Anyone Got Any Jokes?

Originally Posted by FOG

How much coke did Charlie Sheen take?

Spoiler [+]
Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
Click to expand...

laugh.gif
 
knock knock
whos there?

little old man

little old man who?

little old man that can't reach the doorbell, thats who!
 
why did they bury the battery?
Spoiler [+]
because it was dead
 
So a piece of string walks into a bar and the bartender immediately throws him out. So the string ties himself in a know and frays one end. He walks back into the bar and the bartender goes, Hey aren't you that piece of string I just threw out? The piece of string looks at him and says, No sir, I'm afraid not. (a frayed knot)


What did the two tampons say to each other? Nothing, they were both stuck up &*@#$es
 
Originally Posted by Drunken Cow

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them: ?In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is That you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.? For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.? Go ahead and do the same thing,? he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, ?The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.?
Click to expand...

I literally laughed out loud 
I got one though

Tom and Jim went on a camping trip...Jim said could you look out for me I have to take a #2....when he pulled down his pants a snake bit him in the %#+....He yelled and asked Tom what should he do....Tom asked for a description of what the Snake looked like...Jim told em what it looked like....Tom googled it and he found a site that said if you get bitten by this particular snake you have to suck the poison out within 30 minutes or you will die....Tom looked and Jim and said Damn you're not gonna make it 
 
Originally Posted by angeezy

why did they bury the battery?
Spoiler [+]
because it was dead
Click to expand...


Originally Posted by GesheOneLove10

So a piece of string walks into a bar and the bartender immediately throws him out. So the string ties himself in a know and frays one end. He walks back into the bar and the bartender goes, Hey aren't you that piece of string I just threw out? The piece of string looks at him and says, No sir, I'm afraid not. (a frayed knot)
Click to expand...
i live for dumb +@!# like this 
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Originally Posted by Mycoldyourdone

Originally Posted by angeezy

why did they bury the battery?
Spoiler [+]
because it was dead
Click to expand...


Originally Posted by GesheOneLove10

So a piece of string walks into a bar and the bartender immediately throws him out. So the string ties himself in a know and frays one end. He walks back into the bar and the bartender goes, Hey aren't you that piece of string I just threw out? The piece of string looks at him and says, No sir, I'm afraid not. (a frayed knot)
Click to expand...
i live for dumb +@!# like this 
roll.gif
roll.gif
roll.gif
roll.gif
Click to expand...
Seriously bro...
Spoiler [+]
laugh.gif
laugh.gif
laugh.gif
laugh.gif
laugh.gif
 
A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it the first 100 feet, but I can only walk so fast.
 
Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?
Spoiler [+]
Because it was dead

Why did the Parrot fall out of the tree?
Spoiler [+]
Because it was stapled to the Koala

What do Lawyers wear to work?
Spoiler [+]
Law suits

Have you ever seen an Elephant hiding under a bridge?
Spoiler [+]
Of course you haven't. It's hiding.
 
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