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Washington - In a show of force and resolve to defend US territory against serious threats, President Barack Obama took the fight to the enemy on Tuesday, personally inflicting the first casualty in the US Was on Bugs. With his characteristic cool and angelic demeanor, the President single-handedly killed a fly that had been threatening him during an interview with CNBC correspondent John Harwood.
"It was incredible," said Harwood, "He just reached up with his hand and swatted it as if it were nothing. It was like the hand of God striking down an unbeliever."
Health and Human Services Secretary, Kathleen Sebelius had high praise for the President's bravery, "The amazing thing is that he did it with his bare hands without thought to his own safety." According to Sebelius the fly was of the common blue tail variety which is known to carry numerous diseases. "They land on poop a lot and that makes them very unsanitary. With his soft, uncalloused skin, he could have been in mortal danger of infection."
But there is no evidence that President Obama even gave a second thought to the risks associated with killing a fly with his bare hands. "Its that sort of quick thinking and self-sacrifice that makes him the great leader he is." says Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. "He's a true American hero, like G.I. Joe, but without all the crazy jingoistic crap."
However, not everyone agrees. "It was just cold and heartless," said People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals spokesman Bruce Friedrich. "Bugs are people too and deserve every basic right protected in the Constitution except the 2nd one."
But it isn't just bugs in the White House PETA is concerned with. "What about all the flies buzzing around Guantanamo Bay?" Friedrich asked. "They deserve better than to have to spend all their time locked up with no one to land on but Al Qaida terrorists. That's just icky."
But evil conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh came to the President's defense. "Good for him. Its nice to see he has the capacity to act quickly in a crisis. Now if only we can turn [North Korean President] Kim Jong Il into a fly on the wall in the Oval Office."
The media is a complete $$%#%#@ joke.
