- 5,891
- 12,009
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2016
okay so I'm waiting for my shipment of books, right...100 goddamn copies of it, 280 pounds of everlasting hardcover glory.
get the notification "on the way" between 12:45 and...9pm?? so I'm sitting. I'm waiting. I'm chillin tf out. this is my day, cool, fine.
...watching the inbox and windows all day, I'm laying in wait for this delivery. plotting dropoffs. counting chickens. rubbing my hands together. this is the day, I can feel it.
you might be able to guess the next part...got the dreaded Delivery Attempted notice. oh yeah, the **** it ticket, the very same.
of course I ran downstairs as soon as the email hit--about 20 min after the truck, gotta give the streets a fair chance to consider expropriating the goods, totally get it.
so that's where the segment ends, right? just standing there in the street looking stupid, entombed and fully vexed, dreams in the wind. redelivery on Monday, wasted weekend.
right?
right??
************ NO! hell *** no!! you know nothing of my work!
no not never, not cosmiccoffee9 ...that guy hopped on his electric scooter and set off to HUNT THAT MAN DOWN...tracked the wrong brown box truck several blocks over, but waited by his vehicle until he returned from a delivery and after a friendly interrogation, was able to extract several key pieces of data about local delivery routes and timeframes.
the hunt was on.
a functioning knowledge of capitalism served me well in this pursuit...had my bounty gone south toward the stadiums, or west along the retail corridors? stopped short of the highway to zig and zag through residential streets? or headed back to base out of range?
the seconds passed as the 10" wheels left rubber in their wake. the coastal wind howled frigid past my ears, cloak fluttering colorfully behind. if I'm honest, instinct shared equal credit with logic...a left? no, right! observe, orient, decide, act! faster! GO!
...but the moment I saw it in the distance, perhaps three blocks yonder, aligned in both chance and destiny like a solar eclipse, I just knew.
target acquired. thrusters engaged.
taking a hard left turn at the corner of Determination and Opportunity, I cut the boxman off at the pass...had to look pretty crazy rolling directly up to a 5-ton vehicle on a one-way street riding a post-apocalyptic Razor scooter but hey...desperate times.
tl;dr: I got my ******* books. thanks Rudy.
get the notification "on the way" between 12:45 and...9pm?? so I'm sitting. I'm waiting. I'm chillin tf out. this is my day, cool, fine.
...watching the inbox and windows all day, I'm laying in wait for this delivery. plotting dropoffs. counting chickens. rubbing my hands together. this is the day, I can feel it.
you might be able to guess the next part...got the dreaded Delivery Attempted notice. oh yeah, the **** it ticket, the very same.
of course I ran downstairs as soon as the email hit--about 20 min after the truck, gotta give the streets a fair chance to consider expropriating the goods, totally get it.
so that's where the segment ends, right? just standing there in the street looking stupid, entombed and fully vexed, dreams in the wind. redelivery on Monday, wasted weekend.
right?
right??
************ NO! hell *** no!! you know nothing of my work!
no not never, not cosmiccoffee9 ...that guy hopped on his electric scooter and set off to HUNT THAT MAN DOWN...tracked the wrong brown box truck several blocks over, but waited by his vehicle until he returned from a delivery and after a friendly interrogation, was able to extract several key pieces of data about local delivery routes and timeframes.
the hunt was on.
a functioning knowledge of capitalism served me well in this pursuit...had my bounty gone south toward the stadiums, or west along the retail corridors? stopped short of the highway to zig and zag through residential streets? or headed back to base out of range?
the seconds passed as the 10" wheels left rubber in their wake. the coastal wind howled frigid past my ears, cloak fluttering colorfully behind. if I'm honest, instinct shared equal credit with logic...a left? no, right! observe, orient, decide, act! faster! GO!
...but the moment I saw it in the distance, perhaps three blocks yonder, aligned in both chance and destiny like a solar eclipse, I just knew.
target acquired. thrusters engaged.
taking a hard left turn at the corner of Determination and Opportunity, I cut the boxman off at the pass...had to look pretty crazy rolling directly up to a 5-ton vehicle on a one-way street riding a post-apocalyptic Razor scooter but hey...desperate times.
tl;dr: I got my ******* books. thanks Rudy.