Had a crazy introspective moment over the weekend, and another example of the importance of knowing oneself better. I like many others take on new things to learn and think that it is what they want to do in life, and being a somewhat quick learner of basics it was easy to fall into what i look at as trap into thinking its your calling or what you really want to do. I got into djing a couple years ago and practiced and spent hours learning and what not with the goal of getting into playing out. I look at what the successfull people of any field in which one wants to enter as examples of if you do a good enough job you could be doing what they do, and if what they do and everything that comes with it both good and bad is okay for you then i would say pursue. This weekend after a couple years of practicing and money i spent to on gear i finally got a chance to play out at a local lounge. It went just as i expected and i had a good time, but after getting home and finally all the work i did to get my foot in the door i didnt feel a sense that many djs talk about going crazy and not being able to wait for their next gig. it occurred to me that it actually wasnt what i wanted to do and what i lead myself to believe is what i wanted to do. Granted ive done several private gigs and got paid for well and it wasnt about the money but their were certain aspects that came with the whole thing of having it be ones main gig that i never saw myself doing and before couldnt understand why, now after finally doing it i had a bunch of different feelings and understood why i wasnt able to envision myself doing and why i didnt actually ever do the things that one who actually wanted to dj or whatever other thing it is they are set out to do. It taught me several important lessons and despite what someone would look at as a waste or sort of self deceiving or even a rude awakening i learned alot more about myself and life itself and very grateful for it, granted it took about 7 years, a couple thousand dollars and many bouts of self doubt, to finally get the message i couldnt be any happier.