If you raised someone else's child for three plus years....

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

Originally Posted by sooperhooper

If you want to continue to be apart of his life, explain to your girl that he's like a son to you. Be totally up front, no shady business.

Oh mos def...I don't speak about past stuff too much, it always opens things up for judgment to creep in...at least early on in a new relationship.  She knows that was important to me, but with her upbringing (two parents, both successfully remarried....so she has like 4 solid parents) she can't really relate to the single parent struggle. 

nyzMaGiciAn:  Easier said than done....I haven't seen or spoken to them in months....like half a year. 

DajonDondo:  There is another video I had where I killed his little jumper...crushed all his confidence with that one for the day. 

Executive76:  She is awesome, but like I said...I don't think she can relate very well to either side of that situation.  She is on top of her stuff and definitely headed in the right direction...I am not trying to bring baggage that isn't mine into a new situation and jam that all up, but at the same time I want to be true to myself and hold down what is important to me. 

 

[PRIME]

OP your old girl was bad bruh. Like wifey bad. But you have a new chick so I'll leave that statement as that 

Now onto the topic at hand, I say cut all ties. As crappy as that sounds, if his mom starts something new with a new guy, the young boy is at the age wheer he will catch feelings for him as well, especially if he sticks around with them. 

Now I don't know if you still have feelings for the old chick, and if you two will ever be together again, and its not my place to dwindle in that discussion, but if you ever do start back up with her, then the presents and everything would obviously be a green light. 

But if you've moved on, then you have to completely move on. 

 

[|A-Man|]

If you not officially adopting him dip, save yourself the love loss, and focus on starting a family of your own.

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

Originally Posted by PRIME

OP your old girl was bad bruh. Like wifey bad. But you have a new chick so I'll leave that statement as that 

Now onto the topic at hand, I say cut all ties. As crappy as that sounds, if his mom starts something new with a new guy, the young boy is at the age wheer he will catch feelings for him as well, especially if he sticks around with them. 

Now I don't know if you still have feelings for the old chick, and if you two will ever be together again, and its not my place to dwindle in that discussion, but if you ever do start back up with her, then the presents and everything would obviously be a green light. 

But if you've moved on, then you have to completely move on. 

Appreciate it...the new one is badder (if that is possible).  Always have to do better than before.   I think that is part of the situation...I haven't responded to her birthday text and random messages or even allowed myself to be in a situation to see if feelings are present.  I'm still a man and there will always be a physical attraction between us....I mean she is still bad, unless she fell off big time in these last 6 months, which I doubt.  Never say never, but there are some large obstacles in the way of that.  I don't want to sell the farm (my future) in a trade off for a past situation which I am almost sure would play out a certain way.


ATGD7154xBBxM:  If I was still in the picture I would have had no problem adopting him...I won't start a family of my own for some time, but its all good.  I got the family experience from that scenario.  I know how demanding it can be and definitely would rather build something with a solid female and then have kids, instead of working in reverse. 

 

[executive76]

JesusShuttlesworth34 wrote:

Executive76:  She is awesome, but like I said...I don't think she can relate very well to either side of that situation.  She is on top of her stuff and definitely headed in the right direction...I am not trying to bring baggage that isn't mine into a new situation and jam that all up, but at the same time I want to be true to myself and hold down what is important to me. 


So it sounds like she doesn't know?
You're a 26 yr old with home videos man...if she can't understand that bond she may not be as awesome as you think.

But you're keeping to yourself for a reason so just dead it. @#%^ that secret Santa %*** *shrug*

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

Originally Posted by Executive76

JesusShuttlesworth34 wrote:

Executive76:  She is awesome, but like I said...I don't think she can relate very well to either side of that situation.  She is on top of her stuff and definitely headed in the right direction...I am not trying to bring baggage that isn't mine into a new situation and jam that all up, but at the same time I want to be true to myself and hold down what is important to me. 


So it sounds like she doesn't know?
You're a 26 yr old with home videos man...if she can't understand that bond she may not be as awesome as you think.

But you're keeping to yourself for a reason so just dead it. @#%^ that secret Santa %*** *shrug*

She knows...she knows I lived with and dated a girl with a child.  Not something she probably understands though.  Guess there is a reason why I am even up at 4 am contemplating this.   His birthday is in 2 weeks...I figured I would have an solid understanding on things after December passed. 

 

[mytmouse76]

I say cut all ties. As. Ad as it sounds he's not your responsibility and you don't want his mother holding him over your head when she feels like it. What are you gonna do if you get engaged to the new girl and she cuts you off from him? You have no legal rights. It would be amazon if she allowed you to be in his life drama free but from what you've posted in the past that probably won't happen. Plus I'm sure it's not easy for her to move on with you coming around and her son already being so attached to you. She'll put that bug in your ear about what y'all had and how much Lil man would love it. Next thing you know she has you questioning your current situation.

Maybe give the gifts to her fam to give to Lil man from you. I doubt your new lady would mind that.

Sad to think the effect this could have on him but that's more her concern and maybe when he's older he'll understand.

 

[loveofthegame916]

Originally Posted by Tupac Jordan

This was the funniest inside joke.

#ForeverAlone

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

Originally Posted by mytmouse76

I say cut all ties. As. Ad as it sounds he's not your responsibility and you don't want his mother holding him over your head when she feels like it. What are you gonna do if you get engaged to the new girl and she cuts you off from him? You have no legal rights. It would be amazon if she allowed you to be in his life drama free but from what you've posted in the past that probably won't happen. Plus I'm sure it's not easy for her to move on with you coming around and her son already being so attached to you. She'll put that bug in your ear about what y'all had and how much Lil man would love it. Next thing you know she has you questioning your current situation.

Maybe give the gifts to her fam to give to Lil man from you. I doubt your new lady would mind that.

Sad to think the effect this could have on him but that's more her concern and maybe when he's older he'll understand.

Yeah, worst case scenario would be to come in and out of his life like a Yo-Yo...guess it is just easier to not look back and keep it moving.  I can send gifts from a distance, but I still think it gives her the wrong idea.  I would feel like she would get things twisted up and such with gifts being sent. 

That is on her...they say Mother knows best.  Any regrets she is having about her decisions....she can look in the mirror, blame her friends and coworkers.  What kind of grown !%+ person listens to other people? 

 

[iceberg slim]

Youre that kids Uncle now. Thats the role you should play forever

 

[chokeonsmoke]

Just treat him good and her too that's the best advice make them remember you as a good dude

 

[dior paint]

Originally Posted by Tupac Jordan

A+ Execution

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

Originally Posted by Iceberg Slim

Youre that kids Uncle now. Thats the role you should play forever

I had no problem being a strong mentor/male influence in his life...like a Coach/role model for him.  


chokeonsmoke:  Yeah I didn't want to leave a bad taste in his mouth or hers...but she had people in her ear advising her on what she should do.  She went the cold turkey cut it off completely route. 

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

What is even a suitable gift to give without giving the wrong impression...when I was there money was no object for him.  Clothes, shoes, basketball hoops, toys, etc.  I am not trying to overshadow someone or try to outdo her by any means.  

 

[jdi23]

Get him something he can use everyday like some kicks or a coat. You still care about him so getting something like that would seem suitable.

 

[jesusshuttlesworth34]

Originally Posted by jdi23

Get him something he can use everyday like some kicks or a coat. You still care about him so getting something like that would seem suitable.

That's true...just buy stuff in larger sizes.  Not even sure what size/weight he would be these days.  Last time I saw him after missing a few months, it looked like he was on HGH or something.  Kids grow so damn fast. 

 

[heavenlyhustler]

bro let me tell u somethin. as a man who was in the EXACT same situation in 06, just let it go and move on.
I was dating a girl who when i met her had a 2yr old son. long story short, i was like his dad, he even forgot i wasnt sometimes and called me dad or would name me if asked his dads name u feel me.
when we broke up 4 years later and he was 6, i tried to stay around in his life but it was impossible because no matter how much i cared for him, the lingering fact in the back of my mind that he his no blood relation made it clear to me that if ever came a time that he really needed something, i wouldnt go out of my way to do it cause of his mothers ineptness in raising her child. he would be caught in the middle on alot of stuff.
so it was better to just forget him.
he's 11 now and has forgotten me even tho im now friends with his mom, my ex.

so, i say, @$+% it bro. keep it pushin. maybe throw him something this christmas thats gonna make a statement like this is goodbye.
maybe an xbox or ps3

 

[what up]

How is an xbox a goodbye statement? But I digress ...

Really, in this decision process don't even consider your ex-girlfriend. To hell how she perceives your kindness/your actions. Strictly focus on the little boy to whom your kindness will bring joy and happiness - even if he doesn't know where the gift actually came from. You can have dinner with your current girl and deep down know the little man is playing with his new toy at that very minute and don't deny the fact that'll make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. You can even address this to your girlfriend - in a matter of fact manner tell her you got the boy a gift for his b-day/christmas and leave it at that. If you feel you owe it to her to clarify things, you can add that you just left it at the front door or even mailed it. Hopefully she trusts you and if not, then that says something about her.

Regardless, think of the little boy who most likely than not doesn't have a male role model at this point in time. Think of him before you think of adults bickering/not trusting each other. That shouldn't be a reason to not make a child happy. You already seem like a stand up individual so I hope you make the right decision.

 

[dnycemodel]

If your current girl is cool with it then drop lil man off a gift. If not then keep it moving

 

[tfromthe617]

Originally Posted by Tupac Jordan

"mornin scrub"

 

[abutta13]

sounds like the kid needs u not a bunch of gifts.

 

[space doodoo pistols]

OP is a far better man than I.

 

[yeah]

Originally Posted by abutta13

sounds like the kid needs u not a bunch of gifts.

Couldn't have said it better for myself. But don't internalize it, OP. That child needs a man in his life, especially if her mother isn't even strong enough to think and make decisions for herself. Sadly, you are probably the only man in his and his mother's life that is even taking what the lack of a male role model might mean to his development into consideration.

If you feel an emotional attachment to the little dude, you don't just owe it to him to try to do what you can, you owe it to yourself. You don't have to make it to every peewee football game, or jeopardize your new relationship in trying to provide care for little dude, but I would imagine that simply leaving gifts on the door step wouldn't fill the void in either of your lives.

I'll leave you with this, OP. You have a decision to make, one that depends on how strongly you feel for this child. It is not your responsibility to take care of him, and despite whatever obligation you may feel, you don't have one. But, that doesn't mean that you two didn't have a connection that has outlasted the one between you and his mother. By simply leaving him by the wayside, you risk losing that connection forever.

I have to commend you for your incredible sense of selflessness. I couldn't even begin to think about what you have been considering for these pasts months. It renews my faith in humanity to see that there are people like you in this world. I wish you the best of luck in making your decision. And whatever happens, good luck to you sir.

 

[twizzi]

your a good man, honestly if you feel that way bro do what you got to do, to drop something off send it via mail, or try to talk it out with the babies moms

 

[sage909]

damn OP U know what you mean. I'm actually doing the same for my ex wife's little girl. sending her a bike and putting from "Santa". Honestly I feel good about it.

I think you should do something like that..