I talked to my dad for the first time in 8 years today.....

[fraij da 5 11]

Not really sure how to feel about it...

We live 2500 miles away from each other and i was 15 the last time i spoke to him, some emails have been sent during that time too but I let him know thatemails dont cut it.

It was also around that time that I found out why my mom split from him, as he cheated on her and was caught when i was only like 2 years old...

So I was eating my thanksgiving dinner and I hear the phone ring and see his name come up on the TV... Immediately lost my appitite and my mom picked up thephone, talked to him for a few and then handed the phone to me... I let him start talking and didnt really say much but he kept asking me different questionsabout what im doing now so it turned into a 1.5 hour convo...

He says he is going to email and call often but I dont even know if i want him to. I just have this feeling of wanting to prove to him that I didnt need himand that ive made it on my own. I taught myself how to shoot a basketball and throw a football without him and Ive got a great girlfriend that Ive been withfor almost 5 years and put myself through school and got jobs and opportunities without him.

The only thing I can really say I learned from him is how NOT to be a father. I suppose I can thank him for that

I figure theres people on here that have been in similar situations so I decided to share and hear what yall have done/felt ...

 

[DCAllAfrican]

How did it make you feel honestly?

Phone rang and his name came up on the TV? The hell kinda technology do you have

 

[yan can cook]

i got that on comcast

pretty nifty

 

[doublejs07]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

How did it make you feel honestly?

Phone rang and his name came up on the TV? The hell kinda technology do you have

the hell kinda technology are you missing, is the better question...

(I got that too)

Of course there's more to the inner-workings of the relationship (or lack there of) that you have had with your dad that you are saying. But off of what Iread, it's easy for me to sit back and say "better late than never." I'm not in your shoes, but I can imagine that you are questioning themotives of your pops. Anyone in your situation would be. Sometimes, the child has to be the "man" in the situation and be the bigger person. Takethings slowly (and cautiously), and see where it goes. It's good that he reached out after all this time, but like I said...be cautious...especially ifyou foresee a letdown down the road.

 

[shabooyah1124]

Damn fam, I can relate. My dad was a certified alcoholic, always lying and deceiving me and my mom. Broken promises and false hopes were on the regular, and Igot tired of it and so did my mom. He's been in and out of my life, but he hasn't taught me anything but how not to be a dad like you said. Haven'tseen him in 6 years, not planning on seeing him anytime soon either. I swear I'll leave the premise in handcuffs if I do see the man in public.

 

[bgetsbusy]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Phone rang and his name came up on the TV? The hell kinda technology do you have

Directv had this years ago

OP, hope you and ya pops work $!** out

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Originally Posted by DoubleJs07

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

How did it make you feel honestly?

Phone rang and his name came up on the TV? The hell kinda technology do you have

the hell kinda technology are you missing, is the better question...

(I got that too)

I haven't had a house phone in years, so I guess that is why I didn't know this existed

 

[fraij da 5 11]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

How did it make you feel honestly?

Phone rang and his name came up on the TV? The hell kinda technology do you have

Im from the future.

But anyways, I have mixed feelings... I appreciate the attempt and I know it took some serious nutting up to call because this guy harbors guilt like no oneelse, but at the same time I feel like I had finally moved on and now hes messing it all up again... its been 3-4 years since the email I sent to him about howmad I was and how he failed as a father... and now all the sudden he shows up again.

I wanna make him watch the ep of fresh prince when Wills dad comes back into his live and then leaves him hanging again because that scene hits so close tohome with me and I feel like it would give him an idea about what its like from the other end of things.

 

[upper pdx]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

How did it make you feel honestly?

Phone rang and his name came up on the TV? The hell kinda technology do you have

forreals. im at my moms chillin and the phone rings and all the sudden i see whos callin on the tv screen. i needa upgrade

 

[1c3m4m]

Dam man, sorry to hear that, my mom and dad divorced when I was four but fortunately he still played a role in my life, still does. I dont know how my life wudb if he wasnt in it. Imma give my 2 cents, just let him talk to you and contact you. I know it wont be easy on ur part and he didnt do his job but u have tothink everybody makes mistakes, and even though his is major and wont be forgotten, theres still plenty of time left for him to redeem himself (if you allowhim to). Good luck on your relationship with him.


BTW, why the hell you eatin so dam early? lol

 

[fraij da 5 11]

Originally Posted by DoubleJs07

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

How did it make you feel honestly?

Phone rang and his name came up on the TV? The hell kinda technology do you have

the hell kinda technology are you missing, is the better question...

(I got that too)

Of course there's more to the inner-workings of the relationship (or lack there of) that you have had with your dad that you are saying. But off of what I read, it's easy for me to sit back and say "better late than never." I'm not in your shoes, but I can imagine that you are questioning the motives of your pops. Anyone in your situation would be. Sometimes, the child has to be the "man" in the situation and be the bigger person. Take things slowly (and cautiously), and see where it goes. It's good that he reached out after all this time, but like I said...be cautious...especially if you foresee a letdown down the road.

This makes sense and I def agree... He wants to call but I told him to stick to emails mostly because I dont want him to think hes just magically forgiven forcalling once and that right now I really dont just want to shoot the #%$+ with him whenever he feels like reaching out.

Another thing, (I regret this) at the end of the convo he said "bye, I love you" and out of habit or maybe nervousness i said "love you too,bye."

Maybe deep down I want to love him because he IS myfather afterall but right now I know I dont. I now feel like I should let him know that its not that easy and right now I dont love him.

BTW, why the hell you eatin so dam early? lol
1 pm EST thanksgiving dinner is when we eat every year... go back for leftovers at about 7pm usually

 

[chris steez]

i think you should let him contact you n see how it goes but just dont let your guard down easily like will in that ep. of fresh prince, just test it out n seewhat he's about just dont depend on him just yet

 

[thebigguy1828]

Yeah im 15 nd we moved 4rm my dad last year. in the beginnig he used 2 call att the time but now we rarely talk

 

[kobe jordan]

hard situation

 

[diego]

Im 24 years old.
My mother left my pops when I was a little over 1yr old. She moved to NY without him knowing and all contact has been lost since that day.
I would jump at the opportunity to meet him. That doesnt mean that I want or need anything from him because Ive already paved my own way.


Just be happy you got the chance because theres a lot of us in your same position who never get the opportunity you have.

 

[whateversclever]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Phone rang and his name came up on the TV? The hell kinda technology do you have

You living under a rock son?

Probably still got that cellphone with the blue screen.

 

[mo matik]

I've never been in this situation before but if I was to give you any advice I'd say don't jump to one side.

Try talking to him and forming a relationship, because not forming a relationship when you had the chance could be something you might regret later on.

 

[0cks]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

Phone rang and his name came up on the TV? The hell kinda technology do you have

[Henz$]Technology is a beautiful thing[/Henz$]

 

[ace bomber]

I feel ya OP. My parents split when I was 3 and I never really heard from him at all... He showed up and our graduations etc. I maybe saw him 3-4 times in an18 year span... But the last few years he has now been trying to e-mail and keep in contact. I have actually seen him about twice in the last two years andit's kinda awkward. Just feels like I'm hanging out with some grown dude that I don't feel any connection with at all. For me personally, given mysituation, I feel bad even just hanging out with him. The fact that he just bailed on his whole family and never tried to keep in contact or pay child supportor anything while my mom busted her @#% working 3 jobs at a time to try to provide for "their" 4 kids...

 

[cor23ey]

If I had a bum dad like that I'd say eff him...

No need to prove anything to him.

And does he just randomly call from time to time and expect a real relationship of of that?

 

[fraij da 5 11]

Originally Posted by ACE BOMBER

I feel ya OP. My parents split when I was 3 and I never really heard from him at all... He showed up and our graduations etc. I maybe saw him 3-4 times in an 18 year span... But the last few years he has now been trying to e-mail and keep in contact. I have actually seen him about twice in the last two years and it's kinda awkward. Just feels like I'm hanging out with some grown dude that I don't feel any connection with at all. For me personally, given my situation, I feel bad even just hanging out with him. The fact that he just bailed on his whole family and never tried to keep in contact or pay child support or anything while my mom busted her @#% working 3 jobs at a time to try to provide for "their" 4 kids...

Yea my mom worked her @*+ off to raise me too.... No child support to help out and my mom got a good job and put herself through grad schoolto getwhere shes at now.

Im 24 years old.
My mother left my pops when I was a little over 1yr old. She moved to NY without him knowing and all contact has been lost since that day.
I would jump at the opportunity to meet him. That doesnt mean that I want or need anything from him because Ive already paved my own way.


Just be happy you got the chance because theres a lot of us in your same position who never get the opportunity you have.

I hear you, i really do... I just dont wanna get let down again.

 

[quik1987]

To play devils advocate. If you were him, and you f'd up, would you want your kid to give you a chance? It must suck for him too.

 

[slickballa23]

 

[doosta45]

you doing good on your own fam without him. like my brother told me about his father is that dude was a biological sperm donor not his father. dude was adeadbeat that was in jail all throughout my brothers life. my dad showed my brother how to do a majority of the stuff he knew. hell his father was in jail whenhe died. he had to write a letter from prison on what he wanted to put in the obituary

i mean if dude trying to be apart of your life legitimately, not hitting you up when he need money or a favor. you cant knock him. my cousins dad hit her upout the blue after 24years. she was super geeked that he called and they set up a date to meet up. she told me dude was 2 hours late, and when he finallyarrived dude asked her money they talked for 30minutes and dude bounced. dude hit her up 2 weeks later asking for more money for rent. she working 2 jobs topay her bills, she didnt want to say no but she had too. after that dude hasnt hit her up again.


but if dude trying to be part of your life, basically trying to catch up on times missed. cant knock im for that. my other cousin been kicking it with his dadfor a minute now. they havent had contact for 15 years too, dude was in prison also but found religion. so he was trying to better his life and by doing sowanted to reconnect with his kids. samething with my nephew, he is 10 and his dad has been in prison for the last 5 years. he just got out, so hes been tryingto be a part of his life. cant knock dude for it. i had a talk with him and he was saying that, he was to be a better father for my nephew and for his ownkids. he doesnt want to shower all his kids with love not just the 3 that live with him. that day when we talked, he was talking to my nephew because i wasgoing to take him home. they was saying bye and my nephew wasnt looking him in his eyes and didnt give him a hug. couldnt knock my nephew for what he did, dudehasnt been in his life.


good luck op

 

[thetrapezeswinger]

Originally Posted by slickballa23

http://www.youtube.com/v/hu_UpcRBnF0&fs=1&source=uds&autoplay=0http://www.youtube.com/v/hu_UpcRBnF0&fs=1&source=uds&autoplay=0