NTer's in relationships - Girl's Night Out and Social Media... Opinions ?

[mrse7en]

first issue:

guys in serious relationships, how often does your GF do a girls night out ?

my gf's close friends are all single at this moment, so it's a group of 4-5 at least usually.  since these girls are single, obviously they are always wanting to go out and hang.  however, they are always trying to get my gf to go with them as well.  they usually keep getting at her and she eventually gives in.  she says one time a week is normal, but then they wanna go to yoga and dinner during the week too sometimes and drag her along to those as well.  now they want to plan some trips and weekend getaways and drag her along too.  these chicks are just  pissing me off.  

my gf doesn't have many true close girlfriends imo, so i think she tries to make up for it by hanging with these girls whenever they ask so that she'll have a clique instead of feeling lame.  but these chicks are straight trash.  all they wanna do is party and what not.  don't do regular girl stuff like go have brunch, shop at the mall, go to dinner etc.

first, let me say that i do trust my gf.  it's these chicks that she hangs with that seem to always being up to no good that will end up putting my gf in a bad situation etc.  (ie.  if they go to a club, obviously the friends are there for attention from guys.  what is my gf supposed to do when the other girls go get drinks or dance with guys etc?  is she supposed to just go chill by herself in the corner ?) 

second issue:

facebook, instagram, phone usage.  always on, always checking, posting selfies, constantly chatting with gf's etc.  yet again, it's those same single gf's that are the bad influence imo.  constantly messaging her and talking to her etc.  of course it's her fault for replying, but she's the social type too, so that is good and bad.

am i the only one that gets annoyed at these things ?  am i over reacting ?  am i trying to be too controlling ?  i think i have the right to make the judgements i do on her friends and this leads to arguments sometimes about me not liking them.  i don't even get a chance to like them, because all they ever wanna do is girl events where so called no guys are invited.  well duh, they don't have any bf's so they probably don't wanna feel like a loner if only my gf brings me.

am i in the minority or do most guys think like i do ?  

 

[akajae]

 

[leclutchjames]

Son you need to chill or end the relationship

 

[mrse7en]

that's why i'm trying to get opinions if i'm just thinking/reacting like the typical guy or if i'm being od.

 

[360waves]

Simple find a woman that doesn't care about these things/ associate herself with those type of women.

If your chick decides to hang out with these type of women then let her. Bushes.

 

[fontaine]

There's a difference between always being on social media and always POSTING on social media.



In regards to them going on... I ENCOURAGE my chick to hang with her friends...

But dont go to the extreme like some NTers and tell her to go on dates and to the movies with other dudes.

 

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

I'm in a similar deal myself.

I made it clear to this girl i'm talking to that I'm not looking for a party girl, if you got old flames you talking to then i'm out, and she should try to make me feel secure and I will do the same for her.

You gotta draw your line in the sand as early as possible imho. There are just some things you are looking for in a girl and if she is giving you too many red flags then it's best to say your looking for something deeper and just bounce.

In your situation, def. tricky. You should def. voice your concerns. Don't keep that stuff bottled up. Tell her that as her man you trust her but don't trust the situations she's putting herself in and that your really not feeling it. For the social media thing tell her how you feel that it's bothering you and you don't like a girl you want to spend your time with to be wrapped up in all of that.

Sometimes you gotta compromise too.

Before any of this, you have to realize people are people and they're gonna want to do what they want to do. BUT, if it's causing you a constant problem then you might have to let her go and move on to greener pastures.

Never underestimate the quality of peace of mind.

GL.

 

[youngdoc]

Most of my gf's friends aren't single and they generally ain't about that party hard life

I definitely like that my gf has close friends that she hangs out with but I would not be cool with it if her friends were trashy. Your company does reflect on you whether you like it or not

 

[Coromanti]

Issue #1: All I would do is ask her to step back and reflect on her friends. Ask her if the tables were turned would they drop hanging with their boyfriends to spend time with her?

Issue#2: Well that's a bad sign if her "friends" are treating social media like it's the word of God and dragging your gf along with them.

 

[dh1water]

OP you are OD'ing...you worried about your girl going to yoga and starbucks with her friends?  Not sure how long you have been in your relationship or how old you are, but jesus christ, you sound insecure.  It's one thing if she is picking her friends over plans with you EVERY TIME, but from your post it sounds like she is hanging out with her friends once a week for a girls night, and then doing various random stuff that you probably have no interest doing.  Offer to go to yoga with her (you get to stare at females in tights for an hour) or just hang with your homies and drink some beers, play poker, smoke, whatever it is you do on the night she has girls night.  Make it a routine.  At the end of the day just talk to her about it if you feel she's blowing you off too much for her friends.  

 

[tsamshox]

I feel you on this OP. Having a girl that has friends that are all settled makes it much easier. You just gotta ask yourself if you trust yo chick around Tyrone and 'em.

 

[iDon’tRead]

Do pics only work on android?

 

[mrse7en]

well maybe the girls aren't trashy, and i'm being overly harsh on them.  they're single and ready to mingle, i can't hate on that.  i just hate that they always drag my gf with them.  i know people need time with friends too, but how many times a week/month is reasonable ?

i'm trying to rationalize if this is just me being too jealous or not.  i know i'm really protective of her, so maybe i have to cut her some slack too, but it just seems like her friends are trying to get her to go out more and more on a weekly basis.

 

[Mark Antony]

You buggin fam.

 

[omariwestafari]

how old are u fam?

her friends are prolly taking her to an orgy where they makin da yamb loose and whenshe get home she hit u wit da im tired bae.

 

[FThe45th]

P4L

Chick I'm seeing likes to go out, we are 27/28 she's older, still lives at home with parents, goes out to the bars, no job, her parents are ballin. So she has the free time & money. She always on social media, so I use it to my advantage cause I know her phones always in her hand. Her friends are younger like 22, I find it odd. But I think it's cause she's more like a kid, still clog at home, graduated college but stuck in the next step. So I'm understanding, but I just let her do her. She'll grow out of it hopefully. I'm over the clubs, I'm more the bar type, let's talk over a pitcher/drinks and maybe some karaoke. Anyways this thread came up at the perfect time.. Interested.

 

[titosshoestore]

Maybe you're boring bro. Maybe you're not fun to hang around with. Do you go to the barber to get shape ups and chat with your barber about how your parents are doing???

 

[datznasty]

I'm glad most of my girl's girls are married now and out of that party life, although it used to be a huge part of her and their lives. I hate when she runs into someone she knows from that time, she also used to be a guard at a Prison. As for her girls, you just have to talk to her about it. If she cares for you enough, she'll sacrifice some and make changes. Going to the club is a bad omen, like you said, she's not going to just sit in the corner and sip Mimosa's, especially if she's attractive. **** could escallate from some dude coming and buying her a drink to her thinking it's fine, it's just a drink, ... it's fine it's just conversation... oh you wanna dance, well sure it's just "dancing".... to cheating. Granted that is an overly pessimistic P.O.V about someone I don't know, but I've seen it happen. I got homeboys, moreso coworkers really, who flourish off that **** in fact, poaching married or in relationships women. **** is rampant in the Military.

Do her friends know you? Do they like you? Has she introduced you to them before? That's crucial too. If so, they'll keep her in line, if not they'll probably encourage her.

I was kind of having the opposite "problem" with my girl now. It's not that I don't want to spend every second with her because honestly I do, but I know how important her friends are to her and she was blowing them off all the time to spend time with me and I didn't want it to turn into a thing where they disliked or resented me. Solution, double dates, triple dates, quadrouple dates, she has never been hesitant to introduce me to all her friends, family, coworkers, etc. (just doesn't post about our relationship on FB which she explained why and I understand) and they all love me enough and know how good I am for her, we are for each other, so I don't worry one bit about them trying to put her into some compromising position.

But yea dude you have to tell her you don't like her hanging out like she's single in all these places and with her friends who are trying to get her into "trouble." Invite them all over to your house for a BBQ or buy tickets for everyone to a lasertag/bowling/movie and dinner off Groupon that yall can all do together. Endear yourself to them again so they'll want to see her keep you around.

 

[flyny]

well maybe the girls aren't trashy, and i'm being overly harsh on them.  they're single and ready to mingle,

Ask to go along with them. You can be single and ready to mingle too, boo boo

My serious response coming soon..typing it up now. I got you fam

 

[mrse7en]

well my gf always tells me where she's going etc.  the problem in my eyes is that the other girls are single and ready to mingle.  i'm pretty sure they would be looking for/open to an idea of a bf.  a group of girls go out and guys see it as prey when no dudes are around.  i guess this is when trust comes into play.  maybe i just need to learn to lighten up a bit.  

i'm at fault too though.  she always says, "since you never plan anything for us to do, so when my friends tell me to go, i go.  it's not like you planned something and i'm choosing them over you"  she brings up a valid point.  i need to step my planning of dates up i guess.  probably cause in the past all my previous gfs couldn't get enough of me even without planning and were always basically attached to my hip.  

reading some of the responses in this thread it has made me reflect a lot about me.  i do think that i've become pretty boring with the same old routine.  i need to step up and start planning and thinking of things to do.  not everyone will wanna just lounge at home after dinner to watch movies etc week after week.  

thanks nt, you've helped me out.

 

[mrmfingesq7]

Put your team on with her girlfriends. Then, her friends will all be booed up and won't give your girl the time of day. Either that or try to work on a three/fivesome.

 

[youngdoc]

well maybe the girls aren't trashy, and i'm being overly harsh on them.  they're single and ready to mingle, i can't hate on that.  i just hate that they always drag my gf with them.  i know people need time with friends too, but how many times a week/month is reasonable ?
i'm trying to rationalize if this is just me being too jealous or not.  i know i'm really protective of her, so maybe i have to cut her some slack too, but it just seems like her friends are trying to get her to go out more and more on a weekly basis.

I wouldn't want my girl clubbing every weekend but I'd feel differently if she was 23 and not 33

Nothing wrong with hanging out with friends a lot though. Especially stuff like yoga and dinner

 

[tsamshox]

Yeah bruh....sounds like you gotta step your relationship game up. Can't be boring on her fam trust that's the worst. Plan a spontaneous weekend, go hiking, weekend trips, etc. You ain't gotta do it all the time fam but switch it up.

You don't want her feeling bored in the relationship, then she goes out with her thot friends and enjoys the excitement of feeling single again. Das all bad, man.

 

[flyny]

she always says, "since you never plan anything for us to do, so when my friends tell me to go, i go.  it's not like you planned something and i'm choosing them over you"  she brings up a valid point.  

There goes your answer fam
You think she just gonna stay in all day just because? Keep her occupied fam. Keep her busy so she can tell her friends NO

And her friends need to respect y'all's relationship. Idk how often y'all see each other, if y'all live together, how old y'all are, or how close y'all are, but once a week for a girls night out is kinda often. Once every 2-3 weeks is about normal for a couple who work 9-5s and have grown lives, feel me? Sometimes you just wanna relax and lay up with ya partner.

And yes, she needs friends that have boyfriends, or her friends need to her boyfriends, nahmean?

Now here's what you do...you gotta take control, daddy. Look at her and tell her "look at me, I am the captain now". Keep her occupied. Tell her weeks in advance that you got something planned. Take note of all the hoelidays...yes...HOELIDAYS...any day, week, or time period that a lot of hoeing goes on (Memorial Day weekend, all star weekend, mardi gras, spring break) and plan something for that period and let her know IN ADVANCE. Trust and believe that your girls friends are gonna want to do some girls night **** during that time that may or may not put your shorty in a tough situation. Now just because she's in a situation doesn't mean that she'll do somethin wrong, but everything can be avoided if she's not in that situation, nahmean? So when her friends pop up a week before mardi gras like "hey girl lets go to New Orleans"...Guess what? She ain't going cus she already got plans, my G.

Lemme see if I got anything else...
You gotta chill b. It's ok for her to go out with her friends every now and then, but if you feel like she's neglecting you for them, tell her. Be vocal about it, my g. Keeping stuff in is only gonna make matters worse

 

[mrse7en]

she's not going clubbing every week.  a girl's bday only usually.  however, i just don't like the fact that they always dub it as a GIRLS ONLY.  

and these 4-5 friends i'm talking about, i've been introduced to them before.  i ask her why they don't like to do normal dinners and stuff where i can be invited and she said they don't feel comfortable with me around if i'm the only guy and that they can just talk about girl stuff and hang etc.  

the main thing i have a problem with is, these girls are without bf's so all about girls night out.  once they get boo'd up, then they will chill with their bf and of invite him along too.  my gf just doesn't want to seem to believe me when i tell her that though.

i guess i made her sound kinda scandalous in the things shes doing when in reality it's pretty pg13 when i think about it.  being over protective ftl sometimes.

and i def agree fly and tsam.  although she loves me and all that jazz, i've become pretty boring, so i guess her friends just bring that part of excitement that i used to.  got a little too comfortable in this relationship.  and that this is more about me than it is her doing anything wrong

ya'll have helped me put my mind to ease some.