Textsfromlastnight.com LMAO

Originally Posted by TH0MAS CR0WN

(408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
(415): be there in 3 mins

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(203): How did you manage that?
(860): Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
(203): lol... jersey girls rock
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803): We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. #!$?
(843): You're upset about this?




South Cak in the building.
 
(212): i want you now
(916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

(708): Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Callme.

(434): ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl

(414): i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
(719): she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
(414): are you serious?

(212): btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up

(216): Where the +%@+ is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
(440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago *#*?
(216): Holy @@%! r u serious? How?
(440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.


(202): Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she #%+%!$. Thanks for yourhelp.

(949): youre so sexy i want your bod
(410): dude, did you turn gay?
(949): heather?
(410): this is jacob
 
(712): You should dream of me
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(402): I'm going to dream of single life.

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(201): Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
(1-201): ok, come over...I have doritos

(908): Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.

(413): I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on

(206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its %#*%*+*
(425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian





(843): ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
 
(651): Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.




(330): Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No *&%! in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.



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(856): a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
 
(615): drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my d**** out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
 
(630): is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
(815): that's gum
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(818): i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
(615): Heaven soaked bacon.
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(727): Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptuous
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(630): I like you better when you drink
(708): I like you better when I drink too
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(615): Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
(1-615): I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
(615): Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
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(732): You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
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Originally Posted by Jabawokee

(816): you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?

(803): We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. #!$?
(843): You're upset about this?
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(510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom heforgot about after that.

(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

(937): he is so annoying
(513): so stop sleeping with him
(937): yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
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(802): Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.

(914): There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone.
 
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