Any advice on popping "the question"

[powerballin]

why can't people voice their opinions on marriage, relationships, cheating, and women in general without being attacked by the White Knight of NT?

 

[ill steelo]

Are you sure that you're ready for this OP?

I remember a few of your older posts, and you used to get it in pretty frequently.

You got it all out/Met someone that made you wanna stop all that?

Edit: Just read your 2nd post. iight son. Good luck.

 

[ricky409]

50% of marriages end in divorce.

of that 50%, what do you reckon is legitimately happy?

IE, not staying to gether for the sake of the kids, or for tax breaks, or cuz they dont want to be alone?

or waiting for 10 years so they can collect the big check?

srs.

 

[6 Rings G.O.A.T.]

You got to know her ring size first..

 

[Mark Antony]

Man I even know my female friends ring size, it will just pop up. Surprised she hasn't said it at some point.

 

[ksteezy]

Why do you care? We all know you are fighting insecurities with your decision to get married, you've been the only one pouncing on peoples opinions against it in this thread. Op wasn't even this upset about it, he gave his reasons for why he thinks he should do it, i merely asked him a question about it. You can take steps together with a partner towards any lifestyle you choose without an expensive demonstrative ceremony while avoiding the legal pitfalls of a possible split. Statistics show a marriage is more likely to end than not. Btw OP I'm assuming this is not being done for religious reasons for the purpose of this discussion.

my thing is OP wasnt asking for any of that, or for you anti-marriage dudes to even voice your opinion on the matter, he asked for advice on how he should go about it, his mind is already made up, so your opinion on wether he should or shouldnt doesnt fit in this thread....truth is majority of you dudes are living off statistics, afraid to build your own paths because of what the institution of marriage has become in our society....come in here telling OP he should rethink his decision...how you sound?

and lulz @ me fighting my insecurities....you dont know me mannnnn

 

[sb]

DO NOT POP THE QUESTION IN PUBLIC. other than that you should be good.

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

Did you put the cart before the horse?

 

[powerballin]

Ksteezy sound like Nas that last verse of Bye Baby 

 

[ksteezy]

if you dont believe in it, thats cool....is just irritating to hear dudes who have never been married, or probably never had a real long term commitment to a woman speak on the matter as if they are some sort of experts my dude is really talking about getting "more" out of a relationship without marriage, im at a loss for words, like what does that even mean....what is this "more" he speaks of...

 

[lucho]

I just came back from my honeymoon in Jamaica. I could have called you with pops next to me haha

I took the leap shortly after getting my first full time job after graduating college. I needed that financial stability before making a big commitment like that. I asked her flat out what she wanted. She ended up getting the exact ring she wanted. A bit pricey, but I'm only doing this once so I didn't mind. We bought a house and were about I have our first Christmas there. She is big on Christmas so I thought it would be memorable to propose on our front doorstep of our first house near here favorite holiday. A few days before Christmas I got the chance and got on one knee. Told her how I felt about her and she said yes.

I agree with franc, do not pop the question in public or in front of family. That moment is meant for the two of you only and you want to cherish that and have it be memorable until all is settled down afterwards. You don't want to get on one knee, have her say yes, and immediately have people bombard you. Loses some of the meaning I think.

Good luck, op. I've been married for a little over a week and it's one of the greatest feelings in the world.

 

[firmeporvida]

Is marriage what you really want or do you feel that it's "the next step"? Just curious.

 

[ksteezy]

I just came back from my honeymoon in Jamaica. I could have called you with pops next to me haha
I took the leap shortly after getting my first full time job after graduating college. I needed that financial stability before making a big commitment like that. I asked her flat out what she wanted. She ended up getting the exact ring she wanted. A bit pricey, but I'm only doing this once so I didn't mind. We bought a house and were about I have our first Christmas there. She is big on Christmas so I thought it would be memorable to propose on our front doorstep of our first house near here favorite holiday. A few days before Christmas I got the chance and got on one knee. Told her how I felt about her and she said yes.
[COLOR=#red]I agree with franc, do not pop the question in public or in front of family. That moment is meant for the two of you only and you want to cherish that and have it be memorable until all is settled down afterwards. You don't want to get on one knee, have her say yes, and immediately have people bombard you. Loses some of the meaning I think.[/COLOR]
Good luck, op. I've been married for a little over a week and it's one of the greatest feelings in the world.

i agree, mines was a pubilc one, well in front of close friends and family, on my birthday....i used my bday as an excuse for her with the help of the family to set up what was suposed to be a surprised bday dinner for me, little did she know i was going to propose....I was nervous as hell, didnt think i would be, so i downed 2 shots of tequila, got on one knee and asked the question....she said yes, we hugged for what seem like an eternity and then our moment was over because then everyone was a part of it, if i had a chance to do it again, id do it in the privacy of our own space.

 

[powerballin]

Interesting you picked such a public event to propose considering what a private person you are.   

 

[iamyourfather]

try this instead:

http://www.fannation.com/truth_and_rumors/view/8730-chief-plans-commitment-ceremony

Tony Gonzales had a "commitment ceremony" 

like a wedding, without the risk of giving up half in the future.

 

[ohmygosher]

I texted my wife.

 

[ksteezy]

Interesting you picked such a public event to propose considering what a private person you are.   

it was mostly family and very close friends, which consisted of no more than 12 people.....i see what you are trying to do though.

 

[airthompson]

I texted my wife.

Really? I instagramed a pic of a ring, and tagged her.

But really OP. just get any ring of hers she's not wearing. The father situation is tough cuz someone might spoil the surprise if they find out. I'd act like a man called ur phone blocked claiming it was her dad. Then ask her if she knows his number. Idk use ur brain or a clever way to get his number without raising any flags.

 

[eiddyfouw]

Thinking about taking the leap. Not sure where to start. Don't know her ring size. Don't have a whole lot to spend on a ring. I want to ask her father, but he lives in Jamaica and whenever he comes to visit her, it's only for a few days or when she's sick; asking to speak to him would arouse suspicions.

Any NT'ers care to give tips or share their experiences?

No, I'm not putting her picture on here. Save the "no pics no help" responses.

A couple of my friends have gotten married in strict African cultures regarding dowries etc.

You're meant to get the family's approval before you ask her to wed, out of respect. However, that completely ruins the WOW factor that women dream about their whole life. A friend of a friend decided to basically go on vacation with her, pop the question, have a great time celebrating, then take the ring back and she acted like she wasn't proposed to upon their return. Then he went back to the family, got their approval and now they're happily married. Win/Win. This can work well because pretty much all women want that WOW film-like surprise moment and doesn't want it ruined by the process of culture/dowries.


The other option could be, that you fly out to Jamaica to see him personally undercover and speak to the man. But you never know, if one of the younger female cousins or sisters find out, your woman immediately will know because of women's inherent need to share info about weddings, love and marriage.

 

[fly23s]

RIP op

 

[johnnyredstorm]

try and find something special that you found out about her early in your relationship that you have remembered and incorporate it somehow. like if she told you she used to always go to the aquarium as a kid just so she could get a stuffed dolphin, maybe you would take her to an aquarium one day and surprise her with a dolphin with a ring tied to its neck. something along those lines that fits into your lives would be sweet and memorable.

 

[dirtylicious]

I appreciate all the advice. Especially the replies actually offering answers pertaining to the topic.

But I'm pretty sure about it guys. I'm 24. About to start my life/career after graduation. Had all the fun I wanted to have during my undergrad days.

I guarantee I've lived out some of you guy's fantasies that are telling me not to do it. i can also guarantee i've nailed more than my fair share of women. I'm ready for something else out of life.

My advice to you would be to wait a year or so after graduating.  Real world like is vastly different than college.  Also. make sure you're ready, not "pretty sure"

In any case.. 

I always suggest buying the diamond and ring separately. You'll be able to pick out the best diamond you can afford, instead of settling on one from Jared or Kay Jewelers that has a sub-par diamond but in a nice setting.

If your timetable is short... try asking one of her friends about the ring style she likes..  Most girls will have shared that with their girlfriends.

If your timetable is long.. then start mixing in conversation about ring styles, or when you're reading a magazine.. and you see a ring.. just ask her.. do you like that, or casually mention "that's nice" to initiate the conversation about it.  You'll start to get an idea of what she likes.

regarding finances..  again, if your timetable is long.. then I suggest paying into a monthly "ring" account.  It will be easier for you to keep track of your ring budget. 

 

[curbsideprophet]

70% of NT members in actuality will:

-Never have a woman

-Continue to bash those who do

-Fap

-Think about cool bro stories

-Post them to NT

-Ruin threads like this

Good luck OP.

In some instances I might actually agree that marraige aint the way for everyone, but if you know it in your heart than all the power to you brutha!!

Still waiting for the same.

 

[cj863]

My advice to you would be to wait a year or so after graduating.  Real world like is vastly different than college.  Also. make sure you're ready, not "pretty sure"

This. Seems like this idea just popped in your head and you're just going with it OP, not cool. And aren't you trying to go to the military? Don't be another cat that takes continuous L's while you're off serving the country, the pay raise just isn't worth it. Take your time and make sure this is truly what you want.

 

[importfan90000]

To OP, this is coming from someone that is going through this experience right now. When you are ready for marriage you will never have to hesitate about it if you are still asking yourself if you are ready to marry this girl than maybe you should take a step back. 

If you can answer that question the next step is asking for her hand. In many cultures it is appropriate to ask the parents for their daughter hand. If you are already familiar with the family and they like you it is easier to approach them. What I did was I told her Father that me and her were in a good and stable relationship, loved each other, and I told him that it would lead to a more long term and permanent situation, I than asked him if he supported that if things worked out. After getting the Father approval, I didn't need the Mom's since she already liked me. Try spending time with her family and her siblings it is important that you get a feel for everyone in the family that you will be joined to in marriage. 

The next thing you need to do is pick out a ring, this can be in itself a challenging thing, based on several factors budget, her preferences for stone and setting, and the timetable for your proposal. This is a good site to go to when looking for a ring, thetruthaboutdiamonds.com the site has a lot of information on buying the best diamond for your budget and also information on setting and how the diamond business works in general. To figure out your girl's ring size just take her out one day to some local jewelers to look at jewelry, than slyly look at engagement rings and suggest that she try one on. The salespeople will usually than try to find a ring that matches your girl's ring finger and just politely ask them the size. Let her look at a few different rings if she is really ready than she will begin to offer hints about the ring and setting. Using these hints secure your finances and use online resources to find the right ring for her that is also right for your budget.  

I am actually now in the final step finding the right time to propose. If you really know your girl you will know the right way and right time to propose. Just make it memorable and unique something that deeply shows how much you know her and that you have paid attention throughout the course of your relationship. I'm not gonna put my plan out on the web since my girl might see this, but just remember that you should show that you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person.

Good luck to you OP, hope you are ready for the next step if not live a little before you settle down. 

Just for the beasts if you read my wall of text I'm gonna indulge you with a pic