- Feb 10, 2010
- 10
- 10
lol
LOL @ this Cragislist post/responses
- Thread in 'General' Thread starter Started by mosthated770,
- Start date
- Aug 7, 2006
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- Jun 30, 2008
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- May 12, 2002
- 16,448
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- Nov 15, 2007
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http://dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=84
Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
Offering: cash, items for barter
From Me to **********@***********.org:
Hey,
I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.
Thanks,
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
I am. lets see what you got.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
Here you go:
Looks like a normal spoon, right?
Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.
I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can %+#* off.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:
At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.
Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.
This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.
Let me know if you want any of these items.
Thanks,
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
youre a +%#@*#$ @++$*#%, ****brained, ***wipe, ******ed dip****. you prob walk around with that #@!# too you dumb mother $+%!##. I hope you get hit by a car. %+#* off, eat #@!#, and die.
Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
Offering: cash, items for barter
From Me to **********@***********.org:
Hey,
I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.
Thanks,
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
I am. lets see what you got.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
Here you go:
Looks like a normal spoon, right?
Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.
I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can %+#* off.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:
At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.
Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.
This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.
Let me know if you want any of these items.
Thanks,
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
youre a +%#@*#$ @++$*#%, ****brained, ***wipe, ******ed dip****. you prob walk around with that #@!# too you dumb mother $+%!##. I hope you get hit by a car. %+#* off, eat #@!#, and die.
- Dec 17, 2003
- 9,530
- 91
Same here, straight classicOriginally Posted by Cragmatic
I had to pause reading I was laughing so hard... that was great
- Dec 31, 2009
- 1,564
- 10
the cut down a tree in exchange for a grill post on that site is mad funny LMAO
- Feb 25, 2009
- 1,245
- 10
bookmarked to show these lulz to somebody else
what's bad is I was already dying at the spoon, by the time I got I got to the Glock/cup and sprtie/m16A2 I was *dead*
what's bad is I was already dying at the spoon, by the time I got I got to the Glock/cup and sprtie/m16A2 I was *dead*
- Dec 1, 2002
- 4,260
- 20
zerogravity23
Banned
- Jan 2, 2007
- 4,823
- 15
Hard to Reach
Original ad:
im selling my 1991 ford f150 for $2500. call ***-***-**** for more info or email
From Mike Partlow to ************@********.org
Hey,
I am interested in your truck. How many miles does it have on it?
Mike
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
do you have a number you can be reached at?
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
Yes I do. My number is (***)-492-159.
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
that isnt a phone nubmer there arent enough numbers
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
That is my phone number. You can get a number with less digits for a small monthly fee, which I am paying for.
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
well i dont think its working i tried calling and it said its not a number
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
Did you dial 1 first?
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
i just tried that and it is not working
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
Wait are you calling from Philly?
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
yes
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
Oh, my mistake. Since you are calling from Philly, you have to dial a 6 first, followed by the pound sign, and then my number.
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
IT ISNT WORKING
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
@%+%, do you just want my office number? It is a little complicated.
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
yeah fine give me that
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
You have to call my office at (215)-592-**** and then put in extension 4491-2938 followed by the pound sign to be transferred to the Human Resources department. Once you are transferred there, you need to enter this pin as the security access code: 2A11-3D58-2F41-FW31. You will be put through to Katie, our receptionist. She is going to ask you a series of questions to confirm you are not a machine. Upon confirmation, tell her that you want to speak to Richard, tell him Mike sent you. When Richard gets on, ask him to page Mike Partlow. Use this code as a reference: 8281-WK82F. It should take about two minutes upon me receiving the page to make it to the secure office phone. I can only talk on that phone for about 15 seconds, so I will give you a randomly generated payphone number for you to call me on. I will then run down to the lobby and pick up the payphone, and then we can talk. Got it?
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
it says that is not a working number
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
Did you dial 1 first?
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
#%!# this. forget it
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
Wait, I also have a pager number. Do you want that instead?
Original ad:
im selling my 1991 ford f150 for $2500. call ***-***-**** for more info or email
From Mike Partlow to ************@********.org
Hey,
I am interested in your truck. How many miles does it have on it?
Mike
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
do you have a number you can be reached at?
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
Yes I do. My number is (***)-492-159.
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
that isnt a phone nubmer there arent enough numbers
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
That is my phone number. You can get a number with less digits for a small monthly fee, which I am paying for.
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
well i dont think its working i tried calling and it said its not a number
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
Did you dial 1 first?
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
i just tried that and it is not working
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
Wait are you calling from Philly?
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
yes
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
Oh, my mistake. Since you are calling from Philly, you have to dial a 6 first, followed by the pound sign, and then my number.
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
IT ISNT WORKING
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
@%+%, do you just want my office number? It is a little complicated.
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
yeah fine give me that
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
You have to call my office at (215)-592-**** and then put in extension 4491-2938 followed by the pound sign to be transferred to the Human Resources department. Once you are transferred there, you need to enter this pin as the security access code: 2A11-3D58-2F41-FW31. You will be put through to Katie, our receptionist. She is going to ask you a series of questions to confirm you are not a machine. Upon confirmation, tell her that you want to speak to Richard, tell him Mike sent you. When Richard gets on, ask him to page Mike Partlow. Use this code as a reference: 8281-WK82F. It should take about two minutes upon me receiving the page to make it to the secure office phone. I can only talk on that phone for about 15 seconds, so I will give you a randomly generated payphone number for you to call me on. I will then run down to the lobby and pick up the payphone, and then we can talk. Got it?
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
it says that is not a working number
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
Did you dial 1 first?
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
#%!# this. forget it
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
Wait, I also have a pager number. Do you want that instead?
- Nov 6, 2007
- 2,371
- 10
just wow !!!! spoon blade WTH
- Dec 2, 2009
- 1,190
- 10
Did you dial 1 first? lol
- Oct 18, 2006
- 975
- 10
- Dec 31, 2009
- 1,564
- 10
- Jul 5, 2008
- 6,779
- 2,325
I CANT BREEF!
- Dec 31, 2009
- 1,564
- 10
this website has had my crying laughing for the past hourOriginally Posted by SoLeCiTy
I CANT BREEF!
- Dec 6, 2007
- 702
- 10
Originally Posted by DLEE2703
- Nov 8, 2008
- 77
- 10
Post of the year!
- Nov 13, 2007
- 1,040
- 52
damn im cracking up like a fool at the dining room table
- Aug 31, 2009
- 4,925
- 461
- Feb 27, 2007
- 695
- 19
"Still thirsty for justice?"
- Jul 22, 2006
- 1,820
- 58
Originally Posted by AntonLaVey
Ok this is the funniest thing I've seen all week
- Mar 21, 2008
- 10,455
- 40
done
- Nov 13, 2007
- 3,229
- 10
Free Diseases
Posted at: 2009-09-18 09:18:27
Original ad:
Looking for someone with chicken pox or shingles to expose to my two children. If you are still contagious and want to help, email or call ***-***-*****.
From Me to ************@***********.org
Hello,
I saw your ad and realized I could help. I have shingles right now, and the doctors tell me that it is still in the contagious stage. I live in South Bend. I would be able to visit your kids, or if you want to bring them to me, that works too. I took some sick days off from my job, so I am pretty much free any time.
Mike
From Jenn ******** to Me:
Mike thank you so much! I want my kids to be exposed before they have to go back to school so I would like to do this ASAP. How does tomorrow sound?
From Me to Jenn ********:
Jenn,
Tomorrow works for me. How do we do this? Do I just sneeze and cough on your kids or something?
Mike
From Jenn ******** to Me:
Hi Mike,
They should just be in your presence for a few minutes. Where in South Bend are you located? I can drive to you. Do you have a number you can be reached at?
From Me to Jenn ********:
Jenn,
I do have a phone, but I only have like 10 minutes left on my plan until September, and I need those minutes for ordering pizza. Lets just continue via e-mail. I live in LaSalle Park, are you familiar with it?
Also, it probably isn't a big deal, but I figured it is worth mentioning that I also have pulmonary tuberculosis right now. I hope this won't be a problem. It is probably better for your kids to get that out of the way too - it can be a real pain when you are older.
What time do you want to meet tomorrow?
Mike
From Jenn ******** to Me:
I don't want my kids to have TB. Thank you for trying to help but I am going to find someone else.
From Me to Jenn ********:
Jenn,
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you away with that. Pulmonary TB isn't that bad, and it is best if your kids get it over with when they are younger. You may as well knock it out at the same time as the chicken pox.
If you want, I can throw in malaria for an extra $50. My friend Tom just got back from Africa and I can have him come over and give it to your kids as well. He got all sorts of whacky diseases when he was in Africa. You might want your kids to get them too, just so they won't get them later if they ever visit Africa.
Mike
From Jenn ******** to Me:
Mike are you aware that TB and malaria don't work that way? People can't just "get it over with" those are very serious diseases.
From Me to Jenn ********:
Jenn,
I think I know how TB works, I have it (duh).
I just assumed you were one of those mothers who wanted to have sick children to attract pity and attention from others. Malaria is a great way to get pity from other moms! You'll be the most talked about mother in your neighborhood. You could brag about it to all the other mothers when they are going on about their sick kids - "*sigh* life is so hard with my husband at work, and my poor son has the flu."
"Oh yeah? Well my two kids have f**king malaria. Suck it."
You'll be the envy of your whole clique of mothers.
Please reconsider my offer.
Mike
From Jenn ******** to Me:
How rude. I want my kids to get chicken pox while they are young for the medical benefits, not for attention.
You have problems, Mike. Seek professional help immediately.
Posted at: 2009-09-18 09:18:27
Original ad:
Looking for someone with chicken pox or shingles to expose to my two children. If you are still contagious and want to help, email or call ***-***-*****.
From Me to ************@***********.org
Hello,
I saw your ad and realized I could help. I have shingles right now, and the doctors tell me that it is still in the contagious stage. I live in South Bend. I would be able to visit your kids, or if you want to bring them to me, that works too. I took some sick days off from my job, so I am pretty much free any time.
Mike
From Jenn ******** to Me:
Mike thank you so much! I want my kids to be exposed before they have to go back to school so I would like to do this ASAP. How does tomorrow sound?
From Me to Jenn ********:
Jenn,
Tomorrow works for me. How do we do this? Do I just sneeze and cough on your kids or something?
Mike
From Jenn ******** to Me:
Hi Mike,
They should just be in your presence for a few minutes. Where in South Bend are you located? I can drive to you. Do you have a number you can be reached at?
From Me to Jenn ********:
Jenn,
I do have a phone, but I only have like 10 minutes left on my plan until September, and I need those minutes for ordering pizza. Lets just continue via e-mail. I live in LaSalle Park, are you familiar with it?
Also, it probably isn't a big deal, but I figured it is worth mentioning that I also have pulmonary tuberculosis right now. I hope this won't be a problem. It is probably better for your kids to get that out of the way too - it can be a real pain when you are older.
What time do you want to meet tomorrow?
Mike
From Jenn ******** to Me:
I don't want my kids to have TB. Thank you for trying to help but I am going to find someone else.
From Me to Jenn ********:
Jenn,
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you away with that. Pulmonary TB isn't that bad, and it is best if your kids get it over with when they are younger. You may as well knock it out at the same time as the chicken pox.
If you want, I can throw in malaria for an extra $50. My friend Tom just got back from Africa and I can have him come over and give it to your kids as well. He got all sorts of whacky diseases when he was in Africa. You might want your kids to get them too, just so they won't get them later if they ever visit Africa.
Mike
From Jenn ******** to Me:
Mike are you aware that TB and malaria don't work that way? People can't just "get it over with" those are very serious diseases.
From Me to Jenn ********:
Jenn,
I think I know how TB works, I have it (duh).
I just assumed you were one of those mothers who wanted to have sick children to attract pity and attention from others. Malaria is a great way to get pity from other moms! You'll be the most talked about mother in your neighborhood. You could brag about it to all the other mothers when they are going on about their sick kids - "*sigh* life is so hard with my husband at work, and my poor son has the flu."
"Oh yeah? Well my two kids have f**king malaria. Suck it."
You'll be the envy of your whole clique of mothers.
Please reconsider my offer.
Mike
From Jenn ******** to Me:
How rude. I want my kids to get chicken pox while they are young for the medical benefits, not for attention.
You have problems, Mike. Seek professional help immediately.
- Apr 2, 2004
- 3,808
- 12
^
and at the same time
who the F does that though? is that a common practice here in North America?
Sorry I grew up in another country where Chicken Pox usually hits you when you're young.
who the F does that though? is that a common practice here in North America?
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
@%+%, do you just want my office number? It is a little complicated.
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
yeah fine give me that
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
You have to call my office at (215)-592-**** and then put in extension 4491-2938 followed by the pound sign to be transferred to the Human Resources department. Once you are transferred there, you need to enter this pin as the security access code: 2A11-3D58-2F41-FW31. You will be put through to Katie, our receptionist. She is going to ask you a series of questions to confirm you are not a machine. Upon confirmation, tell her that you want to speak to Richard, tell him Mike sent you. When Richard gets on, ask him to page Mike Partlow. Use this code as a reference: 8281-WK82F. It should take about two minutes upon me receiving the page to make it to the secure office phone. I can only talk on that phone for about 15 seconds, so I will give you a randomly generated payphone number for you to call me on. I will then run down to the lobby and pick up the payphone, and then we can talk. Got it?
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
it says that is not a working number
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
Did you dial 1 first?
From ***********@yahoo.com to Me:
#%!# this. forget it
From Mike Partlow to ***********@yahoo.com:
Wait, I also have a pager number. Do you want that instead?
I love on how the guy still tried to dial after the lengthy instructions*dead*
