supposed to have worse outcomes than dual-parent households. But, if one example of single parent household is shown to have outcomes comparable to two parent households, you can no longer assume that children raised in the former type of household will have worse outcomes than those raised in the latter.
If you think worse outcomes are tied to the nature of household lead, that’s another can of worms I don’t feel like opening right now.
Actually, what was said was that the structure of the family unit is less important than the ability of the provider within the unit to invest their time and finances in the development of their children. The two-parent household makes it easier to achieve time and resource investment into children because the overall effort is shared between parents.
Nobody answered my question: is the two-parent household with uninvolved and/or dysfunctional parents better than the household where the single mother has the ability to dedicate her time and money to make sure her kid(s) grow up right?
3900stabler
Supporter
- Aug 23, 2004
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So there's a young (22-25 I'm guessing) African sista on the job who won't stop talking about how she love Africa and love being African. I mean it's afrobeats this and afrobeats that and how the food in Africa tastes so much better.
Ish is starting to get mad annoying. No disrespect to the diaspora but if y'all love Africa so much and it's so much better there why are you in the U.S?
And before y'all go there yes you can have pride and put on from where you from. But you can do that while not minimizing those around who are not from said place.
Ish is starting to get mad annoying. No disrespect to the diaspora but if y'all love Africa so much and it's so much better there why are you in the U.S?
And before y'all go there yes you can have pride and put on from where you from. But you can do that while not minimizing those around who are not from said place.
- Apr 27, 2002
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ok i see what you are saying, you just mean the single parent household is workable & maybe preferable over something a struggle 2 parent situation?…i would make the argument that it matters the gender of the single parent household/family configuration but even with single father households having outcomes that are on par with 2 parents households, i know the reality is the sample size/numbers of men in that position are well in the minority... whenever i see references to single parent households, i implicitly, and maybe wrongly, understand this to mean single mother households.
i’m also not making the argument that is better than actually having 2 parents in the home; as a related aside some might speculate that because men are more likely & quicker to remarry, and anecdotally i think men are not as hesitant/reticent about introducing their new significant other to the children than women, that this also contributes to better outcomes.
i think it is true that having 2 people share the responsibility & work of providing for & rearing children is definitely beneficial and for sure there are men & women alike that make the single parent household work because of their economic standing but i think describing it this way is kinda reductive…men & women bring different things to parenting especially as children age & having that counterpart not in the daily routine probably has consequence
as far as your question goes, it is rigged…comparing such superficially different ext, most people come with flaws & do the best they can…if person(s) in a relationship is jeopardizing the safety of & well being of the family/other with dysfunctional behavior(s) i would think that would lead to worse outcomes more often than not than a single someone earnestly trying.
i guess the question i’d ask is if most things were basically equal between a single parent household & a two parent household (whether beneficial or detrimental), should the outcomes in terms of how the kd’s turn ed out?
- Oct 13, 2001
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Levar damn near 70 and still looks young as hell!
A bonafide LEGEND!
A bonafide LEGEND!
- Jul 7, 2005
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Believe it or not champ you actually said it best……….”The two-parent household makes it EASIER TO ACHIEVE time and resource investment into children because the overall effort is shared between parents” Since what you said is true THE BEST structure to raise a child/children is with two-parents IN the household. Why folks want to make it harder on themselves or even worse yet advocate for less than is unbelievable.
To answer your question……I honestly think a child raised by a SINGLE mother generally speaking is more or less in harms way in comparison. No father around equals disaster for all parties involved. That being said when folks have to use extreme hypotheticals to try and prove there point that’s says a lot within itself.
It’s possible to believe that a single mother would be better to raise a child against the two dysfunctional parents given your example. To that I also say that two functional parents are better than 1 single dysfunctional mother household any day of the week……twice on Sunday.
- Mar 14, 2010
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Ya’ll do know… some single moms have male family members right? Extended and immediate?
A male “influence” doesn’t necessarily have to be a biological father.
A terrible parent, is a terrible parent. Whether male or female.
If you’ve got TWO terrible parents in the household, what’s the point?
Again, that single mother could have a brother, uncle or cousin who willingly can play that male/fatherly role, to circumvent that absentee father.
A LOT of adults just aren’t cut out to be decent parents
A male “influence” doesn’t necessarily have to be a biological father.
A terrible parent, is a terrible parent. Whether male or female.
If you’ve got TWO terrible parents in the household, what’s the point?
Again, that single mother could have a brother, uncle or cousin who willingly can play that male/fatherly role, to circumvent that absentee father.
A LOT of adults just aren’t cut out to be decent parents
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- Jan 16, 2011
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Yes.
There are caveats to the two-parent structure that get overlooked too often whenever this topic comes up.. Nobody goes into marriage with the intent to sperate, but life happens, and nobody can predict with certainty how their partners are going to change. I have aunts who have left their husbands because:
- one was getting beat up all the time (her four kids still went to prestigious schools and work great jobs)
- another one's husband was barely contributing (this one ended up supporting her only child until she graduated from college debt-free)
So no, I disagree with this idea that if life forces someone towards single parenthood, it automatically means disaster.
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The FATHER is and should be the male “influence” in the child’s life. It’s NOT another man or women’s job/responsibility to raise or “influence” a child that’s not theirs. Folks need to stop OUTSOURCING parenthood and parenthood responsibilities.
Knowing that someone is a “terrible parent” should be known from the get go if you actually get to know somebody. The signs are there, and you should utilize your family and friends to help you pick better.
If an adult “isn’t cut out to be a decent parent”……then they shouldn’t become a parent. No need to reward bad behavior.
